She didn't understand it. He didn't love her anymore? Since when? Since their engagement? Since his promotion to Captain of the Guard? Since the day they began sharing an apartment together? Since they came to the Emerald City? Since their first kiss? Since the first time they had been intimate? How many times had they been intimate and he had not loved her? Had it been every time? Had he ever loved her?
The Wizard offered her a drink of the elixir to numb the pain. But she thought drink was a horrible vice. So the pain pounded, radiated from her. And the questions ran through her head, over and over again. When had he fallen out of love with her? How many "I love you"s were said out of a reflex, only because that was what he was supposed to say. How many embraces were just to keep her happy? How many tender moments were to keep her pacified.
What had changed? They had known each other for four years. Was she less beautiful now than when she had begun at Shiz? Had she sampled one bite of cake too many at a ball? Had her youthful makeup turned clownish? How was it possible to fall out of love with someone, had he ever really loved her? Had he simply thought he had. Did it matter? What was over was over.
Did she love him? Did she merely think she did because she was supposed to? Were her feelings genuine or were they simply a part of her happy public persona? Did she miss him or their relationship? If it was just their relationship, would she be hurting this badly? Would she by lying on her bed, crying into her pillow, unable to even send for her best friend because not only was she a terrorist, she was the other woman. He had chosen her.
He had chosen a life of being on the run to be with Elphaba over living in a palace to be with her. Was Elphaba really that much better than she was? He would give everything up just for the chance of being with her, even with all her baggage?
She couldn't avoid him. After committing grande treason, he had become Oz's second most wanted, second only to his beautiful lover. She couldn't avoid seeing his handsome face on the wanted posters. A reminder that he had chosen Elphaba over everything she had to offer.
Did he love Elphaba? She hoped so. If he had chosen someone else, he'd better be happy. She hoped he was happy. She didn't want him to be unhappy. If he came back to apologyze, she didn't know what she would do. Turn him angrily away? Open her arms to say him, say all was forgiven?
Did she love him still? Did he love her, at all? How did love fade?
She didn't understand it and sank into the embrace of sleep. Elsewhere the two people who she loved most and had hurt her most sank into each other's arms.