Bellatrix: Warrior and Failure.
By TimeAndLife21
It wasn't long after she and the other Death Eaters left the Ministry. She felt…numb. She felt…shaken.
She couldn't feel this way. She killed her blood-traitor of a cousin. He deserved to die. Right? He chose the side in which Purebloods have been fighting for so long. The Mudbloods were polluting her world. She was to eradicate it. It was needed after all. Traditions being tossed into the toilet because of the MudBlood culture that has been bringing into her world. It was disgusting. She knew she and the other pureblood were on the right path. Once her Lord would rule Britain he would spread to the rest of the world. It would be worth it in the end. Sure they lost people on this side and their side, but it was for nobel cause.
Then WHY is she feeling cold? WHY is she feeling that she had done something wrong? WHY does she feel like crying her heart out instead of reveling in the death of her 'dear' cousin? She shovel be happy that she got rid of the filthy blood traitor and purged the family tree of it's disease! She wanted to protect the Purebloods! It was necessary!
She went to an empty room in Malfoy Manor and made sure to place up the strongest silencing spells on the entire room.
She felt a lump in her throat and she shook. She wanted to laugh. That's right. Laugh. Laugh like she was…happy. Very Happy.
She opened her mouth to laugh, to feel her lips peel back and let out a cackle, but out came a broken cry.
What?
She tried again.
The same result.
She suddenly felt like something was placed on her shoulders and she fell to her knees. Something wet was falling down on her cheeks. She reached up with a shaky hand and felt it. The wetness that felt down her cheeks dropped into he mouth and she could taste the saltiness.
She was…crying?
No. No this wasn't supposed to happen. She never cries. She hasn't cried since she was a child. Since she realized that in this world you take what you want instead of crying over it.
Why the HELL was she crying?
"Because you killed your closest cousin. Do you remember when you were children? When you found out the meaning of your name?"
She jumped and turned around. Wondering where the voice was coming from.
"Do you remember what your name means? Do you remember the excitement that you had when you found out?"
She didn't like this voice. This voice was MUCH to familiar to her. She put up her occlumency shields to bury her feelings and took a deep shaky breath, but the voice remained. It was haunting the very recesses of her mind, she couldn't block it out! The voice that she had though that was long since gone.
"Do you remember the promises you made to your sisters and cousins? That as the eldest, you promised that no matter what…"
"Stop it!" She shouted out.
"No matter what…"
"Shut up! Shut up!"
" I promise…"
She grabbed her hair and screamed. Her shrieks of pain and of anger.
"To always…"
The voice wouldn't stop.
"Defend you…"
"SILENCE! LEAVE ME BE!"
"Because that's what my name means…"
"NOOO!"
"Warrior. Defenders of the weak. Because I'm the eldest, I promise that I will protect you. As the eldest Black of the newest Black generation, I will defend my Blood Family to My Death."
She screamed. Oh she screamed and screamed and screamed. She hit her head with her fists, threw priceless glass artifacts to the wall and tore down the bed and curtains. She made as much destruction as she could.
"Do you promise that Bella?"
Sirius.
"I promise."
But nothing could bury the voice in which she recognized. Her little 11 year old self. Before the War started. Before the propaganda was rising. Before she fell into the darkness that she knew she would never get out of even alive. She knew that her end will be met in the future. If not now…then when?
She failed.
She had failed in her duties.
She fell to the floor, not caring if she was laying on the shards of glass that was cutting her and making her bleed. She didn't give a damn, the pain wasn't even making her heart stop hurting.
Her duties to her FAMILY.
Not Roddy's family.
HER family.
The Black Family.
She became a failure the moment she struck Sirius with the Killing spell. She remembered seeing the look of stark betrayal in his eyes.
A failure to her Family.
Instead of laughing…she cried. She screamed and cried as she mourned the death of Sirius.
"Failure."
She never left that room until three days later. Her eyes bloodshot and her dress and hair just as crazed and wrinkled. She fakely smiled wide as she put on an act of glee to work for her Dark Lord. Her utmost devotion to him and no one else.
But in her eyes... if you look into her crazed silver eyes long enough, you could see the despair. The Pain. The Regret.
But she would carry on. She would carry on killing the Mudbloods, the Blood-triators, and the muggles. If only to numb the pain inside. To stop the worthlessness inside of killing her cousin. A cousin thats she made a promise to protect him. As the Eldest of the Black family. She would die before her name became sullied again.
"Failure."
TAL21: Sometimes I wonder about Bellatrix's background. What was she like when she grew up? Why did she turn into the madness that was the Side of Voldemort? And What did she feel when she killed her cousin Sirius? From what it looked like in the books, Sirius may have had a close family relationship with Bellatrix. and Big Cousin Bella was not a push-over and she was definitely a tough girl and tomboy from what it seemed like it. She was also Manipulative. But she was always a woman of her word. She would keep it for honor of the Black family. In this little one-shot of her, she remembers the promise she made for her sisters and cousins (Regulus and Sirius) that she would protect them always. I never really saw her as someone who turns her back on her word. Unfortunately she forgot one of her promises from when she was a little girl, and the fact that her little 'conscience' reared her head and forced her to realize her actions. I honestly fell really sorry for her rather than hate her. In all Honestly, this is how I see the Black Family: They are broken. From the Inside and out. From what the Books have on them, The Blacks were top dog (no pun intended) and they were Ancient and NOBLE. Emphasis on noble. They essentially fell from grace. Their minds poisoned by war, propaganda, choosing right and wrong, to stand up and fight or resign and follow. At least, that's what I think.
Hope you enjoyed my little one-shot for Bellatrix. I'll probably make more oneshots of certain members of the Black family. Depending on who my brains wants to work on. I give props to some Bellatrix fan art on Devient Art for this little ficlet. I hope you enjoyed it and Give my other stories a chance! Especially Black as the Blood in our Names and few others as well! Please leave awesome Reviews and Opinions please and thank you! I'll see you in the next one shot! :D
KEEP ON READING AND WRITING! :D