notes: so i thought i'd try my hand at the whole 'reincarnation' thing even though i don't really believe in it. i have to say, i had fun. it's probably pretty crappy, though.
prompts: reincarnation, the red string of fate
disclaimer: own nothing
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not about angels
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{oh my love, woncha' stop your cryin'}
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Mikasa Ackerman has been dreaming of the same boy since she was six.
At first it starts with small flashes and quick glimpses, but soon it becomes people, places, and him. Her mother is convinced it's all in her head—but Mikasa knows better. Maybe it's just a foolish and childish way of thinking, or the way he smiles at her and laughs in her dreams, but she's absolutely sure that she knew him once.
One night, when she's almost seven and sleeping soundly, her dreams turn into nightmares. There's blood everywhere and it stains her white dress and splatters the walls. Her parents are both dead and she's being bound and dragged off to someplace in the woods, and no one is coming to save her.
She's scared and all alone and doesn't know what to do, and then, the same boy is there. She's seen him before but this time it's different. She can see him clearly and for some reason, she knows what happens next before it does. He kills them—but just two of them. He hides his real intent behind a saccharine smile and they never see it coming.
But there's one more—one that he missed—and he doesn't see it until it's too late.
Mikasa does, though.
She wakes with a start that night, crying and calling for her parents because she needs to know it was just a dream.
Later though, she dreams of it again. It's the exact same scenario, except this time the boy wraps his red scarf around her to keep her warm. They're both six and they've both killed and that is where the story truly starts.
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{you wake up, it's a dream}
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She tells Sasha about it when they're eleven.
The brunette has been her best friend since first grade, and they've been together ever since. Sometimes, Mikasa thinks she used to know Sasha before, too. Her best friend's eccentricities and weird affinity for anything edible—especially potatoes—seems all-too familiar, and the girl just gets this unshakable feeling.
Sasha swallows a ridiculously large bite of her bologna sandwich. "I read something once about this thing called reincarnation. Basically, it's like when people die, they're reborn, and sometimes they remember things, sometimes they don't."
Mikasa stares down at her juice box. "I've never seen him before, but I just get this…feeling that I know him."
The brunette reaches inside her lunchbox and pulls out another sandwich. "Well hey, maybe he's just some hot boy you saw on TV or something and your brain decided you liked him."
Mikasa quietly reaches over and snatches her best friend's sandwich away before handing it to Reiner. Sasha squeals in protest and tries to get it back, but her efforts are in vain. The bulky blond boy gives her a mischievous grin and practically swallows the sandwich in two bites. The brunette starts to tear up and Mikasa sits next to her in silent satisfaction.
It was better punishment than revealing that Sasha had a crush on Connie Springer, after all.
She ends up giving her best friend half of her peanut butter and jelly, anyway.
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{sail across the ocean, the ocean deep and wide,
the storm will bring you to the other side}
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As she grows older, her dreams get more vivid. They paint a picture of times forgotten, times she feels that she's experienced contrary to what anyone else might say. There's a town within gigantic walls, packed with people and sometimes she thinks of it as more of a prison. In her dreams, they say that it keeps the remainder of humanity safe—from what she isn't quite sure, but that same boy is beside her side.
She learns that his name is Eren, and that she lives his family. As her dreams progress, she learns more about Eren—that he's stubborn, strong-willed, has a nice smile and an even nicer laugh. He gets into fights often, mostly because of her, and she thinks it's a shame because he has such a handsome face. He has brown hair that sometimes hangs in his eyes, which are the prettiest sea foam green she's ever seen. His best friend is a quiet blond boy by the name of Armin, who he introduces to her.
They quickly become friends, and Armin tells them tales of what lies beyond the walls from his banned book of secrets. There's a huge body of water—the sea, he calls it even though she already knows—and they all make a promise to one another. They'll all see it together, someday.
Eren wants to join the Survey Corps, to protect humanity and destroy all the Titans. He wants to see the outside world, to truly feel what it's like to be free.
"We're like caged animals, Mikasa," he tells her one sunny day as they lie beneath a shade tree. "I want to see what it's like out there."
And she decides, if Eren is going to join the Survey Corps, then she is too.
It's stupid and she knows it is—these are all just dreams, like her parents tell her—but it's like another world for her. Almost like a past life, because sometimes her dreams are just a little too life-like to be imaginary. They're more like memories.
She likes her dreams because she likes Eren—and Armin and Grisha and Carla, but mainly Eren—and it's not long before she realizes that she loves him. And it's ridiculous and hideously cruel because this boy she's in love with is just a figment of her imagination and it hurts.
So instead of listening to her parents, she decides that she likes Sasha's theory better. Maybe, just maybe, she knew him and he was real, and she doesn't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed.
Her dreams quickly turn into nightmares again when a Titan—an ugly colossal thing that's all muscle and tendons and teeth—destroys the wall they're living in. Her whole world in thrown into chaos in the span of five minutes. There are Titans everywhere—eating people and demolishing homes—and she's running with Eren.
Carla is eaten and Grisha is nowhere to be found and she wakes up screaming and crying again.
Her dreams are kind of a blur, after that. She trains with Eren to join the Survey Corps—and something weird happens because suddenly she's dreaming of Sasha and Connie and several other people that she doesn't recognize but feels that she knows. She's one of the top trainees, and makes it into the Survey Corps along with Eren and her friends, and things get crazy.
Eren is actually a Titan shifter and suddenly the military want to execute him but then Captain Levi is there—and shit, Levi, she knows him because they're related—and it's everything all at once. People are dying and Annie Leonhardt is the female class Titan, and Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir are also Titans. And she and Eren almost die because of the same Titan that ate Carla, and the whole of Squad Levi become fugitives, and Mikasa isn't really able to keep up anymore.
There is one thing she knows, though, and that is that she always wears the scarf Eren gave her in her dreams. It gives her comfort and makes her feel safe.
It isn't long before her dreams—filled with Titans and the Survey Corps and Eren—start to dwindle before they just disappear completely. She's been having them for years and suddenly they just stop.
She's not sure what to think of that, exactly.
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{freedom, my love, is a double-sided coin,
what have you done to earn your keep?}
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"If you're so fond of red scarves, why don't you just buy one?" Annie asks her one day when they're walking home from school one day.
Sometimes Mikasa lingers in front of a store a little too long—looking at scarves, of course. She's always been too afraid to buy one, though. It's a completely stupid reason, but she thinks that it just wouldn't be right. It's not the same scarf, after all.
"It's because she's pining for her star-crossed lover, Annie, and she just wouldn't feel the same if it isn't the exact same scarf." Sasha explains, shoving a couple of cookies into her mouth. "Duh."
So apparently Sasha had a problem with keeping her mouth shut, because one day a few months prior, Mikasa walked into class only to be tackled by Historia and Petra, who were crying and babbling on about 'true love' and 'not giving up.'
The story went—or at least it was what Sasha had frantically told her when the raven-haired girl threatened to take away her lunch for a week—that Ymir had asked why Mikasa liked scarves so much if she almost never wore them, and Sasha had 'accidentally' revealed the whole story about the Ackerman girl and her literal dream boy.
Thus how all her friends eventually found out about it because rumors spread like wildfire. No one dared to make fun of her for it, though—Mikasa Ackerman may have been a girl, but she could fight better than most of the boys she knew. That, and her friends thought it was the 'cutest thing' because apparently most of the time she 'lacked' common female characteristics like having a crush or blushing and whatnot.
Bullshit.
Complete and utter bullshit.
She knew that Sasha had been having dreams too—similar to hers—and some of the other girls had been having memory lapses as well.
"Ah!" Historia sighs, swinging her messenger bag around. "It's so romantic, Mikasa!"
Ymir rolls her eyes and Mikasa cracks a small smile.
"You're acting a little like Christa right now, Historia."
The blonde pauses mid-step, eyes wide and mouth open. "O-oh? Am I really? Sorry!"
Annie scoffs. "It's fine."
Mikasa falls behind a little, watching her friends laugh and talk in front of her. She likes this life—where Annie isn't a traitor and neither she or Ymir are Titans because they don't exist anymore, and Petra is alive and well and her friend now—but there's still something missing.
"Hey Mikasa! Are you coming? We're thinking about getting milkshakes!" Sasha calls back to her.
The raven-haired girl jumps a little in surprise, and casts one last glance back to the clothing store that's having its annual winter sale during the spring months.
"Yeah, I'm coming."
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{each day a new beginning, well it's all comin' back now}
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Sasha shivers next to her as they walk to school. "It's so frickin' cold for August! What gives, seriously? And on the first day of high school too!"
Mikasa shrugs and rubs her arms in an attempt to keep herself warm. Her family hasn't broken out the heavy winter clothes yet, and so she's only wrapped up in a chunky cardigan and a beanie she managed to dig up out of her drawer. She's more than inclined to agree that the temperature being fifty-four degrees in August is more than a little absurd.
Sasha's teeth chatter and make her stutter. "M-Mikasa, tell me a s-story to take m-my mind off this s-stupid weather."
The Ackerman girl blinks. "What kind of story?"
"I-I dunno! Y-your mom's Japanese! You s-should have lots o-of stories I-I haven't heard y-yet!"
Mikasa's cloudy gray eyes turns heavenward and she frowns at the overcast sky. "Well…I do have one."
"A-anything!" Sasha pleads.
Mikasa sighs and wraps her purple cardigan tighter around herself. "There's an old folklore story my mother used to tell me when I was little. Have you ever heard of the red string of fate? No? Alright well, according to the story, it's an invisible red string that's wrapped around your finger, as well as your soulmate's finger. Apparently, it's supposed to lead you two together. There's a saying like, 'the string may tangle, but it will never break.' So basically you're bound to that person forever, whether you're with them or not. It's never severed."
The brunette furiously rubs her hands together and blows on them. "T-that's a good one. You'll have to be sure t-to tell it to Historia one of these days. And Petra, too. They like those kinds o-of things."
It's quiet for the remainder of their walk, but when they reach the school grounds, Sasha turns to her suddenly, face serious.
"Hey Mikasa, you're the only one who really remembers a lot about the past. I mean, I've had dreams kind of like yours too, but not as many as you. The other girls are the same way, I think," the brunette pauses, "Do you…do you think we won? Against the Titans? Do you think we beat them and saved humanity?"
The raven-haired girl is taken aback for a moment, because while they talk about their past, this isn't a question that's ever come up before. Memories of bodies, blood, and war flash before her eyes and she almost trips over the sidewalk in her daze.
"Yeah…I think we did."
Sasha smiles softly, and looks up at the sky.
"That's good. I'm glad."
Mikasa doesn't really pay attention to her classes or fellow students the rest of the day. Her mind is somewhere else—in an old castle outside the walls with Levi and Eren and the others. In a place where Marco isn't laughing with Jean and Annie's stuck in a crystal case and Sasha still east just as much as she does now.
She almost misses her name when it's called in roll, and Sasha or Ymir have to remind her what classes she's in because she wasn't paying attention to the schedule. Her mind is still elsewhere during lunch, but something Annie says brings her back to reality.
"There's a guy in my algebra class—Eren Jaeger, I think—who got into a fight with Jean today."
Historia pulls her sandwich out of her lunchbox. "Oh really? You know, I think I heard something about that. Apparently he and Jean were classmates back in junior high and they didn't get along very well."
"You knew that because you talked to Marco," Ymir points out, voice flat.
Mikasa drops the apple she'd been absentmindedly munching on. "Did you say Eren Jaeger?"
Annie stares at her and raises a brow. "Yes…?"
Sasha laughs. "Yeah, keep up with the program, Mikasa! You've been kinda out of it all day, are you okay?"
She picks her apple back up and takes another bite. "I'm fine."
"Whatever you say, Ackerman."
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{so walk these broken roads, what's pretending might as well
be lost}
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After school she waits by the front steps for Sasha—who's probably off pranking some poor other freshman—and nods to Levi as he passes by. He's a senior and she's a freshman, so they won't be seeing that much of each other.
"Mikasa," he returns her nod.
"Levi."
She stands there—practically freezing—as she watches her former captain head home. It's not something she's ever discussed with him, but he already seems to know so it's more like an unspoken agreement. She can tell from the look in his eyes, and the relief on his face when he first saw that Petra was alive.
Which was pretty much the giveaway because he wasn't even supposed to know her.
They probably won't ever speak about it, and that's just fine with her. But she can't help her curiosity, sometimes.
She's so focused on Levi's back that she doesn't notice the person walking up behind her and wrap something around her neck. Mikasa jump and abruptly turns on her heel—trailing scarlet ends of something flying—and finds herself looking into all-too familiar sea green eyes.
She freezes.
"S-sorry! You looked cold so—," his voice trails off and everything goes silent for a moment.
She can hear Jean's laughter in the background, and Sasha and Connie's screeching and calling of her name, but she can only focus on the teenager in front of her.
"E-Eren? I-is…"
She loses her courage and instead chooses to study the grass under her flats. There are so many thing she wants to ask, so many things she wants to do, but she's afraid. Because what if he doesn't remember her?
Mikasa closes her eyes tightly and clenches her fists.
A hand catches the end of her long hair and runs through it. "You hair…it's gotten long again, huh?"
She looks up in surprise, and Eren gives her a smile in return.
He's even more handsome than she remembers.
"Are you…going to tell me I should cut it again?"
He tucks a lock behind her ear. "Actually I was going to say that I think you should keep it that way. It looks nice."
She hugs him, after that.
"Hey Eren have you seen—," Armin cuts himself off and smiles.
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{and raise the walls, my only sons,
you know i will follow}
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"So," Sasha speaks up a couple months later from her position on Mikasa's bedroom floor, "I guess that whole reincarnation thing was true?"
Mikasa glances at a picture of both her and Eren on her desk. "Guess so."
"And like, the red string theory was totally true too. Except for you guys, it's a lot of red strings. 'Cause that scarf, Mikasa, isn't it what kind of brought you together in the first place?"
The Ackerman girl smiles and hides it in said scarf as she returns to studying. "…guess so."
"Dammit!" Sasha suddenly screeches, and grabs her head in dismay. "Why can't I remember any of my other lives?! I wanna know if I was like, a super-rich duchess or queen or something!"
"Yeah Sasha! You probably were! During the French Revolution period."
The brunette shrieks. "Dammit Connie! Just 'cause you live next door and both Mikasa and your windows are open does not mean that you can just contribute to the conversation!"
Mikasa smiles at Eren through the window, and he smiles back as Sasha continues to berate a laughing Connie Springer.
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{you know i might follow}
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