A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the hot wolf-sex. Yeah. ...:grin:...

Bella confronts Jacob at First Beach and it will never be the same... Lemon! Jacob/Bella Even though, technically, it IS Bella, I didn't use her name within the story, so you could imagine that you, the reader, are the one getting sexed up... ENJOY!

Chapter One: First Beach Memoirs

The briny breeze from the ocean blew in and settled around his enormous sulking frame, as he rested lazily in the sand. One of his arms rested heavily on the trunk of the uprooted tree. Of course, he had on no shirt, so the light from the moon shone on his russet skin like a shine on a star. His face was tilted upward and a look of intense concentration set his features in a beautiful scowl. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

I stood back against the sign reading "First Beach" near the parking lot and watched him. He was like a statue at one moment and then fidgety like a small child the next. I smiled as I remembered him, not even a year ago, all skinny and awkward. With his long hair and boyishness. Smiling from ear to ear whenever I came around. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I felt the tiniest of butterflies even then. The smile slowly faded from my lips as my confliction came rushing back to me.

I stared at his shirtless form, the bulky muscles bulging from his biceps. Even from this distance I could see the waves along his abdomen, perfectly cut and defined. I took in an involuntary shaky breath and pushed back the thought that came into my mind.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come over at some point?" He called out hastily.

"Wha…?" I opened my mouth to protest my shock.

"I could smell you a mile away."

My mouth snapped open and shut as the realization of my knowledge of what he was came back to me. "I sometimes forget that your nose is supernatural," I called back, making my way over. The reason for his fidgetiness was now apparent. I had a bad feeling.

"I sometimes forget that you stink."

"Excuse me, sir, but I do not stink." I said jokingly as I approached, kicking up a little sand in his direction.

"You smell like them," He mumbled as he wiped the sand away, not even cracking a smile.

I bit my bottom lip to try to think of something comforting to say. I fell short, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. I'm used to it." He muttered with a shrug.

I took my seat next to him in the sand and realized that I still had to look up in order to see his face. "Did you get bigger? Or did I shrink?"

He looked down at me almost incredulously, a small smile playing at his lips. "Well, you are sitting in sand. So I couldn't say."

"No… I think you've gotten a bit bigger," I jested, poking him in his arm. It was quite solid and my finger bent under the pressure. "See… You almost broke my finger."

"What are you doing here?" He asked bluntly, killing my idea of easily sliding into the conversation.

I retracted my finger and put my hands in my lap. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and bit at it again as I tried to find another way to say what I needed to say to him. The nervousness in my belly started it to rumbling a bit, so I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

"Well, are you going to answer, or what?" He asked impatiently.

"Hey! Okay… jeez, want to give metime to answer?" I chided him. He fell silent and cut his eyes away to stare out over the ocean. I could feel the tension in the air between us. It was nothing like it used to be and it hurt to my core. I stared down at my hands and took a deep breath. "I know that we've talked about… this, or something like this before. But something's been kind of bothering me. I'm not entirely sure what or why it is. And I can't really talk to... Edward about it. I know that he'll understand, but then again it's awkward. And I don't really know how he would handle it. Or how I'd handle it telling it to him…" I let my sentence trail off because I realized that I was rambling. I looked up at him and noticed that he was looking at me with confused and scrutinizing eyes.

"And what makes you think that I'll be okay with you talking to me about… whatever it is?"

"I don't…" I answered hesitantly. I closed my eyes in frustration and slapped my hand over my face. I felt the pinpricks of tears welling up in my eyes.

"Look," He sighed, placing a hand on my back. "You can tell me. I've heard worst things, I'm sure…" The way his voice trailed off, I automatically knew what he meant and started to feel even worse. But I pulled myself together and pushed on…

"It's about that day on the mountain. When I asked you to kiss me. I had a small, kind of vision. Not really a vision, per say, but I saw something, something that could have quite possibly been our future together. I saw us hanging around here and our… children running around…" I said it all in a stammering, stumbling rush, while looking everywhere but at his face. I could hear his somewhat broken breathing, and I knew that if he was crying, there would be no stopping my own tears.

"Wow…" He breathed heavily. "Wow…"

"Yeah," I agreed for a lack of better words. I sat impatiently waiting for him to say something else. But then I realized, what could he say to that? His eyes glazed over a bit, glistening in the moonlight. Without warning, he lowered his face to mine.

"We could have that," He breathed urgently. His hands found their way to my shoulders. The heat from his touch instantly seeped through my skin. "We could have anything we want, together."

"Jacob," I murmured, closing my eyes. I sighed deeply and felt those feelings of regret creep up and plant themselves in me. Slowly, I shook my head. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you were right to tell me! Because I know now that you want the same things that I do. We can make this work."

"Jake, really, it's not that simple. I don't want the same things as you."

"You want children. You want to have a family, a semi-normal life."

I couldn't argue with him there. I did want a family… children. But those things, including the semi-normal life weren't possible with Edward. I just shook my head again.

"You're telling me you don't want that?" He asked, disbelief saturating his tone. His hands fell away from my body and he crossed his arms over his very broad chest.

"I… I do want that Jacob, it's just not possible."

"Why can't it be possible? Why is it that you have to sacrifice your wants? Your needs? Your LIFE just to be with him? I don't understand it." On the word "life" he threw his hands in the air. I saw the slightest tremble of anger ripple through him.

"I love him…" I whispered. I felt my heart pang and my eyes instantly flooded with tears. He was right. And by my show of emotion he knew that I knew that he was right. My plan is to give up everything to be with Edward. But Edward is your everything. The thought rippled through my mind, slightly easing the realization.

"Enough to give up your soul?" Jacob asked solemnly, his expression dour.

I gulped and took a deep breath. I nodded slowly. Uncertainty pressed it's way into my mind, but the beating of my heart sent my head to nodding with it's rhythm, speeding it up. A show of a decision being made.

Jacob's face clouded over with disgust. "Then go be damned with him." He growled. With exceptional grace, his large body was up and he was walking away.

With the grace of a drunken madman, I was up on my feet and stumbling through the sand and across the rocks to run after him. I should have just let him walk away, but anger was clouding my better judgment. "'Go be damned with him?!'"

"That's what I said," He replied not even bothering to turn around.

"How could you say that to me?" I stopped in my tracks. My emotions were getting the best of me. I didn't know how to react. Mainly because I was secretly scared that he was right. What if I will be "damned"? What if I did lose my soul, as Edward fears I will? A deep sob escaped my lips.

Jacob was a few feet ahead and turned back to see my body tremble with anger, sadness, and fear. I couldn't stop my lips from shaking and the tears began to flow relentlessly. I saw the switch from anger to annoyance to regret. He sighed deeply and was back at my side with two long strides. "I'm sorry." He whispered gathering my shaking frame into his large arms.

At first I tried to fight him, and then realized it's where I wanted to be and let him embrace me. The tears kept coming as he smoothed my hair down, whispering his apology again. "I. Just. Don't. Know. What. To. Do." I said with a sob on each word. My body was suddenly airborne and I was being cradled against his warm chest. I could feel him walking, but I couldn't see where. I turned my face to try to observe.

Jacob reached the tree that had come to be ours and sat down on it, with me in his lap. "Listen… I was upset. I still am. But, I am sorry that I hurt your feelings."

"It's okay," I whispered after the sobbing died down a bit. I wiped my face with my sleeve and took another deep breath. I needed to clear my head, so that I could think clearly. I still knew that he was right, but I also knew of my intense love for Edward. I knew that if he could, he would die for me, so I felt it only fitting that I be willing to do the same for him, technically. But then here was Jacob, holding me in his warm arms, watching and comforting me, and loving me despite everything. Jacob with his blood flowing freely through his veins and his warm beautiful full lips...

I was only slightly surprised when I found my hands sliding up his arms and onto his shoulders. He, on the other hand, was completely surprised, his eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open. But I assumed that the look on my face stopped his words. Cautiously, his arms wrapped tighter around me, pulling me closer to him.

My eyes concentrated on his lips, as my hands trailed up to his face. I slowly pulled his down to mine. I wasn't sure what I was doing, or why I was doing it, but my breathing sped up as the utter desire to kiss him and the hesitation met up in my chest.

He looked deeply into my eyes, trying to find a rhyme or reason to my sudden actions. I was sure he found none because I wasn't aware of it myself. He opened his mouth again to question, but was unable to.

My lips melded with his as my hands snaked into his unkempt mass of hair. Our tongues touched and tangoed and our breathing became erratic. His hand traveled up to the back of my head and held me fast to him. In my mind, I knew that he did it to keep me there. But I knew that he had no need to, because I wasn't even thinking of pulling away.

My heart seemed to melt and my mind became at ease as we sat there under the stars. With his strong arms around me, I felt light as a feather and knew that I wasn't ready for the weight to return to me. I wrapped my arms more securely around his neck and pressed my chest closer to him.

I could feel his heart beating against me and my mind whirled. This is wrong, this is so wrong. I broke the kiss and braced my head against his hand. "Jacob…" I started, but I saw the desire in his dark eyes and the rest of my sentence caught in my throat, no longer aware of what I was even going to say.

"I need you." He whispered against my lips between butterfly kisses. "Please…"

The whirling in mind fell away to a waterfall of need. I could hear the waves crashing against the shore and his heavy breathing. The look on his face caved in my hesitation and I pressed my lips firmly to his again. Without breaking the kiss, I readjust myself on his lap, straddling him.

I felt his hand slide down and cup my bottom and push me closer to him. His hand stayed there and squeezed. I ran my fingers through his hair and then gripped tight, yanking back a bit, he didn't move an inch, but I felt the growl rumbling in his chest.

I yanked again a little harder and this time he complied with my silent demand. I traced kisses along his bottom lip, down his chin, along the scruff on his jaw line, and then on his throat and neck. My teeth skimmed his skin there and I bit down softly. Instantly, I felt him tense and draw back.

The look in his eyes became hard to decipher. I furrowed my brow in confusion and ran back in my head what had just happened. I saw a range of different emotions fill his face, until it landed on one: disgust. And I realized what I did. His hands loosened around me, but he didn't let go.

I sat back and looked at him with what I was sure was a mixture of embarrassment and an apology. An awkwardness passed between us that was filled with our silence and the sound of the water behind me. I cleared my throat and rested my hands on his chest, my fingers drummed there as I tried to think of something to say. But I knew deep down that I didn't want to say anything. "Um… I'm sorry."

"I don't know why it shocked me," he said with a bitter laugh. "You have been making out with a bloodsucker."

The mention of his stupid nickname for Edward just threw everything into perspective. "Right," I said as I made my move to get off of his lap. "Well, I'll see you later."

But his grip on my waist tightened again. "Don't leave. I'm sorry. I overreacted."

"No, no need to be sorry. I'm the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have come here and I shouldn't have told you anything." I struggled to loosen his hands so that I could get off of his lap. But realized yet again that I was fighting a losing battle. He could keep me here forever if he wanted, or at least until Edward came looking for me.

Suddenly, his hand flew up and caught my chin. His face once again filled with the look that it held seconds ago. His eyes were heavy with a lust I didn't expect again so soon. "When I said I needed you. I meant it. That hasn't changed."

"For you at least," I said, continuing my struggle to be released.

"You either," He cooed, kissing my bottom lip. I felt his hand on the small of my back again. I felt it move down and then slip into the back of my jeans.

"Don't do that," I warned, against his lips. But he didn't stop. He pulled me closer and then leaned in, his lips still touching mine, but not kissing me. I could smell the husky scent of him mixing with the salty air, invading my nostrils, I took a deep breath. I felt his hand sliding in, down and over my buttocks until he delved into my most sensitive of places. "Don't..." I urged, squirming to get him to stop. But all it did was create a sensation that I most definitely didn't want to stop.

"Mmm, I knew it," He groaned, as his fingers felt the moisture that gave me away. I instantly felt a rush of excitement as his own grew beneath me.

"Jacob, please…" I breathed. But my hands were no longer fighting him as his fingers found my now throbbing bud. My own fingers dug deep into the skin on his shoulders.

"Please, what?" He asked. His lips were still just inches from mine. I could taste his breath, making me lick my lips. He pressed his chest against mine and looked deep into my eyes. I couldn't speak. His nose grazed mine. I didn't know what to say. "Please… what?" He asked again.

I couldn't take anymore. My hands flew up and grabbed his face, pulling him in for another kiss. I felt hungry and insatiable, filled to the brim with desire and the expectation of a release. My lips moved with that hunger and my every thought was now focused on him. My every whim concentrated on getting him out of those ragged pants and inside of me.

His hand came up from out of my jeans to remove my shirt. I broke the kiss and sat back again to look at him while I began to move my hips in a sensual rhythm, grinding against him as he quickly yanked my shirt up and over my head throwing it to the ground.

He leaned back in to kiss me as his fingers fumbled with the buttons on my jeans. I stood up to help him. Finally, he undid my jeans and pulled them down my legs. As I stepped out of them, his hands gripped my thighs as he brought his lips down to kiss a line along my stomach, from the bottom of my bra to my bellybutton. He swirled his tongue around the opening of my navel and then kissed it again.

My fingers combed through his hair and my head fell back as he continued to kiss my abdomen, leading down to the lining of my panties. He followed the hem of it, and then with his teeth, pulled them and then let them go with a snap. I laughed heartily and slapped his shoulder.

"Careful," He murmured looking up at me. He didn't have to look far as he was eye level with my cleavage, even as I stood there. "Remember the last time you hit me? You broke your hand."

I groaned in agony as I remembered. His uncanny ability to find a way to make me remember how wrong this was, was making me crazy. "Just shut up, Jacob." I growled as I jumped on him, straddling him once again. My tongue licked his lips and then plunged into his mouth. I couldn't get enough of his mouth... So warm and enticing.

His big hands unhooked my bra with ease and then pulled the straps from my shoulders, taking it off my body. He lowered his head to suck a fully erect nipple into his mouth. I grabbed the branches of the tree that were above us and lifted myself up to kneel in front of him.

Even lifted above him, I still felt his girth against the bud of me. I sucked in a sharp breath and bid myself patience. His tongue was like fire against my skin, licking and sucking on my breasts. His hands cupped them, squeezing them both together and then letting them go, watching as they bounced.

"Having fun?" I asked from above him.

"Lots." He growled with a wide grin. He licked the space between my breasts and then trailed his tongue all the way up my chest, collarbone, throat, and cheek. I resisted the urge to pet him.

He put his hands on my hips and slowly pulled me down so that I was sitting on him. He guided them in a circular motion, grinding me against him. My hands still clung to the tree branches. I squeezed tighter as I felt the solid length of him bulging -straining- against his cut off sweats and a deep moan escaped my lips. He started to move me around faster and faster all the while, pushing himself against me and breathing heavily. He looked down and watched my breasts as they pressed into his chest again and again. "Oh, God, Jacob…"

He looked up at me from under his lashes and I felt that my panties were soaked through. He lightly sniffed the air and his eyes lit up. He lifted me up again by my hips, standing me in front of him on the tree. He pressed his face to my panties and inhaled deeply, running his nose against me. He put his hands in between my thighs and spread them apart.

I watched him as his tongue slid out and licked the outside of my underwear. He then shoved his face in and breathed me in. One hand grabbed my thigh to hold on to me and with the other he used his fingers to push my wet panties aside. He reached in to feel my wetness. My whole body shuddered under his touch. He leaned in again to kiss the source of my tortured ecstasy. He quickly yanked my panties down, urging me to lift one leg to make his access easier. My hold on the tree branches never loosened. My head fell forward as I felt his tongue slide in to taste me.

The way his tongue moved felt as though he was taking his time. He used slow, deliberate licks. Lapping up my wetness, savoring me. Making me dizzy from the pressure I felt building up inside. My knees buckled a bit and he secured his hand behind my other thigh. His tongue still going. "So good," He murmured. I took a deep shaky breath as my body started to tremble a bit more. "You taste sooooo good." The resonance of his voice against me made me shudder again. He caught on. He began to growl, the sound coming from deep within his chest as he pressed his lips to my bud. I felt the vibrations pulsating through his body and into mine.

My breath came faster, catching in my throat each time. My eyes glazed over and I bit down on my lip. My hands started to ache from my tight hold on the tree and the branches began to shake. "Oh… oh…" I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't even stand on my own feet. Jacob's hands clasped just below my buttocks and it was as if I was sitting on his hands. He held me up, as my body went completely still. His growl turned into a hum as I exploded into my own melody of moans of ecstasy. My hands dropped from the tree and I drifted back down to him.

He kissed me fully on the mouth, I could smell and taste myself on his lips. I stood up and pulled him up with me, and quickly pulled his pants down. I gasped at the sight of him. The feel of him alone was amazing, but to see him was astonishing. I glanced up to take in his look of lust. He looked like a bronze god in a halo of moonlight. I sighed in awe and kissed the tip of him. He smiled slyly and knelt down in front of me. "Damn, I want you."

"Here I am." I whispered, pulling his face in to kiss me. He laid my body down in the sand and then stretched out on top of me. He was heavy, but the feel of him was exhilarating. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him as we kissed. "Here I am…" I said again between kisses. He looked deep into my eyes, and I think he caught a bit of my meaning. For now… A hint of sadness flashed in his eyes and then it was gone, with the lust returning.

With a soft moan he reached down and spread my legs. He lifted up on one hand and placed himself at my entrance. I was a little more than wet for him, so he slid in with ease. His hands were placed on each side of my body, sinking into the sand. He entered me slowly, inching in. I was amazed still by the feel of him inside of me, I closed my eyes as he pushed all the way in. His breath came out in a puff as he felt me. "You're so tight." He growled.

I moan as I am filled, sucking in another sharp breath as I adjusted to his size. "Mmmm…" I moaned again. I dug my fingernails into his back and raked down, then up again. My legs hiked high up on his waist. He lifted up and slid out of me, then right back in. We continued in this way, slow and steady. But I could feel his resolve slipping away. The heat from his body spread through me, soon I felt the sweat begin to dew on my skin. The grunts that rip through his chest let me know that he had no resolve left what-so-ever.

He's flipped us over, with me straddling him. His fingers began to dig into the skin on my hips. He began moving me in a circular motion again, caressing my bud, in the process. His knees lifted up and his hips started to develop a thrusting rhythm. He sped up his pace, forcing me to place my hands on his knees to brace myself.

The sounds of our flesh meeting blended with the sounds of the waves crashing onto the shore. The breeze that came in did nothing for the heat that surrounded me. I felt the sand caked on my back and shoulders. But it was nothing compared to the feel of Jacob. His strong arms encircled me and pulled me down to him, while he continued to thrust.

"I love you so much." He whispered into my ear. "I've always loved you."

"Jacob…" I moaned.

"Tell me you love me." He pleaded.

"I love you…" The words flew out of my mouth before I had time to reconsider. His thrusts became stronger and more potent. My teeth began to knock from the force. Our breathing came faster as I felt that pressure once again. Soon our bodies stilled and shuddered. My name fell from his lips as he spilled into me and I exploded all over again. I could feel his warm liquid seeping down my thighs.

"I love you… I love you…" He whispered again. But I couldn't feel anything but the heat.

"Jacob, I can't breathe…" The sweltering heat from his body and the force of his arms around me made it difficult to breathe. He loosened his grip a bit and then rolled us over a few times. The cool water from the ocean flew up over my legs and I felt a slight relief.

Soon we were both in the water and he was still inside of me. I wrapped my arms and legs around his body as he allowed us to float. "Sorry," He whispered to me.

"Don't…" I whispered back. "Let's just… let's just have this." I laid my head on his shoulder. I wasn't sure what to make of it all. But I knew that what I just experienced with Jacob would always be on my mind…. Which meant it would always be on his…

Jacob ran his fingers through my wet hair as we floated in the water. "Can I ask you something?'

I lifted my head up and looked him in the eye again. "Anything."

"Is this what you came here for?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean for this. For… us, to happen?"

"I don't know," I whispered honestly. "In a way, I guess I hoped."

"Really? Why?" He asked, excitement jumping into his eyes.

"I guess because… I was curious..."

"About what?"

"Well… I half expected you to howl at the moon."

He barked a laugh and then released me into the water. We had floated a ways out, but he could still stand up in the water. But I instantly went under. His hands pulled me back up to him, securing me against his chest. He kissed me on the lips and then with his wolfish grin in place, he howled.