Saiyans Prefer Blondes
Disclaimer: Any and all characters in this story I did not create nor do I own in anyway shape or form. Except of course for Larry; Larry is my character birthed and written. However all those other characters are created by other people and probably owned by even more people that still aren't me. The characters (that I do not own nor did I create) origins can be found in sources written by Naoko Takeuchi (Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon), Akira Toriyama (Dragon Ball Z), S. Morgenstern (The Princess Bride Abridged by William Goldman), and Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mirage Comics). But Larry is my creation! I am like Larry's GOD!!!!! (btw I also don't own rights nor did I create God.
Character list:
Usagi/Sailor Moon (SM)
Mamoru/Tuxedo Mask (SM)
Ami/Sailor Mercury (SM)
Rei/Sailor Mars (SM)
Makoto/Sailor Jupiter (SM)
Minako/Sailor Venus (SM)
Haruka/ Sailor Uranus (SM)
Michiru/ Sailor Neptune (SM)
Luna (SM)
Artemis (SM)
Melvin [SM (yes it's Umino Gurio, I like his N. American name, sorry.)]
Chibiusa/Small Lady/Sailor Chibi Moon (SM)
Trunks (DBZ)
Goten (DBZ)
Gohan/The Great Saiyaman (DBZ)
Yamcha (DBZ)
Piccolo (DBZ)
Vegeta (DBZ)
Krillin (DBZ)
Android #18 (DBZ)
Bulma (DBZ)
Klunk (TMNT)
Fezzik (PB)
Larry
Chapter One: The Meeting at Fezzik's Diner
On a sunny Sunday afternoon, the blonde and vivacious Usagi skipped her way through the city on a quest to dine at her favorite food spot, Fezzik's. Fezzik's was a quaint diner owned by a giant of a man and his orange furred cat named Klunk. Usagi had invited Luna to come with her but Artemis forbid it, due to the fact that he claimed that Luna had been flirting with Klunk for months now. Luckily, Usagi had called Minako and convinced her to meet her there. Usagi did not like dining alone in public. There was something about it that just made her feel vulnerable. Besides, she was girl, what if she had to go to the bathroom, who would go with her if she was alone? (Girls always need at least one other girl to go to the bathroom with; if they didn't have other girls acting as their 'spotters' there would be hundreds of thousands of toilet drowning related deaths world wide.)
When Usagi arrived at Fezzik's, Minako was already waiting for her outside the diner.
"Usagi, you're late!" Minako called.
"Sorry!" said Usagi as she ran to her friend's side, "I'm sorry I'm late."
"Well, as long as your period is not late I guess we're fine," Minako smirked walking into the diner.
"What?" Usagi blinked in confusion following her friend inside.
"Never mind," Minako rolled her eyes, "Ask Luna." Usagi and Minako found a table and sat down. As Usagi began studying the menu Minako scanned the diner. Much to her pleasure Minako was able to locate a table brimming with cute boys. There were four boys at the table. Two of the boys looked related, like brothers. The brothers both had dark pointy black hair and arms rippling with muscles. Then across from them was a boy with a delectable sneer and hair the color of a heliotrope flower. Minako couldn't see if his muscles were as firm as the other two, because he wore a blue Capsule Corp jacket, covering his arms. Sadly the last boy at the table was a runt of a man who lacked any hair upon his head at all. Surprisingly though he seemed to be rippling with muscles as well.
A one night stand perhaps, Minako thought to herself eyeing the runt, Not a long term conquest, but defiantly worth at least one rumble. Two if he's packing heavy.
"Oh Minako, there is so much good food here!" Usagi said with glee, "What to order? What to order?" Usagi's eyes scanned the menu with such intensity one would think she might burst a blood vessel.
"Don't worry about, Usagi," Minako giggled glancing at the menu, "I'll order for both of us. I know exactly what to get!"
"Oh good!" Usagi sighed with relief, "Less thinking always works for me!" A few minutes later Fezzik, the diner's owner, waiter, and janitor came over to Usagi and Minako's table. (Klunk is the diner's cook if you're wondering)
"Hello, Lady! Hello, Lady!" Fezzik bellowed greeting the girls, "Orders? Food? Drink? What do you want?"
"Let's see," Minako giggled again, "Two hotdogs, two deep fried Twinkies, two bananas, two éclairs, and two vanilla milkshakes. Make sure the milkshakes have nice thick straws too, would you?"
"Yes Lady!" Fezzik said, "Anything else?"
"No, thank you," Minako grinned. Fezzik wandered off and Minako turned toward her friend.
"Wow, those foods sound yummy!" Usagi said, "What made you choose those anyway?"
"I just chose anything phallic shaped off the menu," Minako's grin widened.
"What does phallic mean again?" Usagi questioned.
"Ask Luna, "Minako sighed.
After a short while Fezzik brought the girl's food to their table, they thanked him, and began eating. Flirtatiously Minako slowly ate her hotdog, occasionally sipping her milkshake while fluttering her eyelashes. Usagi just began to binge her food down, as was her normal behavior. Finally, Minako caught the attention of one of the boys at the table.
Across the diner at the table Minako had been eyeing since her and Usagi's arrival sat Gohan, Goten, Trunks, and Krillin. Goten had noticed the long haired blonde, Minako, across the diner while Krillin, Gohan and Trunks discussed various everyday things.
"So, Gohan," Trunks said, "How's your father?"
"Oh, Dad?" Gohan answered with a mouth full of food, "He died again so he's back in Other World."
"You are so lucky," Trunks said, "I wish my father would die more often. The bastard is always on my case, and making me train till I pass out."
"At least your mom is hot," Krillin mumbled.
"What did you say?" Trunks asked Krillin.
"Nothing," Krillin shook his head, "Never mind.
"No," Trunks demanded, "What did you say?"
"I said your mom is hot!" Krillin admitted.
"Eww," Trunks shuttered.
"Dude, I can't help it! I've thought she was hot since I was a kid," Krillin declared, "Damn, and Bulma's boobs are great! I just wanna nuzzle my face in them and make motor boat noises! I remember the first time I ever saw your mom's boobs. I was like thirteen I think and she---"
"Krillin, if you don't stop I'm going to have to hurt you," Trunks growled not allowing Krillin to finish his statement.
"Trunks," Gohan contributed, "I must admit Krillin has a point. Your mother's breasts look as if they would be quite good to play motor boat with."
"Shut-up," Trunks glared, "How would you feel if we talked about your mom?"
"Oh lets not talk her," Krillin shivered, "That demon woman probably has razor blades in her vagina. Gohan's dad probably dies on purpose just so he doesn't have to go home to that cunt."
"Hey!" Gohan said offended.
"Guys!" Goten interrupted.
"What?" Trunk said, turning his attention to Goten.
"I don't know what nasty stuff you guys are talking about but can we clean up our conversation a bit and take a gander over there," Goten made a had gesture towards Usagi and Minako sitting across the diner. "Now there's a bitch I want to fuck against a bathroom stall!"
"Yeah, but which one?" Gohan asked, "Both of those blondes are hot."
"The one with the red ribbon in her hair," Goten stated indicating Minako.
"Dude, look at that one with the bunned pigtails though," Krillin exclaimed, "She gorging down food like a hurricane."
"Kind of sexy," Trunks sneered, "She eats like a Saiyan."
"Well that settles it," Goten turned to Trunks, "You get Miss Pigtails and the one in the red bow is mine."
"What about me?" Gohan asked, "Who do I get?"
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Goten accused.
"Gohan may have a girlfriend but The Great Saiyaman doesn't," Gohan winked.
"Too late," Trunks said jumping over Krillin to leave the table.
"We call dibs," Goten said rushing after Trunk's towards the girl's table. Gohan sighed and looked towards Krillin disappointed.
"I don't know what to tell you, dude," Krillin shrugged, "My wife's part robot so I'm sexually satisfied in more ways then one."
Goten and Trunks both grabbed a chair from an empty table and slide the chairs up next to the girls. Trunks flipped the chair around and straddled it backwards, facing Usagi. Goten pulled his newly acquired chair next to Minako.
"I'm sorry to interrupt but my friend and I noticed you too ladies sitting here and well," Goten smiled, "You are by far the two pretties girls we have ever seen in the last ten minutes."
"Oh why thank you!" Minako blushed, "You are so sweet for saying so! My name's Minako."
"Well Minako, my name is Goten," Goten leaned closer to Minako, "and my friend over there is, Trunks."
"A pleasure to meet you both," Trunks said.
"I'm Usagi!" Usagi said with a mouth full of creamy éclair.
"You know Usagi," Trunks said, "you are very beautiful."
"Thank you," Usagi swallowed the éclair leaving behind much of the creamy white filling still covering her mouth.
"You boys seem awfully nice," Minako fluttered her eyelashes, "and handsome too."
"Well then," Goten twirled his finger in a strained of Minako's long hair, "What should we do about it?
"Oh cool, do you guys wanna do something?" Usagi chirped, "We could go to the arcade! I love the arcade!"
"You are so sweet," Trunks shook his head amused at Usagi's childlike playfulness.
"Thank you," Usagi smiled a huge Cheshire Cat grin.
"I want to do dirty things to you in clean places," Trunks winked.
"Heh?" Usagi blinked, terribly confused by Trunks's comment.
"Oh don't mind her, she's a little slow sometimes," Minako giggled.
"I don't get it," Usagi was still blinking rapidly.
"Never mind it, Usagi," Minako instructed, "Just ask Luna later."
Suddenly there was an explosion outside the diner. Shards of glass flew across the diner from the burst of shattering windows caused by the blast outside. Everyone in the diner hit the floor, hoping to avoid injury. Fezzik hid behind the register counter whimpering as Klunk ran out of the kitchen, cursing in Cat-onese. His orange fur stood straight-up in fury.
"What was that?" Usagi said in a muffled voice since she was lying face down on the floor.
"I don't know," Trunks stated, "Wait here!" Trunks jumped up off the floor and looked towards one of the windows that had completely been shattered. "Goten, Gohan, Krillin!" Trunks yelled, "Let's go!" Within an instant, the four boys, led by Trunks, had flown out a broken window and into the sky.
"Where did they go?" Usagi asked.
"It doesn't matter. I'm calling the others on my communicator; I think its Sailor Scout time!" Minako said. Another explosion roared through the air, shaking ground and everything on it.
Outside Gohan, Krillin, Goten, and Trunks had located the source of the explosions. Seven giant space ships hovered above the ground. Two of the ships had dropped large bombs, creating craters beneath them.
"Attention people of Earth," Boomed a voice over a P.A. system projected off one of the saucer shaped ships, "surrender your planet's most valuable resources (latex and personal lubricants) or be prepared to meet your doom!" The seven ships started to hum. A green glow oozed from the hovering saucers, trickling down towards the earth. Transported to the ground through the glow, hundreds of alien military forces appeared; all armed to the teeth.
(special thanks to my b/f for proof reading)