August 10th, 1980 was the day Donna and I broke up for good.

Of course there was October 5th of that same year. That was the day she started dating Casey fucking Kelso again.

It wasn't another year, Christmas of '81, til they announced their engagement. God, talk about the worst Christmas I ever had. It was like telling a little kid that Santa Claus isn't real and that they're never going to get another Christmas gift again. They lose all their hope and have nothing to look forward to anymore. They don't have any reason left to smile. It breaks their heart the same way mine was broken.

Three months after Casey and Donna got engaged, Jackie and Kelso got married and I didn't even go to the wedding. I felt really bad about it, 'cause I mean, Kelso's my best friend and all. My mother and father went though, and oh, I had a WONDERFUL time hearing all the stories about how WONDERFUL Casey and Donna are, and how WONDERFUL their wedding is going to be.

Fucking wonderful.

But all these days were just leading up to the day that I prayed would never come. September 25, 1982. Casey and Donna's wedding.

I don't know why I even bothered to show up. It had been nearly a year since I had talked to her, but it was Laurie who had talked me into going. She went on this long thing like, "Blah blah blah, you've known the both of them for a long time, blah blah blah, you and Donna were friends way before you started dating, she'd be happy if you went, blah blah." Why did I listen to her? Nobody takes advice from Laurie unless they're a new prostitute in town or something and need to learn the streets.

Nevertheless, I went. I sat in the back, away from my family, away from my friends...away from everybody who knew anything about the past. I didn't feel like being around anyone that really knew me.

She walked down the aisle with Bob and...oh my god, she was gorgeous. No other dress could've been more perfect on her, her blonde hair was curled and waving all over the place. I wanted to reach out and touch her. Tell her that I loved her and I missed her and that I would treat her so much better than Casey ever would. I wanted to run up to the altar, knock Casey down and marry Donna myself.

I once had the chance to marry Donna.

But you know what? I fucked that up. I was the one who bailed on her and left her standing there all by herself. And why, because I was scared? Because I wasn't ready? I shouldn't have done that, even if I was an immature punk ass kid. I should've acted like a man and quit being so afraid. Now that I look back on it, I don't even remember what I was so afraid about. Donna just didn't deserve it. I'm lucky she even wanted to look at me again. There's not a day that goes by where I don't hate myself for not marrying her.

When the priest uttered the words, "...Speak now or forever hold your peace.", you don't even know how much I had to hold myself back from standing up and objecting. But I looked up, and Donna turned around. She saw me. She locked eyes with me and we just kind of drifted away into memories of one another and stared. It was as if she was waiting for me to say something...like she wanted me to say something. But I didn't. All I could do was mouth to her, "I love you."

Oh, Eric Forman. I like how you finally man up and tell her how you feel when it's already too fucking late.

Nobody objected. And then that was the end for me. They were husband and wife. The girl I had known was Donna Pinciotti was no more, and she had taken on the act of being Donna Kelso. If you ask me, Donna Forman sounds a whole lot better.

And as if the wedding wasn't bad enough, I literally thought of drinking myself to death at the reception. The first dance was Thirteen, the song by Big Star that Donna and I used to call our song. She was dancing with Casey Kelso to OUR SONG. Nothing ever hurt more than that, not even the time in third grade when Kelso and Hyde decided to push me off the swing at the playground and I broke my arm and leg. No, this hurt way worse.

Not that the entire reception was a horror movie. I mean, it was pretty funny to see seven months pregnant Jackie ordering Kelso around, and calling him 'Michael' in that shrill voice she never really matured out of. I danced with my mom a couple times, because my dad refused to dance and kept calling everyone on the dance floor "dumbasses." Right as I stepped off the floor with Mom, I found Jackie right in front of me.

"Oh, hey Jackie. How's everything with the baby coming along? And by the way, Kelso called me about it last week, and yeah, I'll totally be the godfather."

"That's great." She said. "She's due November 24th, so don't forget the date or anything. But um...that's not what I wanted to come see you about."

"So what's the matter?"

"It's about this. I know this has to be really tough for you. Eric, even I know that this should be your wedding reception, that should've been you up there marrying Donna, things should've..."

Oh, Jackie had never been so right before.

"Yeah, well you know." I said. "Things don't always work out the way you planned." I was acting so nonchalant about it when all I wanted to do was throw myself into Jackie's arms and cry, considering she was the only one who understood how hard this was for me. "But um...yeah, Jackie. Tell Kelso I'll call him tomorrow and I'll probably see you guys sometime this week." She nodded, and headed over to Laurie. As I walked away I could hear Laurie ask, "How is he?"

Even Laurie understood it. How could the two most airheaded girls understand the way I feel and yet no one else could? Maybe it's a stupid chick thing. I walked to the bar, agreeing with myself that, yeah, maybe I should drink myself to death. I wasn't sure what to order, and when I looked down at the menu, I heard a familiar voice say my name.

"Eric?"

I turned to the left.

Donna.

"Hey! Congratulations on..." I got lost in her eyes and I swear I almost lost my balance admiring how stunning she was. It was funny how after so long, I still couldn't get over my addiction to her allure.

She definitely noticed that I couldn't even finish my goddamn sentence. "Thank you. It means a lot to me that...that you came. Truth be told, I didn't think you would." She laughed and then sized me up. "Well, you're looking quite sharp."

I faked a smile. "Thanks. You know, you're looking pretty sharp yourself. Actually, you're looking pretty...pretty." Moron.

Donna looked down the floor. "Thank you, Eric, thank you. So um..."

Whatever she was going to say, I'll never know, because I cut her off before she could continue. "Donna, I'm sorry." I said in a low voice.

She looked a little alarmed when I said that. She wasn't expecting it. "Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"Everything. I'm sorry that I didn't marry you, I'm sorry that I was such an asshole for you to break up with me, I'm sorry that I let you go without telling you how much I really loved you." I was almost in tears. She got this sad look in her eyes, like she was wishing I said all of this earlier. "I know, I know...it's just...I wish I could just...but...Eric, you know..." The tears started rolling down her cheeks.

Great. I had just caused the beautiful bride to break down crying. Thank god we were the only two people standing by the bar.

"Donna, don't cry. Alright? Don't cry." I hugged her, and I could feel her breath on my neck and all I wanted to do was kiss her. But this was a married woman, and kissing her would be wrong. I'd never get to kiss her again.

She quietly cried in my arms for a couple minutes until she finally managed to whisper exactly what I was thinking about her. "I love you, Eric. You know that I love you." I patted her on the back and looked up at the ceiling. "I know, Donna, I know." She got herself together and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I bet my makeup is all screwy looking, isn't it?" She laughed.

I laughed along with her. "Yeah, it is kind of screwy looking." And then we stood there laughing, totally drowning out the rest of the world. Nobody else mattered at that moment.

"Well I better..."

"Yeah. You better." I said.

She smiled sadly. "Well look, maybe we can get together sometime? You know, go out and get something to eat one day."

"Yeah!" Whoa, a little too excited there Eric. "Yeah Donna, definitely. Um, Jackie and Kelso have my number, so just ask one of them and call me." Donna turned around and looked to see Casey coming toward us. "Foreplay!" He yelled. "I didn't know you were here."

"Hey Casey. I was just leaving actually. Um, this has been great, congratulations to both of you. Bye."

"Bye." They both said. Donna gave a little wave and turned away with Casey.

I walked back to my table, said goodbye to my parents and everybody else, and when I was about to go toward the door, the music changed from a slow ballad to an upbeat disco song that Donna and I knew so well.

Fernando by Abba.

I looked back one more time. Jackie was pulling Kelso on the dance floor and he shrugged to me. Those two idiots will never get old. And then finally, just as the chorus kicked in, I locked eyes with Donna again. Casey was off somewhere else and she was standing there on the floor with everybody else around here. She twirled around a little bit and mouthed the lyrics to me. She laughed and waved to me again. I waved back at her and shook my head laughing. And with that, I turned the handle of the door and I was gone.

If I had to do the same again, I would my friend, Fernando.

That was the last time I ever saw Donna.

Through the years, I talked to her a couple more times on the phone, but we never did get to go out for dinner like we said we would. Eventually I lost all touch with her. In the mid 80s, when Jackie and Kelso moved to Boston, she and Casey did the same. It was weird...Jackie and Kelso would come back every few years and visit, but Donna and Casey never did. They would always give me updates on how they were doing, how their six kids were doing - yeah, six - and all that jazz.

I got married and had a daughter Bridget, but when Bridget was six, my wife died and I've been left alone with our daughter ever since. Bridget is a junior in high school now, and I feel bad, because I think by now she's heard every single story about Donna there's ever been to tell. Hell, she probably knows more about Donna than Donna does herself.

You know...it's hard. It's hard, because to this day, I still can't stop thinking about Donna and everything that I lost with her. We could've had so much, we could've been together forever. And now I don't even talk to the girl. And sometimes at night, right before I fall asleep and dream of her, I wonder if she's somewhere out there, feeling the same way about me.

I'll never know.

So many things that I'll never know...