Like many fans, I did not like Children of Earth at all. It was the first time I was so upset by a plot that I wanted to throw up. Really. I spent the whole time feeling sick to my stomach and couldn't even bring myself to watch past the middle of Day Four... especially when I found out what happens. RTD is dead to me now. So to deal with it, I'm writing the end MY way. It picks up towards the beginning of Day Three after the team have become criminals and regroup at their new base. From there things change significantly-- mostly because I can't bring myself to re-watch anymore than the scene I've started with here (the torture of Jack in Day Two was almost worth it just for this scene... almost).
"Let there be light!" Jack hit the button and the lights flickered on around him.
"Oh yes!" Gwen said with a grin. "Britain's most wanted."
"Hey! How 'bout that?" Rhys asked gesturing behind him a little ways away.
"Guess that makes you an official member of the team," Jack said.
"You can stick it, mate," Rhys said while walking over to Jack and Gwen. "Get on those computers and get me home, yeah." He winked at Gwen.
There was the sound of the door and Ianto walked in carrying armfuls of parcels.
"I see we've got a new car outside," he said as everyone turned towards him. "Nice. Very smart."
"Where have you been?" Jack demanded. "We thought you got arrested."
"Just buying essentials," he said nonchalantly despite Jack's tone. He started putting the bags down and let out a breath. "Technology's one thing, but let's not forget the creature comforts. Coffee, obviously. Got some doodah." He held up the packages and showed them to the three.
"Thank God!" Gwen said. Rhys laughed.
"And more importantly," Ianto continued. "Didn't know your exact sizes, but I reckon I got a good eye." He tossed a bag at Gwen and another at Rhys.
They looked in the bags. "Oh brilliant," Gwen said. "I am stinkin'."
"Oh, nice one!" Rhys added.
"And for you, sir," Ianto said as he walked to Jack and handed him a bag. "Army surplus special."
"Oh, you're kidding me," said Jack with a disbelieving yet hopeful smile forming.
Ianto held up his hands and smiled.
Moments later everyone had changed, and Jack came striding forward, the familiar swagger in his step swishing the bottom of his long WWII coat.
"I'm back."
The team applauded, and Rhys pushed Gwen forward in the rolling chair to give Jack a high-five. Then a beep from the computer ended the brief celebration. Ianto quickly went to the computer and opened the blinking window.
"What is it?" Jack asked.
"An instant message from UNIT, a Captain Erisa Magambo," Ianto answered, eyes wide. The three others quickly circled behind Ianto to look at the screen. He continued, "This is a secure channel, undetectable. They want to know if the government has gotten us involved with these aliens." He looked around at Jack expectantly.
"Tell them," Jack said simply. He put a hand on Ianto's shoulder.
Ianto turned back to the screen and typed out that Torchwood was not involved, but that they were being hunted, their Hub destroyed, and that they were now hiding in London.
Cpt. Magambo responded: UNIT also not involved, being kept at a distance. This is unacceptable. Any ideas about the aliens?
Torchwood: None. All equipment lost in explosion, working from stolen items now.
UNIT: We should collaborate.
"Huh," Jack muttered. "That's a first. But we could use their help."
"If it's not a trap," Gwen added.
Ianto started typing.
Torchwood: Just don't shoot us.
UNIT: You should have contacted us earlier. We will give you protection.
"That's the thing with being blown up, shot at, encased in concrete," Jack said. "Your first thought isn't exactly to call UNIT for help. But we'll take it now. Ask her where we should meet."
Ianto typed the question, and the reply came back.
UNIT: Traitor's Gate.
"How's that for irony," Rhys said.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
At the Tower of London the team waited by the gate on the edge of a Beefeater tour for some sign from UNIT. They were all trying to seem as much like tourists as they could. Rhys took brilliantly to the part, Gwen backing him up and proving how great a couple they were, while Jack and Ianto remained quiet behind them.
It wasn't too long before the tour group started moving onwards and a Beefeater not giving a tour approached Jack and Ianto.
"Harkness?" the Beefeater asked while Gwen and Rhys wandered back from the moving group as if they wanted to get another look at the gate.
"Yeah?" Jack said.
"Captain Magambo is waiting this way." The guard led them through a door marked "Employees Only", and then to a lift. They took the lift down a few levels and then walked out into UNIT's base.
"Captain Harkness," a black woman in a UNIT captain's uniform approached and saluted.
Jack saluted back. "Captain Magambo, I presume."
"Yes. I'm sorry to hear about your base in Cardiff. Were any of you hurt? Do you need a physician?"
The Torchwood crew all shared a look, remembering Jack recently being "injured".
"No," Jack answered. "We're all fine now, but we could use the Doctor."
"Unfortunately we haven't heard from him," Cpt. Magambo said.
"UNIT knows about the Doctor?" Gwen asked, obviously upset that Jack's big secret wasn't so secret here.
"Oh, we've been working with him for years," Cpt. Magambo said. "I don't think the same thing could be said of Torchwood, though."
"Well, we work on his behalf now," Jack said and left it at that.
"We did hear from him only this last Easter," Magambo continued. "So it's very unlikely that he'll show up any time soon."
"But what can we do?" Jack asked.
Cpt. Magambo nodded and took the Torchwood team to a different room with all sorts of computers and scientific (and some alien) equipment. In the middle of it all was a geeky sort of person with round glasses muttering to himself.
"This is Doctor Malcolm Taylor, our resident genius," Magambo introduced. "Malcolm, this is Torchwood."
"Oh, very glad you're here," the scientist said. "I've been trying to get a picture of what the alien space ship looks like, but there is nothing there."
"We can't detect the ship with our satellites?" Gwen asked.
"No, no, it's not that," Malcolm said. "I'm pretty sure that there is nothing there. I've spent hours and hours doing everything I can to find anything up there, and there's nothing. A bit of small space just, but no space ship."
"You're sure?" Jack asked.
"I've figured out how to measure wormholes, so I'm pretty sure if something was there I could find it."
Jack raised his eyebrows, clearly impressed. "Okay."
"Then how are they communicating through the children?" Ianto asked.
"Well, you see," Malcolm rambled, "I haven't quite gotten to that yet. I've been busy looking for the ship."
"Perhaps you should now look at the children instead," Magambo suggested.
"Right."
"You'll need a child to analyse the signal they are using to control them," Ianto said.
"We'll get one," Magambo said confidently. "We are entirely at your disposal here."
"All right," Jack said in command mode. "Gwen, Rhys, work with Malcolm on the signal. Captain, I want to know why they are trying to kill me and my team. Gwen, you mentioned others were killed the same time as me; I want to see what the connection is. Ianto, information gathering is your specialty, so I'll need your help."
"You should be able to do all that on this computer over here," Magambo said leading them to it. "I'm curious as to why this is happening as well."
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
Malcolm, with the help a UNIT physician, was running a few tests and diagnostics on a child from an orphanage not too far away. Gwen was closely following the data with Malcolm, while Rhys stood back thinking.
"If there's nothing in the sky, then how did the aliens get here?" he asked. "And where is the signal coming from?"
"Good questions, Rhys," Gwen said. "But we don't know."
"And why are they putting the whole world on edge?" Rhys continued. "Children are the one thing every single person on the planet cares about, and they wanted the children noticed. So why are they after everyone's attention?"
"I don't know, Rhys," Gwen said, anger leaking into her voice.
"Aha!" Malcolm cried. "Gotchya!"
Jack, Magambo, and Ianto turned from their computers to look at Malcolm.
"Well?" Magambo asked.
"It's a frequency based on a 456 pattern," he said. "Give me a few minutes and I'll try finding the source."
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
Ianto was looking at Jack. They had just been looking at the others killed after Ianto had mentioned the place names Gwen had given him, pictures of the people from the 1960s, and Ianto was worried by Jack's urgent and curt behaviour. And now as Malcolm said the numbers 456, Jack had turned even paler with a horrified look on his face.
"Jack?" he said hesitantly.
"They've been here before," Jack said.
"When?" Magambo asked.
"1965. They came saying that if we gave them twelve children they'd give us the cure to a disease that would wipe out millions."
"And did you?" Ianto asked.
"Yes. Just twelve orphans that they said wouldn't be harmed in exchange for a way to prevent another pandemic like 1918. Bargain. That's why they had me deliver the children. I was the only one who would."
"Can we assume that this time they'll want the same thing again?" Magambo asked.
"I suppose," Jack said. "But they didn't use the children to speak last time. They weren't so public. It was just a message to Great Britain."
"Then why do it this time?" Ianto asked. "Why so public?"
"They want more," Jack said.
"They must want a lot more if they've got the whole world on alert," Magambo said.
"Got the signal source!" Malcolm shouted. "It's being relayed around the world using our own satellites. I think that bit of space junk up there is actually a small satellite for them, or some sort of relay to control all of them. Tracing the signal back even further… it's coming from the North Sea."
Jack frowned in thought. Then he let out a yell. "Of course! The North Sea? The whole world on red alert? The government not acting how it should? Sound familiar, Captain?"
Magambo's face remained puzzled.
"Think back just a couple of years," Jack went on.
"One of the invaders on Christmas?" Gwen suggested.
"Further back," Jack said.
"Of course!" Magambo said. "The space ship that crashed into Big Ben. Aliens faking aliens. We were later told it came from the North Sea. But the government had been infiltrated by the aliens then."
"And I think it has been again," Jack said. "Last I checked there were reports that the Slitheen had figured out a way to be inside a slim person and not just someone big. Which means it could be anyone. We need to get in there and see what's happening."
"I'll get in touch with my superiors and have them force our way in if they have to," Magambo said and left the room.
"Malcolm," Jack said. "Can you stop the signal? That way the world isn't so scared anymore."
"Yes, sir," Malcolm replied.
"Ianto."
"Jack."
"We're going to need a lot of vinegar."
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
Frobisher was just reeling from the request of one tenth of the world's children when the doors burst open and in marched UNIT soldiers. They were followed by Captain Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones. Malcolm snuck in behind them and moved to one side.
"Frobisher!" Jack greeted. "You don't answer my calls, you have my base blown up, you try to kill me and my team, and you've been doing my job of secretly dealing with aliens. I'm not sure, but I think I'm annoyed."
"Captain…" Frobisher began with a stutter, but Jack pushed past him and stepped forward to address the glass.
"So you're the 456?" he said. "You might remember me from last time. How many children are we supposed to give you now?"
The whole room waited.
"One tenth," came over the speakers.
"One tenth?" Jack continued. "Are you sure you don't want to just blow up the planet?"
"No. Just one tenth of the children as a gift."
"What for? Black market slaves?"
"They are not harmed. They live longer."
"Well, that's too bad because you aren't getting the children. Not this time."
"Then the world will die."
"I don't think so," Jack said and gave a nod. Malcolm pulled a lever.
Over the speakers came a scream. More goo, but of a thicker, chunkier consistency hit the inside of the glass.
"What did you do?" Frobisher asked.
"Vinegar," Jack said with a smile. "Just added some vinegar to your poison gas cocktail. Can we clear that stuff out and see what happened?"
The gasses slowly cleared and inside the glass they could see green chunks, some sort of large bottle of goo, and a couple of claws attached to long poles.
"But the 456…" Frobisher stuttered again.
"Doesn't exist," Jack answered. "Just a hoax to hide to real aliens. Which you would have found out a lot sooner if you hadn't tried to kill me."
"I had no choice," Frobisher said firmly.
Jack glared. "There's always a choice. And you made the wrong one."
"I had to… the Prime Minister…" Frobisher was back to stuttering.
"I think it was time we paid him a visit," Jack said. He waved a hand motioning Ianto to follow him out, and the two left the room.
Frobisher stood watching the UNIT troop start the cleanup operation for a few seconds, and then he decided to follow the Torchwood captain to the Prime Minister's office.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
Once again a door went crashing open and Jack came striding through. Ianto, Magambo, Colonel Oduya, and General Pierce followed.
"What is the meaning of this?" Brian Green, Prime Minister, demanded angrily.
"Sorry I didn't have an appointment," Jack said. "But we need to talk to you."
"About what?"
"About how Britain has not only been keeping all current and previous contact with these aliens a secret from the rest of the world," General Pierce said, "but also how it's been keeping it from its own organisations for the handling of alien situations."
In the face of the American representative, the UNIT officers, and Torchwood, the Prime Minister blanched.
"It wasn't my decision," he said smoothly after a moment's pause. "I've been kept in the dark just as you have."
"Like hell you have," said Frobisher as he stepped forward into the room. "I've kept you up to date on everything and have been following your exact, if not explicitly uttered, instructions."
They all watched as Green tried to come up with something to say. Then a secretary came in.
"Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you, sir," she said. "I didn't think anyone was with you. But I brought you some pills for your stomach."
"The Prime Minister's been having stomach problems?" Colonel Oduya asked.
"No," Green said.
"Just a bit of gas every now and then," the secretary said with a smile before leaving.
"I think we all know what you are, Mr. Green," Jack said, leaning forward on the Prime Minister's desk. "And you know we killed your friend in the glass container."
"Then there's no reason for me to remain in this insufferable skin suit." Mr. Green unzipped his head and pulled away the skin.
"What do the Slitheen want with the children?" Oduya demanded.
"Slitheen?" the giant green creature asked. "I am not Slitheen. I am Gro Twiv Pass del Briveeneth. The Slitheen are a different family, wanted dead by my government."
"But the children?" Pierce asked, determined to get the answer.
"The chemicals produced by your children provide a rare and quite valuable drug for an elite species," it said.
"You mean rich," Ianto said.
"Yes, if you want to put it so bluntly," Green said.
"Well you won't be getting them," Jack said. "And you won't be going back to Raxacoricofallapatorius either."
Jack, Ianto, and Magambo pulled out water pistols filled with vinegar and started shooting the creature. They all had to duck as it exploded and sent bits of itself everywhere.
"Saved the world with a water pistol," Magambo muttered. "I don't feel silly."
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
Six months later Jack stood on top of the Millennium Centre over seeing the bay. UNIT had not only destroyed the spacecraft and North Sea Raxacoricofallapatorian base, but with the help of the government special ops group that destroyed it, they had rebuilt the Torchwood Hub exactly as it was before. During that time, Jack and Ianto had taken a bit of a holiday abroad to finally answer all the questions about their relationship. Jack had even introduced Ianto to his daughter and grandson, although it didn't go all that well. Alice still wanted her father at a distance.
Gwen and Rhys had also had a well deserved break. They had bought a lovely house, and Gwen had even asked Ianto's opinion on decorating the baby's room. There was still a lot to figure out about Gwen's position on the team when the baby came, but they were leaving that for later. Martha had decided to leave UNIT and work for Torchwood when the Hub was finished. She said it was so Torchwood would remember to call for UNIT help more persistently when they needed it. Malcolm had offered to find a techie genius to send over for their consideration as well.
Jack's mobile started ringing.
"Yeah?"
"Jack," came Ianto's voice from the other end. "Are you going to stand up there all day and freeze to death, or did you want to come see the finished Hub?"
"I'm on my way!"
Jack quickly ran down to the Plass and crossed to the fountain tower where Gwen and Ianto stood waiting. They all stood on the invisible square, and Jack pressed his wrist strap. The lift started moving down.
It was just the same, but it was like seeing it for the first time all over again. The fountain continuing down, the metal floors, the hum of the computers, the couch with Torchwood in large letters on the wall behind.
They got off the lift and walked around to get a feel for things.
"It won't be the same without Myfanwy," Ianto said.
"We'll get a dog," Jack answered back.
"Not the same, is it?" Ianto said. Whether he meant the dog or the Hub, it didn't matter.
"No, but it's home."
"Yeah," Ianto agreed.
"What now?" Gwen asked.
Jack smiled. "We go to work, do what we do best."
"I'll start making the coffee," Ianto said and left for the kitchen area.
"I'll start the rift programs again," Gwen said taking a seat at her station.
Jack walked to his office. "Yup, good to be home."
So I came up with the idea some time during Day Two; I just thought that wouldn't it be funny if it was just the Slitheen and they save the day with vinegar in squeezies. Check out my deviantART (link in my profile) for a cartoon scene that I based the story off of. And let me know what you think; I love reviews.