SANS TAKES ON ISIS
September 11th, 2001.
It was a bright and sunny day, birds were singing, the sun was shining, and on days like these the twin towers get dunked on.
November 13th, 2015, fourteen years after the incident.
A bunch of dumb French shit skin motherfuckers shot up a bunch of French hon hon baguettes and crashed into the twin Eiffel Towers. That's when Sans knew, enough is enough is enough I can't go on. And then Sans teamed up with Sonic and Hitler and Filthy Frank and Frisk and a donut to stop the evil within from being released. It was a shitty game. And then they stopped the Jews from attacking then twin pyramids of Egypt. ISIS then noticed their heroic actions and they thrusted their thick, hard, kalishnikovs to their general direction and shot a lot.
Sans knew what was up, because he had time powers and he put his blue shield dick from Steven Universe up and blocked the bullets. They bounced off his shield dick and back at the ISIS terrorists who screamed in the name of Allah and jumped for cover.
Hitler used his swastika powers and gassed six million ISIS recruits who were actually just fat American children trying to be cool and fight the power.
ISIS was in quite the pickle, and they knew they should not have started shit with Sans and his nigga gang the Crips.
The ISIS terrorists retreated back to their home base but Tommy the gangsta nigga was able to track them back. And then the ancient alien race called the Fucking Normal Fags Get Off My Board descended from the sky. They were working with ISIS, and Sans knew it. His eye glowed blue and he shot boners at the aliens, "You're gonna have a bad time". Then Filthy Frank screamed at the top of his lungs, "GIBE ME DA PUSSI BOSS" And all the aliens' heads exploded and the ship crashed into the ISIS secret base.
As the smoke and rubble cleared, Sans, Sonic, Hitler, Filthy Frank, Frisk, and a donut walked in. But then Sans stopped them. He knew he had to go in alone, for he was the most powerful of them and if they were to take on ISIS with him, they could die...
"But...Sans!" Said the donut.
" *ddddddddddddddddddddd" Sans replied, his blue eye glimmered at the donut in seriousness.
Sonic nodded his head in understanding, and as Sans descended down into the base, the donut began crying and running after him. Sonic, Hitler, Filthy Frank and Frisk all had to hold the donut back. Sans shut his eyes and let out a saddened tear as he heard the donut's cries behind him. He shook his head, knowing that now wasn't the time to be distracted. He disappeared into the darkness of the ISIS secret base, leaving his friends behind...
After nearly a month of walking, Sans finally reached the ISIS stronghold. He had a clear shot into the head office, when suddenly, he gasped as he saw...PAPYRUS and a bunch of sock puppets.
Papyrus was standing in the middle of the office, wearing a red imamah instead of his usual scarf, but he still had the rest of his battle body. ISIS sock puppet terrorists were talking to him.
"Durka durka durka" The ISIS sock puppets said.
"YES! THE PLAN IS GOING JUST AS GOOD AS WE PLANNED IT! THE NUISANCES WILL BE DEALT WITH SHORTLY! MYEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus answered.
Just then Sans busts through the window, " *papyrus, why are you doing this?"
"WOWIE, SANS! YOU'VE FINALLY ARRIVED FOR THE PARTY! TOO BAD...WE ALREADY ATE ALL THE SPAGHETTI! NYEH HEH HEH!"
Sans glared at his brother and clenched his fists at his side as Papyrus continued to speak, "YOU SEE, SANS, I'VE GROWN TIRED OF YOU NOT EATING MY SPAGHETTI AND MAKING FUN OF ME BEHIND MY BACK AND SHOWING EVERYONE AT SCHOOL MY DEVIANT ART PAGE! I'M TIRED OF ALL THE BULLYING, SANS! I'M GOING TO DO THE MOST BETA OF UPRISINGS!"
" *ddddddddd" Sans answered.
"THEY LIKE MY SPAGHETTI, UNLIKE YOU AND ALL THE LOSERS IN THE UNDERGROUND! OF COURSE I'LL NEVER TELL THEM THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS PORK!"
"DURKA DURKA DURKA!" The sock puppets began flailing in anger, their fierce googly eyes flying all over the room in a fit of rage. That's when Papyrus realized he fucked up.
"WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE, SANS!" Papyrus exclaimed, grabbing Sans by the wrist and beginning to drag him out of the office but Sans threw Papyrus's hand down, " *no, i came here to give these sandniggers a bad time, and that's exactly what i'm going to do."
"BUT, SANS-" Papyrus began to protest, but Sans shot him a glare, blue flames flickering from his eye, " *go."
Papyrus stared at Sans with an anxious expression for a short moment before obeying him. He turned in his heels and ran for the exit as Sans stood in front of the angry ISIS sock puppet swarm riding camels towards them screaming "DURKA DURKA" at the top of their lungs.
Sans shut his eyes as he stood firm on the ground, " *its a beautiful day outside. birds are singing, flowers are blooming... on days like these... ISIS sock puppets like you..."
His eyes shot open, and he raised his hand, using his telekinesis power to knock some of the sock puppets off their camels, "go to mulsim hell..." Megalovania started playing.
And then the real battle begun...
Sans dodged and jumped out of the way of the planes as they crash landed and exploded around him. He shot his gaster blaster sticky goo at the sock puppets, disintegrating a large amount of them, but there was still a hell of a lot more to go through.
"DURKA DURKA DURKA!" The sock puppets screamed as they pulled out RPGs and shot at Sans. Sans ran to the side, outrunning the rockets as they exploded into the sand behind him, he pulled out two pistols and aimed them at the sock puppets as he lunged for cover, getting a few bullets into some of them before he fell behind the sandbags. He ducked as AK47 bullets skimmed the top of the sandbags, crop-dusting him with sand. He brushed the sand off his skull, then pulled out two machine guns, holding them in his arms as he stood and looked over the sandbags, " *are you ready for a bad time?" He asked, then gaster master blasters shot out of the bartertown machine gun barrels, disintegrating the entire wave of ISIS sock puppet immigrants. It was done... it was finally over...
Sans fell to his knees, letting the machine guns fall down beside him. He panted and stared at the ground, thinking about the good life everyone's going to have because of him. How he's going to go back to his loving wife and two children and continue his community service and maybe donate to cancer research like he usually does. He was so relieved he can go back home and be a good citizen again. But in a cruel twist of fate, a McDonald's building fell on him and he died. The building's speakers went off, "You want fries with that?"
I'm lovin' it.
Meanwhile, Papyrus, Hitler, Sonic, Frisk, Filthy Frank and the donut were in the ISIS strip club now mostly abandoned except for the goat strippers dressed in black burkas covered from head to toe and semen. Papyrus was looking at his iPad with Hitler and Sonic, "LOOK! THIS IS THE PART WHERE I TOTALLY LOBBED THAT GUY'S HEAD OFF! SEE? I TOLD YOU MY NEW FRIENDS WERE COOL!"
"So cool!" Hitler replied.
Papyrus let out a chuckle as he remembered the good times of being an ISIS leader, "WOWIE, I CAN'T WAIT TILL SANS COMES BACK SO I CAN SHOW HIM ALL THE COOL STUFF I DID WITH MY NEW BEST FRIENDS!"
It was twelve years later, and everyone has already gone home, except for Papyrus. He was still sitting on that cum stained stripper couch holding his iPad, waiting, "SANS WILL COME IN HERE ANY MINUTE NOW!"
The End