Title: I Never Wanted to Hurt You
Author: Twiki99
Date Posted: June , 2011
Rating: K
Codes: T. Paris/ K. Janeway
Archive: Here anywhere else. Please ask first
Disclaimer: Paramount and Viacom own Star Trek and all Characters of Star Trek. The story is mine. I am not making a dime on this. I am doing this and other stories for purely mine and others enjoyment.

Summary: A secret that Kathryn Janeway never wanted to share, comes back to cause some to have to rethink there lives. Feedback is welcome.

A/N This is an A/U so Threshold never happened and Kathryn never served with Owen Paris.

I read a story a while back on some site and it involved Kathryn getting pregnant during her captivity by the Cardasians. Some humanoid impregnating her with his DNA. The result was one Thomas Eugene Janeway. She gave him to the Paris' as she felt she could not care for a baby and have a career. Of course, she confesses the truth to him on Voyager. The story was never finished, so I've thought about the idea, and thought it was a good one so that's how this story came about. I wanted to show a Tom Paris who was vulnerable and desperate for love and approval, someone who had been mentally abused as a child, but one who had not been fully broken. A man who could learn to love and trust again. Not that I hate Owen Paris but I needed a villain and decided to use him. I hope you like it.

Chapter 1

The EMH was happily humming to himself. For the first time in a week, there was no one in sickbay. There had been several people in from the explosion that happened in engineering, and now the worst had been released to their quarters. He'd had help from both Ensign Wildman and Lt. Paris, and he had to admit, that both had been a great help. Especially Mr. Paris...not that he would tell him though. Mr. Paris could be very annoying, and he didn't want him to get a big head. He had spent several hours working on the crew, and finally, late last night, the Doctor had sent him off to his quarters to get some rest. He had been exhausted.

The EMH was about to go into his lab to start some experiments, when the doors to sickbay opened. Sighing, the Doctor turned to see who had come to disrupt his morning and saw Lt. Paris standing just inside the doors still dressed in his robe. He frowned as he looked at the disheveled young man. His face was flushed, and he seemed to be having trouble focusing his gaze. He also seemed to be swaying a bit.

"Mr. Paris, what can I do for you?"

He said worriedly as he crossed the room to stand next to him

"I...I don't know...Doc, I...I...feel...not good."

Tom slumped and would have collapsed completely if the Doc hadn't caught him. He guided him to the bio bed, and gently got him settled. Once on the bed, he took the tricorder and ran it over the Lt. It showed that he was running a temp of 102.9 and that he was fighting some sort of virus.

"Hurts, Doc...hurts."

Tom mumbled, and tried to sit up, but as he did, he groaned. Loading a hypospray, the Doctor administered a mild painkiller, and Tom seemed to relax some. But until he could determine what virus was running in his bloodstream, he could not risk anything stronger. He made some adjustments to his tricorder, and again ran it over the Lt.'s body. Looking at the results, he frowned. He made one more adjustment, and again ran it and looked at the results. Hum, that can't be right. It appeared that Lt. Paris' DNA was being attacked. But only half of it. If he didn't know better, it seemed like that half of his DNA was reverting to a different pattern. He transferred the pattern to the monitor by the office, and went to study it. It was true, the DNA was changing. How was this possible? He looked back at the young man, but he seemed to have drifted off to sleep. The Doctor could see no difference in Tom. No changes with the different DNA. He again watched as the DNA seemed to settle to a steady pattern. He pulled up a previous reading of Mr. Paris' DNA, and compared it to the new pattern. It was different. It seemed to suggest that at some point in his life, something had happen to change his DNA. But what? It was then that he remembered reading about an experimental project that Star Fleet had done about twenty years ago involving the DNA of subjects. He went into his office and pulled up the information on his computer and read about the project. It had been classified at first, but since none of the subjects had survived, they had abandoned it nineteen years ago.

It seemed that Star Fleet Medical had been trying to alter the DNA of subjects to improve their resistance to diseases. They had had volunteers ranging from twenty to seventy, but something had gone wrong. The test subjects had begun to get deathly sick. One by one they had all died, so it was scraped. The report listed twenty subjects, but as the Doc read, it only listed nineteen deaths. What had happened to the twentieth? He began to dig into the report, and finally found a list of names. Looking through the list, his face suddenly showed shock. There...Thomas Eugene Paris...male...age... three years ten months... and some notes that stated that this subject was used to test if the DNA could be manipulated to mask certain facts about the child. The Doctor was now disgusted at what he saw. Somehow, Tom had been used as a guinea pig for god knows what purpose. He pulled up the reading on Mr. Paris' DNA and saw that the new pattern was stable now. His new pattern. What had Medical been doing? And more to the fact, what had his parents been thinking, using their child that way? They must have used someone's DNA. He brought up the original pattern, and ran it through the computer. After a moment, it beeped that it had found a match. Father...Owen Paris...Mother...Elizabeth Paris. Hum no surprise there. He ran the new pattern and waited for the results. After a moment, the same beep and he looked. Father...Owen Paris...Mother... and he could not believe what he saw. Was it true? Was this the original and the other one fake? He ran several cross tests, but always came back to the same results. This new pattern was Mr. Paris' original pattern, and what was officially in his medical records was false. Mr. Paris had a different mother. He needed to report this to the Captain. He got up and walked back into the main area and checked on his patient. He still had a high temperature, but seemed to be sleeping now, so he drew some blood and went to the lab to set up some tests to see if he could identify the virus and cure it. Once he had finished, he decided he needed to contact the Captain.

"Sickbay to Captain Janeway. Could you please come to sickbay? There is a matter we need to discuss."

"Doctor, is this important? I've got reports that need to be done today."

"Yes Captain it is quite important. Mr. Paris has come down with a viral infection, and I've discovered something that needs your attention."

He heard a slight intake of breath, and then her voice came over the connection and he could swear she seemed worried as she said

"I'm on my way, Doctor."

She arrived within five minutes, and immediately went to where Mr. Paris lay. She seemed very concerned, and the Doctor saw her raise her hand and gently touched his face and stroke it. She then brushed a lock of hair off his forehead. The action gave the Doctor his answer. She knew. He walked over to them and said

"Captain, Mr. Paris has been infected with some sort of virus, which I'm trying to determined what strain it is to be able to treat it. His temperature is 102.9, and he is having moderate pain. I was able to give him a mild painkiller, but nothing else yet. He seems to be resting now, but until I can determine the cause I can't treat him. The virus seems to have altered his DNA in some way"

The Captain nodded and said softly

"Will he be alright?"

The Doctor placed a hand on her shoulder and said gently

"I'm sure when I find the cause, he will completely recover...but, there is something else I need to discuss with you."

She seemed to deflate, and with one last look at Tom, she turned to the Doctor and said quietly

"You know don't you?"

"Captain, as I said the virus has attacked his DNA, and he has reverted back to his original mix of DNA...He's your son isn't he?"

For a moment she was silent, and then she just nodded. He could see that a weight had been lifted from her, but she was also close to collapse, so he guided her into his office and sat her down. After he had sat , he said

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

She couldn't meet his eyes at first, but after a moment, she began to tell her secret...something she thought she would be able to hide, but deep down, she was happy to be able to tell someone her secret.

She had talked for over an hour, and the Doctor had let her. She told him everything, and he was beginning to dislike Owen Paris a lot. How could he have done what he did? And then to use their son in a highly dangerous and experimental procedure to hide the facts was reprehensible. If he'd had a heart, it would have gone out to not only his Captain, but also the young man out there. He could not bring himself to wonder again why a person could have so little regard for other peoples lives.

His test was now finished on Mr. Paris' blood, and he excused himself to check the results. It gave him the results to start a treatment, and he went to prepare a hypospray with the correct medication. The Captain had gone back to her son, holding his hand and softly crying. He came over and said

"Captain, I have a treatment now, and I'm confident that he will respond. We need to bring his fever down, and then he'll be able to fight this."

He leaned over and administered the hypospray. They then waited to see if his temperature would fall. After five minutes, the Doc took the tricorder and ran another scan. It showed that his temperature was falling and was now down to 101.8.

"It's working, his temperature is coming down."

Kathryn relaxed some and again stroked his forehead. The Doc also gave Tom another mild painkiller, and then said

"He should sleep better now, Captain. I can call you if anything happens."

She shook her head, and said

"I'm not leaving."

She sat on the chair and continued to stroke Tom's forehead. The Doctor just shrugged and turned and went back to his office to decide what he would place in his logs.

The Captain had been gone from the bridge for over an hour, and Chakotay was getting worried. He finally turned command over to Tuvok, and went to check on her. As he entered sickbay, he saw her sitting next to Paris, who seemed to be a little agitated. Before he could walk over to her, he heard Paris begin to speak. He stopped in his tracks and listened to the young pilot. His voice sounded like a child, something he didn't expect. He listened as Tom said

"Mama..."

Immediately Kathryn rose and took the hand that Tom had extended out in front of him.

"I'm here,Tom, I'm here."

Her voice was a singsong and Chakotay saw Tom grasp for the hand and clutched it to his chest. He had tears streaming down his cheeks as he continued

"Mama...why did you leave me? Was I bad? Daddy said I was bad and that's why you left. If I was bad, I didn't mean to be...I'm sorry Mama. Please come back."

Chakotay felt a shudder go though him as he heard the despair in Paris' voice. But then he heard the sorrow in Kathryn's voice as she replied

"Tom, you have never disappointed me. You were not bad...I love you, honey...you were never bad."

"Then why did daddy tell me you left because of what I did? He hurt me...he...he hit me...said it was my fault"

"Oh my darling...no it wasn't your fault...I'm here now, and I promise that I'll do everything in my power to protect you now and forever, Tom. Please forgive me...I love you..."

"Mama, I love you too. I love you"

Tom drifted off to sleep again, and Kathryn just crumpled onto the chair, and began to cry softly. Chakotay didn't know what to think. It was obvious that Tom had had some major trauma in his life. But why was Kathryn crying, and why had she pretended to be Paris' mother? He walked over to Kathryn, and gently laid a hand on her shoulder. Kathryn looked up into his deep brown eyes, and just collapsed on him. He knelt down and took her in his arms and said

"Kathryn, what's going on? Why are you so upset about Paris?"

"Oh, Chakotay, he's really sick. I'm afraid that he won't get better."

Chakotay had never seen the Captain so distraught over a crew member. Sure, she had always felt something special for Paris, but she was over reacting to the situation. He was sure that everything would be alright.

"I'm sure the Doctor will do everything possible for Paris. He's a strong young man."

Chakotay looked at the pilot, and noticed that he was flushed and seemed to be having some pain. He stood, and went to get the Doctor, who was in his office. The Doc came out and ran his tricorder again and said

"His temperature has dropped to 100.3, so the medication is working. He is still having pain, I think I can give him a stronger painkiller."

He went to prepare a hypospray, and returned to administer the medication. Tom seemed to relax and the lines of pain on his face disappeared. He seemed to settle down to a deeper sleep, and the Doctor smiled in relief.

"He'll sleep now, and I expect that within two days, Mr. Paris will be yelling to leave sickbay."

He said this last part to the Captain. She just placed her head in her hands and began weeping again. Chakotay was at a loss to her behavior. This wasn't the Kathryn he knew. He wasn't sure why she was acting so out of control. Sure, she had lots on her shoulders, and she had a crew to think about, but he'd never seen her lose control before. Why was she so worried about Paris? He had to find out what was wrong. Gently, he took her hands and encouraged her to stand. She did, but never took her eyes off of Tom. He encouraged her to leave Tom and he guided her into the Doctor's office, asking the Doc if he could use his office. The Doctor waved them over, and he took the seat that the Captain had vacated. He was sure that the talk was going to take some time, as he knew that she had a lot to tell. He looked at his patient and sighed. What would Mr. Paris think when he knew the truth about his mother? He hoped it would not be too traumatic for him. He would never admit it, but the pilot was one of his favorite crew members. Even though they sparred with each other, Tom was one of the few who treated him like a real person. He reached out and smoothed the hair back from his forehead, and noticed that the pilot was cooler. He just hoped the truth wouldn't destroy the young man.

TBC