Disclaimer: I own nothing but my story.
Author's Note: I keep coming in rather late to these fandoms, it seems. Lexa was long gone before I even knew Clexa was a thing. It's too bad, too. Truth is, her death made me nearly as angry as Tara's did in BtVS so many years ago. I just had to fix it. Hope this works for you.
We Are Not Saying Goodbye
By RandomGnome
Saying farewell to Lexa a second time, after they had… well, after, was harder than the first. But Clarke knew that she was running out of time to meet Octavia. She was afraid of how the other woman might react if she didn't show up. She was afraid that Octavia meant it when she said that Clarke wasn't the person she thought she was. Maybe she would have to ask her friend what that meant. If they were still friends.
As she walked through the door to her quarters, intent on collecting her things, it took her a moment to realise that she was not alone. Sitting - no, not sitting, but tied and gagged - on to a chair was a very battered and bloody John Murphy.
Astonishment warring with concern, Clarke hurried over to him, his name a desperate question on her lips. "Murphy?" As she got to the chair, she dropped to her knees, finding that his ankles were chained, and he was unconscious, but breathing. His face was a mass of cuts and bruises, both new and old. The piece of cloth that served as a gag was tight enough that it must have hurt the sides of his mouth.
"He's alive," a familiar male voice said, and Clarke looked up to see Titus, the fleimkepa, Lexa's councilor in her room. His face was a grim mask, telling her nothing of his purpose. Had he brought her Murphy so that she could take him with her when she left? If that was so, why did it look like the young man had been tortured? Had Titus done that?
Titus moved closer with ease but stayed far enough back that Clarke couldn't reach him. He was tall and imposing, even without a weapon. His grey robes were pristine, and he seemed at peace - a warning sign to Clarke. Since she'd been in Polis, since she had knelt and swore fealty to Lexa as Wanheda, the Commander of Death, Titus had never seemed at peace. He'd been as angry as the other clan ambassadors at Lexa's denial of vengeance for the slaughter of 300 of her warriors by people Clarke thought she could trust. It was part of why she had been leaving. She needed to back to Arkadia to find out why Kane would allow something like that to happen. Now though…
"What did you do to my friend?" She demanded of the priest in her best Wanheda voice.
Titus answered calmly, "You friend was caught stealing from people on their way to the Polis market." He stated it as though it was inarguable, and Clarke had to admit that she believed it. Murphy wasn't the greatest person. Stealing was not below him.
Just then, the bound man moaned softly and started to move. Clarke looked up at him and took his face between her hands. "Hey," she said, her voice a gentle whisper, "you're okay." As she reached up to untie the fabric of the gag, however, she was stopped.
"Please, don't do that," he requested, his voice still oddly serene. Already on edge, Clarke felt her heart speed up even more. Something was very wrong.
With an apologetic look, the fleimkepa removed a hand from behind his back, revealing a gun in it. This surprised Clarke. Most Grounders adamantly refused to even touch a gun, let alone hold it like they knew how to shoot. When Mount Weather had been a threat, they had believed that to take up the weapon of a Mounon, a Mountain Man, would make them no better than the enemy and that it would mean death for their entire village. Since Clarke had done what she had to and since a self-destruct had destroyed Mount Weather, that was no longer a real threat. Still, to see Titus holding the black metal in his hand, pointed at her, made Clarke hesitate.
On reflex, Clarke put up her hands in a surrender gesture and slowly got to her feet. "Titus, what is this about?" She asked, the fear she felt coming out in her voice.
Titus moved forward calmly. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, Clarke. Truly I am."
He didn't need to say more. He didn't trust her, had never trusted her. He hated her because Lexa listened to her, heeded her advice more than his. He wanted - no, needed - her out of the way. He needed Lexa to listen to jus drein jus daun - blood must have blood. It had always been that way, had been the way to solve problems. It was also a barbaric custom and Lexa knew that to have true peace, it had to be done away with. Jus nou drein jus daun - blood must not have blood. It was a better way, but Titus did not believe that.
"Look," Clarke began, "I'm leaving right now, okay? Octavia is waiting for me." She tried to keep her voice as even as possible. He had to know that he was frightening her, but maybe if she could show some strength and courage in the face of danger, it would keep him from doing what he'd obviously come to do. "Let me just take Murphy and we'll go."
Titus' calm demeanour changed from one moment to the next. Anger suddenly radiated from him and he raised the gun again, pointing it directly at Clarke's chest. "I wish I could. Lexa will never execute her duty while you live."
Clarke didn't move. Her eyes darted around her room, trying to think of something, anything to say that might make Titus see reason. He didn't seem to realise that it wasn't entirely Clarke's influence with Lexa that had made her decide to stop the bloodshed. Lexa, as Clarke was starting to see, was before her time. Her ideas were radical to her people, but she enforced them with brutal efficiency. She would kill if she had to, but only as a last resort. Her actions when she took the deal at Mount Weather and left Clarke's people to be killed had proven that. She was far from weak and Clarke believed that even if she died today, by Titus' hand, Lexa would continue to seek peace as she had during her rule. In fact…
"Titus, think." Clarke insisted. "She's going to know it was you. Do you think that you will live when that happens?"
Titus was ready for that, though. "She'll think it was him," he gestured to Murphy with the gun. "Skaikru weapon in the hands of a Skaikru thief."
Clarke's eyes strayed to Murphy who looked terrified at being set up. She didn't blame him. This wasn't over, though. "Titus, just let us go. Lexa is Heda and she will always do what is right for her people. Everyone knows that she has the power of Wanheda, by my choice. If the Commander of Death chooses jus nou drein jus daun, then shouldn't the Commander heed that? What if I kill those responsible for the slaughter? What if I can give her Pike, so that he can be executed? Jus drein jus daun would be satisfied, wouldn't it?"
Clarke saw a change come over Titus. He calmed again, but it wasn't enough for him to lower the gun. "You would turn on your own people?"
Murphy stared at her, but the look in his eyes was indecipherable to her. She didn't know him as well as she did Bellamy or Raven, or even Octavia. Maybe what she saw now was respect?
"Not all of them. They don't all need to die, just the ones who did the killing. I will do it. I will bring Pike back here, to Lexa, for wamplei kom thauz kodon. Would that be enough to appease the clans?" Clarke heard a sound from the room next door and knew that Lexa was coming. "Please, Titus. If you let me go, I can do it. I will do what I have to, to protect my people, even if it means the deaths of some of them. We have a saying where I'm from, 'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few'."
"Clarke?" Lexa called from her room. Footsteps approached the door rapidly. Clarke said nothing more, letting her eyes plead with Titus'. She already knew that this would likely mean the death of Bellamy and several others, but if it would keep Lexa's peace, if it would end the blockade, she would do it. Maybe, just maybe, she could make them see what they had done wrong.
The door opened at the same time that Titus hid the gun in his robes.
"Clarke?" Lexa said, her face perplexed and her eyes searching. "Why are you still here? I thought you had to get to Octavia?" Then she saw Titus. "What are you doing in Wanheda's room, Titus?"
Clarke knew better than to lie to Lexa, not just because of how dangerous she knew the other woman to be, but also because of what they had recently shared. Of what she hoped to share with her in the future.
"He came to kill me and frame my friend." Clarke stated, gesturing to Murphy. Lexa saw him, and her eyes became hard chips of green ice. She turned her glare on Titus, who quailed visibly.
"What is the meaning of this, Fleimkepa?! Ron ai ridiyo op!" Lexa demanded of Titus, her voice an angry roar. Titus fell to his knees. She took several steps forward, her body tensing for a strike, though she had no weapons.
"She lies, Heda. I only came to offer my help."
Lexa was not stupid, however. "And that one?" She gestured behind her at the bound and gagged Murphy.
Titus' lip curled. "A Skaikru thief, caught trying to rob people on the way to the market. I brought him to Wanheda for her judgement."
John made a noise behind his gag and Clarke quickly did as she had started before Titus had shown himself. Once it was free, John's mouth began to run and for once, Clarke did nothing to stop him from talking.
"He. Lies. I was captured, yes, but he did this to me. He was trying to get me to answer questions and when he didn't like the answers I gave…" He looked down at himself. "He told Clarke he would kill her and blame it on me. If you don't believe me, search him. He has my gun. He was gonna use it on Clarke."
Lexa stilled. She didn't just stop moving, she stopped breathing, too, for several moments. Clarke knew that Titus' life would be forfeit if she did nothing to stop the Commander in the next five seconds. She almost let it happen.
"Lexa, wait. Beja." The Commander didn't move, waiting for Clarke to speak. "Titus was going to kill me, but he isn't now. We've come to an agreement. If jus drein jus daun must be met to keep the clans happy and keep the Coalition in place, I can do it. I'll bring you Pike and the others who slaughtered your people. It will show them all that you do command Wanheda's power."
Lexa turned slowly to stare at Clarke, her face its usual mask, but her eyes were wide. "What about jus nou drein jus daun?"
Clarke sighed and held up her hands. "I know. But if it puts an end to a blockade that could save the rest of my people, I have to try. I know that not everyone in Arkadia agrees with Pike and the sooner he's gone, the sooner cooler heads will prevail. Besides, your people are in there, too. Sick people. Injured. Pike won't hesitate to let them die first. I won't allow that to happen." The last part of her speech was hard and final. Even if it meant killing every last supporter of that madman, Clarke knew that she couldn't let innocent people suffer. It was why she had pulled that lever in Mount Weather. The difference was that this time, the innocents she was saving were the 'enemy'. She could never make up for what she had done in that place, but maybe this would help.
Lexa studied her with those deep, wise eyes - the ones she saw even while her eyes were closed. She had never met anyone who could say so much with only their eyes, the way Lexa did. Now, Clarke could see the Commander weighing what she had said, could see the way Lexa calculated just the right thing to say in front of Titus and Murphy.
"Very well, Wanheda. If you can bring Pike and his followers to the city for justice, the blockade will be lifted."
"I can't bring them all back, but I'll make sure to get that branwoda and his top two advisors. I'll bring them back to Polis to face Kongeda justice." What she didn't say was, I'll come back to you. I love you.
"If you can do this thing, Skaikru will be welcomed back as the 13th Clan." Lexa replied, her voice and her expression still tightly controlled. Her body language was guarded, but her eyes.
Only a little while ago, Clarke had seen all of Lexa's walls come down. She'd seen something that she would bet not a single other person had seen - Lexa the young vulnerable woman underneath the Commander. She had seen her shed tears of joy as they kissed and tears of sadness when it was time for them to part. She had known what it was like to be the one Lexa trusted enough to simply be herself. What Clarke heard in her heart as Lexa said those words to her was Come back to me. I will be waiting.
Suddenly, Titus lurched to his feet, pulling the gun and aiming at Clarke once more. Lexa didn't hesitate. She stepped in front of the weapon and the man, her carriage erect and her body ready to defend. Titus' hand shook as the gun suddenly pointed directly at Lexa's chest.
"Hod op, Titus. That is an order. Unless you want to be stripped of your title as Fleimkepa and banished to the Wasteland, you will drop that weapon and you will surrender yourself to Heda's justice.
"Heda," Titus' voice was pleading, "she bewitches you. You can take her power, you can be the greatest Commander who ever lived. Beja!"
Lexa stepped forward until the barrel of the gun was pressed into her chest. Clarke tensed. At that range, the bullet would tear through her, and would kill her, and there would be nothing that she could do. The Commander was not afraid, though. Lexa reached up and put her hand on the gun, then she jerked it hard and Titus let go. He backed up as she trained it on him. As far as Clarke knew, Lexa had never fired a gun, but she held it like she knew what she was doing with it, aiming it at Titus' head.
"I already command the power of Wanheda. I do not need her blood to make it true. You heard Klark, Titus. She will get jus drein jus daun and everything will be settled. There is no need to wipe out an entire clan when we can all live together in peace."
Finally, Titus broke. He sank to his knees once more, head bowed. "What will you have of me, Heda?"
Lexa let out a long, slow breath. So did Clarke. Without turning her back on Titus, Lexa held out the gun. Clarke hurried forward and took it. "First, you will swear to me that you will never try to harm Clarke again. In fact, you will guard her life as if it were your own and you will remove any threat or danger to her that you find. Swear it."
Titus didn't hesitate. "I swear it, Heda." He looked up and met Clarke's eyes and she was surprised to see sincerity in them when he said, "I swear it, Wanheda, Clarke kom Skaikru has nothing more to fear from me."
Lexa nodded. "Good. Next, you will go to the Market and bid Octavia to wait. Tell her that I am granting them horses so that the travel to Arkadia will be swift. I will also provide a pass should the blockade try to stop you, Clarke. You are my ambassador and you are Wanheda. They will let you through."
Titus slowly got to his feet and he bowed low before Lexa. "It will be done. What of the skaiskat?"
"Murphy is coming with me." Clarke told him. "I want my mother to look over the wounds you inflicted. Besides, I think he's had enough of Polis for now, haven't you, Murphy?"
The injured young man looked between the three people, clearly confused as to what had just happened, but he nodded slowly.
"Go, Titus. You will need to hurry if you are to catch Octavia before she leaves."
Titus bowed once more and left without another word.
When he was gone, Lexa's shoulders slumped a little. She looked at Clarke with huge eyes. "Release him. I'll have the guards bring him food and water. When you are ready, please come speak with me."
"Sha, Heda." Clarke replied, her voice quiet and respectful. Lexa dipped her head slightly in acknowledgement before she turned and walked back through the door she had come from.
"Okay," Murphy began, as Clarke knelt down in front of his chair once more to begin taking off the cuffs around his ankles. "What the hell was that all about? Just what have you been doing here, Clarke? And when did you get so dark?"
Clarke said nothing until his legs were free. "I know you might not believe it, John, but I'm trying to save our people. I… Where have you been? How did you end up Titus' prisoner? Were you really stealing from people on the road?"
Murphy let out a sigh of his own. "It's a long story. I… I've seen some things, Clarke, some really messed up things. You haven't seen Jaha, have you?"
Clarke untied Murphy's hands and he rubbed at his sore wrists, giving her a grateful look. "Last I heard he was in Arkadia, preaching about something called The City of Light. Do you know what that is?"
"Yes. And no. Look, it's going to take too long to explain right now." As if on cue, the door to the corridor outside opened and a guard came in, carrying a tray of food and a pitcher of what was probably water. Murphy's stomach growled loudly.
Clarke stood up and helped him get to his feet. He resisted her efforts to help him walk to the table where the food was set down. Clarke dismissed the guard, waiting until the door was closed to speak. "Eat, Murphy. You'll need your strength. Think you'll be able to ride to Arkadia with Octavia and me? If not, you might need to find a place to hole up until you feel better. Maybe by then, this will all be over."
"Oh, I'm going. I need to know what's going on and both you and Octavia need to know what I know. If you have to tie me onto the horse, I'm riding with you." He told her, reaching for the pitcher and the cup that had been provided. He filled it up and took a long swallow. "God, I never thought I'd be so happy drinking water."
Clarke chuckled lightly. "Okay. Eat. I need to talk to Lexa. As soon as Titus gets back, though, we need to go. Be ready." She set the gun down on the table next to him, but he seemed not to notice it.
"Aye-aye, Captain." He replied, dryly, digging into the food and seemingly paying her no more attention.
Trepidation gripped Clarke as she walked away from him, towards Lexa's adjoining rooms.
Lexa was there, pacing back and forth a little way in front of the door. She stopped at Clarke's gentle knock as she opened the door. Their eyes met, and the door closed with a thump before they joined in a hard, fierce hug. Lexa buried her face in Clarke's neck, her entire body suddenly trembling with all of the fear that she'd been holding back.
Clarke held her tightly in one arm, using her free arm to stroke Lexa's lustrous dark hair. She whispered words of comfort until the Commander's shaking finally stopped. Lexa raised her head and looked into Clarke's eyes. Although she wasn't crying, her own shone with unshed tears. She closed them and leaned her forehead against the woman in her arms.
"When he pointed that gun at you, I was so afraid, Clarke." Lexa whispered. "I was so afraid that I was going to lose you - after I had just found you."
Unable to stop herself now, Clarke reached a shaking hand up to cup Lexa's cheek and the other woman leaned her head into the touch. "So was I," the blonde admitted. And she had been terrified, but not for herself. She knew that Lexa wouldn't let anything happen to her, even if it meant that she got hurt in the process. They would have to talk about that. But, not now.
Now, Clarke gave in to the need to be with Lexa. She moved her hand until it cupped the back of the brunette's head before she tugged and brought her mouth together with Lexa's. The Commander let out a little gasping whimper and returned the kiss with equal abandon, the way she had earlier. Her hands, though, were a lot less hesitant than they had been and so were Clarke's.
They stayed that way until the need for breath became an issue. When they parted, though, it was only their mouths. Neither one was ready to let go of the other just yet.
"Did you mean what you said?" Lexa finally asked, "Or was that just to keep Titus from using the gun?"
Clarke grimaced. "Both. I needed to buy time and I needed to appeal to his better nature. He's old, Lexa, and from what I've seen, older people have more trouble letting go of the past than younger ones do. It's why all of the ambassadors and the leaders of the clans don't want to accept that you will not seek vengeance on their behalf. They want peace as much as we do, but they are so stuck in their ways that they can't accept new ones yet."
"Sha, you are right about that. Perhaps it is time to accept the resignation of the current ambassadors for new, younger faces, if I am to succeed in bringing peace to the Coalition." Lexa agreed.
"Perhaps. But let's take this one step at a time." Clarke replied. One hand ran up and down the length of Lexa's spine. She remembered doing that earlier, along bare skin, warm and soft. Someday, she hoped that she would have the chance to do that again. Soon.
Lexa chuckled. Her arms around the blonde loosened a little. She leaned forward and nuzzled Clarke's nose with her own. It was sort of adorable and not something that Clarke would ever have expected from the Commander. It made her wonder just what else she had to learn about Lexa and once again hoped that she would get the chance. Clarke kissed the tip of her nose, making them both smile.
Finally, knowing that it would only be harder this time around, they released each other and stepped back. Lexa sighed at the loss of Clarke's warmth and the blonde couldn't stop herself from reaching for her hand. They twined their fingers together.
"How are you going to get to Pike? Do you have a plan?"
It was Clarke's turn to sigh. "I don't know, yet. I'm going to talk to Octavia, see what she says. I know that Lincoln is still in Arkadia and she's going to want to get him. If I can't get to Pike, I'll see about getting everyone who wants to go, out. Once I do that, I'll get a message to you and if you want, you can still send your army against Pike. I know what I won't do - I won't trust Bellamy again." She said the name of the man who had been her friend once, but who had turned on everything that they had been trying to build towards. He had let his anger at her for leaving get the better of his usually good judgement. He had followed Pike and he had helped him to murder 299 grounders who had done nothing and had been ordered to protect the people of Arkadia.
It made Clarke sick just to think about it all of the dead bodies she'd seen, of Indra telling her that it had been Bellamy. The only thing that gave her hope was that he'd argued for leaving the injured alive. It meant that somewhere in his heart, he'd known what they were doing was wrong. Maybe she could get him some kind of clemency for that.
"Ai hodnes," Lexa spoke softly, "Nou get yu daun. Yu ste yuj. I believe in you."
"Mochof." Clarke replied. She didn't know what 'ai hodnes' meant. Her grasp on the grounder language was better than it used to be, but she had a long way to go before she was fluent. "Bellamy sou don sad klin. He used to be my friend, but now… I don't know what he is. And the others? I know they follow Pike out of fear."
"Fear of my people," Lexa added, sadly.
"It's not your fault, Lexa," Clarke raised her free hand to stroke her fingertips lightly over the other woman's cheek. Lexa shivered at her touch, but her lips twitched up in a small smile. "My people still think they can live like we did in space, they think that the ground belongs to them. They're wrong. We have to learn how to live together or we won't survive."
"Disha ste ridiyo op. I have always thought you were wise, Clarke kom Skaikru. Perhaps once this is over, we can start to strive towards the kind of world where we can learn to live together."
It was Clarke's turn to smile. "I'd like that."
"So, would I."
Author's Note: Please excuse my Trig, it's rough and I'm hoping that not only did I spell it correctly, but that I used correct grammar. I'm not sure if this will be a stand alone or not. I just knew that I had to add to the collection of "Lexa didn't need to die" fics out there. Since I have not read them all, yet, I can only say that I'm sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes. At any rate, hope you liked this! Cheers!