CartmanxPatty.
Fitting in is hard to do.
It's not simple black and white and there is no cookie cutter.
It's shit.
You feel like shit, your body is shit and school is shit.
High school, in a nutshell, is shit.
Not to sound like that pussy Stan but it's the truth.
Things that weren't complete shit... well, it was people. I like conniving. I liked to cheat and turn people against each other. Oh? Craig with Tweek? Tell that paranoid freak about Thomas. You know, the one Craig had been seeing on the side lines? Tell Tweek, watch the two fags slowly crumble and I would just smile from the sidelines.
That was life was all about anyways.
I had the power to build people up and wreck them just as fast.
Life is great when everyone is a puppet on your stage. It keeps this little school in South Park lively. And I'm seated at the reins. What sort of trouble could I not cause?
Just you wait...
Today was the day that Kahl would get his just desserts. He had been in my cross-hairs for obvious Jew reasons. Puffy ginger afro, unsightly pale skin, being from Jersey and that goddamn ugly hat. That daywalker has it coming.
I fumbled with the sugar packets in my pocket as I ambled through the halls, trekking to the cafeteria. I was a little late but it didn't bother me. Today was the weird, chunky chicken alien pieces on a plate. Not even I could stomach it. I pack my lunch every Thursday... When I mean, 'I'... I mean my mom.
That's a woman job. Women belong in the kitchen... bakin' me pies.
Two girls nearly ran into me turning a corner. Since I was the only one in the halls it wasn't fucking surprising in the least. I'm a real beefcake, girls swarm me.
They were cheerleaders. Namely Red and Bebe. Bebe was a little preppy sure, but Red was just a little wannabe... Snuggling up to blonde for the attention. Not exactly Mark Cotswold 'preppy' either. Not the classical look of the shirt collar popped up and the sweater wrapped neatly around his neck. Along with his sister who wouldn't be caught dead talking to someone in public schools, heavens no.
That preppy cliché that everyone uses... The trashy, overtly sexualized woman who is Bebe... She is that ugly name.
The two girls were giggling to themselves and I heard them by earshot, prattling back and forth.
"That was so mean of you, even by your standards." Red complimented her, "You're vicious."
Bebe flipped her curly hair behind her with a cheeky smile. "It's true what they say, you can put diamonds on a pile of shit and it's still shit."
"Oh! You're bad!"
Idiots. Girls are completely worthless. Give me one fucking reason why girls aren't completely useless. You can't come up with any because it's the truth. If Wendy was around, she would try to kick my ass again for bad talking women. Whatever.
I was drawn out of my thoughts when I saw the stairs come into view. Like the light at the end of the tunnel. Where did they go? They led to the lunch room. I was so ready to put Kahl in his place. Little diabetic Jew-
Coming right out of the girl's bathroom, a girl bumped into me at full force. Like a bull seeing red, I almost landed on my ass. At first I thought it was a random hoe bag but then she looked up.
Patty Nelson.
She spoke in her deepish voice, trying to break past me. "Move it!"
Then I saw her face. It was coated in makeup. Blue-ish eye shadow and screaming red lipstick smeared around her mouth.
"Jesus Christ, what the fuck happened to you? You look like you're trying out for a circus freak show!" I guffawed painfully, I didn't want to laugh but I did anyways. I can't turn off my hard façade. It's just how I am. "You really have to paint that skanky ass face thick to look even remotely pretty but today is a little overkill dontcha think?"
At first I thought she would be angry or stomp off or point one of those long fingernails at me and bitch... but she didn't.
She brought her hands close to her face and then began to sob into her palms. Loudly.
Patty was like... A delicate flower growing through a crack in the sidewalk. Strained and lonely. There was no assurance of her survival here. Only time could tell. But her roots would never grow out any further... Never will there be a flower beside her without draining her.
And I am that flower, brutally killing her.
"Come on," I swallowed back a bit of guilt. "All you girls do around here is swallow cock and cry and bleed for seven days." I lifted my fingers up in a cross like fashion, my attempt to make her laugh. "Satan be gone!" I commanded.
Those muddy eyes found mine. They reminded me of Wendy's. She was like her little replica. Her doppelgänger. A shadow of something much more perfect than she was.
But Patty didn't cry. She was tough. She was supposed to be the stronger one. Even my joke didn't faze her. Not even a little twitch of a smile.
I huffed, grabbing Patty's wrist, dragging her back into the bathroom. As I yanked her to the sink, I ripped a bunch of paper towels from the dispenser and turned the faucets on full blast.
A few girls stared at us from one sink over, since I was a boy in the girl's bathroom... it was a total taboo. Yeah right, suck my bawls.
"Get the fuck out of here." I shoved one roughly to give her a little scare. And I did. A little too much. They scattered about with little screams and shrieks.
With that out-of-the-way, I wetted down the brown towels... Not to change the subject but have you noticed how shitty they are? The towel usually disintegrated into a beige past when it touched water. That's public schools for you.
I did quick check in the mirror, making sure everyone was out of here. At the stall at the very end, I spotted two pairs of feet. Perverts. Jesus Christ. Is everyone a hornball around here?
Another glance through the mirror and I could see Patty looking pitiful, sucking her bottom lip and just... sad. I grunted, whoever did this to her... I'll make sure they won't have a social life or even a goddamn life when I get through with them. Nobody messes with my Pat but me.
I pressed the soap dispenser and the bubble gum colored shit squirted in my hands, lightly spraying my forearm. I twirled on my heel and held my cotton candy stained fingers out. Jesus fuck, the soap around here looks like clown jizz.
"Come here." I demanded, still holding out my neon pink, clown jizz fingers.
She hesitantly took a few steps forward and I swarmed her face, lathering up the pink into suds. Patty tried to shimmy away and I brought up one of the soggy paper towels and smothered her. "What are you, fucking Helen Keller? Get the fuck over here you dumbass bitch!"
Patty visibly bit her tongue before pushing me, sending me into the sink. "Who are you calling bitch... you... you fat bastard? I can't stand you... All you do is bother me and make me feel bad about myself," she screeched angrily, a vein on her forehead became visible, even behind all that makeup. "You're as bad as they are!"
Patty flinched as the soap got into her eyes, she covered them with a swift movement.
"What? Bitch, I have better shit to do. Who wants to 'bother' you? The girl who's always bothering the popular group... trying to snuggle up and pretend. You're too fat and ugly to ever fit anyone," I spat. "I'm all you have Patty Nelson. Whether you like it or not. You have no friends and you never will."
Well, that's something nice to say to the girl I like.
"At least I'm not you." That's ironic.
Patty pressed her fingers into her eyes, shuttering as more and more soap made its way into her peepers. I gently tugged on her chin. She didn't struggle against my touch, instead she let me have a look-see at the damage done to my little flower.
Her pretty eyes were bloodshot and she still wore that weak expression and makeup coated all around it. It was time to rub it all away. Take away all this pain from the flower. I brought up another paper towel and she let me wipe away the suds without another word of protest.
"I hate Bebe and Red. They're always tricking me," she grumbled under her breath. "Like, they said they'd give me a makeover and look what they did to my face."
Those fuckers. Fuck Kyle, I got a two new targets.
"Would you be offended if I said you looked better with the makeup on?"
With a smile, she barked back. "Fuck you, Carty."
It slipped out... a little too fast. I felt myself grin. Widely.
Patty cleaned off her face with my help, her usual pretty complexion coming through. The occasional blemish was uncovered but her skin was smooth to the touch. I rubbed the brown cloth over her cheeks again for good measure, enjoying the feeling of being so close to her.
"I heard what you did to Tweek and Craig and… Can you… Can you get back at Red and Bebe?" she stammered, as if asking for my help was downgrading. Never for my little flower.
...but I'd like to tease her a little more.
My face lit up. A devilish smile curling up and around in a Cheshire type way. "I'm not cheap. I have a price, you know?" I threw the towels away, crumpling them up and shooting them into the trash like the basketball player Kahl could never be.
Patty eyed me, studying me... admiring how evil I was. "I want those fuckers to suffer. I'll give you anything you want." She was serious too. She meant it. She really... really want me to hurt them.
And I would, without anything in return.
Instead, I humored her. I rubbed my chin, humming. It seemed as a light bulb appeared over my head and I suggest a fantasy I've had for quite some time. "Well... Anything? I think a kiss could suffice."
Who wouldn't want to? Her lips were soft and glossy looking. She smelled good too and Patty had meat in all the right places... Damn you sexual tension... At least, that's what Wendy called it.
"Ew, except that." She scoffed, her nose wrinkling up, looking like a pig. I wouldn't be surprised if she started to snort like one either.
"I wouldn't want to kiss a pig anyways." Crossing my arms with a huff like a kid who didn't get what they wanted for Christmas. "I can get someone better."
Then she surprised me...
"I'm not a pig, fatass." Patty's arms encircled my neck as she leaned forward and knocked her front teeth into mine. Sure it wasn't the best kiss but it was kinda... cute... in a weird way. "Make sure you hurt them really bad, okay babe? I want to see blood or tears."
"Yeah, yeah." I snuggled her neck with a tight grin, "Nobody messes with my hoe."
"Girlfriend." Patty reiterated with a grunt. "Call me as such, Carty."
Fitting in is hard to do.
It's not simple black and white and there is no cookie cutter.
It's shit.
You feel like shit, your body is shit and school is shit. High school, in a nutshell, is shit.
Not to sound like that pussy Stan but it's the truth.
Things that weren't complete shit... well, it was Patty Nelson.
Just then... the couple stepped out of the end stall, flustered. A slightly embarrassed Tweek hid behind Thomas with a whine, pulling up his pants. "Agh! They spotted us! Abort! Abort!"
And with that, the two scurried away nearly tripping over each other. We exchanged a look, watching the blondes scatter like cockroaches. We both come to the same conclusion.
"You got more information." Patty resorted with a snort.
"Yeah, looks like Craig has a triangle on his hands."