Okay so…hello. I have returned from the grave. Idk why I haven't posted a lot. I think I just needed a LONG break from writing. It's not that I haven't been writing, it's just that I didn't like much of what I wrote, thus I didn't post it. I decided I wanted to write another fanfic about these two idiots, because 1. They are so natural to write and 2. I thoroughly dislike my old fanfic of these two, and wanted to redo a pair I really liked. Hopefully you will enjoy, and if not eh, I tried.

Warnings: Alcohol, and language.

It was roughly 11:45pm on a Friday evening. Why he wasn't at home was as much of a surprise to him as it was to everyone else at the party. Dan Howell: lover of good Chinese food, Kanye West, and who was so awkward and introverted that literally the dog had a better chance at conversation here than he did.

Why on earth was he at this party again? He should be at home, watching YouTube, playing video games doing…not this.

Yet; plain as day, here he was; dressed and gussied up and feeling about a second away from either vomiting, crying or punching someone. Possibly all three at once.

His friends dragged him along to Jack's party. Supposedly it was meant to be pretty small, which is why they thought he might like it. Small, yeah right, this party easily had a hundred or so sober to smashed people between the ages of 17 to 22. And Dan, at the youthful age of 21, stood there in the corner looking like a fucking loser; a warm cup of (hopefully) beer in his hand and a phone out in the other, as he pretended to text. Incredible.

"Oh Dan there you are! Thought you'd run away from the crowd. You alright?" Ramona nudged him gently in the side, and he looked over to see her flushed and cheerful face. Though obviously slightly tipsy, she still cared enough to check in on her friend. Dan liked Ramona.

"I uh…" Dan swished the cup a little as he stumbled for words "I honestly can't say I was expecting this many people."

Ramona laughed "Yeah I could kinda tell. But hey, dude don't worry about it. If you wanna head home I can ask Adam to drive you back, it's not a bi-"

"Nope" yes please take me home "No I got my ass out here so I'm trying to stay for at least an hour." Dan felt sick at the thought of staying here with a crowd of people, 95% of which he didn't know. But he was not letting Adam drive him home. He needed a break; all his friends did. And hey, maybe it wouldn't be so bad…

Yeah okay that was a big fat lie right there.

"Aw fuck yes dude!" Ramona grinned "Aw man that's so great, I'm really glad you're staying" Dan laughed a bit as a tipsy Ramona tried to jump up to kiss him on the cheek, but each time she missed got more and more frustrated.

"Ramona do you want me to lean down?" He teased, his beer sloshing from his cup a little and wetting his hands.

Ramona's lips pursed. "No!" A pause "Okay yes you smug bastard shut up."

Dan chuckled and leant down to put his head down to her level. Ah the pains of being 6'3 with a 5'0 best friend. She leant up and he grimaced as he felt her leave a greasy mark of black lipstick on his jaw, but smiled as she pulled him in for a hug.

"You want me to grab you another drink? Something tells me lukewarm beer ain't your forte." Though the words were muffled against his chest (well, more like stomach) as she hugged him, Dan heard them like a chorus of angels. He pressed his head down into the wild mass of dark brown curls that was Ramona's hair

"Oh Ramona, you life saver. How would I live without you?"

She laughed and pulled away. "You wouldn't." And with an exaggerated wink, she sauntered off into the crowd; the only tell tail sign of her being her unruly head of hair. Think Hermione Granger on a bad hair day. He loved it.

Leaning against the wall, Dan observed the mob of people around him. There were couples making out, drunken people puking, people dancing. The bass of the music pounded through him. And yet…something dark and grey filled up Dan's gut, and stayed there; like cold water had been poured on him. He sighed and shut his eyes, leaning his head against the wall.

Come on Dan; you can get through one party. Ramona's here, Adam's here, Nicola's here, Henry's here. Literally all your friends are here. It's okay, you're okay just…don't be an idiot. Don't freak out.

"Earth to Dan…Dannnniiieeelll…Dan you alright?" Dan opened his eyes to face a worried looking Ramona; her large brown eyes squinted at him, and her forehead crinkled with worry. In one hand she held a bottle of raspberry vodka. In the other, two shot glasses.

"Yeah I'm…yeah I'm cool 'Mona don't worry." He smiled at her motherly expression, and rolled his eyes when she looked like she was about to go on a troubled rant about 'Not wanting to pressure him.' Or that it was 'okay to not like crowds'. He didn't feel up to this right now, and so, he ruffled her hair.

"I-Oi!" she growled, her hands too full to push him off "Fuck off dude it's bad enough normally."

"It's not bad, it's lovely!" Ramona rolled her eyes and snaked herself away from his reach

"Yeah, real lovely if you're into bird nests and tumbleweeds. Anyway…" She raised the bottle in his direction and smirked "Who's up for a good old fashioned 'never have I ever'?"

Dan laughed, "Fuck yes. Can't wait to find out all the dirty things you've got up to since we last played"

"Oi!" A sharp kick of her foot to his shin made him laugh as she huffed at him "Shut up. Take a shot glass and let's play…asshat."

"Alrighty Dan…never have I ever…gone to a gay or queer bar."

Oh lord this was going to be a long night.

Dan poured himself a shot

Dan did not count how many shots he took.

Neither did Ramona.

That probably should have been a sign

"Never havvvee I ever…uhm…had sex in a public place?" Dan mumbled, his lips against his shot glass even though he wasn't drinking.

Ramona literally cackled, and downed the shot like a champ. And hey, she only dribbled a little bit on her shirt. Man, Dan liked Ramona.

"Oh my GOD RAMONA!" Dan squealed, as he laughed and nearly fell over, which meant that he spilled a majority of his shot on the floor. He gasped dramatically "Oh no not my alcohols."

"Shhhh Daniel 'is a secret. Seecreets. Sex. Sexcret. SEXCRET!' Ramona shouted, taking a swig of vodka from the bottle before she giggled and lay down.

"Mona that's CHEATING. You're not supposed to drink FROM the bottle!"

Ramona giggled happily and tried to pull herself up from the floor. It didn't work. "Okie dokie Ramona's staying here now. Nigh night Daniel" She closed her eyes and giggled when a very drunk Dan fell down on top of her

"Noo Ramona you can't sleep here." Dan pleaded, though he slurred each word badly.

"Mm why not?"

"Because…because s'grounds not bed. People sleep in beds 'Mona. I like beds 'Mona. We should go to bed together."

Ramona laughed and pushed him off "Nooo…need to be way drunker for that Daniel. Stand up, then try to help me up without puking."

Dan wobbled but managed to get up all right "Me? Vomit? Nu uh, I think its was YOU that spewed all over my shoes last new years." He gave her his hand and she pulled herself up, managing bravely to stand up in her heels, even though she shook.

"Psshh come on, that was one time. You can't stomach bourbon for SHIT. I did a damn good job. " She put an arm around his waist and they stumbled forward, helped by the fact Dan leaned heavily against the wall.

"…Do you remember where Adam was?"

"Ugh…I uhm…talking to William wasn't he? The uh…the one. With the really nice face and uh….nice." Dan nodded to himself, and so Ramona nodded as well, pretending she understood what he said.

They stumbled blindly together through slightly less dense crowds of people than earlier, until they reached the couches and landed messily next to a very unimpressed and highly amused Adam.

"Aw look at my lil drunk princesses. I can smell a booze cabinet reeking off both of you."

"When did we drink a cabinet?" Ramona said curiously, and Dan shrugged.

"Lemme guess…Gin?"

"VODKA!" Dan said, a little too loudly and a little too excitedly. Adam facepalmed as Dan nearly tumbled off the seat trying to reach him. "I like vodka, it makes me happy and speak better-rer"

Adam raised an angled eyebrow "Yes definitely Dan, you are completely right. Do you two want me to drive you guys home?"

"Yes please Adam we'll love you forever." Ramona said, as she rolled on the couch to try and grab a part of Adam. She managed to clumsily hold his elbow.

"We'll LOVE you Adam." Dan added, nodding and then halting suddenly, as if that movement proved a little too much for his drunken body.

"Mm, both of you at once? Sorry dolls, I'm not really up for polyamorous relationships but HEY, me being me, I'll still drive your drunken asses back home. How's that sound?

Dan blinked slowly, his large eyes having trouble focusing on Adam.

"But whas polymore?" Ramona mumbled sleepily.

Adam sighed and pulled them both up "In the morning when you both have horrendous hangovers, I hope that you remember that I am the best thing that ever happened to you both. And for the love of god Dan if you puke in my car again I will sell your liver to the black market by Monday."

"Not much of it left to be honest." Dan mumbled.

When Dan woke up, he begged death to come quickly and for him to be given a swift and graceful end. His head thudded, his stomach rolled and swirled and oh my god he needed water and greasy food but also maybe painkillers and fruit what the hell what the actual hell.

Fucking Ramona.

He slowly (very slowly) rose up out of his bed. He was still in his shirt from last night, but had been stripped from his jeans, shoes and socks. He groaned as he sat up, and another wave of nausea hit him like a brick. Rubbing his eyes, he blinked away sleep and tried to take in his surroundings. Though his phone was blinked insistently, everything else was fine. The phone could be dealt with later. For now, he needed a shower, water, something fattening and a thorough tooth brushing.

He also was desperate to both pee and vomit. Wonderful.

As the water from his shower washed away the stench of booze and sweat of his body, he let himself relax and rest his forehead against the shower's wall. Never again Dan vowed, feeling drained both emotionally and physically from a party he had to get incredibly drunk at to enjoy properly. Never again.

After vomiting after exiting the shower, brushing his teeth twice, and downing painkillers with small sips of water, Dan nibbled on some sliced pineapple, and relaxed on his bed. Today sounded like a fantastic 'Stay at home and order pizza while watching cheesy anime' kind of day. Now that was a party Dan could get behind.

His phone vibrated against his end table again, and (dreading the worst) he reached forward and plucked it up with the hand currently not covered in pineapple juice. He wiped his free hand on his pyjama shorts, typed in his password and looked at the new messages.

5 Messages

2:34AM Saturday 17/1/14

Mona :P: dannnyuuulllll I loves u osm uch bby stay s safe Adam s lookin after mes becausd e you needed, sleeps and I'm ddint nightsx

Daniel chuckled at his attempts to read what she had written. Bless Ramona, and bless her drunken self even more.

3:00am Saturday 17/1/14

Adam (Punk Jesus): I just had to calm down a crying Ramona because she remembered that Sirius Black is dead this is the costs of alcohol Daniel I hope u remember this.

Attached was the most hilarious photo of Adam facepalming with Ramona in the background on the carpet; face first and spread out like a starfish. Screenshotted. If Ramona didn't think he'd be pulling this out at her next birthday, she seriously didn't know him.

8:21am Saturday 17/1/14

Adam (Punk Jesus): Oh my god I have work today kill me now. If I do not get a coffee into my bloodstream in the next 10 seconds I am going to stab someone #ididntsleepuntil4amlastnight #becauseofurdrunkenasses #fucku

12:54pm Saturday 17/1/14

Mona :P: Sweet Jesus forgive me father for I have sinned plz just smite me now it will hurt less than this god fucking awful headache (get up you lazy ass x) (also wtf was I trying to say earlier god dammit Ramona get ur act together)

Behold; the people Dan Howell chose to be friends with. Oh how he loved them. There was still one unexplained though. It was an unknown number though. Sweet Jesus, Dan hoped to hell he didn't drunkenly give some douche his phone number or worse (shudder) drunk hooked up with a random. Oh god that was not his style, not at all. Please, oh please, be okay

11:35am Saturday 17/1/14

Unknown Number: Heyy uhm. So like, you accidentally typed the wrong number I think last night (morning?! .) and called me while pretty emotional and upset. I talked to you for a while but uh, yeah. You probably don't remember, you sounded pretty out of it (I think… oh no I hope I didn't just offend you) so eh, I guess I just wanted to text to check that you were okay and stuff? Idk you just sounded pretty worked up and yeah. Hope you're hangover isn't too bad anyway =^.^= -Phil (you're accidental therapist)

Oh my god he had drunk emotional dialled some random. Oh my god. Oh my god. What the hell do you do in this situation?

Dan opened the keyboard on his phone, and began writing his reply.

The two things that sparked my idea for this story was the fanfic 'A Finger Slip' (idk where it is anymore, it seems really hard to find) and the tumblr post of awkward first meetings (great ideas for your OWN fics people link is here:

post/101021230029/awkward-first-meetings-aus