Sorato: 1. n. The "official" relationship pairing of Yamato and Sora of
Digimon. 2. Adj. A highly disliked thing. 3. N. The aftermath of a drug-
trip late at night while working to a deadline.
"I know it's not too logical, but I'm not logical." -Davis
Beware: This story contains possible offensive content such as yaoi, original characters, geometric shapes, Markie-Mark, mild violence, rape, Jun, big ships, sex, and Sorato. Read at your own risk.
Now enjoy the story already!
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.¤.
Dear Diary,
Hi, girlfriend! Guess who! . You're right! It's me! Mimi! So. We are like, on this big BIG boat going to a bunch of little islands with beaches! Guy will be there! Hot guys! And so will Sora and Yoeli and. and.. Matt, and Tai, and TK, and. Joe! He's coming too! And some of the little ones are coming too. they had a spring break as well. Isn't that so cool? Markie came with me, too. you know, my boyfriend of the week or whatever.. And I think Josie is coming too. but she brought Dana. She's such a downer. =( But. yay! This is going to be sooooo much fun! Well, Markie wants to go for a swim now.. soooo... yay! =)
Mimi
.¤.
The warm sun sprinkles itself down on me, as I lay back serenity. I run a hand through my soft hair, which has taken the same warm radiance of the sun, and place it behind my head. I nudge my head to the side of the lawn chair, trying to ease myself to sleep in the peace and quiet that I haven't experienced in.
"Matt! Matt! Hey, Matt!" So on. I cringe at the voice, letting out a slow, mournful groan.
Then again, I'm sure this could be worse. She could've brought Jun with her. My very own stalker of 4 years.
"What's up?" Josie's voice sounds again. I open one eye to see her pulling a chair next to me. Josie was Jun's best friend, perhaps only friend. They were quite similar, which just about explained the relationship. Both had traits of hyperactivity, outgoingness, and the main quality, an over zealous crush on me. I roll my eyes slightly.
"Well, I was trying to enjoy the sea breeze."
"Oh," she says, silencing herself. I smugly move back to my position on the chair, my reaction being too soon.
"Joise! Joise. Matt!" Jun. Within seconds her thin, yet powerful, arms are wrapped around me in a death lock. It is only time before my air supply is cut off, and I die a slow, painful death; a slow painful death in the hands of a monster.
.¤.
"You know, somebody is going to mistake you two as high schoolers," I say coyly, approaching the three Matt worshipers; Jun, Joise and Matt himself.
"Hey! I'll be graduating this semester, dick!" Jun says defensively, ripping herself off of Matt, and placing her arms on her hips. I smile, my plan following through. I take a seat on the ground at a safe and "friendly" distance from Matt.
"Really? I never would have guessed." Jun glares back at my retaliation. "And it could be an easy misunderstanding ju."
"Wow. Five syllables. You go Tai!" Joise mocked.
"And somebody would mistake you as a sevie," Matt chirped in with a smile to the green haired chick. I smile softly at him, past him through his shoulders. Afraid to make eye contact. If I make eye contact, I risk loosing myself in.
"Come on, Jun. We don't need this," Joise said eyeing me angrily. "Let's go find some tasty sailors."
"Hot sea men? Count me in!" Jun said with a new, cheerful smile as she sprung to her feet. I hold back a snicker to make sure the comments abut my maturity level being in the fifth grade.
"You will be staying here, won't you, Matt?" Jun asked innocently as she headed off down the deck. Matt nods quick and rough, sending Jun and Joise skipping off.
.¤.
"Look at me!" Mimi's screeching wail depletes her image. Except for her fine ass. That's still looking good. Wail or not.
"I'd rather not." I shot a glare behind me. Cynical Dana as always. That bitch is always ruining my schemes, and moments. I snap my head back around to Mimi.
"Lookin' good, Bunny," I say paddling across the chlorifid water, wrapping her small slim frame between my arms. I start to nibble on her neck.
"I'm out of here," Dana mumbles in the background. I smile. Half of the mission is complete.
.¤.
I scanned the deck for some shade. I don't feel the urge to go below the deck and become seasick. Then again, I don't see the urge to stay in the sun and risk looking my inhumanly pale completion, or get skin cancer. How did Joise talk me into this again? Surely couldn't' have been the fun card. There's nothing damn right fun about his boat. Anorexic bitches and hot, shallow men. Yep, I nod. Oh so very fun this is.
As I turn the corner, I see the shade I desire. If we keep in this direction, the shade will be here until, oh. two. Then it will be time to find a new place of salvation. I step down a few stairs and slink against the wall. Pulling out a pocket mirror, I gaze over my face.
.¤.
"I wouldn't expect you to be the type to indulge in such superficial rituals," I state with a warm smile, approaching the girl. She has hair a shade of cobalt black, and eyes a dark brown, almost the same shade of her hair in comparison.
The girl flinches, moving back against the sturdy wood of the boat. Once her heart rate appears to have started to decrease back to the median, she stared me over. Her brown eyes having a cooling effect to them. Quite similar to the effect, on a much smaller scale, of Myotismon. I slowly back away, cautious of the flashbacks of that night so many years
ago..
.¤.
Once the girls disappear from site into the distance, I look over at Tai who is sprawled out on the floor. His bare mocha tanned chest stares back at me. I slam my eyes shut, my eyes. I feel the pressure of the tiny vessels of my eyelids pound furiously. I grind my teeth, taking a few deep breaths. I try to lean back, but my arms are stiff from the tense fear that shrouds my existence in the hot sun. The hot.
"Please put a shirt on." My whisper turns into a quiet whimper through my teeth. My gums start to throb as well.
"Matt, it is way to hot out to."
"Just do it!" I snap, my eyes flinging open. I try to retreat back into the chair, to calm down. It is too late for that, as my heart pounds faster, and my eyes won't let go of his lovely.
"Do you have a problem with my chest or something?"
"I just have a problem with it in my view." I start, my eyes in a half blink. Maybe if the darkness covers my vision I won't feel the urge to.
"Oh. So now you don't like my body, huh?"
"That's not what I said."
"That's exactly what you said!" Tai whines, glaring at me. I watch as his fists clench together tightly.
I stand up from my chair, and crouch down in front of Tai. The sexual energy flowing freely as my mind damns it. Without Tai wearing a shirt, I am forced to slip my hand under his necklace, my hand pressing firm against his soft and moist warm skin. "All I'm saying is that your shirt being off is not helping my damn cover. Now don't make me hit you. Put your shirt on." I furiously demand again in a whisper, not to draw a scene. Yet something pangs inside me telling me the point of no return has just been struck.
"Oh yes. I forgot. Big rock star Mat can't be gay. He has to be the maturational figure of all 12-year-old girls. A 'nobody-loves-me-for-me' affected virus. Give it up man! You want to be straight so bad, yet you're practically on top of me as we speak!" he spits back in my face.
My eyes turn into a sliver, my face taught with the moment. I pull his body closer, my muscles on the verge to pounce or tear. "You take that back."
"Give it up, Matt! Nobody actually believes you're straight!"
I land a hard punch in the side of his jaw. "Take that back bitch!"
"Oh! Look who's talking!" he counteracts my punch with one of his own. I feel the warm, salty blood fill my mouth. The same warm stinging sensation that I felt ever since I first met Tai. A tear starts to gather in my eye, but I dare not blink it. Rather, I grab the boy's shoulders, covering his bright orange star tattoos, and lean forward against him. My additional body weight throws off his balance, his head banging loudly on the floor. Animal instincts bring me over him, my hands gripping his smooth neck. Hormones no longer fill me, rather a raw, unexplainable anger. I grip my hands around his smooth neck, leaning my face next to his.
.¤.
"Newsflash. Most girls are 'superficial', or at least conscious about their appearance.. It helps our already inherit ant low levels of self-esteem," I snap in response to the red head that decided to sneak u behind me. "And anyway, what does it matter to you?" Waiting for a response, I notice he wears a bright pineapple printed shirt that only accentuates his already bright hair, freckles and sunburn. I shake my head, reassured the shade is the best way to go.
.¤.
"You know, I think we were better off with the men we came with, " I say with a slight laugh. I turn to Jose ho shakes her head slightly sending her tangled slinky braids flying, a shimmering aqua reflecting in the sunlight. I sigh slightly, running my hand through my short, stiff and uncontrollable hair. Just my luck to get the bad genes of the family.
"Perhaps, but you only say that because you want Matt more that I do."
"Yeah." I say with a dreamy smile invading my face. I stare off at the blue sea passing by. Rays of light everywhere; Dancing sunshine I long to enjoy with Matt's strong musician arms wrapped around my body. His porcelain skin smoothly brushing against my own tanned skin. His endless blue eyes gazing down at me warmly.
"Do you really think you have a chance with him?" I snap my head towards Joise. For possibly once in her life, her eyes are serious. Almost stern. "I mean, how many years has he rejected you?"
I pout, and give my own stern eye. "He has never rejected me because I have never tried to get him."
"That's what have you been doing for four years?"
"Playing with him. Playing with his mind. My mind. Having fun."
Joise snickered, turning on her heal. "Yeah, right. In your world." She starts to walk down the deck. "You couldn't get Mat if you tried."
I glare at her, ignoring the sun beaming in my eyes so they burn. "Oh yes I can!" My voice prods whiny as I trot off after her, afraid my only friend may now leave me.
.¤.
I wake up immediately hungry. I shove the pillow aside from where my head once laid, and roll out of the bed, clunking on the ground. I stretch lazily, glancing at the small alarm clock. It's after noon. I groan slightly, clutching my empty stomach. After the moment, I stumble my way to my bags, the slow, and steady rocking from the water pushing me off balance.
"Open the door!" A loud set of banging follows the screeching voice. I blink slowly, as I yawn. The racket is abrupt, but not enough to fully wake me up. I walk towards the door, a look through the little door window hole thingies. Yoeli.
.¤.
"I uh." My mouth is dry and feels scratchy as the words uncomfortably stop midway in my throat.
"Don't worry about it," she says with a quick, simple and dismissing smile. Her white teeth drastically contrast with her dark blood colored lips. My heart race starts to quicken, as my eyes won't tear away from her lips. I feel my face go blank, my mouth hanging. I am so naïve to this emotion I feel, and cannot make sense of it. Yet the way it sweeps over me is so. natural. My eyes gaze over and up the female's face, until they reach her own eyes. Her eyes that lay my body in a warm and serene state.
.¤.
"Don't you EVER do that again." Matt's eyes are red with fury rather than their normal shade of docile blue. "I do so much for you! You don't even have the rite to." His fingers cling closer, and closer to my neck and face, pressing my skin in. The pain that most would expect in the situation seems subdued. The will to fight back pushes the pain away. However, no matter how much I deserve to kick his intestines in, I know there is only one tactic that won't hurt anybody to any serious point.
I take my hands, and press them firmly against the sides of Matt's chest, retaliating with a light force as Matt's voice nags anger in my head. Nagging echoes lost in the background of my mind. A droning voice that used to be so attractive. Maybe it still is, but not in the way he uses it. He uses it as a weapon, acting as if he never laid eyes on me, nor did he lay his lips upon mine. His voice even suggests that he never lay beside me after a long night together as one. His nags deny everything we've been through, and everything we are. I long to put that voice to rest.
"But you are a bitch," I snap sternly, only nanoseconds before a wide smile spreads wide across my face. I slip my hands along the sides I hold, to his back. I pull him down towards me so his chest presses against mine. "My bitch."
I shoot my hands along up his strong back to his neck, weaving each of my fingers between tassels of his golden hair. I press his face against my own, his lips locking in perfect place with his. I try not to let my heart get ahead of the actual moment, no matter how much I cry to take in more of Matt. Slipping my guard a little, I slip my tongue through Matt's tight, resisting lips, lapping the roof of his mouth in hopes to ease the situation.
.¤.
Dear Diary
Markie-Mark has such a soft, experienced tongue. He's such a sweet kisser. We paddle to the edge of the pool, his arms securely pinning me to the side so I don't' slip under and like, gag on the water. He's so considerate!
~Mimi
.¤.
"Uh-huh," I say quite dryly as I walk across the deck. Jun's footsteps are clearly audible, like a new puppy chasing its owner around the house. It are times like these I realize why she doesn't have other friends. I turn around on my heel, facing her. "I'm going to see how Dana's holding up. Is that okay with you?"
.¤.
Oh I don't know TK." her petty voice trails off as she stares at her feet. My glance follows hers. I really don't see what's so interesting with pink toenails. Mimi might, but I sure don't.
I drop my arms from around her thin frame. Give it four hours tops and she'll be back all over me. Its always like that. She doubts herself, blames it on me, and then comes running back with her sweet aroma. Yet if that is all it is, why does my heart sink to black depths at another rejection from the girl I supposedly love, and vise versa? I sigh, staring off away from Kari. Staring off where a small crowd seems to have gathered. I cock my head, and contemplate what is happening. Instantly I start to chase the flocks of people.
"Where are you going?"
"Don't' worry. I'll be back, Kari..."
"No you won't! You never do!" I hear her storm off, her wail trailing off into the rushing sea. Background noises as I now persist forward.
.¤.
"Let me in you contemptible fool!" I yell through the door. I wait a few more seconds in silence before slinging my body on the door again. Pangs of pain shoot from the sides of my hands and up through my arms with the continued repetition. I lean against the door, placing my head against the wood. Suddenly, my feet loose their footing and I jolt forward. "Obtuse asshole!" I yell, pushing my shoulders upwards so I lift off of the door.
"Geez, maybe I shouldn't let you in," Davis snaps, his mahogany eyes blinking lazily with clumps of eye mucus in them. I crinkle my nose, letting out a soft,
"Eeeew...."
"Fuck it. I won't let you in anyway," he says closing the door once again. I groan before yelling at him once again.
"Come on! I just want to talk to Ken!"
.¤.
I stand by, my heart in shock as my face is white as a blizzard. I clutch my own hands together, staring at the scene everybody else laughs at. I feel my heart crumble as I look onto the two boys. The two boys I thought I knew. The advocator being the boy I thought I knew better than any other boy, or person, in the world. If I did know him the best, I must be oh so very feeble minded. Naive. Never, never did I even expect that I would find him in this position. That he would be gay, homosexual. A million adjectives that would only make my heart crumble furthermore. I step back from the stares that surround Tai, and run towards my room.
.¤.
The redheaded boy stares past me, something troubling his mind. I sigh, slowly slinking up the cool dark wall. There has to be another wall that casts this same sort of shadow down around the ship. There has to be some other wall away from this weird kid.
With the slight turn of my head, I see Joise approaching slowly. Along her side follows Jun. I groan slightly. Jun and I are day and night to each other. Her immature differences irk me to know end, making us mortal enemies. Even if her think head can't figure that out yet. The boy's attention suddenly snaps back to me, his eyes seeming to smile. I shoot a stern glare, and silently trod toward the two.
"Hey, Dana!" Joise says cheerfully. Her cheerfulness burns my ears like pure honey. I try my best to fake a smile, even if the idea churns my stomach. I'm still holding a grudge on her for dragging me along with her on this dainty little trip of her and the other tramps.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing of any value at least." I stare off into the ocean. The wide ocean that could so easily swallow me into its peaceful waves. Its peaceful waves that... I feel somebody walk into my train up thought behind me. Their aura tampers with my soul. Nothing tampers with my soul. I snap around.
"There has to be something going on," the red head sputters out. His cheeks turn a rosy color, and he attempts to smile. Whatever pigment could have possibly been in my skin diminishes as I step back mortified. That kid has a crush on me. Somebody has a crush on me. Somebody likes me. I blink at the insane proposal, yet all the pieces seem to fit together. I feel my heart turn to ice, and my legs growing stiff. A red head freak likes me, yet for some reason I cannot run from it.
.¤.
I gag on the tongue Tai slipped into my mouth. His grip around my body is strong, confining. With myself in this position, there is no way to break free, push up away from him. As I try to push upwards, my arms only slip, pulling me farther down, closer. Get away! Get away! I curse away in my mind, but only the extensive pounding of my scrunched eyes is sent forth into the darkness. My head grows weak, as my lungs have seemed to collapse with Tai's mouth sucking the life from them. All I can do is groan in discomfort as I feel my muscles growing harder, tenser. Yet all the energy they posses is futile, as I cannot break free. Not with this leech attached to my. Stop. Stop. I try to press him, but cannot. I try to take my mouth away, but it is impossible. Tai's tongue is gagging me. Farther down my throat. My mouth! It is my only defense. I pull my tongue back into my own throat, feeling a dry heave of discomfort. Yet I must torture myself. It's the only way to break free. To break free as I left my teeth collapse down. They crush the firm muscle, making it go limp instantaneously. A warm stream of sodium filled blood seeps across my own tongue now as Tai jerks away. The salinity tastes so good; so natural as I gasp for air. I lap up the remainder of the red from my teeth.
My muscles finally have their release as Tai collapses under me, whimpering like useless road kill. I sit erect on top of him, raising my arm. I let it glide through the air, crashing heavily on the side of Tai's nose. Again I let a fist crash into his face.
"What the fuck was that for?" I snap, shoving my right hand on his neck. I press down, relieving my anger, and impulsively letting pain shoot up my arm through the knuckles.
.¤.
"You're. so. beautiful." I whisper between kisses to Mimi. At this rate, I'll be able to screw her fine looking ass tonight. Hands down, who's the man now? I smile against her face at the thought, moving closer to the wall, pining her secure. Maybe I won't have to wait until tonight after all. I start to slip my hand along her back towards the tie on her pink bikini top. Just like I did when I first met Kathy.
.¤.
"Ken?" I murmur softly in the darkness of the room. I turn around slowly, facing Ken's bunk of the cabin. His soft, gentle face no longer snoozes there. The image of the empty bed pulls the feeling out of my arms, my chest. The way his pale skin had glowed mysteriously in the moonlight was such a lovely memory. The back of my heart wants to see that again; wants to watch Ken's gentle smile as he was off in never-never land. I want to still see his minuscule breaths moving his slender chest up and down rythmaticlly with the song of the night. I sigh solemnly, my lips drawing taught.
It doesn't matter how I feel. Why would it matter how I feel? Why does it matter? I have felt this way for the dark hair boy ever since I saw him, met him, five years ago. It was within those five years I haven't been able to pull together the nerves to mention myself to him, all for the stupid fear of rejection, or the fear of loosing my only friend. Loosing my only true friend for silly feelings I should never feel. I could never risk loosing my best friend over a few little longings of love and affection. I wouldn't dare play with his emotions either. I could never dare to confuse his emotions. All for the best. All for the best, I tell myself. Yet even my heart doubts those petty words. Yet it is all for the best. Best to stay quiet. Best to watch Ken at night secretively. All for the best. Except when the tears come as I watch him at night. He sleeps so soundly while I toss and turn, looking for an arm to place around me to tell me it's all okay. That it was never for the best.
"Davis! What the fuck are you doing?!? Let me in! I'm going to knock this damn door down!"
I glare at the door. "Ken's not even here!" I snap quickly before gazing at the bunk again, or letting my emotions take hold of me. Yet again, a lonely tear rolls down my cheek as I stand in a cold stare at nothing. I grab my chin with my palm, squeezing my lips together tightly, hoping to stop the tears. I slump my shoulders over, and stumble back into my bed. I pull the warm, yet empty, blankets over my iced heart, and cry.
.¤.
The crowd seems to grow as time goes on, everybody on the boat seeming to want to see what is happening. Yet I want to see more. I shove my way towards the core of the people, a pit growing in my stomach as I feel the laughs and taunts chip away at my own bones. "Homo". "Queer". Giggles. My face pulls tight, my eyes turn to slivers. I violently shove somebody from behind, and suddenly the truth my intuition predicted is revealed.
"Damnit, Matt!" I yell, storming up to my brother.
.¤.
My tongue pounds in a steady rhythm, each pulse plummeting through a new threshold of pain. Matt's fingers slowly close my windpipe, my rushed breathing becoming painful as well. My head spins with no end. My hearing starts to grow soft and fuzzy. All I can do now is stare up at Matt. Matt. His face is so alien. It contains more rage than I've ever seen in my life. A tear starts to form in my eye. Part from the pain physically, part from the emotional pain. Slowly my world turns black as I hear a familiar cry in the darkness. TK.
.¤.
Dear Diary,
Why is Markie's hand twisting with my bathing suit? It seems a little weird and stuff, ya know?
~Mims
.¤.
"Yeah, its not THAT boring you know," I say, pulling up beside Izzy. Under normal circumstances, he'd shudder and slink away from me. He doesn't today. I wonder exactly why..
"Whatever," Dana says shooting a glare at me. She steps away slowly, a steel shield lain across her eyes, stopping all emotions from coming in or out.
Josie hits my arm in disapproval, her eyes snarling at me. I'm filled with an inferior, naïve feeling. I sigh apologetically and start to wander across the deck. Alone.
.¤.
I snap my head around to see my little brother glaring at me. Even worse, I see a crowd behind him. All laughing and pointing, at me. All immature, sometimes sheltered, people with no concept of life beyond their own closed minds. I stand up, my face turning to a crimson color. I push some of my hair behind my ear, only to have it spring back into place. "What, TK?" I scowl, trying to seem touch above all these insecurities that make me vulnerable on the inside.
TK stares down at me with his piercing blue eyes. His eyes are so similar to mine, but so different. There is something about them. They possess something more. Innocence? Responsibility? Perhaps, but whatever it is, it sends a cold guilt through my spine, squashing my heart and making my chest heave. I resist the temptation to look back down at Tai, knowing if I shall, I will loose the battle, the battle that Tai needs to learn to loose once in a while.
"What the fuck happened?" TK's eyes narrow down on me, before traveling behind me. "Holy fuck."
.¤.
Mimi grasps my side, pushing away from my skin. Her puny, slinky hands do nothing against me though. I'm too big for that. I prod on, kissing and licking her sweet body down the neck.
"Markie-Mark." she wails quietly; so quietly only I can hear and suspect her resistance. "Markie." I smile with my face against her chest as I free the knot from behind her. An ear-piercing screech pounds my ears. "Mark!"
I quickly back myself away. Everybody knows Mimi doesn't call me Mark. She just doesn't. I scan the area of the pool, which is ghostly vacant. I sigh quietly as I float in the water. I am one lucky bastard. If anybody saw that, or heard that, I'd be. well, in deep shit.
.¤.
"Fuck you." I mutter under my breath, half believing the twerp. I look down the dim hallway. If Ken isn't' here, where the hell is he? I sigh and begin to stroll down the corridor, the flapping of my cheap sandals echoing loudly. Nobody is bellow the deck, or at least below the deck in these parts, at this hour. What was I thinking? Ken clearly must be watching ht midday shows or catching lunch or a tan or something just like all the normal people. I'll just be forced to stalk him. No big deal. Then, if I can't find him, I'll just have to force Izzy to think for me. I don't give a damn about his "vacation" at all at this point.
"Yoeli?" I turn around, an automatic reaction to my name being called. "What are you doing down here?" I smile at Joe; his blue-green hair is long and tattered around his face. His face holds a greenish tint, making his hair.
"I was looking for Ken, but." I shrug. "Have you seen him?"
Joe stares at me, eyes a little glazed and distant. "You mean Ken's on the trip?"
"Yeah." I nod slowly.
"Isn't he a little young though?"
"He's only a year younger than I." Though the truth is Ken is way beyond my years with his mind, experiences, and intellect. one reason I need to find him.
"Yeah, but that makes him a junior, right?"
I nod again; a little clueless on what Joe is getting at. Sure Ken's a junior, a junior in high school. That shouldn't matter. Its vacation. Spring break. His age shouldn't be a discriminating factor in this.
"He needs to be careful." Joe says slowly.
"I'm sure he."
"Whatever," Joe says a little snappy as he heads towards the fresh air above the deck. I sigh, trudging along after him.
"What are you talking about?" I prod, again curious as I chase after him. Joe snaps around, grabbing my shoulder.
"You be careful too. You're so young and naïve."
I stare at Joe, my face growing thin. "Oh, how would you know?" I snap. I pivot in the opposite direction. Izzy has to be around here. I know it. Anyway, why would I be naïve? Why? Is it the fact that I'm still in High School? What makes him think he's so smart anyway?
.¤.
I stare in disbelievemnet at the scene below me, behind Matt. Tai lays lifeless on the ground. Red marks of irritation are painted fiercely across his skin, blue and purple marks already starting to pop out around his neck. His eye lids lay gently over what I can only imagine are rolled back eyes. His complexion is growing whiter by the second, an uncommon sight for his normally tan skin. His tongue lays mangled and limp from the side of his mouth. Blood trails down his eyes, and a collection of the same warm substance pools in his mouth. "Tai?" I manage to say in a small voice. What has my own brother done? How could my own brother have done such a thing to.
I snap my head towards Matt. He stands there blantly embarrassed even though I know his ego is trying to cover his true emotions; emotions of pride and bull-headedness. My emotions are frozen still, as I see a mangled body lay with a lifeless glow on the ground; the hooligan that did this obviously oblivious and calloused to his doings. My own face grows angry with the thought, and I lurch at Mat, grabbing his jaw in my hand. He tries to snap some harsh words at me, but my anger won't let him. "Once, just once in your fuckin' life stop thinking about yourself and take a good damn look at your boyfriend!"
.¤.
"Just be careful." I tell Yoeli, squinting in through the bright glares of my glasses due to the sun. I don't' want to give her any lecture about sex, drugs and all the other topics commonly lectured on, but I do want her, and the others, to stay safe. Its not my fault I feel inclined to look after the others. Perhaps its because I'm the eldest of all of us "Digi-destined"; or maybe that's just who I am.
She doesn't answer, and I sigh, knowing she has walked off already. I hope I didn't turn her in the wrong direction like overprotective parents may do at times. Have I been acting like an overprotective parent? Oh gosh, that would mean I've done more harm than good. I feel my tendency to seasickness coming over me again. I groan uneasily, as I feel light headed in the sunlight. I now I should have stayed home and studied.
I wobble over to a wall where I can at least see ahead of me without blinding myself. Thank the world for awnings! Yet the sight that I can see ahead of me isn't too comforting. A large congregation of people stands huddled together. Worse yet they are mummer. The doctoral instincts my father buried into my head at such a young age take over, and I immediately feel my stomach drop. Somebody is hurt. I grasp the handle of my bag that lies across my shoulders and start across the swaying deck to see if I can do anything until proper authorities are informed, summoned and such. Though the trick will be keeping my physical state of nausea out of this.
.¤.
I gaze as the beautiful female creature that once stood beside me walks into the distance. Her cold eyes melt a certain place within me, yet calm another. Her untamed aura makes my heart race with a profound significance. My jaw hangs open as I gawk at her beauty. Her beauty that diminishes into the distance, maybe to never be seen again.
.¤.
The words hit me like a stone wall, as they play broken in my mind. Once. Me. Fuck. Damn. Boyfriend. Me. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. I feel my face grow red and hot, tears of shame coming towards my eyes. I tried so hard to keep my secret, yet TK has to. Boyfriend.
I watch the rage in TK's eyes, his grip growing dramatically harder. I tense my muscles to knock him away, yet his reaction is quicker than mine. "Go!" He shoves me backwards, my body crashing to the ground. Pain shoots through my joints briefly. How dare he knock me over. I am the older one here! I am supposed to.. I place my arms behind me to push myself up. However, my left hand doesn't press against smooth wood like it should. Rather it pushes against a warm, hairy bump. A leg. My eyes travel towards my hand, to see the leg. Tai's leg. Yet something isn't right. No. I feel my heart rate growing faster as I start to panic. His leg, it doesn't move. It should move, but it doesn't. I jerk my head around, my eyes focusing in on the rest of his body. His.
My lip starts to quiver, my arms shaking madly. No. No. I didn't do this. It. His arms, they don't move either. And his chest, it barely goes up and down. It barely. his face. His once beautiful face is now swollen, covered in blood. All because of me. because of. My hands start to shake more violently, as I collapse down to the floor, the air being pumped out of my chest as I hit the deck, hard. No. No.
Darkness swirls around me, as the only thing left to hear is nothing. I hear nothing as the black clouds covers everybody up in the background, except Tai and me. Tai. I clutch the floor beneath me, pulling myself closer to Tai. I brush my hand across his body. Coldness. Coldness because he is dead? Did I kill him? Or is it coldness of my soul? My dark, hungry soul that. no, his body has always given my soul warmth. Even on the darkest of my days, Tai has been there. He's been there to hold me, tell me it will all be okay. Tai has been there when nobody else would. When nobody else would take me, Tai would. My hand shakes, as I pull myself on top of him, pressing my cheek to his chest. His heart beat. Where is it? All I can hear is the pounding, pounding, within my own ears. All I can feel is my own shaking. I let out a wail. The stagnant agony of my voice pierces my heart further into my body, further out of my body. For the first time in the life that I care to remember I cannot feel Tai. For the first time in my life I am alone. My hands shake more. I never thought they could shake more. I violently thrash my head up, squinting through my water stained, blurred, eyes at Tai's face. The blood continues to pour out from his face. I pull him closer to me, but feel nothing. Darkness. I hug darkness, and feel darkness within. I feel the aura of death. Yet I'm not dead. I wail again, nudging the boy's soft chest with my slippery face. I can't go on alone. Come back Tai. come back. My chest collapses as a final whimper escapes from my mouth before I can no longer move, damning myself if I were to move when the one I love can't.
.¤.Chapter Two.¤.
The day was long. The night will only be longer. Cold, unheeding air fills the night. No. It's not cold. Never could it be as demoniac or empty as I. For even if hail were to pelt down from the burning stars, it would never do the damage I have done.
I had nearly killed Tai. When Joe and the ship's doctors got to him, he had already started to slowly slip away from life. He had lost blood. A lot. He had started to suffocate on this blood. The blood I had made flow in his mouth. Chocking. I never heard the chocking, but he did. Then, he fell into out of consciousness. With his mind in my darkness and his sweet blood still spilling unto the wooden deck, his heart, his loving, giving heart, had started to beat to inhuman levels. All caused by my inhuman hands. My inhuman hands controlled by my brain, that is unexplainably in..
My head starts to spin in circles again. Sharp pains underneath my skull. Around. Around. Blackness shrouds my eyes once again. I cannot escape the spinning. The pounding above my eyelids. My hands begin to shake. It must be normal for them to shake, and shake until they an incessant, jittering numbness explodes in all my limps. My stomach topples over, and then backs into itself. The walls burn with the acid, and pain from squeezing together. I try to fling my arms to my stomach. Make it stop. Make it stop. Yet my hands are too heavy, yet feel lighter than a feather. Lighter than dust, and still they do not, cannot move. They weight me down, slumping my shoulders out into the night. My world is darker than the night, swirling, swirling. Splashes of red gush through my dark brain, scrapping each fold of tissue. Taking with them nerve endings. Ripping those nerve endings in two, tree. Shred. Shred. Like a blender. I try to squeeze my eyes tighter, yet I can't. They too have become lead; burning, flaming lead. Lead that cools suddenly, a shade of puce speckling itself into the dark glob. A puce so revolting y stomach once again reacts, jumping up, hitting my organs. Only to reach out in panic again. Goosebumps ripple up my back in a chain reaction until they cover my whole body, head to toes.
I collapse to the floor, gripping the edge of the ship by the railing, with hands no longer deft. Below me, far, far, below lays an ocean. I can feel it though the darkness I can see the waves of crimson splashing, crashing up against the side. My head. My chest starts to heave. My stomach releases nothing. Nothing. My soul contains nothing. What more can nothing lead to? I lean over a cold, hard rail, heaving into the thin air. My lungs trying to give up on me, my stomach too. Why? Why? Moaning in my mind as a world crackles, my mind sheers. I'm a failure. Simple. Complete. The crashing waves that continue the press towards me sing it. The shredded nerves of my brain sing it. The lead of my existence sings it, with the bass pounding louder. louder. stop. stop.
.¤.
After those few years of denying Harry Potter, I started to read the book. Lemme just say that after the first 2 chapters (which I stopped reading over a year ago) the book got interesting!
The third one is the best. I have to go buy it after payday... it's out in paperback now, and since I saw the movie, I feel like reading all four of them again. lol. Quick, someone lock Carrie away...
But I did find my stick.
That's good to know. ;-)
Just as a quick comment, I was scaref for life as a child when they made my favorite book series into a crack-brained TV series that showed only 4 episodes before being cancled.
I know there's books that they've done that to me with. Little Women comes to mind... I still have yet to see a decent adaption of that. There were others... um... let me think here. It was something I had read, but my parents hadn't... which is... well... pretty much anything. My parents don't read.
The Johnny Tremain Disney movie - that was no good.
Same goes for a TV version of Across Five Aprils I saw several years ago. ::shakes head:: I think that may have been the book I was thinking of.
Harry Potter, however... it was pretty good. They cut some of my favorite lines from the book, and the plot wasn't quite as involved, but asides from that, it was pretty darn good. Heck, I'd go see it again. I think I'm going to have to make my parents go see it... just to see what someone who hasn't read the book would think. Although my father saw the previews on Rosie O Donnell and announced he thought the special effects were dumb.
Lonesome Dove, however... now that was an excellent movie adaption. Made for TV movie adaption... whatever...
DUDE, I tried to special order the soundtrack - and they don't distribute it anymore! That SUCKS! I need that soundtrack! My life will not be complete without that soundtrack! ::frowns:: Okay, whatever...
I wonder if I could find the exact track listing somewhere and download mp3's... I know the mp3's are out there... I found the Finale...
Ah, a project for Carrie... because I have one hour. I will MAKE myself be in bed by eleven.
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"I know it's not too logical, but I'm not logical." -Davis
Beware: This story contains possible offensive content such as yaoi, original characters, geometric shapes, Markie-Mark, mild violence, rape, Jun, big ships, sex, and Sorato. Read at your own risk.
Now enjoy the story already!
.
.¤.
Dear Diary,
Hi, girlfriend! Guess who! . You're right! It's me! Mimi! So. We are like, on this big BIG boat going to a bunch of little islands with beaches! Guy will be there! Hot guys! And so will Sora and Yoeli and. and.. Matt, and Tai, and TK, and. Joe! He's coming too! And some of the little ones are coming too. they had a spring break as well. Isn't that so cool? Markie came with me, too. you know, my boyfriend of the week or whatever.. And I think Josie is coming too. but she brought Dana. She's such a downer. =( But. yay! This is going to be sooooo much fun! Well, Markie wants to go for a swim now.. soooo... yay! =)
Mimi
.¤.
The warm sun sprinkles itself down on me, as I lay back serenity. I run a hand through my soft hair, which has taken the same warm radiance of the sun, and place it behind my head. I nudge my head to the side of the lawn chair, trying to ease myself to sleep in the peace and quiet that I haven't experienced in.
"Matt! Matt! Hey, Matt!" So on. I cringe at the voice, letting out a slow, mournful groan.
Then again, I'm sure this could be worse. She could've brought Jun with her. My very own stalker of 4 years.
"What's up?" Josie's voice sounds again. I open one eye to see her pulling a chair next to me. Josie was Jun's best friend, perhaps only friend. They were quite similar, which just about explained the relationship. Both had traits of hyperactivity, outgoingness, and the main quality, an over zealous crush on me. I roll my eyes slightly.
"Well, I was trying to enjoy the sea breeze."
"Oh," she says, silencing herself. I smugly move back to my position on the chair, my reaction being too soon.
"Joise! Joise. Matt!" Jun. Within seconds her thin, yet powerful, arms are wrapped around me in a death lock. It is only time before my air supply is cut off, and I die a slow, painful death; a slow painful death in the hands of a monster.
.¤.
"You know, somebody is going to mistake you two as high schoolers," I say coyly, approaching the three Matt worshipers; Jun, Joise and Matt himself.
"Hey! I'll be graduating this semester, dick!" Jun says defensively, ripping herself off of Matt, and placing her arms on her hips. I smile, my plan following through. I take a seat on the ground at a safe and "friendly" distance from Matt.
"Really? I never would have guessed." Jun glares back at my retaliation. "And it could be an easy misunderstanding ju."
"Wow. Five syllables. You go Tai!" Joise mocked.
"And somebody would mistake you as a sevie," Matt chirped in with a smile to the green haired chick. I smile softly at him, past him through his shoulders. Afraid to make eye contact. If I make eye contact, I risk loosing myself in.
"Come on, Jun. We don't need this," Joise said eyeing me angrily. "Let's go find some tasty sailors."
"Hot sea men? Count me in!" Jun said with a new, cheerful smile as she sprung to her feet. I hold back a snicker to make sure the comments abut my maturity level being in the fifth grade.
"You will be staying here, won't you, Matt?" Jun asked innocently as she headed off down the deck. Matt nods quick and rough, sending Jun and Joise skipping off.
.¤.
"Look at me!" Mimi's screeching wail depletes her image. Except for her fine ass. That's still looking good. Wail or not.
"I'd rather not." I shot a glare behind me. Cynical Dana as always. That bitch is always ruining my schemes, and moments. I snap my head back around to Mimi.
"Lookin' good, Bunny," I say paddling across the chlorifid water, wrapping her small slim frame between my arms. I start to nibble on her neck.
"I'm out of here," Dana mumbles in the background. I smile. Half of the mission is complete.
.¤.
I scanned the deck for some shade. I don't feel the urge to go below the deck and become seasick. Then again, I don't see the urge to stay in the sun and risk looking my inhumanly pale completion, or get skin cancer. How did Joise talk me into this again? Surely couldn't' have been the fun card. There's nothing damn right fun about his boat. Anorexic bitches and hot, shallow men. Yep, I nod. Oh so very fun this is.
As I turn the corner, I see the shade I desire. If we keep in this direction, the shade will be here until, oh. two. Then it will be time to find a new place of salvation. I step down a few stairs and slink against the wall. Pulling out a pocket mirror, I gaze over my face.
.¤.
"I wouldn't expect you to be the type to indulge in such superficial rituals," I state with a warm smile, approaching the girl. She has hair a shade of cobalt black, and eyes a dark brown, almost the same shade of her hair in comparison.
The girl flinches, moving back against the sturdy wood of the boat. Once her heart rate appears to have started to decrease back to the median, she stared me over. Her brown eyes having a cooling effect to them. Quite similar to the effect, on a much smaller scale, of Myotismon. I slowly back away, cautious of the flashbacks of that night so many years
ago..
.¤.
Once the girls disappear from site into the distance, I look over at Tai who is sprawled out on the floor. His bare mocha tanned chest stares back at me. I slam my eyes shut, my eyes. I feel the pressure of the tiny vessels of my eyelids pound furiously. I grind my teeth, taking a few deep breaths. I try to lean back, but my arms are stiff from the tense fear that shrouds my existence in the hot sun. The hot.
"Please put a shirt on." My whisper turns into a quiet whimper through my teeth. My gums start to throb as well.
"Matt, it is way to hot out to."
"Just do it!" I snap, my eyes flinging open. I try to retreat back into the chair, to calm down. It is too late for that, as my heart pounds faster, and my eyes won't let go of his lovely.
"Do you have a problem with my chest or something?"
"I just have a problem with it in my view." I start, my eyes in a half blink. Maybe if the darkness covers my vision I won't feel the urge to.
"Oh. So now you don't like my body, huh?"
"That's not what I said."
"That's exactly what you said!" Tai whines, glaring at me. I watch as his fists clench together tightly.
I stand up from my chair, and crouch down in front of Tai. The sexual energy flowing freely as my mind damns it. Without Tai wearing a shirt, I am forced to slip my hand under his necklace, my hand pressing firm against his soft and moist warm skin. "All I'm saying is that your shirt being off is not helping my damn cover. Now don't make me hit you. Put your shirt on." I furiously demand again in a whisper, not to draw a scene. Yet something pangs inside me telling me the point of no return has just been struck.
"Oh yes. I forgot. Big rock star Mat can't be gay. He has to be the maturational figure of all 12-year-old girls. A 'nobody-loves-me-for-me' affected virus. Give it up man! You want to be straight so bad, yet you're practically on top of me as we speak!" he spits back in my face.
My eyes turn into a sliver, my face taught with the moment. I pull his body closer, my muscles on the verge to pounce or tear. "You take that back."
"Give it up, Matt! Nobody actually believes you're straight!"
I land a hard punch in the side of his jaw. "Take that back bitch!"
"Oh! Look who's talking!" he counteracts my punch with one of his own. I feel the warm, salty blood fill my mouth. The same warm stinging sensation that I felt ever since I first met Tai. A tear starts to gather in my eye, but I dare not blink it. Rather, I grab the boy's shoulders, covering his bright orange star tattoos, and lean forward against him. My additional body weight throws off his balance, his head banging loudly on the floor. Animal instincts bring me over him, my hands gripping his smooth neck. Hormones no longer fill me, rather a raw, unexplainable anger. I grip my hands around his smooth neck, leaning my face next to his.
.¤.
"Newsflash. Most girls are 'superficial', or at least conscious about their appearance.. It helps our already inherit ant low levels of self-esteem," I snap in response to the red head that decided to sneak u behind me. "And anyway, what does it matter to you?" Waiting for a response, I notice he wears a bright pineapple printed shirt that only accentuates his already bright hair, freckles and sunburn. I shake my head, reassured the shade is the best way to go.
.¤.
"You know, I think we were better off with the men we came with, " I say with a slight laugh. I turn to Jose ho shakes her head slightly sending her tangled slinky braids flying, a shimmering aqua reflecting in the sunlight. I sigh slightly, running my hand through my short, stiff and uncontrollable hair. Just my luck to get the bad genes of the family.
"Perhaps, but you only say that because you want Matt more that I do."
"Yeah." I say with a dreamy smile invading my face. I stare off at the blue sea passing by. Rays of light everywhere; Dancing sunshine I long to enjoy with Matt's strong musician arms wrapped around my body. His porcelain skin smoothly brushing against my own tanned skin. His endless blue eyes gazing down at me warmly.
"Do you really think you have a chance with him?" I snap my head towards Joise. For possibly once in her life, her eyes are serious. Almost stern. "I mean, how many years has he rejected you?"
I pout, and give my own stern eye. "He has never rejected me because I have never tried to get him."
"That's what have you been doing for four years?"
"Playing with him. Playing with his mind. My mind. Having fun."
Joise snickered, turning on her heal. "Yeah, right. In your world." She starts to walk down the deck. "You couldn't get Mat if you tried."
I glare at her, ignoring the sun beaming in my eyes so they burn. "Oh yes I can!" My voice prods whiny as I trot off after her, afraid my only friend may now leave me.
.¤.
I wake up immediately hungry. I shove the pillow aside from where my head once laid, and roll out of the bed, clunking on the ground. I stretch lazily, glancing at the small alarm clock. It's after noon. I groan slightly, clutching my empty stomach. After the moment, I stumble my way to my bags, the slow, and steady rocking from the water pushing me off balance.
"Open the door!" A loud set of banging follows the screeching voice. I blink slowly, as I yawn. The racket is abrupt, but not enough to fully wake me up. I walk towards the door, a look through the little door window hole thingies. Yoeli.
.¤.
"I uh." My mouth is dry and feels scratchy as the words uncomfortably stop midway in my throat.
"Don't worry about it," she says with a quick, simple and dismissing smile. Her white teeth drastically contrast with her dark blood colored lips. My heart race starts to quicken, as my eyes won't tear away from her lips. I feel my face go blank, my mouth hanging. I am so naïve to this emotion I feel, and cannot make sense of it. Yet the way it sweeps over me is so. natural. My eyes gaze over and up the female's face, until they reach her own eyes. Her eyes that lay my body in a warm and serene state.
.¤.
"Don't you EVER do that again." Matt's eyes are red with fury rather than their normal shade of docile blue. "I do so much for you! You don't even have the rite to." His fingers cling closer, and closer to my neck and face, pressing my skin in. The pain that most would expect in the situation seems subdued. The will to fight back pushes the pain away. However, no matter how much I deserve to kick his intestines in, I know there is only one tactic that won't hurt anybody to any serious point.
I take my hands, and press them firmly against the sides of Matt's chest, retaliating with a light force as Matt's voice nags anger in my head. Nagging echoes lost in the background of my mind. A droning voice that used to be so attractive. Maybe it still is, but not in the way he uses it. He uses it as a weapon, acting as if he never laid eyes on me, nor did he lay his lips upon mine. His voice even suggests that he never lay beside me after a long night together as one. His nags deny everything we've been through, and everything we are. I long to put that voice to rest.
"But you are a bitch," I snap sternly, only nanoseconds before a wide smile spreads wide across my face. I slip my hands along the sides I hold, to his back. I pull him down towards me so his chest presses against mine. "My bitch."
I shoot my hands along up his strong back to his neck, weaving each of my fingers between tassels of his golden hair. I press his face against my own, his lips locking in perfect place with his. I try not to let my heart get ahead of the actual moment, no matter how much I cry to take in more of Matt. Slipping my guard a little, I slip my tongue through Matt's tight, resisting lips, lapping the roof of his mouth in hopes to ease the situation.
.¤.
Dear Diary
Markie-Mark has such a soft, experienced tongue. He's such a sweet kisser. We paddle to the edge of the pool, his arms securely pinning me to the side so I don't' slip under and like, gag on the water. He's so considerate!
~Mimi
.¤.
"Uh-huh," I say quite dryly as I walk across the deck. Jun's footsteps are clearly audible, like a new puppy chasing its owner around the house. It are times like these I realize why she doesn't have other friends. I turn around on my heel, facing her. "I'm going to see how Dana's holding up. Is that okay with you?"
.¤.
Oh I don't know TK." her petty voice trails off as she stares at her feet. My glance follows hers. I really don't see what's so interesting with pink toenails. Mimi might, but I sure don't.
I drop my arms from around her thin frame. Give it four hours tops and she'll be back all over me. Its always like that. She doubts herself, blames it on me, and then comes running back with her sweet aroma. Yet if that is all it is, why does my heart sink to black depths at another rejection from the girl I supposedly love, and vise versa? I sigh, staring off away from Kari. Staring off where a small crowd seems to have gathered. I cock my head, and contemplate what is happening. Instantly I start to chase the flocks of people.
"Where are you going?"
"Don't' worry. I'll be back, Kari..."
"No you won't! You never do!" I hear her storm off, her wail trailing off into the rushing sea. Background noises as I now persist forward.
.¤.
"Let me in you contemptible fool!" I yell through the door. I wait a few more seconds in silence before slinging my body on the door again. Pangs of pain shoot from the sides of my hands and up through my arms with the continued repetition. I lean against the door, placing my head against the wood. Suddenly, my feet loose their footing and I jolt forward. "Obtuse asshole!" I yell, pushing my shoulders upwards so I lift off of the door.
"Geez, maybe I shouldn't let you in," Davis snaps, his mahogany eyes blinking lazily with clumps of eye mucus in them. I crinkle my nose, letting out a soft,
"Eeeew...."
"Fuck it. I won't let you in anyway," he says closing the door once again. I groan before yelling at him once again.
"Come on! I just want to talk to Ken!"
.¤.
I stand by, my heart in shock as my face is white as a blizzard. I clutch my own hands together, staring at the scene everybody else laughs at. I feel my heart crumble as I look onto the two boys. The two boys I thought I knew. The advocator being the boy I thought I knew better than any other boy, or person, in the world. If I did know him the best, I must be oh so very feeble minded. Naive. Never, never did I even expect that I would find him in this position. That he would be gay, homosexual. A million adjectives that would only make my heart crumble furthermore. I step back from the stares that surround Tai, and run towards my room.
.¤.
The redheaded boy stares past me, something troubling his mind. I sigh, slowly slinking up the cool dark wall. There has to be another wall that casts this same sort of shadow down around the ship. There has to be some other wall away from this weird kid.
With the slight turn of my head, I see Joise approaching slowly. Along her side follows Jun. I groan slightly. Jun and I are day and night to each other. Her immature differences irk me to know end, making us mortal enemies. Even if her think head can't figure that out yet. The boy's attention suddenly snaps back to me, his eyes seeming to smile. I shoot a stern glare, and silently trod toward the two.
"Hey, Dana!" Joise says cheerfully. Her cheerfulness burns my ears like pure honey. I try my best to fake a smile, even if the idea churns my stomach. I'm still holding a grudge on her for dragging me along with her on this dainty little trip of her and the other tramps.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing of any value at least." I stare off into the ocean. The wide ocean that could so easily swallow me into its peaceful waves. Its peaceful waves that... I feel somebody walk into my train up thought behind me. Their aura tampers with my soul. Nothing tampers with my soul. I snap around.
"There has to be something going on," the red head sputters out. His cheeks turn a rosy color, and he attempts to smile. Whatever pigment could have possibly been in my skin diminishes as I step back mortified. That kid has a crush on me. Somebody has a crush on me. Somebody likes me. I blink at the insane proposal, yet all the pieces seem to fit together. I feel my heart turn to ice, and my legs growing stiff. A red head freak likes me, yet for some reason I cannot run from it.
.¤.
I gag on the tongue Tai slipped into my mouth. His grip around my body is strong, confining. With myself in this position, there is no way to break free, push up away from him. As I try to push upwards, my arms only slip, pulling me farther down, closer. Get away! Get away! I curse away in my mind, but only the extensive pounding of my scrunched eyes is sent forth into the darkness. My head grows weak, as my lungs have seemed to collapse with Tai's mouth sucking the life from them. All I can do is groan in discomfort as I feel my muscles growing harder, tenser. Yet all the energy they posses is futile, as I cannot break free. Not with this leech attached to my. Stop. Stop. I try to press him, but cannot. I try to take my mouth away, but it is impossible. Tai's tongue is gagging me. Farther down my throat. My mouth! It is my only defense. I pull my tongue back into my own throat, feeling a dry heave of discomfort. Yet I must torture myself. It's the only way to break free. To break free as I left my teeth collapse down. They crush the firm muscle, making it go limp instantaneously. A warm stream of sodium filled blood seeps across my own tongue now as Tai jerks away. The salinity tastes so good; so natural as I gasp for air. I lap up the remainder of the red from my teeth.
My muscles finally have their release as Tai collapses under me, whimpering like useless road kill. I sit erect on top of him, raising my arm. I let it glide through the air, crashing heavily on the side of Tai's nose. Again I let a fist crash into his face.
"What the fuck was that for?" I snap, shoving my right hand on his neck. I press down, relieving my anger, and impulsively letting pain shoot up my arm through the knuckles.
.¤.
"You're. so. beautiful." I whisper between kisses to Mimi. At this rate, I'll be able to screw her fine looking ass tonight. Hands down, who's the man now? I smile against her face at the thought, moving closer to the wall, pining her secure. Maybe I won't have to wait until tonight after all. I start to slip my hand along her back towards the tie on her pink bikini top. Just like I did when I first met Kathy.
.¤.
"Ken?" I murmur softly in the darkness of the room. I turn around slowly, facing Ken's bunk of the cabin. His soft, gentle face no longer snoozes there. The image of the empty bed pulls the feeling out of my arms, my chest. The way his pale skin had glowed mysteriously in the moonlight was such a lovely memory. The back of my heart wants to see that again; wants to watch Ken's gentle smile as he was off in never-never land. I want to still see his minuscule breaths moving his slender chest up and down rythmaticlly with the song of the night. I sigh solemnly, my lips drawing taught.
It doesn't matter how I feel. Why would it matter how I feel? Why does it matter? I have felt this way for the dark hair boy ever since I saw him, met him, five years ago. It was within those five years I haven't been able to pull together the nerves to mention myself to him, all for the stupid fear of rejection, or the fear of loosing my only friend. Loosing my only true friend for silly feelings I should never feel. I could never risk loosing my best friend over a few little longings of love and affection. I wouldn't dare play with his emotions either. I could never dare to confuse his emotions. All for the best. All for the best, I tell myself. Yet even my heart doubts those petty words. Yet it is all for the best. Best to stay quiet. Best to watch Ken at night secretively. All for the best. Except when the tears come as I watch him at night. He sleeps so soundly while I toss and turn, looking for an arm to place around me to tell me it's all okay. That it was never for the best.
"Davis! What the fuck are you doing?!? Let me in! I'm going to knock this damn door down!"
I glare at the door. "Ken's not even here!" I snap quickly before gazing at the bunk again, or letting my emotions take hold of me. Yet again, a lonely tear rolls down my cheek as I stand in a cold stare at nothing. I grab my chin with my palm, squeezing my lips together tightly, hoping to stop the tears. I slump my shoulders over, and stumble back into my bed. I pull the warm, yet empty, blankets over my iced heart, and cry.
.¤.
The crowd seems to grow as time goes on, everybody on the boat seeming to want to see what is happening. Yet I want to see more. I shove my way towards the core of the people, a pit growing in my stomach as I feel the laughs and taunts chip away at my own bones. "Homo". "Queer". Giggles. My face pulls tight, my eyes turn to slivers. I violently shove somebody from behind, and suddenly the truth my intuition predicted is revealed.
"Damnit, Matt!" I yell, storming up to my brother.
.¤.
My tongue pounds in a steady rhythm, each pulse plummeting through a new threshold of pain. Matt's fingers slowly close my windpipe, my rushed breathing becoming painful as well. My head spins with no end. My hearing starts to grow soft and fuzzy. All I can do now is stare up at Matt. Matt. His face is so alien. It contains more rage than I've ever seen in my life. A tear starts to form in my eye. Part from the pain physically, part from the emotional pain. Slowly my world turns black as I hear a familiar cry in the darkness. TK.
.¤.
Dear Diary,
Why is Markie's hand twisting with my bathing suit? It seems a little weird and stuff, ya know?
~Mims
.¤.
"Yeah, its not THAT boring you know," I say, pulling up beside Izzy. Under normal circumstances, he'd shudder and slink away from me. He doesn't today. I wonder exactly why..
"Whatever," Dana says shooting a glare at me. She steps away slowly, a steel shield lain across her eyes, stopping all emotions from coming in or out.
Josie hits my arm in disapproval, her eyes snarling at me. I'm filled with an inferior, naïve feeling. I sigh apologetically and start to wander across the deck. Alone.
.¤.
I snap my head around to see my little brother glaring at me. Even worse, I see a crowd behind him. All laughing and pointing, at me. All immature, sometimes sheltered, people with no concept of life beyond their own closed minds. I stand up, my face turning to a crimson color. I push some of my hair behind my ear, only to have it spring back into place. "What, TK?" I scowl, trying to seem touch above all these insecurities that make me vulnerable on the inside.
TK stares down at me with his piercing blue eyes. His eyes are so similar to mine, but so different. There is something about them. They possess something more. Innocence? Responsibility? Perhaps, but whatever it is, it sends a cold guilt through my spine, squashing my heart and making my chest heave. I resist the temptation to look back down at Tai, knowing if I shall, I will loose the battle, the battle that Tai needs to learn to loose once in a while.
"What the fuck happened?" TK's eyes narrow down on me, before traveling behind me. "Holy fuck."
.¤.
Mimi grasps my side, pushing away from my skin. Her puny, slinky hands do nothing against me though. I'm too big for that. I prod on, kissing and licking her sweet body down the neck.
"Markie-Mark." she wails quietly; so quietly only I can hear and suspect her resistance. "Markie." I smile with my face against her chest as I free the knot from behind her. An ear-piercing screech pounds my ears. "Mark!"
I quickly back myself away. Everybody knows Mimi doesn't call me Mark. She just doesn't. I scan the area of the pool, which is ghostly vacant. I sigh quietly as I float in the water. I am one lucky bastard. If anybody saw that, or heard that, I'd be. well, in deep shit.
.¤.
"Fuck you." I mutter under my breath, half believing the twerp. I look down the dim hallway. If Ken isn't' here, where the hell is he? I sigh and begin to stroll down the corridor, the flapping of my cheap sandals echoing loudly. Nobody is bellow the deck, or at least below the deck in these parts, at this hour. What was I thinking? Ken clearly must be watching ht midday shows or catching lunch or a tan or something just like all the normal people. I'll just be forced to stalk him. No big deal. Then, if I can't find him, I'll just have to force Izzy to think for me. I don't give a damn about his "vacation" at all at this point.
"Yoeli?" I turn around, an automatic reaction to my name being called. "What are you doing down here?" I smile at Joe; his blue-green hair is long and tattered around his face. His face holds a greenish tint, making his hair.
"I was looking for Ken, but." I shrug. "Have you seen him?"
Joe stares at me, eyes a little glazed and distant. "You mean Ken's on the trip?"
"Yeah." I nod slowly.
"Isn't he a little young though?"
"He's only a year younger than I." Though the truth is Ken is way beyond my years with his mind, experiences, and intellect. one reason I need to find him.
"Yeah, but that makes him a junior, right?"
I nod again; a little clueless on what Joe is getting at. Sure Ken's a junior, a junior in high school. That shouldn't matter. Its vacation. Spring break. His age shouldn't be a discriminating factor in this.
"He needs to be careful." Joe says slowly.
"I'm sure he."
"Whatever," Joe says a little snappy as he heads towards the fresh air above the deck. I sigh, trudging along after him.
"What are you talking about?" I prod, again curious as I chase after him. Joe snaps around, grabbing my shoulder.
"You be careful too. You're so young and naïve."
I stare at Joe, my face growing thin. "Oh, how would you know?" I snap. I pivot in the opposite direction. Izzy has to be around here. I know it. Anyway, why would I be naïve? Why? Is it the fact that I'm still in High School? What makes him think he's so smart anyway?
.¤.
I stare in disbelievemnet at the scene below me, behind Matt. Tai lays lifeless on the ground. Red marks of irritation are painted fiercely across his skin, blue and purple marks already starting to pop out around his neck. His eye lids lay gently over what I can only imagine are rolled back eyes. His complexion is growing whiter by the second, an uncommon sight for his normally tan skin. His tongue lays mangled and limp from the side of his mouth. Blood trails down his eyes, and a collection of the same warm substance pools in his mouth. "Tai?" I manage to say in a small voice. What has my own brother done? How could my own brother have done such a thing to.
I snap my head towards Matt. He stands there blantly embarrassed even though I know his ego is trying to cover his true emotions; emotions of pride and bull-headedness. My emotions are frozen still, as I see a mangled body lay with a lifeless glow on the ground; the hooligan that did this obviously oblivious and calloused to his doings. My own face grows angry with the thought, and I lurch at Mat, grabbing his jaw in my hand. He tries to snap some harsh words at me, but my anger won't let him. "Once, just once in your fuckin' life stop thinking about yourself and take a good damn look at your boyfriend!"
.¤.
"Just be careful." I tell Yoeli, squinting in through the bright glares of my glasses due to the sun. I don't' want to give her any lecture about sex, drugs and all the other topics commonly lectured on, but I do want her, and the others, to stay safe. Its not my fault I feel inclined to look after the others. Perhaps its because I'm the eldest of all of us "Digi-destined"; or maybe that's just who I am.
She doesn't answer, and I sigh, knowing she has walked off already. I hope I didn't turn her in the wrong direction like overprotective parents may do at times. Have I been acting like an overprotective parent? Oh gosh, that would mean I've done more harm than good. I feel my tendency to seasickness coming over me again. I groan uneasily, as I feel light headed in the sunlight. I now I should have stayed home and studied.
I wobble over to a wall where I can at least see ahead of me without blinding myself. Thank the world for awnings! Yet the sight that I can see ahead of me isn't too comforting. A large congregation of people stands huddled together. Worse yet they are mummer. The doctoral instincts my father buried into my head at such a young age take over, and I immediately feel my stomach drop. Somebody is hurt. I grasp the handle of my bag that lies across my shoulders and start across the swaying deck to see if I can do anything until proper authorities are informed, summoned and such. Though the trick will be keeping my physical state of nausea out of this.
.¤.
I gaze as the beautiful female creature that once stood beside me walks into the distance. Her cold eyes melt a certain place within me, yet calm another. Her untamed aura makes my heart race with a profound significance. My jaw hangs open as I gawk at her beauty. Her beauty that diminishes into the distance, maybe to never be seen again.
.¤.
The words hit me like a stone wall, as they play broken in my mind. Once. Me. Fuck. Damn. Boyfriend. Me. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. I feel my face grow red and hot, tears of shame coming towards my eyes. I tried so hard to keep my secret, yet TK has to. Boyfriend.
I watch the rage in TK's eyes, his grip growing dramatically harder. I tense my muscles to knock him away, yet his reaction is quicker than mine. "Go!" He shoves me backwards, my body crashing to the ground. Pain shoots through my joints briefly. How dare he knock me over. I am the older one here! I am supposed to.. I place my arms behind me to push myself up. However, my left hand doesn't press against smooth wood like it should. Rather it pushes against a warm, hairy bump. A leg. My eyes travel towards my hand, to see the leg. Tai's leg. Yet something isn't right. No. I feel my heart rate growing faster as I start to panic. His leg, it doesn't move. It should move, but it doesn't. I jerk my head around, my eyes focusing in on the rest of his body. His.
My lip starts to quiver, my arms shaking madly. No. No. I didn't do this. It. His arms, they don't move either. And his chest, it barely goes up and down. It barely. his face. His once beautiful face is now swollen, covered in blood. All because of me. because of. My hands start to shake more violently, as I collapse down to the floor, the air being pumped out of my chest as I hit the deck, hard. No. No.
Darkness swirls around me, as the only thing left to hear is nothing. I hear nothing as the black clouds covers everybody up in the background, except Tai and me. Tai. I clutch the floor beneath me, pulling myself closer to Tai. I brush my hand across his body. Coldness. Coldness because he is dead? Did I kill him? Or is it coldness of my soul? My dark, hungry soul that. no, his body has always given my soul warmth. Even on the darkest of my days, Tai has been there. He's been there to hold me, tell me it will all be okay. Tai has been there when nobody else would. When nobody else would take me, Tai would. My hand shakes, as I pull myself on top of him, pressing my cheek to his chest. His heart beat. Where is it? All I can hear is the pounding, pounding, within my own ears. All I can feel is my own shaking. I let out a wail. The stagnant agony of my voice pierces my heart further into my body, further out of my body. For the first time in the life that I care to remember I cannot feel Tai. For the first time in my life I am alone. My hands shake more. I never thought they could shake more. I violently thrash my head up, squinting through my water stained, blurred, eyes at Tai's face. The blood continues to pour out from his face. I pull him closer to me, but feel nothing. Darkness. I hug darkness, and feel darkness within. I feel the aura of death. Yet I'm not dead. I wail again, nudging the boy's soft chest with my slippery face. I can't go on alone. Come back Tai. come back. My chest collapses as a final whimper escapes from my mouth before I can no longer move, damning myself if I were to move when the one I love can't.
.¤.Chapter Two.¤.
The day was long. The night will only be longer. Cold, unheeding air fills the night. No. It's not cold. Never could it be as demoniac or empty as I. For even if hail were to pelt down from the burning stars, it would never do the damage I have done.
I had nearly killed Tai. When Joe and the ship's doctors got to him, he had already started to slowly slip away from life. He had lost blood. A lot. He had started to suffocate on this blood. The blood I had made flow in his mouth. Chocking. I never heard the chocking, but he did. Then, he fell into out of consciousness. With his mind in my darkness and his sweet blood still spilling unto the wooden deck, his heart, his loving, giving heart, had started to beat to inhuman levels. All caused by my inhuman hands. My inhuman hands controlled by my brain, that is unexplainably in..
My head starts to spin in circles again. Sharp pains underneath my skull. Around. Around. Blackness shrouds my eyes once again. I cannot escape the spinning. The pounding above my eyelids. My hands begin to shake. It must be normal for them to shake, and shake until they an incessant, jittering numbness explodes in all my limps. My stomach topples over, and then backs into itself. The walls burn with the acid, and pain from squeezing together. I try to fling my arms to my stomach. Make it stop. Make it stop. Yet my hands are too heavy, yet feel lighter than a feather. Lighter than dust, and still they do not, cannot move. They weight me down, slumping my shoulders out into the night. My world is darker than the night, swirling, swirling. Splashes of red gush through my dark brain, scrapping each fold of tissue. Taking with them nerve endings. Ripping those nerve endings in two, tree. Shred. Shred. Like a blender. I try to squeeze my eyes tighter, yet I can't. They too have become lead; burning, flaming lead. Lead that cools suddenly, a shade of puce speckling itself into the dark glob. A puce so revolting y stomach once again reacts, jumping up, hitting my organs. Only to reach out in panic again. Goosebumps ripple up my back in a chain reaction until they cover my whole body, head to toes.
I collapse to the floor, gripping the edge of the ship by the railing, with hands no longer deft. Below me, far, far, below lays an ocean. I can feel it though the darkness I can see the waves of crimson splashing, crashing up against the side. My head. My chest starts to heave. My stomach releases nothing. Nothing. My soul contains nothing. What more can nothing lead to? I lean over a cold, hard rail, heaving into the thin air. My lungs trying to give up on me, my stomach too. Why? Why? Moaning in my mind as a world crackles, my mind sheers. I'm a failure. Simple. Complete. The crashing waves that continue the press towards me sing it. The shredded nerves of my brain sing it. The lead of my existence sings it, with the bass pounding louder. louder. stop. stop.
.¤.
After those few years of denying Harry Potter, I started to read the book. Lemme just say that after the first 2 chapters (which I stopped reading over a year ago) the book got interesting!
The third one is the best. I have to go buy it after payday... it's out in paperback now, and since I saw the movie, I feel like reading all four of them again. lol. Quick, someone lock Carrie away...
But I did find my stick.
That's good to know. ;-)
Just as a quick comment, I was scaref for life as a child when they made my favorite book series into a crack-brained TV series that showed only 4 episodes before being cancled.
I know there's books that they've done that to me with. Little Women comes to mind... I still have yet to see a decent adaption of that. There were others... um... let me think here. It was something I had read, but my parents hadn't... which is... well... pretty much anything. My parents don't read.
The Johnny Tremain Disney movie - that was no good.
Same goes for a TV version of Across Five Aprils I saw several years ago. ::shakes head:: I think that may have been the book I was thinking of.
Harry Potter, however... it was pretty good. They cut some of my favorite lines from the book, and the plot wasn't quite as involved, but asides from that, it was pretty darn good. Heck, I'd go see it again. I think I'm going to have to make my parents go see it... just to see what someone who hasn't read the book would think. Although my father saw the previews on Rosie O Donnell and announced he thought the special effects were dumb.
Lonesome Dove, however... now that was an excellent movie adaption. Made for TV movie adaption... whatever...
DUDE, I tried to special order the soundtrack - and they don't distribute it anymore! That SUCKS! I need that soundtrack! My life will not be complete without that soundtrack! ::frowns:: Okay, whatever...
I wonder if I could find the exact track listing somewhere and download mp3's... I know the mp3's are out there... I found the Finale...
Ah, a project for Carrie... because I have one hour. I will MAKE myself be in bed by eleven.
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