Peterella, Part 1

((In this appearance, Peter's age is 23. And he is NEVER going to live this down.))

Sun rises on a luxurious home nestled deep in Relic Forest. Most of its inhabitants are sleeping peacefully, having no need to busy themselves at this early hour. But one unfortunate soul is already passing his third hour of work…

"Well, the dining room is done" Peter sighed to know one in particular. "Now it's time to sweep the kitchen…" The Celebi dragged his broom along the floor as he fluttered to the next room, leaning slightly to the right as his torn right wing struggled to keep up with his left.

"Yo, little woodland creatures" he called out. "I could use some help here." Peter waited…and waited…but nobody came. He shook his head in frustration as he began to sweep the floor. What was the point of being the Voice of the Forest, if nobody listened?

Just when Peter was about to give up hope on all the woodland creatures, he heard the pitter-patter of small feet, followed by a grumble. Peter turned to find a Pichu crawl through a small hole in the kitchen wall, leaving tiny red pawprints on the tile. The mouse pokemon gave Peter a wide grin. "Hi Peter!" he said sweetly. "I'm ready to help, and so is Theo!"

"For the last time, I'm not helping!" growled a voice outside the hole. "And I'm not changing my mind just because you paralyzed me and dragged me all the way—hey, stop pulling on my arm!"

DJ had scampered back to the hole in the wall, and was now straining to tug the Bulbasaur inside. The Pichu pulled with all his might, but it was no use…Theo's big bulb had gotten thoroughly wedged in the hole. "Dontcha worry, I'm gonna push you from the back!" DJ declared.

"Don't bother trying to help" Peter muttered, looking down at the dusty floor. "You'll just get your bloody paws all over the place, anyway." But DJ didn't listen. He had already scampered through the house and out the front door…but not before grabbing a large kitchen knife.

Peter sighed mournfully as he set about his task. "What sort of cruel twist of fate brought me to this state, Theo?" he absentmindedly monologued. "I was once the respected Guardian of this place. True, I was constantly called on to work for others…but not debasing work like this. I once fought monstrous beasts, rescued pokemon from terrible fates from the beginning to the end of time. Now look at me: enslaved, crippled, constantly mocked for my feminine appearance. I once wrote my own destiny; now I must wait in agony for someone else to write a better chapter. I once…"

"Will ya quit yapping already?" Theo grumbled. "I hardly even know you. I don't give a damn about your…AAAAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!"

Peter jumped at the sudden agonized scream. He whirled around to find Theo's glazed eyes staring up at him, a pool of blood quickly forming around the Bulbasaur. "Damn…uh, Theo?" Peter said, checking for a pulse.

At that moment, DJ walked back into the house. He dragged his kitchen knife behind him, along with the back half of Theo. "See?" DJ said, giving Peter a bloody smile. "We helped!"

Peter's eyes boggled at the murder scene in front of him. "Wha—what the hell did you do?!" he exclaimed.

"I told you, I helped" DJ replied, rolling his eyes at the Celebi's overreaction. "I'm too small to use the broom, so I decided to catch some prey. I thought a hassle-free breakfast might get that stepmother of yours off your back." The Pichu smiled sweetly, proud of his accomplishment.

Peter continued to glance between DJ and the late Theo, repulsion evident on his face. He let out a weary sigh. Community members were prohibited from hunting in the forest not long ago. None of this carnage and bloodshed happened until she came along. Peter scowled as he brooded about his stepmother. His surrogate father thought it would be a great idea to find a mate, since Peter had been so busy lately, and the community would need another consistent leader to look up to should Solox pass away. The time could not have been better: Solox had died defending the community soon after he had found a mate.

But Peter would never understand why he chose this wackjob to be the community's next leader.

Speak of the devil, Peter snapped to attention as he heard a low growling sound. His stepmother had probably been woken up by the commotion…and she would not be happy. The Celebi's eyes darted to the bloodstained Pichu. "Quick, get out of here" Peter urged. "She'll tear you apart and use your blood for Bulbasaur dip, kid."

"Awwwww" DJ pouted. "But I wanted to eat some—"

"GO!" Peter yelled, pointing toward the door.

"Finnnnne" DJ sighed. The Pichu quickly scampered out the door, making sure to take his new weapon with him.

Peter sighed in relief. But the feeling quickly faded as he felt a familiar pink gaze boring into his very soul. Peter turned around slowly to face his stepmother. "Hello, Tavi" he said quietly.

The shadow Zangoose's eyes darted throughout the room, her fur standing on end as she scanned the area for threats. Finally satisfied that there was no imminent danger, Tavi gazed blankly at Peter. "You better have a good reason for making all that noise, cripple" she growled. "And why is the floor covered in—" Tavi stopped in mid-sentence as she noticed half of a Bulbasaur corpse lying on the carpet. The Zangoose immediately set to work devouring the grass-type's carcass.

Peter shuddered at the gruesome sight. Solox sure left him in a Catch 22 situation when he chose a shadow pokemon as a mate. If Peter let the volatile Zangoose reign without supervision, he would neglect his responsibility to protect Relic Forest. But if he simply killed Tavi, he would neglect his responsibility to aid and protect all shadow pokemon. So, Peter was left with Option C: stay here and keep an eye on Tavi until she was ready to be purified. Even if she treated him like a slave and called him a cripple.

Cripple? Peter couldn't help letting out a snort of derision at the thought. If anyone around here was a cripple, it was his two ugly stepsiblings. The sister was a babbling limping freak. Peter could hear the Bayleef's nonsensical drivel percolating from her room right now—she must have woken up at the same time as her mother. And the brother had been beheaded, for Arceus' sake! Not to mention, the Dodrio was another shadow pokemon…as if Peter needed any more of those lording it over him.

Speak of the other devils, Arrow appeared in the doorway, guiding Four behind him. The Dodrio's right head was missing as usual, his center head was still asleep, and his left head gazed blankly around the room. He was constantly on the lookout for danger, just like his mother…who seemed to be a few years younger than him…? Meanwhile, Four stared blankly at the stove and said "…fq398meigovjxokmcampiejrgwnp v94ihgvnk;aje […"

Peter rubbed his temples. This was going to be a typical, very long day.

"…qp9wucfpeivjfqeiu." Four blinked a couple times as she came out of her glitchy trance. "There you are, Fairy" the Bayleef said to Peter. "I need you to wash my scarf again." Four unwrapped her red-and-black scarf from around her neck and tossed it at Peter. "That shouldn't be too hard for a lady like you, Peterella" Four teased.

"Peterella" Arrow's left head echoed emotionlessly.

No sound came from Tavi's direction, save for the sickening snap of Bulba-bones.

Peter's face burned bright red. Being called a cripple irritated him…being called a girl pissed him off. But what could the Celebi do about it? If he so much as Tackled any of his mockers, the two shadow pokemon would strike. Grind his bones to make their bread. Peter could only hover there and take their insults on the chin.

"Right away, Four" Peter said in a forced calm voice. "Pardon my asking, but didn't I wash this just yesterday? Why am I washing it again?"

"'Cause the ball is this evening, Fairy" Four replied. "And I have to look my best."

Tavi looked up from her meal and furrowed her brows at Four. "Ball?" she muttered, a Bulba-tendon dangling from her teeth as she spoke.

Four's eyes glistened in excitement. "The royal ball" she explained. "Prince Orville the Oshawott is holding a party, and he invited all the young ladies in the land. At the end of the night, he will finally choose a mate." Four smiled and batted her eyes a bit.

Peter rolled his eyes. The girl was, what, nine? She didn't even know what a 'mate' really meant. The Bayleef just wanted to be a princess. The whole thing made Peter wanna…wait. The Celebi's eyes widened as the details of Four's speech registered in his mind. An Oshawott…Peter's interest in this ball instantly increased by a thousandfold.

Tavi took a few more instants to grow intrigued by the royal ball. She figured out the gravity of the situation through a series of simple deductions. Prince equals money. Money equals food. "We are all going to the ball right now" Tavi announced. "Get ready."

"But-but-but-my scarf!" Four protested. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "It's not clean yet! Peterella…" The Bayleef glanced toward where she had last seen the Celebi, but he wasn't there anymore. Neither was her scarf. Four started hyperventilating.

Suddenly, a pokemon appeared out of thin air. "Don't have a heart attack, your scarf's right here" Peter said, wrapping the red-and-black scarf around Four's neck. "Freshly cleaned three hundred years ago."

"Thanks…" Four replied. "…ma'am."

Peter hitched Arrow up to the family carriage while the ladies finished getting ready. Then Peter, Tavi, and Four climbed into the carriage. Tavi glared at the lounging Celebi. "What do you think you're doing here?" she snarled. "Are you going to just leave the floors unswept? And covered in blood?"

"Trust me, I'll get to those now later" Peter said casually. "But now now, I have to go to the ball and meet that prince."

"Only real ladies are invited to meet the prince!" Tavi yelled, specks of foam flying out of her mouth as she screamed. Tavi grabbed Peter and flung him out of the carriage. The next thing he knew, he was pinned by a field of shadowy hellspikes.

"N-no..." Peter grunted as he struggled to free himself. "You don't understand, I HAVE to see the prince!"

But his stepfamily ignored him. "Wakey wakey" Four said, poking Arrow's middle head. The head woke up, then both heads snapped to attention with a blank gaze. "I must carry out the command of my master" the left head uttered emotionlessly. There were several seconds of eerie silence. Then Arrow took off at breakneck speed. The Dodrio and carriage zoomed off into the distance…right into an electric fence, where everyone died by electrocution.

**Take 2**

"I must carry out the command of my master" the left head uttered emotionlessly. There were several seconds of eerie silence, during which time Four made sure to adjust Arrow's middle head to face the direction of the castle. Then Arrow took off at breakneck speed. The Dodrio and carriage zoomed off into the distance and past the electric fence that randomly stood in the middle of Relic Forest. Soon they were nothing but a cloud of dust in the distance, leaving Peterella all alone.