Wow, it's been ages since I wrote a story. I decided to give it another shot though, as the school year is almost out, and I will have enormous ammounts of time on my hands. To let you know, reviews are very important to me, and I am not likely to continue a story if I see there is no interest in it. I'm a sporadical (right spelling?) writer at best, and need reviews as a motivator. (smile) So even a brief note of "oh, yes it's pretty good" would make my day! (I do know however that new stories don't get many reviews so I'm not going to stop writing just 'cause my first chapter didn't get swamped with them!)

I wrote the origional version of this fanfiction, "Sickness", almost two years ago, and happened across it while searching for angsty Ryou fics. I hardly recognize it anymore, and am horrified at the mistakes, but am still inspired by the plot...to any of you that read the story before and didn't like it, it is redone and edited, with more fitting warnings. And to those who did like it, it's the same plot! So read it again, it's different. puppy dog eyes of doom Please? .

CONTENT WARNING

I know alot of us skip the author notes because it's just rambling, and for those of you that do, please at least skim mine because there are important warnings in them. I don't want to make anyone angry with my story content; unlike most fics, the bad stuff here starts right off the bat and all the way through the text, so there won't be any mid-paragraph warnings about content. If you don't like, please don't read, and for those of us who skip the lemony or violent parts you can't do that easily in this one so I'd encourage not trying.

Well, now to the important part. It is pretty darn sad, there is alot of cutting, anorexia, and self mutilation in general. Also, alot of homosexuality. If you don't like that kind of thing, please move on...there are plenty of incredible authors out there who don't write about that.

I tried to make this little area in my blabbering very obvious (hence the bolding...tehehe), so that all of you can run from the terribleness, or feast on it with delight! However, this is more than adequate warning, so flamers will have to suffer the embarassment of their own stupidity if they do decide to comment. It's you're own damn fault if you read this, I don't want to hear about it, you were warned.

Ok. so there isn't much more to say before the story... I want to ask a favor of you all. I know this author note is a bit long but in future chapters I'll keep it much shorter, don't worry. If you read all this pre-story nonsese though, please include the word "pie" in your review, so I know how many people really do read it. I just like to know! .

Pairings are typical, and yaoi: little Yugi and big Yugi, little Bakura and big Bakura, little Malik and big Malik, etc...

Some writers choose to call the characters by different names, and it's easy to get confused, so for those of you who don't know the common usages I gave a guide below, and to those that do I just use the normal names for eveyone and you can skip to the story:

little Yugi: Yugi

big Yugi: Atemu (most call him Yami or Pharaoh, fyi.)

little Bakura: Ryou

big Bakura: Bakura or Akifa (akifa is usually a different character but I made them the same here. Akifa is normally big Bakura's egyptian past self)

little Marik: Malik

big Marik: Marik or Mariku (mariku being more endearing)

Thank you all for bearing with me this long!

Enjoy, Oh, and I...uh...don't own yugioh or any other recognzed previously owned things.

(Neutral POV, dream in italics)

This sickness is contagious, ripping through the veins of the innocents like daggers through flesh. Somehow you can't cut deep enough, it just keeps coming back over and over, poisoning your once pure heart.The only thing you can to to stop the pain is to keep trying...keep trying to cut it out...

Yugi tossed and whimpered softly, struggling within his fitful nighmare. A cold sweat had worked it's way upon the surface of his soft, young skin, causing him to shiver. The boy's lover mumbled beside him, sensing the anxiety of the other even in his sleep. As Yugi's moans grew in intensity, Atemu's lids fluttered open, revealing hazy, sleep drunk orbs. He sobered quickly, shifting to look down at the innocent in his arms.

He was accostomed to this. The poor thing was very vulnerable to bad dreams, which often ended it sobbing breakdowns and insomnia.

"Yugi...Yugi, babe, wake up..." he whispered with an early-morning edge to his voice.

Ryou dug the blade in deep, hissing as the skin split in the path of the keen tip. Blood flowed freely down his pale, gaunt limb, spattering the faded gray sheets below. He watched the red flowing tendrils with a kind of morbid facination, almost immune to the pain. Steeling himself, Ryou brought the blade back into the wound. He had only just begun to apply pressure when a vessel tore open with an angry spurt, the fine spray of life fluid soiling the front of his nightgown...

"Yugi, ssshhh, get up, come on..." he coughed, clearing his throught.

White pain seared through the abused body as another vein popped, and this time Ryou's face was met with the gush of hot fluid. Frozen in horror and shock he could only watch as his life poured from his weak body, his muscles twitching in a desperate effort to move. It was futile. The pool of blood slickened the sheets, it's sick, sweet steanch turning out Ryou's stomache. Vomit flooded his lungs; the stomache acids quickly decaying the soft lung tissue. The boy's last attempts to suck in air only plunged more of the mucous laced acid into the now useless pockets of flesh...

"Yugi!"

Once vibrant, chocolate eyes lay glazed in a milky death film...

Yugi shot up in bed, sweat droplets clinging to hs forehead. /Ryou! / His mind screamed in panic as he threw the comforter off, knowing he would be too late. It was always too late...barely noticing his lover's awakeness, he leapt from the bed, heart throbbing into what seemed to be his throught. He stumbled as he navigated the darkness of the quaint bedroom, the door was impossibly far away, objects finging themselves into his path to block him...

"Little love, what are you doing? Calm down, it's ok, Yugi come back-"

...and finally he was out onto the endless miles of carpet, wood and plaster that made up his hallway. It seemed to take centuries to reach the spare bedroom where his 'guest' was staying. Heart beating in a cacophony of thuds and dull throbs, he felt stuck in slow motion as the knob turned, heard the reluctant creak of hinges, metal on metal...Yugi's eyes groped the room desperately for any signs of life and fell almost immediately to the breathing form lying amidst tangled bedding. There was a gap in time as Yugi's mind did a tailspin, subconciously checking to be sure what he was seeing was reality. It caught up to him in a rush, and the teen burst into tears.

" R-ryou?" He moved to sit on the bed. Reaching out, he nudged the pale shoulder softly. A very life-like moan greeted his ears and Ryou shifted in his mass of sheets; warm brown eyes opening to gaze foggily at his friend.

"Yugi, are...you alright? What's wrong?" The soft british accent was hardly audible over the other boy's ragged breaths.

"Oh, Ra... Thank gods you're alright! I had th-this awful dream again and...and you d-died and I couldn't save y-you I tried so hard...but I couldn't touch you...Oh Ryou-"

Ryou cut him off, knowing that if he let his friend continue he would eventually become hysterical.

"I'm fine, Yugi! Look, see?" he sat up, wraping his arms in a comforting embrace around his smaller companion. "Eveything is alright; listen to yourself! It was just a dream! An awful dream. Calm down, I'm ok now, I'm with you."

Yugi had found Ryou two months ago, sprawled out half dead in the shower, slits carved into his wrists. It hadn't been an intentional attempt at suicide, he just...cut a little to deeply. The boy's father was not home eight months out of the year, and Ryou was not exactly the socialite at school, so he received very little of the much needed affection he craved for...

"I'm really, really ok, Yugi."

"Extremely ok?"

"Yes. Extremely ok." Ryou smiled.

"Is everything ok in here?" The two teens turned to face the source of the deep, exotic tone.

"Extremely!" They said in unison, breaking the strange atmosphere with sighs of relief and half-giggles. Atemu smiled as well, a slight glint of confusion lighting his features. He was used to their odd behavior at times, however, and didn't ask.

"Oh, yes Atemu. Yugi just had a nightmare, that's all." Ryou tilted his face down to inspect the diminishing tears in the eyes of his closest friend. He smiled brightly as Yugi pulled away, padding softly across to the door to snuggle against his lover's chest. Ryou was truly happy for them, it was a match made in heaven. He only wished that someday he could find someone like that, too. Of course he never would. No one would want a sickly, broken thing like him...would they? He forced the negative thoughts from his mind and continued the quaint smile he wore for the pair, suddenly feeling guilt over his childish jealousy.

" Com'ere, you, back to bed," Atemu said with a grin, playfully shoving Yugi out into the hall again.

" 'Night Ryou-kins," Yugi called.

" 'Night, Love," Ryou called back, quietly wishing Yugi would stay awhile longer.Atemu turned back to Ryou, his golden skinned hand resting on the doorknob, easing it shut amid the groanings protests of the hinges. There was a light pause as the egyptian waited for Yugi to dissapear into their shared bedroom, and then he spoke.

"Are you sure, Ryou?" The boy swallowed nervously under the inquisitive gaze of the older teen, nodding 'yes' in half-truth.

" I wouldn't lie to Yugi. You know that..."

"Yes." An awkward silence followed.

The door closed and darkness settled upon the little briton's frame, devouring him. He swallowed again, clutching the blankets in cold clammy hands. "Goodnight," he whispered to no one at all, rubbing at the hidden wound on his wrist.

Yay! One down, unknown to go...

That's the first chap, a little short, I wanted to see how you like it before I get going. You know?

Please review!