The Evil Stick wasn't sure about publishing this at first. This short story was only supposed to be a few paragraphs randomly inserted into "Professor Erza's Mandatory Sex-Ed Class" but it came out very long so it was published as a separate story. This is another spin-off from The Evil Stick's original story, "Wendy's First S-Class Mission." In other words, this short story is a spin-off of another spin-off. When will it end?!

Unfortunate Consequences of Warren's Second Origin

Rated M for adult situations and unnecessary raunchiness.

At the Blue Pegasus guild:

Laxus watched with mild interest as Erza beat the parfume out of Ichiya for interrupting her lecture on safe sex. He tilted his head slightly to see what Freed and Bickslow were doing. Freed had a hand on his sword and his narrowed eyes darted around the room, ready to protect Laxus, if need be. Bickslow's tongue was hanging out of his mouth and dripping drool on his man-skirt, obviously hoping to catch a glimpse of Erza's underwear. It still felt awkward without the much needed feminine presence in the Thunder Legion's group dynamic.

The lightning dragon slayer sighed and leaned back in his chair, "It sure is weird not having Ever with us on this mission. She would have loved to see Ichiya get his ass kicked for sniffing women again."

Freed nodded in agreement, "Excellent perception, as always, Laxus. It's been years since we've gone on a mission without her. I wonder what she's doing right now…"

Random out-take to Fairy Tail in Magnolia:

The members of Fairy Tail who were not on a mission had gathered in the guild for an emergency meeting. Master Makarov stood on the bar top with the Mayor of Magnolia standing next to him.

"Children, we have a very serious problem," Makarov began, "There have been reports of a monster in Magnolia and the citizens are frightened. So far, no one has seen the monster, there have only been violent, predatory roars, but the people say they are getting louder."

Just then, Laki burst through the doors of Fairy Tail, "Master! The monster is at Fairy Hills! I was in my room when I heard loud booms like fast footsteps, then I heard the monster roar!"

"What kind of monster was it?" Lisanna asked with worry.

Laki tried to catch her breath, "I didn't see. I ran before I saw anything. The walls were shaking and I heard the sound of metal tearing!"

Makarov nodded in approval of Laki's decision to run, "Good, we don't know what we're up against and the reports suggest that the monster can cause devastating damage or possibly even kill."

The Mayor of Magnolia shook a little as he spoke, "Please, protect the city, we are all counting on you, Fairy Tail."

Makarov looked to his sharp shooters, "Bisca, Alzack! We'll need your skills to takeout the monster before it reaches the city!"

"Yes, Sir!" They exclaimed in unison as Bisca pulled out her rifle and Alzack pulled out his pistol.

"Wow! Mommy and Daddy are strong!" Asuka cheered as Kinana tucked the young girl under her arm in an unspoken promise to care for the girl while her parents fight the monster.

"WAIT!" Warren yelled out to the couple before they left. "I can use my second origin to project images in someone's head. I can search for the monster and show it to everyone so we know where it is and what we are up against!"

Makarov smiled in pride of his telepath and agreed, "It never hurts to be prepared for battle."

Warren put his two fingers to his temple and concentrated, "Second origin, activate!

Everyone present in the Fairy Tail building could see a mental image of the Fairy Hills girl's dormitory in their heads and they noticed the building was swaying.

A loud, blood curdling scream tore through the minds of everyone connected to Warren's telepathy. Everyone instantly recognized that the scream was coming from the dorm and it was familiar.

"Oh, Mavis! That was Evergreen screaming!" Lisanna's eyes went wide with fear for her friend's safety.

The mental image quickly went to the window of the room where the scream came from and everyone who was in the Fairy Tail guild could see what was happening…

Elfman released another beastly roar as he pounded away into the smaller woman underneath him. The metal bed they were atop of was torn apart and in shambles as well as most of the furniture in the room.

"UUUGHHH!" Everyone cringed in unison at the image of Elfman and Evergreen having disturbingly rough sex.

The Mayor of Magnolia shuttered with disgust, "Wh- what is this magic?"

Vijeeter wiggled and did a body roll, "It's not a monster shaking Magnolia! Elfman and Evergreen are doing the dance of love!"

Max held his broom to his chest, "Dance of love? It looks like he's killing her…"

Wakaba's cigar dropped out of his mouth, "I didn't know women could voluntarily dislocate their hip joints like that…"

"You idiot!" Macao slapped his companion upside the head, "That's not a normal thing!"

Cana lifted her beer in the air and cheered, "You go, girl! Spread them legs!"

Romeo's face burned with embarrassment, "I- I don't think I'm supposed to be seeing this…"

"NOOO!" Lisanna fell to her knees, shaking her head from side to side, desperately trying to shake off Warren's telepathic link. "Big… brother…"

Laki yelled to Warren, "Turn off your telepathy!"

The shocked telepath stood there frozen, Laki's pleas went unheard. The explicit images and unsettling sounds continued to assault everyone's minds.

Everyone could hear Evergreen squeal in delight and yell, "Show me what a real man can do!"

Jet and Droy fainted after they wailed Levy's name.

Wakaba had a huge smile on his face, "Can you see Evergreen's nips?! What color are they?!"

Macao's wide smile matched Wakaba's. "Warren, tell Elfman to move his left shoulder so we can see the goodies!"

Romeo face palmed, "Dad!"

Cana laughed and slapped Romeo on the back, "No, Warren! Tell Elfman to turn over so we can see EVERYTHING! I wanna know how big it is…"

Romeo scooted away from Cana as she smirked darkly.

Nab stepped away from the job request board and sat down at the nearest table in order to gain control of the bile raising up in his throat, "Does Elfman really need to be using his beast soul for that? His claws have completely shredded the mattress…"

*SPLATTER* Lisanna puked all over the floor in front of her.

Asuka's eyes were wide, "Mommy, what is Mr. Elfman doing to Ms. Evergreen? Where are their clothes?"

Alzack rushed over to his young daughter and tried to cover her eyes to protect her from seeing the horrible images that permeated their minds, "Shut it off, Warren!"

Bisca rushed to Warren and yelled in his ear, "You're corrupting my daughter! Turn off your second origin!"

Warren just stood there with his fingers to his head and his mouth open, not registering anything that Bisca was yelling in his ear. "How is she not b- broken in half…?"

Lisanna now had tears running freely down her cheeks as her body randomly flickered into different animals while she clawed at her face, "PLEASE! MAKE IT STOP!"

Laki turned to the guild's leader, "Master! Do something!"

Makarov stared straight ahead with a perverted smile on his face and blood dripping from his nose.

Everyone cringed again as Elfman yelled, "Who's the man!?" before another beastly roar shook the entire foundation of Fairy Hills.

Macao, Wakaba, and Cana clanged their beer mugs together and exclaimed, "You're the man, Elfman!"

Romeo wrapped his arms around himself for comfort, "I swear I'll never have sex for as long as I live!"

Despite Alzack's attempts at covering Asuka's eyes, she could still see what was happening since the scene was telepathically linked to her young mind. "Daddy, why does Mr. Elfman keep squishing Ms. Evergreen?"

Everyone was horrified when Elfman announced that he was coming. Evergreen removed her glasses and growled, "Oh, no you're not!"

Alzack's face drained of color, "Bisca! Use the tranquilizer!"

The sharp shooter quickly requipped her rifle and shot Warren in the neck with her strongest Wyvern tranquilizer dart.

Warren instantly fell to the ground unconscious and the offending images inside their minds ceased. Everyone gave a collective sigh except for the select few that were enjoying the telepath's relayed images.

Wacaba's smile faded, "Awww, that was the best part."

The Mayor of Magnolia wiped his sweaty eyebrow with a shaky hand, "This is Fairy Tail? Are they all insane?"

Lisanna was curled into fetal position on the floor, crying and holding her head. She whined to herself, "I can never un-see that!"

Macao scowled down at the youngest take-over sibling, "Come on, girl. That was a good show!"

Wakaba draped his arm over Macao's shoulders, "You should be proud that your brother has a natural talent for pleasuring women!"

Cana snickered, "Hey, at least you didn't see his jizz-face!"

Lisanna wept louder at Cana's comment. She would probably never get over this traumatizing experience.

Reedus quietly continued to paint the scene that had been telepathically linked to him moments before, "I wonder what Laxus and the Thunder Legion will think about Evergreen's activities." He hummed curiously as he painted the image of Elfman and Evergreen making 'love'.

End pointless and irrelevant out-take from Magnolia.

Back at the Blue Pegasus guild:

Bickslow shrugged with indifference at Laxus' and Freed's musings over Evergreen. "Nothing exciting ever happens in Magnolia so she's probably just taking a long bath or getting a magical manicure or something girly like that. You know, boring stuff."

"Boring stuff." "Boring stuff." "Boring." "Boring." "Boring." Bickslow's babies chanted.

Poor Lisanna. This fic wasn't meant to Lisanna-bash, it's just difficult to predict how she would react in a situation like this. Review, please! Did The Evil Stick (once again) cross the line? Who do you feel most sorry for? Lisanna, Asuka, Romeo, or Evergreen? Ha!

If you felt that this fic crossed the line then check out The Evil Stick's more mild (*smirk*) humor-based fics: "The Assimilation of Pantherlily", or "A Day in the Life of Aquarius".

Vote in The Evil Poll! Readers decided that a Blue Pegasus member will be maimed beyond all recognition. You choose who will be the lucky winner. Go to The Evil Stick's profile page and cast your vote. Stay evil peeps!