Tour, tour , TOUR! The last few months I have done nothing but tour. Being in a bus with all men and performing in front of the best fans ever. Now I don't know what to do with my life. I have missed my own bed so much and my kitten. Man this tour has been so amazing. I have found out so much about myself, some of which scares me. Oh god am I about to have another self realization moment…I have just changed so much, I am denying things about myself more too.
As he turns to lie on his side and snuggles his pillow, he continues to think.
God I'm so lonely. Usually by now someone would've noticed how silent I am being. I think that's it, I am lonely. When I am not around him I - wait, why did I make that so specific. Ugh, what is wrong with me, I am having all these feelings but they can't be right. I mean apparently everyone sees it and so do I. I mean as far as I know I have always been straight. Well I never had too much luck with the ladies but I find them attractive. But he, he is just perfect in everyway. The way he looks, acts and talks. The way he thinks and just they way he smells. I love the way he jokes around with me but that's just it. He is joking and so should I but I can't deny the fact that when he kissed me the first time on stage, I melted…And his heart… I need to get a grip, maybe it's just lack of sleep and all the drinking I have been doing that's catching up with me. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to think straight.
With that, Alan fell asleep and was left to only dream of the impossible.
The next day Alan slept in and when he finally got up he didn't even know what to do with himself.
"All my freaking band mates are probably having fun with friends and family. Least I've got my cat" he said out loud as he fixed him self food.
Later after watching lots of TV and moseying about the internet he got a text message that sent butterflies into his stomach. He received a text message from Austin or as his phone says 'Squidgy'
"Hey, what are you up too, I know we just got off tour with each other but my family just left and I'm bored so come over."
"Alright I'll be right over" He replied. Alan got dressed in black skinnies, black toms, a red v-neck and a red beanie. He got in his car and drove to Austin's house but he couldn't help thinking. I wonder if anyone else is going to be there or what we are going to do.
Finally making it to Austin's house, Alan was greeted by Austin before he even had to knock. "Hey what's up? Isn't it great to finally have a full night's rest in your own bed. Come in". Alan nodded happily and walked in. They both sat down on the couch in the living room.
"So Alan I have a question?"
"Yes?" For some reason Alan couldn't help but get extremely nervous.
"Are you as bored as I am? I mean touring was the greatest thing ever and seeing all the fans and don't get me wrong I love being home but…. I don't know it's just like, I still feel like I am not ready to be home yet. Like I still have places I want to go to." Austin said thoughtfully.
"I understand completely what you are talking about!" Alan could feel the tension within him leaving and became comfortable again. "It's like I am also very lonely now because I am not constantly surrounded by my friends like before."
" I understand that, sounds like you need a girlfriend ahaha." Austin said as he patted Alan on the back.
Yea, a girlfriend… Alan thought.
"I know this amazing girl that really wants to know you. Maybe you should give her a call. Better yet, I can call her up and she can come over. I could hang out with you two so it's not awkward at first, how about that." Said Austin as he turned on the TV.
Probably going to watch cartoons. I love how he is always trying to help someone else out.
"ALAN!"
"Sorry, I just spaced. If you want to call her go ahead but I am not sure if I am ready to date right now"
"Well if you say so. But I think you need someone. Anyway, you know what I think man. I think we should go somewhere. Just fucking me and you 'cause you're my best friend. Let's go to like HAIWII! Or maybe Canada." Austin said so excited. He is so cute, getting all excited like a little puppy but why Canada…
"Like road trip or something because I am down for that. Let's go to Canada, like right now" Alan said half joking.
"Alright, I'll go look up some tickets and hotel rooms and we should start packing" Austin said as he got up from the couch and started head for his laptop.
"Wait you are actually seriously okay with going randomly right now. With no warning or anything" Alan said shocked and confused.
"Um, yea! Why wait if we can do this now. I mean come on, live in the moment little Alan! Sometimes you just got to be bold and take action!"
"Thanks for the inspirational speech there. I really needed that one.."
"Oh I really need that sarcasm. Now go home and pack!"
And with that Alan headed home and thought about what he could pack, they did just come off tour.
I am glad to know Austin only sees me as a best friend because that will just remind me that is what I need to see him as. Just best friends. Seeing him so excited and happy though just makes me so happy. Just need to pack and I shall enjoy the time I will have with my friend and relax until the next time we tour or have to head to the recording studio.
Little did Alan know Austin was thinking about him too.
That was easier than I thought. Alone time with Alan disguised as friendly bonding. Hopefully now I can find out how Alan really feels about me. I can't deny what I feel. I have joked about it so much that I have never realized that I am in love with Alan Ashby and even if he doesn't love me back we will still be a better love story than Twilight. I hope I don't chicken out though. It is a pretty bold thing to admit to your best friend. I am not sure if I can do it. We will see.