AN: I needed a break from my OC story, so here we are!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans or any of the Psych quotes (which are bolded. Bolded? That's a word? My computer didn't change it. Huh.)
STORYTIME!
For one day every year, when crime had been low, the Titans would put on civvies and spend the day like normal people. Robin always wore sunglasses, and Cyborg and Beast Boy wore hologram rings. They put names of normal hang-out places in a hat and chose them at random. This year, they pulled out the slip of paper that said 'the mall'.
Once at the mall, they'd split up into groups. Raven was looking for a bookstore, Cyborg and Beast Boy wanted to find the video game store, and Robin and Starfire were just going to walk around for a while. They agreed to use their communicators if they got into trouble.
When Robin, Starfire, and Raven suddenly got calls on their communicators, they didn't know what to expect. Beast Boy told them that it was important and to please come to the fountain at the center of the mall.
Raven was closest and got there first. "You said it was important?" she stopped, noticing the tight black turtlenecks the two were wearing. "Clearly, you're about to shoot an Old Spice commercial."
"Shh! We have to wait for the others!" Beast Boy hissed. Robin and Starfire showed up.
"Okay, good. You see that guy over there?" Cyborg pointed to a man sitting on the edge of the fountain with a small pet carrier beside him.
"What about him?"
Beast Boy looked furious. "He's carrying a monkey in that thing! Animal cruelty, dude!"
"People can have pet monkeys." Raven said flatly. "Maybe not here, but he could be from another state."
"Doesn't matter! He can't keep the monkey in a cage like that!"
"It does look rather small." Starfire said worriedly.
"So are we gonna help him?" Cyborg asked.
Robin shrugged "Sure, why not?"
They all turned to Raven. "Are you going to help?"
After a minute, she said, "Fine. But if we go to jail it's on you."
"Okay! First, we gotta follow him!" Cyborg said excitedly.
"What? Why are we stalking him?" Robin asked.
"Cause we need to know how he's treating the monkey." Cyborg said.
"He's on the move!" Beast Boy warned. The two began to follow the man, hiding behind signs and trash cans. The remaining Titans shrugged and copied them, except Raven. She just walked normally. They followed the man out the mall and down the street. The heroes crouched behind a car and watched the man enter a new VIP club that had recently opened.
"What now?" Raven asked.
"Uh…we'll handle this." Beast Boy and Cyborg stood and started to go over to the club.
"Stop! Do not go out there and start winging it! That's not how we operate!" Robin hissed.
Beast Boy stared at him. "Dude, where have you been for the last three years?"
He had no response for that.
Beast Boy and Cyborg went and waited in the (short) line. When they reached the front of the line, the bouncer held up his hand.
"I'm sorry. I can't let you guys in."
Cyborg started to say something, but Beast Boy stopped him. "I've got this." He turned to the bouncer. "We're on the VIP list. Perhaps you recognize us as the modeling team Black and Tan?"
The bouncer eyed them warily. "Last names?"
"No last names." Beast Boy said. "One of us is Black and one of us is Tan. Just check the list."
The bouncer looked doubtful, but he checked anyway. He looked back up at them, his surprise evident. "Wow, it really is you! Right this way, Tan."
"Excuse me?!" Beast Boy sputtered. "I'm Black. He's Tan. I can't believe you just made that assumption. You should be ashamed of yourself and your family." He said indignantly, walking into the club without letting the man apologize. Cyborg followed him. "How'd you do that?"
"I was winging it."
The two looked around the club. "So, where's our guy?" Cyborg asked.
"Over there." Beast Boy discreetly pointed in their target's direction. He was sitting at a table with people wearing absolutely hideous Hawaiian shirts.
"…It's like a genocide of color. Somewhere a rainbow is weeping."
"I'm just worried that someone's going to stare directly at the pattern and have a seizure."
The two shuddered. "Okay, let's do this." They walked over to the group.
"Hey!" Beast Boy said cheerfully. "I like your shirts."
"Thank you!" one of them said. "Here, we have an extra. Put it on!" He handed Beast Boy a shirt that looked like Las Vegas had thrown up on it. He was pretty sure it was literally glowing.
"No, I couldn't, it-"
"Put it on!" The man said, still smiling, but his voice was a bit harsher.
"…Okay then. Putting on the shirt."
Cyborg attempted to take some of the attention away from Beast Boy. "So, what's in your carrier, man?"
The man they'd been tracking tensed. "Nothing." He suddenly grabbed the carrier and ran out the doors.
"After him!" Beast Boy shouted.
The two ran outside just in time to see the man speed away in a car.
"No!"
A blue car suddenly rolled in front of them. The driver's side window rolled down and Robin looked at them.
"Get in."
The car wasn't small, but it wasn't big either. Starfire was sitting in the middle seat.
"I feel like I have been incarcerated in a blueberry." She said, sounding very uncomfortable.
"Why are you wearing a clown shirt?" Raven asked Beast Boy.
"This is no time for explanations, follow the car!"
Their car sped off after the man, following him to the docks.
"Split up!" Robin ordered "He should be easier to find."
"He's wearing a horrible shirt, you can't miss him!" Beast Boy added before running off after the man. They each went in a separate direction.
Beast Boy was walking to the north. The next thing he knew, he woke up in an abandoned warehouse. He could tell he was tied to a chair, but he couldn't see. He was pretty sure he was still at the docks. He could hear…animals? Lots of animals. Ones that shouldn't be here. He realized he was blindfolded. Remain calm. Do not panic. He thought.
"Did you get me a piñata?" he asked cheerfully.
"No." the man hissed.
"Pepsi Challenge?"
"No!"
"…Am I being executed?"
"Why are you following me?" Mystery Man growled.
"Why are YOU treating an animal like that?! Not cool, dude!"
The man stopped, then chuckled darkly. "You don't have a clue what's happening, do ya kid?" No answer. "Look, there's something I've gotta get off my chest."
"Is it your shirt? Please say no."
The man pulled off the blindfold, and he could see dozens of crates stacked nearly to the ceiling. The labels on the outside read: WARNING. LIVE ANIMALS. HANDLE WITH CARE.
"You're selling animals! This isn't just one monkey, this is a whole zoo!" he shouted at Mystery Man.
"Precisely. All. Over. The world. It's a big business. Me and my partners get a lot of money. So, let's see if we can work something out. You don't talk about this, and I'll let you go. Deal?"
Beast Boy noticed something move behind the man, just a second before Cyborg hit the man with a two-by-four, knocking him to the ground.
"Nice hit."
"Thanks," Cyborg said, cutting him loose. Then he looked at the crates.
"So much for being normal today."
"Yep." They didn't notice mystery man get up and run out of the warehouse until the man ran into a crate. He staggered, but didn't slow down.
"HEY! I NEED TO EXCHANGE WORDS WITH YOU, MAN! GET BACK HERE!"
They ran after him. When they got outside, they saw him running to his car, far ahead of them. They ran after him anyway. Halfway across the docks, they saw him approach his car.
"We're too late!" Beast Boy shouted.
The sudden SCREETCH of tires got them to look up just in time to see a blue car speed around a building and drive strait into the man.
THUD.
Robin leaned out the driver's window. "Sorry, my bad." He said to the groaning man on the ground.
Police sirens filled the air. Beast Boy looked down at the man. "Not bad for normal people."
"Eh. Not bad." Raven said.
He turned to her. "Don't you 'ehh' me. I found an intricate animal smuggling ring while wearing a shirt designed by a monkey coming off a three day sugar binge."
"It's not that bad." Cyborg threw in helpfully.
"It is quite colorful!" Starfire said happily.
"Whatever. We should leave before the police show up." Raven said. They all piled into the car.
"Where'd you get this car anyway, man?" Cyborg asked.
"Don't. Ask." Robin replied.
They drove back to the mall (it was only, like, three o'clock). When they stepped out of the car, Beast Boy walked into the mall first, then immediately walked back out.
"A little girl inside started crying when she saw this shirt!"
They all looked at each other. "I think we should just go back to the Tower."
"Good idea." Beast Boy called, already in the car.
AN: This started as a weird crack-y story but then I got carried away. I feel no shame.