BEFORE THE STORM
It had taken nearly only twenty minutes of internal debating before the impatience set in.
Raven Reyes had never been known for being a patient woman. She had always lived by a life is short sort of mentality, especially with her dangerous occupation, and life in space was never certain by any means. She was especially intolerant when it came to the boy next door… he had been her rock for so long. She might have reluctantly called it quits on a romantic relationship between them, but there was a history there that could never be undone. She would always care for him, always love him, but maybe it really was time to move on.
"We're good," she had told him earlier that day. "We are. I just want you to be happy."
Nothing hurt worse than being cheated on, but Raven would always consider Finn Collins her best friend. He had betrayed her, yes, but she knew that boy better than he knew himself and he had still kept her alive all of these years. She had known for some time that things between them had fizzled out. They had been together since they were still too young to even understand what being in a relationship meant; there had been passion in the beginning though it had dwindled down since his confinement. They would have to be better off as friends and Raven was trying to accept that, despite the pain that still lingered in her chest at the separation.
Except now Finn was missing and presumed dead. She had replayed the last moment they had spoken in her head a thousand times already, feeling sick to her stomach to realize the people who were so intent on murdering them all had her best friend and only love. She could have been with him right now. She had been about to offer to go on the hunt with him, just to prove to them both that she could handle just friendship again even if she wasn't sure she could, but instead that jealous envy inside of her at the sight of the familiar blonde at his side had hindered her.
Raven regretted staying behind. She regretted assuming the worst as well and trying to take her mind off of that heartache by using someone else. It had done nothing more than make her feel cheap and unsatisfied and the pain of loss still lingered regardless. She had known it was a mistake the moment it was over; she had known it was a mistake before she even entered the tent to be honest. She had resolved never to enter it again, because propositioning Bellamy Blake was a bad idea all around. He might have had a reputation, but she still felt ashamed for using him that way.
Nothing could excuse it. She had been thinking clearly if not irrationally, but all Raven had been able to think about all day was about how her former boyfriend was off gallivanting with pretty princess Clarke Griffin in a nice secluded grove somewhere. It had only been two days since their break up, but considering it had only taken him ten days for anything serious to happen before, and if rumors were to be believed Finn had struck up that dalliance upon arrival, Raven had assumed they had decided to go for it.
Raven had never considered that either of them might be reluctant to rush into anything, though in hindsight it really should have been a thought because she was not the only victim to that particular betrayal. Clarke had been hurt alongside Raven in this situation. She had fallen for a charming boy who never mentioned anything about having a girlfriend, and had only found out when said girlfriend showed up. They had never talked about it beyond that one time, but Raven could remember the tears in bright blue eyes and could only imagine how badly it felt to be played that way.
It was a mistake to assume that Clarke would simply fall back into a relationship with a man that had essentially made her into the other woman. Finn had broken any trust he had managed to establish by misrepresenting himself, and though Clarke was definitely a bit too compassionate and forgiving for her own good, she did not give away her trust freely. Raven should have known better to assume otherwise, but it was done now and there was no way to change it. She knew the truth and those assumptions had only wasted precious time, time that could have been better spent searching.
Raven had been nursing hurt feelings and wounded pride while her best friend and her tentative friend had been abducted. Everything was beginning to fall apart. People were being hunted and brutally attacked, grounders were using biological warfare, the injuries and deaths kept on climbing, and the fact that Clarke was missing had everyone in a panic.
No one knew how to help that Miles kid. They had done what they could, but no one had much hope that he would survive much longer without some real doctoring. He kept asking for Clarke too, which only reminded everyone that the only person with any sort of medical training was gone, and that seemed to make them all worry for their own health.
Morale among the colony was nonexistent and not even the small haul of food to replenish the reserves had done much to raise the spirits. There was unrest, but what pissed Raven off the most was the fact that everyone was complaining yet no one was even attempting to come up with a solution. Three people missing, one of whom simply disappeared during search and rescue, and everyone was making small talk and whining about how they were supposed to go on. They should have all been strategizing on how to get there people back instead, but she knew of at least one person who was probably taking this seriously.
Bellamy would never stand for it. He had been the one to organize that first search. He even had to be talked down from going off in search of Monty, but conceded to waiting for daylight before they searched again. He genuinely seemed to care about everyone in the camp and Raven was certain that Bellamy was in his tent right now, studying maps and preparing for groups and search grids. She just had to pluck up the courage to join him and maybe together they could come up with a viable plan.
Entering that tent again would be awkward. She had previously decided to never enter it again, but circumstances being what they were had done away with that conviction. That little reputation Bellamy had about his sexual prowess was not exaggerated in the least. It had been an exhausting experience and, perhaps under different circumstances, it would have been extremely satisfying, except for the fact that Raven had struggled the entire time to not call out the wrong name. She was under no illusion that it had meant anything.
Bellamy had even said as much and the feeling was mutual. It was just sex and it had been an utter mistake, but what was done was done. She had wanted to steer clear of this particular tent and occupant for as long as it took to regain her dignity. She had never intended to have to confront him so soon afterwards either; she had never anticipated the fact that, while she had been getting her rocks off in a resentful rage, two people she cared about were probably being tortured or worse.
Necessity demanded it now though, because there was no way in hell she was just going to sit down like everyone else and twiddle her thumbs until someone got off their ass. That was not who Raven was. She had waited only ten minutes for Bellamy to exit the tent in order to make this as painless as possible, but that little nagging voice in the back of her head and the fact that it was apparent he was not coming out any time soon irritated her into gathering her nerves.
For a man who was supposedly a womanizer, Bellamy had been oddly respectful during their little tryst. He never made her feel as foolish as she was making herself feel, but it was still uncomfortable being around him now and it was all her fault. That shame was no match for the determination to find a solution though, and Raven strode purposely across the camp and toward the large shelter that housed their elusive rebel leader. She paused only momentarily outside of the long flap that acted as a door before putting on her game face and pushing her way inside. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words never came out as she stared in shock at the sight that met her eyes.
Everything had been organized hours before, not meticulously so, but all of the items seemed to have a place of their own. Somewhere in between Raven doing the walk of shame after a meaningless rough and tumble and now, someone had trashed everything inside to pieces. No object was left untouched in this destruction. The small rack of weapons beside the entrance was on the ground, somehow kicked over with knives and guns spilling out precariously across the ground. Furs that had once made up the makeshift bed were shredded beyond recognition, as if someone had taken a blade to them, and the pallet they had rested on was overturned and broken in places.
It was a startling transformation from the warm and inviting space it had been earlier.
Raven could only stare for a long moment, completely taken aback by the total devastation in the once nice shelter. She would have thought that someone had invaded, possibly the grounders or one of the others that was upset with an order, had it not been for the culprit still in action. She watched as fists pounded hard against a large metal rack, knuckles torn and bloody from the force of the strikes, boots slamming down with enough force to actually bend the bar of the chairs that had been misappropriated from the dropship.
Anything Raven had been prepared to say quickly evaporated. "… Bellamy," she began hesitantly, and immediately the man in question stiffened at her unwelcome intrusion. He did not bother turning around, every muscle in his back visibly tense beneath the tattered shirt drawn tight against his body. His chest was heaving with effort, though there was nothing to suggest exhaustion from the low, utterly cold tone of his voice when he spoke.
"Get out."
Raven felt an involuntary shudder go down her spine and swallowed nervously. She had been around Bellamy for a while now; he was someone she liked to think of as a friend or at least an ally. She knew his reputation beyond carnal pleasures, of course, had even witness the aftermath of his brutal interrogation of the grounder they had captured. She had contributed to that as well though, and had never quite believed the rumors of him being callous and dangerous, despite know of how he gained passage to the ground to begin with.
It was difficult to reconcile the man regarded with fear to the man Raven knew. She had witnessed the doting and devoted brother, who guarded Octavia with a fierce protectiveness, had watched the patient and proud teacher who taught the younger children how to skin small animals and how to thwart an attacker enough to run away or the older ones how to hold a gun or incapacitate an assailant with ease. She knew the leader that struggled to keep everyone healthy and fed and alive, and who was willing to take advice from one stubborn blonde.
This Bellamy was none of those, and Raven knew that with a certainty when the man finally turned his head. He regarded her with dark, empty eyes that chilled her to the bone. She wondered idly how the stranger in front of her could possibly be the man that had done so much for everyone; she wondered how he could be the man that had given her an opportunity to back out of sex with him when she had so foolishly propositioned him. She questioned how he could have changed in so short amount of time.
"Bellamy…" she said again, taking a hesitant step forward.
"I already told you," he said coolly, cutting off any attempt to speak. He reached absently for a shirt on the ground and began cleaning the blood from his hands. "I am not that guy. You got what you wanted and I don't do repeat performances. Go find someone else."
Irritation bubbled up before Raven could contain it, always one quick to be defensive, and an angry flush stained her cheeks. "Oh get over yourself, shooter," she scoffed at him, giving him an up and down look with her arms crossed over her chest. "I am not one of those girls that follow you around everywhere hoping for an ounce of attention. It was sex, not a love confession and frankly I should have taken your advice because now I just feel shittier than before."
Bellamy dropped the makeshift rag, glancing at her blankly. "Glad we cleared that up," he nodded. "Now get the hell out of my tent."
"Not until we discuss what we are going to do."
He raised an eyebrow. "About?"
Raven frowned at him in return. "Has it escaped your notice that we have three missing people, Bellamy?" she asked harshly, agitation running through her at his seemingly nonchalant attitude. She shook her head. "Who knows what those brutes are doing to Finn and Clarke right now, and we still don't even know what happened to Monty! Not to mention Miles is still hurt and probably dying right now, which has everyone freaking out about having no healer when things inevitably go to hell, and no one is doing anything about it!"
"And you expect me to do something about it?"
Raven stared at him in disbelief. "Yes," she snapped. "I figured you would have started planning shit out already, but obviously I overestimated your abilities to lead everyone during a crisis. So how about we get started, because I really want to leave at first light tomorrow morning and unless we come up with a viable plan now, that probably isn't going to happen and we will waste even more time that could have been spent trying to find them."
Bellamy never responded. He instead righted the overturned pallet and sat down.
"Seriously?" Raven spat. "Those are our people out there, our friends, and you are just going to sit there and do nothing to help them?" He said nothing, again choosing not to reply, and she could feel angry tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "You are a real piece of work, you know that? Finn was right about you… and Clarke… she actually defended you to him. She trusts you and apparently you can't be bothered to give a shit that someone is probably torturing her for information right now."
It had not escaped notice that Bellamy had barely reacted earlier. He had organized the search for Clarke and Finn, taking only a handful of people with the radios, but upon stumbling across Miles there had been something oddly detached about his response to learning the fate of their missing friends. He had apologized to her about Finn possibly, probably being dead, but there was no one to apologize for Clarke meeting the same fate. She had chalked it all up to the stress of the situation earlier, but now… she wondered if that assessment had been mistaken.
"Get out."
Raven shook her head in disgust. She spun on her heel and slapped the door flap out of the way. "Gladly," she snarled on her way out, muttering under her breath, "You uncaring bastard!"
The young woman made it all the way inside of her own tent before the resentment and revulsion began to ebb and her rational thought kicked back in. She slowed to a sudden halt at the sight of the munitions and gunpowder spread out on the table, the sight forcing her to recall the weapons scattered on the floor and the complete destruction that she had just left behind.
Any remaining anger drained with a single breath.
She forced herself to think back on the moment she had walked in, the way Bellamy had been intent on reshaping tempered metal solely with the force of his own strength regardless of the fact it was physically damaging to himself. He had been venting, much like the way Raven had wanted to expel her own ire on his face just moments ago. She sighed and turned right back around, striding across the distance with a heavy feeling in her gut, once again entering the large tent without first announcing herself. Her heart gave a pang of sympathy at the sight that greeted her this time.
Bellamy was still in the same position on the pallet, elbows resting on his knees, but there was something defeated to his countenance. His bloodied fingers were threaded through his hair, gripping the strands tight between them, and his expression was of unreserved despair. His slightly reddened eyes flickered up to her face when he realized she had returned and the line of his jaw clenched and released. His eyes remained dry, but the emotion was there.
"… They took her," he said hoarsely, and it was then she understood.
Raven stared at him uncertainly, knowing without a doubt that he was not uncaring at all, just the opposite in fact. He cared too much. She took a hesitant step forward and sat herself down beside him. She dared not touch him, because she was sure that would only anger him once again, but she hoped he took the same comfort in her presence as she did in his just then. They were both in the same situation and neither of them knew what to do next.
"They took him," she acknowledged in return, not knowing what else to say.
Bellamy drew a hand down his face. "Clarke has been a pain in my ass since the moment we got off that ship," he laughed hollowly, and Raven cringed inwardly at the sound. "She was always questioning me, always contradicting me, but…" He swallowed and stared down at his torn knuckles. "She was always there, somehow getting beneath my skin, giving me advice, helping me make decisions…"
"Do you love her?"
Raven had not meant to ask that particular question, probably because she was scared to know the answer. Her first lover and her last lover, both the only two people she had ever been with, and they had both fallen for the same girl. It was a bit of a slight to the ego, but to be fair Bellamy had never been hers. She didn't want him anyway. She wondered if Bellamy had been thinking of Clarke when they had sex with each other, just like Raven had been thinking of Finn.
It would make sense in a twisted sort of way. She wanted Finn, Bellamy wanted Clarke, but neither could have what they wanted because Finn and Clarke wanted each other so they both went to someone else to distract from that reality. It might not have been right and it definitely had not helped, but reality sucked sometimes and people don't always get what they want.
Bellamy glanced at her, seriously considering the question. He nodded slowly after a moment. "Not yet," he admitted with a slight smile to his lips. "She still annoys the hell out of me most of the time, but the rest of the time all I can do is look at her and wonder how someone so frustrating can still be the most remarkable woman I know. She told me a while back that she needed me." His smile vanished and he frowned deeply. "I think I might need her more."
"… You are way more complicated than I thought," Raven sighed to herself. "Here I was thinking you were the safe option to avoid any sticky complications, but instead you come with more baggage than I do."
"There is nothing safe about me," Bellamy told her, and at first Raven thought it might have been a suggestive comment, but the solemn tone of his voice said otherwise. "Everyone I care about gets hurt because of me."
Raven sighed. "Bellamy—"
"Clarke was supposed to be with me," he interjected, silencing whatever she had been about to say. He clenched his hand into a fist and watched as a fresh bead of blood curved down his wrist from the strain on his knuckles. "She was supposed to be with me. It was her idea to go hunting today and we agreed to go together. I made the decision not to when I saw her with Finn. He invited himself along in our group and I decided to back out."
Raven pursed her lips. "You backed out? Has anyone told you that you have a really skewed sense of honor?" she asked exasperatedly.
"You did the same thing," Bellamy said. "You broke up with him. You were even going to leave today until I talked you out of it. It's what we're supposed to do, right? Be selfless and let them be happy together?"
It was all Raven could do not to snort. "Screw that," she declared fiercely. "I have been trying to do that for two whole days, but you know what? Finn was right—I am pissed and we are so not good at the moment, but I am not just going to back down without a fight. That might make me a selfish bitch, but a lifetime spent together cannot be so easily undone by two weeks of useless flirting and a grieving romp in the woods. His infatuation will fizzle out sooner rather than later, because I know him. He gets obsessed with an unattainable idea until he can make it happen and when it does he loses interest entirely. Clarke is unattainable in his mind because of who she is and what they were before. He will lose interest the moment things get serious."
Bellamy raised an eyebrow, a quiet sort of anger brewing in his eyes. "Your boyfriend and I are going to have problems one day," he stated irately, but then his expression softened and he regarded her with a curious frown. "You sound certain."
"I am," Raven nodded resolutely, knowing it was not just her surety of reestablishing her own relationship that he was speaking of. "We will find them, Bellamy. You already admitted that I am a genius and clearly you are more than just a janitor to have come this far with your own personal tribe to lead. We just need a moment to get our shit together first and then attack this situation with everything we have. We will get them back; we need them too much. Not the camp, but you and I need them and we are selfish people."
Bellamy did not dispute the claim, though still seemed uncertain.
"Finn owes it to me to at least try," she added with a shrug. "If it still doesn't work between us, then I will concede and move on like you told me to. You though…" She gave him a sideways glance. "Clarke is definitely not going to go for you if you're sleazing around with every girl in camp. Either keep it in your pants or become intimately reacquainted with your right hand, okay buddy?"
"You propositioned me, Raven," he reminded her. "You came in here and began taking your clothes off."
Raven rolled her eyes. "As if it was an offer you couldn't refuse. You barely even looked at me until I kissed you. You were just as hurt and angry as I was thinking Finn and Clarke had used the hunt as an excuse to be alone with one another, if not for sex then at least to talk about their relationship in private. We both wanted to forget and maybe even get back at them somehow. It was stupid, and now that we have both admitted that, we can move on."
"And when they find out what happened between us?" Bellamy queried, and she considered it a success that he seemed to have adopted her confidence that they would succeed in rescuing them. "Do you really think either of them is just going to forgive us for screwing each other while they were kidnapped?"
Raven shrugged. "Finn can hardly judge me for it, especially since only one of us had an encounter like that while actually separated," she pointed out. "Clarke will probably be more accepting than you think, and I know this because who do you think told me that there was a different girl or even more than one girl in your bed almost every night? She knows that you sleep around. It's not like you've gone out of your way to keep it a secret that you're a total slut."
Bellamy glared at her for the insult.
"Deny it," she challenged, smirking when his jaw clenched in reply. "You and Clarke are not together yet and we both know she won't hold it against you. Her mother was responsible for floating her father and even before the Exodus ship crashed Clarke was probably already talking herself out of holding that grudge. She will still see you for who you are and the only thing she will care about is you being honest with her. She already trusts you too, she flat out told Finn that she does, so just keep doing whatever it is you're doing."
"… I haven't been doing anything," Bellamy admitted in slight confusion.
Raven felt her smirk grow. He might not have been doing anything intentionally, but whether he was aware of it or not there was already something there. She had no idea if it was mutual or not, but Clarke would have to be insane not to melt beneath the puppy eyes that seemed to manifest solely in her presence. It might be a ways off for anything serious to develop between the two, but the more Raven thought about it the more she was sure it would happen eventually.
It was a comforting thought.
"Whatever you say," she snickered to herself, taking a moment to enjoy this comfortable camaraderie between them. It had come out of nowhere, especially in the wake of their awkward encounter, but it was easy to talk to this version of Bellamy. He was much more pleasant than the one that was furious and desperate, unleashing those emotions in one catastrophic wave of fury and ruin; at that thought she glanced at his battered hands. "She is going to be pissed if you broke your hand though."
Bellamy flexed his fingers. "Probably," he murmured in agreement, reaching for the shirt again to clean the last of the wet blood way. He had finally stopped bleeding, the wounds crusted over enough, but it was a bit of a gruesome sight. He also finally seemed to realize the mess he had made and sighed after giving the chaotic interior of the tent a cursory glance.
Raven was tempted to teasingly ask if he regretted throwing a tantrum, but there were more important things to discuss now that the air had cleared. "Got your shit together yet?" she asked seriously.
Bellamy was silent and still for all of two seconds. He then rose in one swift motion and reached down to retrieve the map that had fallen to the floor during his rage. He spread it out carefully and studied it. "We found Miles not too far from the northern clearing," he said, pointing to a location. "It is nowhere near the boundary marked by the skeletons, so I am thinking that they might have taken them to one of the abandoned towns."
Peering downward at the papers, Raven nodded. "There are some caves near the clearing as well, closer to the river. Some of them go deep, so they could be hiding in there somewhere. Monty was closest to the river than any of us too when he disappeared, so that might be where they took him. We should probably split into multiple groups to search for them, equip each with a radio and stay in contact at all times in case everything goes to hell."
"… Raven?" Bellamy said quietly, and she looked up curiously. He studied her face briefly and nodded once. "Never stop being a selfish bitch. It makes you interesting."
Raven stared in surprise, but a smile quickly worked its way across her features. "Never stop being an uncaring bastard, Bellamy." She nodded back at him and they both turned their full attention onto the map. She knew what he was saying, because she was thinking along the same lines. They were similar in that way. They were similar in a lot of ways, in fact, which is why their personalities clashed occasionally.
Their temperaments were not suited romantically, but there was an understanding between them. Maybe it wasn't quite friendship, but it was something close to it. Both of them had made mistakes today, with each other and especially when it came to Finn and Clarke. It was too late to change the past, but they would get through this. They had to get through this. Tonight was the calm before the storm. Tonight they would strategize and plan out the finer details of their search and subsequent rescue mission.
Tomorrow would bring a maelstrom of unpredictable events even for the most meticulous of plans, because the future was just as uncertain down here on the ground as it had been in space. They would get the people that had been taken from them. They would bring them all back alive and intact, because it was unthinkable to bring them back any other way. Failure was not an option, not in this moment. They would survive.
Let the storm come.
END