The Cedar Theater
Title: Winne The Pooh Vs. Ugly Logger Men
Authoress: TheWainscottWeasel, FoxDog V
FoxDog V: Yo peeplings, wassup! My names FDV-
Random Explainer: -FDV being one of the weasel queens many muses-
FDV: -at least for the purposes of typing, and I'd like to invite you
to join me in another addition of...well...quality entertainment, heh heh. Today in our humble theater-of-sorts,
we will be showing Silent Hell, a story about- (FDV stops as a random stage dog runs up and whispers in her
ear) What? Whadduya mean they can't be here! (from behind the curtain, several random game characters
cough convincingly and FDV growls in frustration) Sweet mother of pantyhose! What am I supposed to show
the fruitcakes now! Bah! Blather! Rotten Fruit eaters! Nani! (FDV quells her insane ramblings just in time to
hear the stage dog whisper a suggestion. Her demeanor visibly brightens as an evil smile spreads across
her face) Why Ronaldo, I never knew you were so devious! YOU'LL be receiving a raise this month. (The stage
dog Ronaldo skips off leaving FDV to disturb the audience) Ahem, correction! Today we will be showing Winne
The Pooh Vs. The Ugly Logger Men, a story of intrigue and fascinations with fluffy gray objects. Playing the
characters, simply because Winne The Pooh and his merry band of pals are too DAMN EXPENSIVE to show
up, will be some of your favorite characters from the ever-popular anime show Gundam Wing, along with ONE
video game character that couldn't quite convince me of his ailment. (FDV glares back at the offending character
that merely twirls his guns in reply) Supporting this MAUVELOUS cast will be two of my own sadistic kidlets.
Please enjoy the show, and remind yourselves that nothing here belongs to me, except Genna and Ivan. :)
The Cast
Narrorator: FDV (Dur)
Christopher Robin: Dante (Yes, the bizarro from Devil May Cry. For all those who don't know, he's really tall, has
white hair, and owns two eternally cool handguns.)
Pooh: Heero
Piglet: Relena Peacecrap (Nehehehee...)
Rabbit: Wufei
Kanga: Genna (mine)
Roo: Quatre
Eeyore: Ivan (also mine)
Owl: Trowa :)
Tigger: Duo (Dur yet again)
Logger 1: Milliardo Peacecrap (Woohoohahaa!)
Logger 2: Treize Cruisenenadra (Or something like that)
FDV: Okay, first of all I need to explain Gen and Ivan since you guys probably know all the other dopes here
(FDV sticks her tongue out at the disgruntled cast, which has just been ushered in by a large black dragon)
The brown-haired loudmouth's name is Genna, or Gen, and the name of that growth on the back of her head-
Gen: WHAAT!
FDV: -is Sister Wendy. Gen also has an unexplainable affection for combat boots.
Gen: Well ex-SQUEEZE me! Just because I happen to have a hairstyle, unlike SOME people I know!
(Gen gestures rudely at FDV, who consequently ignores her) And what's WRONG with combat wear!?!
FDV: The other one's name is Ivan. She has dark hair and eyes, and enjoys annoying people who get too
serious. (Ivan grins sharkily at the gathered cast and manages to make Duo extremely nervous)
Duo: Could someone please explain why the weird lady's lookin at me like that?
Gen: Oh she's always like that, skulking around and freakin out idiots, killing things, it all gets quite tiresome
after a while.
Ivan: I'm into trees. (She continues grinning and scoots closer to the intended prey)
(Duo squeaks and scoots behind Trowa, who remains unaffected by the recent events. Heero however,
is rather perturbed at being taken from his computer and shoved into a tiny room. The fact that he's being
ordered around by a small hairy dog *FDV* doesn't help his ever increasing angst. Unfortunately, wikkle
Heerokins was tied up with duck tape in response to the ever-present gun threat and he can't seem to get
free. In the back Treize is puzzling over the proceedings, and Milliardo is posturing dramatically. Quatre
is staring at the dragon in disbelief, probably wondering how it's fitting into the room. Wufei is stamping his
little feet over the injustice of it all, and unintentionally making Dante laugh)
Wufei: (angry eyes) What's so funny weakling!?!
(Dante is too busy chuckling over the spectacle of a bevy of teenage dorkwads to answer)
Wufei: Grr... (realizing that his honor has been offended yet again, Wufei sets out to plot revenge)
FDV: Okay, Heero; check, Trowa; check, Relena...where's the Queen of the World?
Ivan: Anywhere but here is good with me.
FDV: Hush you. Milliardo, where's your stinkin sister?
Milliardo: Huh?
FDV: Ugh, blonds
Quatre: Hey!
FDV: Is for horses. Heero, have you seen the princess of sales pitch?
(Heero glares silently and issues a muffled growl from behind a wad of strategically placed duck tape)
FDV: Hmm... Ronaldo, to me!
(At her commands, the stage dog flings itself on to the stage and patiently awaits instruction)
FDV: Take Heero Yuey onto the roof and have Jack swing him around a bit. That should attract the bitch.
(Ronaldo nods and silently begins to leave the stage while dragging Yuey behind him. The large dragon
scoots them both through and then magically squeezes out the doorway. Quatre yet again stands amazed)
Quatre: That was...Jack?
FDV: Ah yes, most trusted dragon and human necromancer in his spare time.
Quatre: Human?
Ivan: My brother.
Quatre: ......
(On the roof Ronaldo has perched himself on one of the many stone gargoyles decorating the roof whilst
Jack busies himself with the ever-struggling Yuey. At a signal from the little brown dog, Jack ties The Yuey
to a long bungee cord and begins to fling the boy around his head, while inside the theater FDV glares
impatiently at her watch. Seconds later, the sounds of a parking Cadillac and sharp preppy shoes barely
precede the energetic opening of the door)
Relena: (pops in the doorway) HEEEEERRRO?!?!
FDV: (shudders involuntarily) There's the princess prep! (She hits the ceiling with a handy broom to signal for
Yuey's little "ride" to stop) About damn time!
Relena: Excuse me, but what is going on here?
FDV: We're a top-secret government organization specializing in the control of alien banana men, and we believe
that you hold the key that could save the universe from their dirty yellow hands.
Relena: Really?
FDV: Nope. Actually, we're putting on a play and you've got a part.
(Ronaldo and Jack return to set a windblown Yuey next to the main part of the group. An overly dramatic
Relena races over with a cry, much to everyone's dismay)
Relena: HEERO!!!
FDV: Ugh, mush.
Relena: What did you do to him!?! (Relena glares at FDV while Heero struggles to free himself from the grasp
of both sticky tape and girl )
FDV: Oh nothing much, just used him as bait to attract you to a fate worse than death.
(Blinking repeatedly, the ruler of retch stares puzzled at the small dog for a moment, then shrugs)
Relena: Whatever. Just as long as its not one of those lemon yaoi things that have me screaming things like a
banshee. I HATE that.
FDV: (puzzles over the fact that Relena was screaming quite happily a few minutes earlier) Nah, none of the
screaming shit. Just a little poking at your over apparent obsession with master spandex.
Relena: Oh hush.
Wufei: HELLO! Get on with it!
(FDV deigns to send the angry little man a rude hand gesture, then bows to the audience)
FDV: So now without further ado, I present the story of Winne The Pooh Vs. The Ugly Logger Men
(Opening the scene, we find ourselves set within a small sunny forest filled with broadleaf trees. The birds
are singing, the bees are buzzing, the squirrels are squeaking...)
Random Gun: BLAM!!!
Squirrels: EEK!!
Heero: Heh.
(Uhh...Okay, so there aren't any squirrels anymore...JACK! GET THAT GUN AWAY FROM THE LOONY!!
Anyway, as I was saying, the animals were going about their daily businesses, and as a whole the forest
represented a cheery sanctum in an over-mechanized world. Moving closer in, we focus on what appears
to be a badly dressed bear hauling around an AK-47...JACK!!!)
HeeroPooh: (sarcastically) Oh tralalalala, here I am wandering through the woods, doing nothing worth talking
about. What a WONDERFUL day.
FDV: (smiles warningly at the beleaguered bear) Soon, a small pink pig joined the wandering mammal.
RelenaPiglet: This is NOT in my contract anywhere.
FDV: AHEM. The two friends greeted ecstatically, then continued their jolly jaunt through the Hundred-Acre Wood.
Piglet: (like a perky spi-otch) Oh, hi Heero!
Pooh: ...Nice pig outfit.
Piglet: ...Why do I even bother...
FDV: Meanwhile in other parts of the woods, Rabbit was working industriously on his garden. Rabbit was a great
believer in self-sufficiency, and prided himself in his readiness for the oncoming apocalypse.
WufeiRabbit: WHAAT!?!
FDV: JUST SAY THE LINE!!!
Wubbit (hehe, get it? WufeiRabbit? Wubbit? HA!): Oh fine. (looks down and begins to read off from the script)
Gee, I sure do enjoy preparing my vegetables for the oncoming harvest where their earth grasping roots will
be torn from the great mother and...(blinks rapidly) Okay, who writes this shit?!?
FDV: (sighs) Just say it Wubbit.
Wubbit: WUBBIT!! INJUSTICE YOU LITTLE-(notices Jack growling from a corner)-er...right say the lines...Okay...
Where was I?
FDV: Great Mother.
Wubbit: Oh yah! Okay...When their earth gripping roots will be torn from the Great Mother Gaia, and their leafy
bodies processed for my own selfish needs of consumption...jeese.
FDV: Because WUBBIT was so busy tending to his kohlrabi, he didn't notice an orange black striped figure
stalking him behind a blackberry bush...
DuoTigger: YOOHOO!! WUFFEY! Give us a-WHOOHAA(Duo promptly trips onto the bush and is nearly
skewered by spines) OWWWAAHAHA!!
Wubbit: Hahaha, Maxwell you nincompoop! You give Tiggers a bad name! Such is the fate of those who would
prey on the vegetables of Wufei!!!
Tigger: Shuddup Wubbit an give me a hand!
FDV: AHEM. The lines...
Tigger: (pulling spines from his tail end) Oh yah. How yah doin Wubbit, long time no see!
Wubbit: Enough! Get off my land you minority-oppressing, tax-leaching meat eater!
Tigger: Hey, lets not get personal! Besides, your kinda being hypocritical complaining about me, when you sit
around proclaiming things to be yours. I don't see your name on it Wuffey boy.
Wubbit: BAH!
FDV: While Tigger and WUBBIT argued about land usage and the rights of the masses, Pooh and Piglet had
reached Kanga and Roo's house where a conflagration of noises-
DuoTigger: I betcha don't even know what that means!
FDV: Do you?
Tigger: No, but that's beside the point!
FDV: ...ANYWAY, Where a conflagration of noises invited them inside...
HeeroPooh: How'd we get here again?
RelenaPiglet: We walked.
Pooh: ...Hn.
FDV: Stepping in, they first saw Kanga struggling to bathe Roo. They also noticed Eeyore glaring madly from
the far corner while Owl had seated himself on an overstuffed organic sofa.
GennaKanga: Just hold still ya little sucker, and the soap won't get in yer eyes!
QuatraRoo: But I don't wanna bath!!
Kanga: Tough!!
IvanEeyore: It doesn't matter if you wash him you know.
Kanga: Oh please.
Eeyore: The world's going to end.
TrowaOwl: …No its not.
Eeyore: (glancing over at the bird) Yes it is.
Owl: Nope
Eeyore: Yup
Owl: Nope
Eeyore: Yup
FDV: Continuing their discussion on the fate of humanity, Owl and Eeyore completely ignore Piglet and Pooh.
Repelled by their arguments, Piglet drags Pooh over to converse with Kanga and Roo.
RelenaPiglet: Soo…how's it going?
GennaKanga: (vigorously washing the much protesting Roo) Oh pretty good. I just bought some new organic
shampoo that I couldn't wait to try on ol' Roo-boy. (gives Roo's head and affectionate scrub)
QuatraRoo: Ha! You just wanted an excuse to buy more ice cream at the health store!
Kanga: (plunges Roo's head under the suds) You wish short man!
Piglet: Oh how nice! I just bought some new hiking gear at Wilderness Outfitters.
Kanga: (Not paying attention) Really!
Piglet: (perky Perky PERKY) Yes, and it was so exciting! First I had to prioritize because of my limited income,
so I thought back to earlier hikes and came up with a list of things that would make blah blah blah…
FDV: While Piglet detailed her shopping trip to an oblivious Kanga, the heated debate in the corner has slowed
to a near stop and the combatants are turned towards opposite walls. Basically, they're pouting.
TrowaOwl: …
IvanEeyore: …
Owl: …
Eeyore: …
Owl: …
Eeyore: (peeks over her shoulder)…You're cute.
Owl: …(glaring suspiciously back, the bird quickly shifts farther away from the madly grinning ass) …
Eeyore: Hehehee…
FDV: Suddenly, there's a soft rapping at Kanga's front door.
FrontDoor: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!
KangaGenna: Jeese!! Whadduya want ya bum!
FDV: Welcomed by Kanga's happy greeting, Christopher Robin gently opened the door and stepped in.
DanteRobin: (Blows door open with his guns then pokes his head through the smoking hole) Hi kids!
Kanga: (stares in disbelief at the monster entering her front room) Cripes!!
FDV: Around the room the cast members were in various stages of shock, ranging from Roo who was quivering
behind his surrogate mother Kanga, to Pooh who's face seemed to disappear behind two large quivering eyes.
RelenaPiglet: (recovering quickly, the Queen of The World immediately sets out to protect herself)
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!!!
Robin: (covering his ears) Ouch.
Kanga: (swatting Piglet) Stuff it ya swab!
QuatreRoo: (quivering) Who ARE you?
IvanEeyore: Well he's either the IRS-
TrowaOwl: Or a really determined insurance salesman.
Kanga: ...I thought the owl was supposed to be positive.
Owl: …...Maybe he's Christopher Robin.
Kanga: That's better.
HeeroPooh: Cool guns
Piglet: Heero!
Pooh: What?
Robin: (gingerly removing his hands from his ears) Ugh. Is it done screaming?
Kanga: Depends. You gonna replace the door?
Robin: Maybe…is it possessed?
Kanga: …What?!?
FDV: AHEM!!
Robin: Oh yah…one of you guys named Pooh?
Pooh: That'd be me.
Robin: (stepping slowly across the floor, he stops just in front of the bear and looms) I got something for yah.
Pooh: (staring up from his 5'3" tall view) …Okay…
Robin: (rifles around in his pockets for a moment, then pulls papers from a pocket) Here.
Pooh: …An invitation to EcoFest.
Robin: Be there. (swirls around to face the rest of the cast) That goes for all the rest too. (he quickly stomps out
of the house leaving the cast to quiver in his wake)
Meanwhile in other parts of the forest…
FDV: As a result of their earlier skirmish, Tigger and Rabbit have declared war on each other. Being as neither
owns a handgun, they've spent most of the day firing rocks across a field from behind mounds of dirt. As of that
afternoon, the battlefield was just a few yards from Rabbit's house.
Wubbit: (firing several clods at Tigger) TAKE THAT OPPRESSOR!!
DuoTigger: (instantly retaliating) BITE ME BUNNY!!!
Wubbit: AARGH!! (unable to take the siege any longer, Rabbit leaps out from behind his blockade and begins
a desperate charge across the field)
FDV: As both Tigger and Rabbit speed across ground zero to meet in a final struggle, a strange noise stops them
just before they start to batter each other to death.
StrangeNoise: WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK
Wubbit: Huh?
StrangeNoise: WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK
Tigger: Whuzzat?
StrangeNoise: WHOCK WHOCK WHACK CRACK CRRREEEEEEEAAAAAKKKK
FDV: Looking upward, both noticed one of the large oaks around the forest moving sideways in a strange
manner. The tree was halfway over when Rabbit realized it was about to land on his energy efficient home.
Rabbit: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Tree: Thump!
Rabbit: ACK!!
Tigger: Uh oh.
FDV: Rabbit was about to descend into a fit of ranting biting frothing rage when two strangely dressed men
pranced over the stump and stood about mid-length of the oak. There they stood and began to sing a little ditty.
MilliardoLogger1: (pouting) I don't have to do this you know.
FDV: Oh please! You have less screen time than anyone, and even less speaking lines! What are you
complaining about?!
Logger1: I know, but did we have to wear suspenders?
FDV: …Just sing the number.
Logger1: Oh fine.
TreizeLogger2: You know, I had a question about billing-
FDV: JUST SING!!!
Loggers: Meep!
FDV: ANYWAY, they began to sing a little ditty.
(accordion music to the tune of London bridge is Falling Down begins to play, and both loggers begin to sway
slightly)
Logger1: We make trees go falling down
Logger2: falling down
Logger1: falling down
Logger2: Then we cart them into town
Loggers: To become paper
FDV: At first the singing men transfixed Rabbit and Tigger, then they realized the gravity of the situation and
ran off to find Christopher Robin, who would surely know what to do.
Meanwhile back at Kanga's house…
FDV: After recovering from the shock of having a 6"+ man blow through her doorway like Squall on a sugar-high,
Kanga decided to send everyone home but Eeyore, who was having a housing problem.
IvanEeyore: What's the point of having a home if the world's just going to end?
GennaKanga: The point is I can't continue housing a pessimistic donkey. You're reflecting on Roo!
QuatreRoo: …Really?
Kanga: Oh please.
Eeyore: All right. If you really can't stand to have me around, I guess I'll just go.
Kanga: Oh hush up ya old fogey and get ta sleep!
RelenaPiglet: It is getting late, I'd probably better go home too. Pooh? (looks around room) Where'd he go?
TrowaOwl: …He split pretty quick after the big guy left.
Piglet: *sigh* Thanks. (begins to trudge out the door)
Eeyore: Dump the bum!
Kanga: Hush up!
Owl: …I gotta go home... Make dinner.
Kanga: Well g'bye then.
Owl: See ya. (flies away)
Kanga: Argh, what a day…(begins to settle back in her overstuffed chair, when suddenly Tigger and Rabbit
burst in her front door) What's dis?
DuoTigger: (breathless) Trees…falling…Zechs an Treize…dancing …umph (collapses)
Wubbit: (glaring disdainfully at the prostrate tigger) As the idiot was trying to say, there are two large hairy
men chopping down trees in the forest and we need Christopher Robin to organize a protest before our
homes become just another parking lot for some super mall.
Kanga: Well ya just missed him. Anything we can do?
Wubbit: Search out the loggers and infiltrate their camp. Maxwell and I will continue on to rendezvous with
the others.
Kanga: Yes sir!
Wubbit: Don't mock me woman. (notices Maxwell is still collapsed on the floor and realizes that he will be
unable to aide in looking for the rest of the cast) Oh good gravy! Will you take care of this lump? I'll call
Yuey to help search.
Kanga: Isn't he kinda hard ta find?
Wubbit: Watch and learn. (cups his hands around his mouth) YUEY!!! THERE'S A MIIISION!!! WE'RE
AT WAAARR!!!!!
HeeroPooh: (pops out of nowhere) War? Where?
Wubbit: Yuey bear boy, I need you to look for Christopher Robin and tell him that Zechs the logger is loose
in the forest and he's teamed up with Trieze. Understand?
Pooh: Mission is to locate Robin and inform him of subversive enemy actions taking place within the perimeter.
Wubbit: Very good.
Pooh: Mission accepted (Disappears in dust cloud)
Kanga: Hmm, no life.
Wubbit: Nope.
QuatreRoo: Is there anything for me?
Wufei: (stares at him thoughtfully) Guard the women. (races off)
Roo: Okay…hey!!
Meanwhile at Owl's house…
FDV: At the tree where Owl lives, the bird is just settling down in his favorite chair to finish a book he'd been
working on for about three days. So near the end, all the clues were beginning to add up in what may have
been the best mystery he'd ever read. Unfortunately, just as he turned to the 673 page of his 685-page novel,
a strange shaking interrupted his reverie.
TrowaOwl: …Hmm?
FDV: Thinking that Pooh was trying to get at the bee's nest near the top of his tree again, Owl reluctantly set
down his book and wandered toward his door. Peering out, he saw one of the most unusual things he'd
ever witnessed.
Owl: …Milliardo and Treize are wearing suspenders. And they're cutting down a tree. With me in it. (blinks, then
draws up head) They're trying to kill me.
FDV: Suddenly, the tree began to tip sideways. Thinking quickly, Owl jumped out of his house just in time to see
the home he'd worked for years on crash down in a cloud of splinters and torn vegetation.
Owl: …Ouch.
MilliardoLogger1: Hey look! An owl!
TreizeLogger2: Is it spotted?
Logger1: I can't tell. It might be.
Logger2: Curses! If Green Peace finds out, we'll be skewered!
Owl: (still mourning the loss of the novel)…You just blew up everything I owned, and you're worried about
Green Peace?
Logger1: Do you think they'll find out if we just…you know…
Logger2: Get rid of it.
Logger1: Yah.
FDV: Realizing that the only way to save their operation is to destroy the evidence, both loggers begin to advance
on Owl in a disturbing and predatory manner.
Owl: Uhh…Guys? You okay?
Logger1: You go for its head; I'll grab the feet.
Logger2: (trips over owls reading lamp making the bird wince) Oh I see, make me grab the part that bites…
Logger1: The feet are twice as dangerous you ninny! THEY'RE GRABBY!!!
Owl: …All this close contact is making me kinda…nervous.
Logger2: But I don't WANT to touch its head, Lord knows where it's been!
Logger1: Oh please! You think feet are any better?
Owl: …Couldya maybe…back off?
Logger2: But I don't WANT to!
Logger1: JUST DO IT YOU MORON!!!
Logger2: Meeples.
Owl: …I don't know what you're doing, but since you don't seem to need me…HEY!!
FDV: Seizing the owl by both head and feet, the two maniacal woodsmen prepare an early death for our heroic
bird via the power of Swiss Army knives. However, just when it seems Barton may never fly through the trees
again, reinforcements magically arrive.
Wubbit: (posing awfully, like he always does) STOP RIGHT THERE!!
Logger1: Huh?
Logger2: My Gawd Wufei! What ARE you doing in that ridiculous costume?
(awkward silence...)
Wubbit: Shut up Treize.
TrowaOwl: I thought I'd never say this…Thank God for Wubbit.
Wubbit: ...You shut up too. Anyway, unhand the Owl you weaklings!
MilliardoLogger1: (cocky once again) Why should we!
TreizeLogger2: Besides, he's so soft…(receives odd looks from most of cast, horrified look from Barton)
Uhh, I mean, how do you think you are going to make us…Wubbit.
Wubbit: (still giving Treize a skeptical stare) I'm glad you asked, oh eternal foe! Because just in case you two
proved belligerent, I brought my friends along!
FDV: On this signal, the entire cast minus those already on screen popped out of the bushes and stood
ready to attack, all armed with various sharp implements of doom.
Logger1: Hah little Wubbit, did you really think we did not come prepared for such an uprising!
FDV: Upon saying thus, both men dropped Owl unceremoniously to the ground and picked up their respective
chainsaws, swinging them around while managing not to cut off each other's limbs.
GennaKanga: Gads, what skill!
QuatreRoo: How could we possibly defeat two wackos with chainsaws?
FDV: Seeing that his army was quickly losing heart at the sight of the two mighty warriors, *snort snort* Wubbit
began to consider the possibility that he might have to face Logger2 in a dual. Just as he was prepared to leap
into the fray however, a small voice piped up from the trees.
SmallVoice: WHASSUP!!!!
FDV: Turning around, they all saw Christopher Robin peering patiently out from under one of the old growth
pines still left around the mostly deciduous vegetation.
DanteRobin: (Leans against the huge tree) Soo…What seems to be the problem here…
Wubbit: These idiots are trying to deprive us of our natural habitat in order to satisfy their own cravings for
wood products and paved land!
Robin: (turns and faces the two loggers while speaking in a baby voice) Is that true?
Logger1: …...(too busy staring at Dante and trying to remember where he's seen him before to answer)
Logger2: Well…umm…I guess so…
FDV: Having heard both sides of the story, Christopher Robin gently asked that the men disable their revving
saws-
Robin: (pulling out twin pistols) Drop'em.
Loggers: Meep! (quickly drop both chainsaws and jump away)
FDV: -so that they could sit down and discuss this in a more appropriate manner.
Robin: Hehehe. (blows chainsaws into tiny pieces with his rapid-fire guns)
FDV: Making sounds like a Wubbit being crushed, Logger2 hid quivering behind Logger1 as Robin stalked toward
them, all the while listing some "terms of forest usage."
Robin: Now here's how I see it. We were here first. Therefore, this land is ours. Got it?
Loggers: (nodding rapidly)
Robin: So you are going to leave. Got it?
Loggers: (start nodding rapidly, then stare at each other a moment before running off into the distance)
Robin: And my work here is done. (twirls his guns once before strolling off the set)
Wubbit: …
GennaKanga: …
HeeroPooh: …
DuoTigger: …ITS TIME TO PAR-TEY!!
FDV: And so, with the industrial threat banished forever, all the forest animals got together at Kanga's house for
some good old organic booze. Once they were past the next day's hangover, they lived happily ever after.
THE END
That was it peeps! Hope you enjoyed, and watch out for next month's installment of "The Cedar Theater"
Title: Winne The Pooh Vs. Ugly Logger Men
Authoress: TheWainscottWeasel, FoxDog V
FoxDog V: Yo peeplings, wassup! My names FDV-
Random Explainer: -FDV being one of the weasel queens many muses-
FDV: -at least for the purposes of typing, and I'd like to invite you
to join me in another addition of...well...quality entertainment, heh heh. Today in our humble theater-of-sorts,
we will be showing Silent Hell, a story about- (FDV stops as a random stage dog runs up and whispers in her
ear) What? Whadduya mean they can't be here! (from behind the curtain, several random game characters
cough convincingly and FDV growls in frustration) Sweet mother of pantyhose! What am I supposed to show
the fruitcakes now! Bah! Blather! Rotten Fruit eaters! Nani! (FDV quells her insane ramblings just in time to
hear the stage dog whisper a suggestion. Her demeanor visibly brightens as an evil smile spreads across
her face) Why Ronaldo, I never knew you were so devious! YOU'LL be receiving a raise this month. (The stage
dog Ronaldo skips off leaving FDV to disturb the audience) Ahem, correction! Today we will be showing Winne
The Pooh Vs. The Ugly Logger Men, a story of intrigue and fascinations with fluffy gray objects. Playing the
characters, simply because Winne The Pooh and his merry band of pals are too DAMN EXPENSIVE to show
up, will be some of your favorite characters from the ever-popular anime show Gundam Wing, along with ONE
video game character that couldn't quite convince me of his ailment. (FDV glares back at the offending character
that merely twirls his guns in reply) Supporting this MAUVELOUS cast will be two of my own sadistic kidlets.
Please enjoy the show, and remind yourselves that nothing here belongs to me, except Genna and Ivan. :)
The Cast
Narrorator: FDV (Dur)
Christopher Robin: Dante (Yes, the bizarro from Devil May Cry. For all those who don't know, he's really tall, has
white hair, and owns two eternally cool handguns.)
Pooh: Heero
Piglet: Relena Peacecrap (Nehehehee...)
Rabbit: Wufei
Kanga: Genna (mine)
Roo: Quatre
Eeyore: Ivan (also mine)
Owl: Trowa :)
Tigger: Duo (Dur yet again)
Logger 1: Milliardo Peacecrap (Woohoohahaa!)
Logger 2: Treize Cruisenenadra (Or something like that)
FDV: Okay, first of all I need to explain Gen and Ivan since you guys probably know all the other dopes here
(FDV sticks her tongue out at the disgruntled cast, which has just been ushered in by a large black dragon)
The brown-haired loudmouth's name is Genna, or Gen, and the name of that growth on the back of her head-
Gen: WHAAT!
FDV: -is Sister Wendy. Gen also has an unexplainable affection for combat boots.
Gen: Well ex-SQUEEZE me! Just because I happen to have a hairstyle, unlike SOME people I know!
(Gen gestures rudely at FDV, who consequently ignores her) And what's WRONG with combat wear!?!
FDV: The other one's name is Ivan. She has dark hair and eyes, and enjoys annoying people who get too
serious. (Ivan grins sharkily at the gathered cast and manages to make Duo extremely nervous)
Duo: Could someone please explain why the weird lady's lookin at me like that?
Gen: Oh she's always like that, skulking around and freakin out idiots, killing things, it all gets quite tiresome
after a while.
Ivan: I'm into trees. (She continues grinning and scoots closer to the intended prey)
(Duo squeaks and scoots behind Trowa, who remains unaffected by the recent events. Heero however,
is rather perturbed at being taken from his computer and shoved into a tiny room. The fact that he's being
ordered around by a small hairy dog *FDV* doesn't help his ever increasing angst. Unfortunately, wikkle
Heerokins was tied up with duck tape in response to the ever-present gun threat and he can't seem to get
free. In the back Treize is puzzling over the proceedings, and Milliardo is posturing dramatically. Quatre
is staring at the dragon in disbelief, probably wondering how it's fitting into the room. Wufei is stamping his
little feet over the injustice of it all, and unintentionally making Dante laugh)
Wufei: (angry eyes) What's so funny weakling!?!
(Dante is too busy chuckling over the spectacle of a bevy of teenage dorkwads to answer)
Wufei: Grr... (realizing that his honor has been offended yet again, Wufei sets out to plot revenge)
FDV: Okay, Heero; check, Trowa; check, Relena...where's the Queen of the World?
Ivan: Anywhere but here is good with me.
FDV: Hush you. Milliardo, where's your stinkin sister?
Milliardo: Huh?
FDV: Ugh, blonds
Quatre: Hey!
FDV: Is for horses. Heero, have you seen the princess of sales pitch?
(Heero glares silently and issues a muffled growl from behind a wad of strategically placed duck tape)
FDV: Hmm... Ronaldo, to me!
(At her commands, the stage dog flings itself on to the stage and patiently awaits instruction)
FDV: Take Heero Yuey onto the roof and have Jack swing him around a bit. That should attract the bitch.
(Ronaldo nods and silently begins to leave the stage while dragging Yuey behind him. The large dragon
scoots them both through and then magically squeezes out the doorway. Quatre yet again stands amazed)
Quatre: That was...Jack?
FDV: Ah yes, most trusted dragon and human necromancer in his spare time.
Quatre: Human?
Ivan: My brother.
Quatre: ......
(On the roof Ronaldo has perched himself on one of the many stone gargoyles decorating the roof whilst
Jack busies himself with the ever-struggling Yuey. At a signal from the little brown dog, Jack ties The Yuey
to a long bungee cord and begins to fling the boy around his head, while inside the theater FDV glares
impatiently at her watch. Seconds later, the sounds of a parking Cadillac and sharp preppy shoes barely
precede the energetic opening of the door)
Relena: (pops in the doorway) HEEEEERRRO?!?!
FDV: (shudders involuntarily) There's the princess prep! (She hits the ceiling with a handy broom to signal for
Yuey's little "ride" to stop) About damn time!
Relena: Excuse me, but what is going on here?
FDV: We're a top-secret government organization specializing in the control of alien banana men, and we believe
that you hold the key that could save the universe from their dirty yellow hands.
Relena: Really?
FDV: Nope. Actually, we're putting on a play and you've got a part.
(Ronaldo and Jack return to set a windblown Yuey next to the main part of the group. An overly dramatic
Relena races over with a cry, much to everyone's dismay)
Relena: HEERO!!!
FDV: Ugh, mush.
Relena: What did you do to him!?! (Relena glares at FDV while Heero struggles to free himself from the grasp
of both sticky tape and girl )
FDV: Oh nothing much, just used him as bait to attract you to a fate worse than death.
(Blinking repeatedly, the ruler of retch stares puzzled at the small dog for a moment, then shrugs)
Relena: Whatever. Just as long as its not one of those lemon yaoi things that have me screaming things like a
banshee. I HATE that.
FDV: (puzzles over the fact that Relena was screaming quite happily a few minutes earlier) Nah, none of the
screaming shit. Just a little poking at your over apparent obsession with master spandex.
Relena: Oh hush.
Wufei: HELLO! Get on with it!
(FDV deigns to send the angry little man a rude hand gesture, then bows to the audience)
FDV: So now without further ado, I present the story of Winne The Pooh Vs. The Ugly Logger Men
(Opening the scene, we find ourselves set within a small sunny forest filled with broadleaf trees. The birds
are singing, the bees are buzzing, the squirrels are squeaking...)
Random Gun: BLAM!!!
Squirrels: EEK!!
Heero: Heh.
(Uhh...Okay, so there aren't any squirrels anymore...JACK! GET THAT GUN AWAY FROM THE LOONY!!
Anyway, as I was saying, the animals were going about their daily businesses, and as a whole the forest
represented a cheery sanctum in an over-mechanized world. Moving closer in, we focus on what appears
to be a badly dressed bear hauling around an AK-47...JACK!!!)
HeeroPooh: (sarcastically) Oh tralalalala, here I am wandering through the woods, doing nothing worth talking
about. What a WONDERFUL day.
FDV: (smiles warningly at the beleaguered bear) Soon, a small pink pig joined the wandering mammal.
RelenaPiglet: This is NOT in my contract anywhere.
FDV: AHEM. The two friends greeted ecstatically, then continued their jolly jaunt through the Hundred-Acre Wood.
Piglet: (like a perky spi-otch) Oh, hi Heero!
Pooh: ...Nice pig outfit.
Piglet: ...Why do I even bother...
FDV: Meanwhile in other parts of the woods, Rabbit was working industriously on his garden. Rabbit was a great
believer in self-sufficiency, and prided himself in his readiness for the oncoming apocalypse.
WufeiRabbit: WHAAT!?!
FDV: JUST SAY THE LINE!!!
Wubbit (hehe, get it? WufeiRabbit? Wubbit? HA!): Oh fine. (looks down and begins to read off from the script)
Gee, I sure do enjoy preparing my vegetables for the oncoming harvest where their earth grasping roots will
be torn from the great mother and...(blinks rapidly) Okay, who writes this shit?!?
FDV: (sighs) Just say it Wubbit.
Wubbit: WUBBIT!! INJUSTICE YOU LITTLE-(notices Jack growling from a corner)-er...right say the lines...Okay...
Where was I?
FDV: Great Mother.
Wubbit: Oh yah! Okay...When their earth gripping roots will be torn from the Great Mother Gaia, and their leafy
bodies processed for my own selfish needs of consumption...jeese.
FDV: Because WUBBIT was so busy tending to his kohlrabi, he didn't notice an orange black striped figure
stalking him behind a blackberry bush...
DuoTigger: YOOHOO!! WUFFEY! Give us a-WHOOHAA(Duo promptly trips onto the bush and is nearly
skewered by spines) OWWWAAHAHA!!
Wubbit: Hahaha, Maxwell you nincompoop! You give Tiggers a bad name! Such is the fate of those who would
prey on the vegetables of Wufei!!!
Tigger: Shuddup Wubbit an give me a hand!
FDV: AHEM. The lines...
Tigger: (pulling spines from his tail end) Oh yah. How yah doin Wubbit, long time no see!
Wubbit: Enough! Get off my land you minority-oppressing, tax-leaching meat eater!
Tigger: Hey, lets not get personal! Besides, your kinda being hypocritical complaining about me, when you sit
around proclaiming things to be yours. I don't see your name on it Wuffey boy.
Wubbit: BAH!
FDV: While Tigger and WUBBIT argued about land usage and the rights of the masses, Pooh and Piglet had
reached Kanga and Roo's house where a conflagration of noises-
DuoTigger: I betcha don't even know what that means!
FDV: Do you?
Tigger: No, but that's beside the point!
FDV: ...ANYWAY, Where a conflagration of noises invited them inside...
HeeroPooh: How'd we get here again?
RelenaPiglet: We walked.
Pooh: ...Hn.
FDV: Stepping in, they first saw Kanga struggling to bathe Roo. They also noticed Eeyore glaring madly from
the far corner while Owl had seated himself on an overstuffed organic sofa.
GennaKanga: Just hold still ya little sucker, and the soap won't get in yer eyes!
QuatraRoo: But I don't wanna bath!!
Kanga: Tough!!
IvanEeyore: It doesn't matter if you wash him you know.
Kanga: Oh please.
Eeyore: The world's going to end.
TrowaOwl: …No its not.
Eeyore: (glancing over at the bird) Yes it is.
Owl: Nope
Eeyore: Yup
Owl: Nope
Eeyore: Yup
FDV: Continuing their discussion on the fate of humanity, Owl and Eeyore completely ignore Piglet and Pooh.
Repelled by their arguments, Piglet drags Pooh over to converse with Kanga and Roo.
RelenaPiglet: Soo…how's it going?
GennaKanga: (vigorously washing the much protesting Roo) Oh pretty good. I just bought some new organic
shampoo that I couldn't wait to try on ol' Roo-boy. (gives Roo's head and affectionate scrub)
QuatraRoo: Ha! You just wanted an excuse to buy more ice cream at the health store!
Kanga: (plunges Roo's head under the suds) You wish short man!
Piglet: Oh how nice! I just bought some new hiking gear at Wilderness Outfitters.
Kanga: (Not paying attention) Really!
Piglet: (perky Perky PERKY) Yes, and it was so exciting! First I had to prioritize because of my limited income,
so I thought back to earlier hikes and came up with a list of things that would make blah blah blah…
FDV: While Piglet detailed her shopping trip to an oblivious Kanga, the heated debate in the corner has slowed
to a near stop and the combatants are turned towards opposite walls. Basically, they're pouting.
TrowaOwl: …
IvanEeyore: …
Owl: …
Eeyore: …
Owl: …
Eeyore: (peeks over her shoulder)…You're cute.
Owl: …(glaring suspiciously back, the bird quickly shifts farther away from the madly grinning ass) …
Eeyore: Hehehee…
FDV: Suddenly, there's a soft rapping at Kanga's front door.
FrontDoor: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!
KangaGenna: Jeese!! Whadduya want ya bum!
FDV: Welcomed by Kanga's happy greeting, Christopher Robin gently opened the door and stepped in.
DanteRobin: (Blows door open with his guns then pokes his head through the smoking hole) Hi kids!
Kanga: (stares in disbelief at the monster entering her front room) Cripes!!
FDV: Around the room the cast members were in various stages of shock, ranging from Roo who was quivering
behind his surrogate mother Kanga, to Pooh who's face seemed to disappear behind two large quivering eyes.
RelenaPiglet: (recovering quickly, the Queen of The World immediately sets out to protect herself)
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!!!
Robin: (covering his ears) Ouch.
Kanga: (swatting Piglet) Stuff it ya swab!
QuatreRoo: (quivering) Who ARE you?
IvanEeyore: Well he's either the IRS-
TrowaOwl: Or a really determined insurance salesman.
Kanga: ...I thought the owl was supposed to be positive.
Owl: …...Maybe he's Christopher Robin.
Kanga: That's better.
HeeroPooh: Cool guns
Piglet: Heero!
Pooh: What?
Robin: (gingerly removing his hands from his ears) Ugh. Is it done screaming?
Kanga: Depends. You gonna replace the door?
Robin: Maybe…is it possessed?
Kanga: …What?!?
FDV: AHEM!!
Robin: Oh yah…one of you guys named Pooh?
Pooh: That'd be me.
Robin: (stepping slowly across the floor, he stops just in front of the bear and looms) I got something for yah.
Pooh: (staring up from his 5'3" tall view) …Okay…
Robin: (rifles around in his pockets for a moment, then pulls papers from a pocket) Here.
Pooh: …An invitation to EcoFest.
Robin: Be there. (swirls around to face the rest of the cast) That goes for all the rest too. (he quickly stomps out
of the house leaving the cast to quiver in his wake)
Meanwhile in other parts of the forest…
FDV: As a result of their earlier skirmish, Tigger and Rabbit have declared war on each other. Being as neither
owns a handgun, they've spent most of the day firing rocks across a field from behind mounds of dirt. As of that
afternoon, the battlefield was just a few yards from Rabbit's house.
Wubbit: (firing several clods at Tigger) TAKE THAT OPPRESSOR!!
DuoTigger: (instantly retaliating) BITE ME BUNNY!!!
Wubbit: AARGH!! (unable to take the siege any longer, Rabbit leaps out from behind his blockade and begins
a desperate charge across the field)
FDV: As both Tigger and Rabbit speed across ground zero to meet in a final struggle, a strange noise stops them
just before they start to batter each other to death.
StrangeNoise: WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK
Wubbit: Huh?
StrangeNoise: WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK WHOCK
Tigger: Whuzzat?
StrangeNoise: WHOCK WHOCK WHACK CRACK CRRREEEEEEEAAAAAKKKK
FDV: Looking upward, both noticed one of the large oaks around the forest moving sideways in a strange
manner. The tree was halfway over when Rabbit realized it was about to land on his energy efficient home.
Rabbit: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Tree: Thump!
Rabbit: ACK!!
Tigger: Uh oh.
FDV: Rabbit was about to descend into a fit of ranting biting frothing rage when two strangely dressed men
pranced over the stump and stood about mid-length of the oak. There they stood and began to sing a little ditty.
MilliardoLogger1: (pouting) I don't have to do this you know.
FDV: Oh please! You have less screen time than anyone, and even less speaking lines! What are you
complaining about?!
Logger1: I know, but did we have to wear suspenders?
FDV: …Just sing the number.
Logger1: Oh fine.
TreizeLogger2: You know, I had a question about billing-
FDV: JUST SING!!!
Loggers: Meep!
FDV: ANYWAY, they began to sing a little ditty.
(accordion music to the tune of London bridge is Falling Down begins to play, and both loggers begin to sway
slightly)
Logger1: We make trees go falling down
Logger2: falling down
Logger1: falling down
Logger2: Then we cart them into town
Loggers: To become paper
FDV: At first the singing men transfixed Rabbit and Tigger, then they realized the gravity of the situation and
ran off to find Christopher Robin, who would surely know what to do.
Meanwhile back at Kanga's house…
FDV: After recovering from the shock of having a 6"+ man blow through her doorway like Squall on a sugar-high,
Kanga decided to send everyone home but Eeyore, who was having a housing problem.
IvanEeyore: What's the point of having a home if the world's just going to end?
GennaKanga: The point is I can't continue housing a pessimistic donkey. You're reflecting on Roo!
QuatreRoo: …Really?
Kanga: Oh please.
Eeyore: All right. If you really can't stand to have me around, I guess I'll just go.
Kanga: Oh hush up ya old fogey and get ta sleep!
RelenaPiglet: It is getting late, I'd probably better go home too. Pooh? (looks around room) Where'd he go?
TrowaOwl: …He split pretty quick after the big guy left.
Piglet: *sigh* Thanks. (begins to trudge out the door)
Eeyore: Dump the bum!
Kanga: Hush up!
Owl: …I gotta go home... Make dinner.
Kanga: Well g'bye then.
Owl: See ya. (flies away)
Kanga: Argh, what a day…(begins to settle back in her overstuffed chair, when suddenly Tigger and Rabbit
burst in her front door) What's dis?
DuoTigger: (breathless) Trees…falling…Zechs an Treize…dancing …umph (collapses)
Wubbit: (glaring disdainfully at the prostrate tigger) As the idiot was trying to say, there are two large hairy
men chopping down trees in the forest and we need Christopher Robin to organize a protest before our
homes become just another parking lot for some super mall.
Kanga: Well ya just missed him. Anything we can do?
Wubbit: Search out the loggers and infiltrate their camp. Maxwell and I will continue on to rendezvous with
the others.
Kanga: Yes sir!
Wubbit: Don't mock me woman. (notices Maxwell is still collapsed on the floor and realizes that he will be
unable to aide in looking for the rest of the cast) Oh good gravy! Will you take care of this lump? I'll call
Yuey to help search.
Kanga: Isn't he kinda hard ta find?
Wubbit: Watch and learn. (cups his hands around his mouth) YUEY!!! THERE'S A MIIISION!!! WE'RE
AT WAAARR!!!!!
HeeroPooh: (pops out of nowhere) War? Where?
Wubbit: Yuey bear boy, I need you to look for Christopher Robin and tell him that Zechs the logger is loose
in the forest and he's teamed up with Trieze. Understand?
Pooh: Mission is to locate Robin and inform him of subversive enemy actions taking place within the perimeter.
Wubbit: Very good.
Pooh: Mission accepted (Disappears in dust cloud)
Kanga: Hmm, no life.
Wubbit: Nope.
QuatreRoo: Is there anything for me?
Wufei: (stares at him thoughtfully) Guard the women. (races off)
Roo: Okay…hey!!
Meanwhile at Owl's house…
FDV: At the tree where Owl lives, the bird is just settling down in his favorite chair to finish a book he'd been
working on for about three days. So near the end, all the clues were beginning to add up in what may have
been the best mystery he'd ever read. Unfortunately, just as he turned to the 673 page of his 685-page novel,
a strange shaking interrupted his reverie.
TrowaOwl: …Hmm?
FDV: Thinking that Pooh was trying to get at the bee's nest near the top of his tree again, Owl reluctantly set
down his book and wandered toward his door. Peering out, he saw one of the most unusual things he'd
ever witnessed.
Owl: …Milliardo and Treize are wearing suspenders. And they're cutting down a tree. With me in it. (blinks, then
draws up head) They're trying to kill me.
FDV: Suddenly, the tree began to tip sideways. Thinking quickly, Owl jumped out of his house just in time to see
the home he'd worked for years on crash down in a cloud of splinters and torn vegetation.
Owl: …Ouch.
MilliardoLogger1: Hey look! An owl!
TreizeLogger2: Is it spotted?
Logger1: I can't tell. It might be.
Logger2: Curses! If Green Peace finds out, we'll be skewered!
Owl: (still mourning the loss of the novel)…You just blew up everything I owned, and you're worried about
Green Peace?
Logger1: Do you think they'll find out if we just…you know…
Logger2: Get rid of it.
Logger1: Yah.
FDV: Realizing that the only way to save their operation is to destroy the evidence, both loggers begin to advance
on Owl in a disturbing and predatory manner.
Owl: Uhh…Guys? You okay?
Logger1: You go for its head; I'll grab the feet.
Logger2: (trips over owls reading lamp making the bird wince) Oh I see, make me grab the part that bites…
Logger1: The feet are twice as dangerous you ninny! THEY'RE GRABBY!!!
Owl: …All this close contact is making me kinda…nervous.
Logger2: But I don't WANT to touch its head, Lord knows where it's been!
Logger1: Oh please! You think feet are any better?
Owl: …Couldya maybe…back off?
Logger2: But I don't WANT to!
Logger1: JUST DO IT YOU MORON!!!
Logger2: Meeples.
Owl: …I don't know what you're doing, but since you don't seem to need me…HEY!!
FDV: Seizing the owl by both head and feet, the two maniacal woodsmen prepare an early death for our heroic
bird via the power of Swiss Army knives. However, just when it seems Barton may never fly through the trees
again, reinforcements magically arrive.
Wubbit: (posing awfully, like he always does) STOP RIGHT THERE!!
Logger1: Huh?
Logger2: My Gawd Wufei! What ARE you doing in that ridiculous costume?
(awkward silence...)
Wubbit: Shut up Treize.
TrowaOwl: I thought I'd never say this…Thank God for Wubbit.
Wubbit: ...You shut up too. Anyway, unhand the Owl you weaklings!
MilliardoLogger1: (cocky once again) Why should we!
TreizeLogger2: Besides, he's so soft…(receives odd looks from most of cast, horrified look from Barton)
Uhh, I mean, how do you think you are going to make us…Wubbit.
Wubbit: (still giving Treize a skeptical stare) I'm glad you asked, oh eternal foe! Because just in case you two
proved belligerent, I brought my friends along!
FDV: On this signal, the entire cast minus those already on screen popped out of the bushes and stood
ready to attack, all armed with various sharp implements of doom.
Logger1: Hah little Wubbit, did you really think we did not come prepared for such an uprising!
FDV: Upon saying thus, both men dropped Owl unceremoniously to the ground and picked up their respective
chainsaws, swinging them around while managing not to cut off each other's limbs.
GennaKanga: Gads, what skill!
QuatreRoo: How could we possibly defeat two wackos with chainsaws?
FDV: Seeing that his army was quickly losing heart at the sight of the two mighty warriors, *snort snort* Wubbit
began to consider the possibility that he might have to face Logger2 in a dual. Just as he was prepared to leap
into the fray however, a small voice piped up from the trees.
SmallVoice: WHASSUP!!!!
FDV: Turning around, they all saw Christopher Robin peering patiently out from under one of the old growth
pines still left around the mostly deciduous vegetation.
DanteRobin: (Leans against the huge tree) Soo…What seems to be the problem here…
Wubbit: These idiots are trying to deprive us of our natural habitat in order to satisfy their own cravings for
wood products and paved land!
Robin: (turns and faces the two loggers while speaking in a baby voice) Is that true?
Logger1: …...(too busy staring at Dante and trying to remember where he's seen him before to answer)
Logger2: Well…umm…I guess so…
FDV: Having heard both sides of the story, Christopher Robin gently asked that the men disable their revving
saws-
Robin: (pulling out twin pistols) Drop'em.
Loggers: Meep! (quickly drop both chainsaws and jump away)
FDV: -so that they could sit down and discuss this in a more appropriate manner.
Robin: Hehehe. (blows chainsaws into tiny pieces with his rapid-fire guns)
FDV: Making sounds like a Wubbit being crushed, Logger2 hid quivering behind Logger1 as Robin stalked toward
them, all the while listing some "terms of forest usage."
Robin: Now here's how I see it. We were here first. Therefore, this land is ours. Got it?
Loggers: (nodding rapidly)
Robin: So you are going to leave. Got it?
Loggers: (start nodding rapidly, then stare at each other a moment before running off into the distance)
Robin: And my work here is done. (twirls his guns once before strolling off the set)
Wubbit: …
GennaKanga: …
HeeroPooh: …
DuoTigger: …ITS TIME TO PAR-TEY!!
FDV: And so, with the industrial threat banished forever, all the forest animals got together at Kanga's house for
some good old organic booze. Once they were past the next day's hangover, they lived happily ever after.
THE END
That was it peeps! Hope you enjoyed, and watch out for next month's installment of "The Cedar Theater"