Love's Devine by gregisamazing
An abandoned park was where he normally went with one of his many friends; but today he had decided to venture there alone. He wasn't there for his normal purpose either; he wasn't here just to get caught up in the world. Today he was here for one reason, just to think alone.
The thunder rolled overhead, and he looked up into the swirling purple and grey covering the sky. Already people had taken cover, retreated to their cars- or hidden away under umbrellas. But he didn't want to do that, maybe the rain would come and wash away the worries of the world he was carrying around on his shoulders.
The first droplet hit the back of his neck, at first slow and dotted- before the heavens opened and the rain cascaded down. He had supposed that it was going to be soothing notion that the rain was meant to bring; but it wasn't. He could feel his spirit sinking even further away- and somehow that wasn't how it was meant to be.
He looked out to the park, the few people scattered around now walking at faster paces to escape the relentless water that was soaking them. The endless mass of green (which was as unusual in Las Vegas as it was in any city) looked somewhat more sombre in the rain. He supposed it was because the trees didn't seem so alive whilst the rain just bounced off the hardened earth.
Everyone made mistakes, and he knew that, just his seemed so much more monumental than anything anyone tried to compare it too. Some people went to bars to drown their sorrows, but he didn't belong there- they were just blocking out reality. And truly he could never block out the reality; because he was a rational man- clouding his mind with alcohol wouldn't do anything to make the pain go away.
Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realize my mistake
But time through a prayer, to me
And all around me, became still
Maybe he had been blinded from the very start; because it seemed he just fumbled through it all with no care. He should have cared and really he would have cared- if things had started off better. Somewhere, he remembers reading that if it starts off wrong, it will end wrong- and now he knows it cannot be any truer. He has seen it- and maybe if he had been able to stop time, he'd just take a break from reality for a while.
Unfortunately, even if his silent prayers were answered (which he highly doubts now) nothing would be what they were before because a time like that has gone. He doubts that even grovelling for forgiveness wouldn't work- because it's been changed- not for the best either.
I need love, loves divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name
He didn't really know who he was anymore, before he had known- but now afterwards? He couldn't really remember who he was, or what he was like. He just felt like an empty shell… Lifeless and desperately seeking for something that would reassure that he was really alive.
That's the thing he was missing; life. Sometimes he felt like he was weighed down, all his movements were a laboured struggle, and he just didn't really feel anymore. That is why when it did end- he felt worse. Because any life that had been finding him (even the most miniscule droplets) had evaporated; so now he wasn't sure whether he was alive or dead- because he was too numb to react either way.
But the rain was proving he wasn't numb, because he could feel the rain on his skin- seeping through his very bones and washing all the impurities from his body. He had done something stupid- the height of stupidity in his mind- but it could be corrected. Or at least… He thought that it could be done; he just had to think of a way to do it.
And, his thought processes was no slower than normal (he was glad now that he hadn't gone to drain his sorrows with alcohol), and he knew the way to resolve this in no time. With this solution, he could feel the weight lifting from where it had been perched.
Through the rainstorm came, sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had felt, all of my, reality
I realize what it takes
Looking past the obvious, and the inevitable, had been his one real mistake. He had been wondering around dazed, for far longer than he should have been- considering he was staring at the answer all along. But he'd overlooked it, because the easy solution was one he rarely used. It was the way he worked, simplicity was not in his nature- a tendency to overcomplicate the issues however… That was a genetic trait.
'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name
He knew what he had to do, and he knew just how much of a battle it probably would be. So he made a promise to himself, that he would stick it out- even if he had to fight every demon and monster to get there- he would do it.
He didn't know why his feet were carrying him across the sodden path, his shoes collecting their own puddles- as the rain still pelted down. If anyone saw him, they would swear he was a lunatic- wondering in a park in the pouring rain. He'd let them think that too, because this was a moment where he couldn't care less about anyone else- this was about him correcting his mistakes, and finding himself once again.
Oh I, don't bend don't bend, don't break don't break
Show me how to live a promise me you won't forsake
Cause love can help me know my name
He knew that what he was doing would arouse suspicion- because no one would actually think he was undertaking a selfless act; he just didn't seem that type of person. Especially recently… No one really knew what was happening, what hidden current was towing him along and dragging him under- they just didn't see that. They only saw the sluggish movements, and the skin that was getting all too pale- and more worn, and the eyes that had sunken too far into their sockets and had lost their unique sparkle. No one knew what to do; they could only express their concern.
So he just smiled, even though the wattage was dimmed to the lowest setting, and nodded. Mumbling that 'he was fine, they are just worrying too much' and simply mustered a false laugh. They could all see through it; he wasn't a convincing liar. But no one really commented on it- because he was no longer really listening to them, because he was too wrapped up in his own warped world. He knew that he could work it out himself; it would just take some time…
Well, I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside, I felt it lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe in me
The rain persists, it's almost as if until he cleans up the mess he has made- then it won't ease up. And that makes him even more determined, because even nature is tampering with the course of events. He scatters some of the leaves at his feet, clearing himself a walk-way. That'll be a trail someone else will travel- but they won't really realise what the man that stepped there before them had been going through.
His car seems so out of place now, it stands proud underneath a street-lamp- the rain simply sliding off the surface. This was his lifeline just sat there, and he couldn't have been happier to see it. This vehicle was his saviour… He'd always loved the car- but right now he had even more of a reason to.
Cause I need love, love's divine Oh I, don't bend don't bend, don't break don't break
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name
Show me how to live a promise me you won't forsake
Cause love can help me know my name
He didn't realise just how soaked he was until he came to sit in the seat- his clothes hanging loosely against his frame and the droplets trickling down his nose uncomfortably. He looked out of the window that was beginning to steam up, and watched the rain as it slid down like a waterfall. He didn't really realise it had been raining that hard until he was sat safely in the car. The water made the world distorted now, but somehow when he was out in the rain- it had made everything a lot clearer- he shook his head, that seemed rather backwards.
He sighed, this would take all his courage and he'd have to swallow his pride to do it- but he knew it would be worth while.
Love can help me know my name
And only Sara could give him the love he needed.
The song you find in italics is Love's Divine by Seal; I stumbled upon my old album while cleaning out my collection and so you can expect a few more Seal songs!
Thanks for reading, hope it entertained and please review!!!