Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, well except the donkey.
The barriers between worlds had broken. Spirit world was forced to create a whole new power level, Super Secret Ultimate Ultra DOUBLE S-class, to even explain the immense power that would rip apart the barriers between the worlds. Ultimate demon lord, Kazuma Kuwabara, had reached an all new height bringing the worlds together as he conquered them. But the barriers of time and destiny had also weakened, bringing brave new heroes to fight him.
"Come back to bed hunny" Said Sakura, wrapping her young arms a quarter of the way around Toguro's muscular waist as he looked out the window at the wasteland outside "There's nothing you can do tonight."
Toguro's muscles twitched faintly as he stared out the window, but after a moment he turned to look down at Sakura with a sad expression.
"I just don't know what we are fighting for some days" He said "After my life was saved when that Tyrannosaurus appeared and pulled me through the time rift, it seems like my strength has hardly increased."
"That's not true!" Said Sakura, her brown hair cascading over her face as she looked down at the ground "I measured your muscles just yesterday, and they have grown ten inches wider just this month!"
He hooked one sausage like finger tenderly under her chin, pointing her eyes back up at him. "That's true," he said "But size is hardly everything."
"That's not true" Said Sakura, blushing shyly as she dropped the bed sheet that had been wrapped around her "That's not true at all."
---
Hiei sighed; he was getting tired of watching Toguro and Sakura for his ultimate lord and master, Kuwabara. He only worked for the stupid bastard to keep his sister safe, anyways, not that she was happy as Kuwabara's third mistress… But like she told Hiei, the pay was damned good.
Hiei wondered how she was doing. For just a moment he turned his jagan eye towards her… Before shutting it with a frantic yell of "Kyaaa!" She shouldn't be doing that! Not with Kuwabara, and certainly not with Kuwabara, Usagi, Kristine, Eric, AND a donkey.
"Dammit…" he muttered, reaching for the bleach before pouring it directly into his jagan eye. This happened way too often. He had been seriously considering just telling his sister that they were related, just so he would have some other way to watch over her, but she deserved a much better brother than him.
He turned his gaze back to the rebels with a sigh, he hated the sight of Toguro's ass, but watching WAS his job… The steroids gave it WAY too many pimples, though, and Sakura always ended up popping them with her nails when they got rough. And they ALWAYS got rough, she did things with that rod that…
Hiei poured a little extra bleach into his jagan eye, and then stuck a needle in it just for good measure.
His schedule said he was supposed to be watching Yuri and Wolfram next, two dethroned demon kings from a far off reality.
---
Wolfram glared at Yuri, his eyes squinted angrily.
"You bastard!" he said "I refuse to have sex with you when I'm awake, so you go and knock me up while I'm sleeping?"
Wolfram threw the pregnancy test angrily at Yuri's face, scowling as he gathered up one of the children in his left arm and started making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the other fifteen with his right.
"How the fuck do you even manage to do it?" he asked "We are both male Yuri, MALE! I fucking hate you! You bastard!"
"Fuck, fuck!" said one of the little kids, copying mommydaddy almost perfectly.
"Shush!" Said Yuri "And that goes for both of you, I won't tolerate language like that in this house… And as for how I knocked you up, well…"
Wolfram scowled as he looked at Yuri's smug grin.
"How, damnit?" Wolfram asked "Tell me already!"
"I used my penis" Said Yuri, grinning wider and pulled a bottle of whiskey from the fridge, filling a mug with it and then pouring a little coffee on top. He enjoyed his Irish coffees; you could see it in his beer belly.
"Mommydaddy?" Asked one of the children, tugging at Wolfram's skirt "What's a penis?"
"Oh shut the fuck up already" Wolfram said, sighing and turning back to the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
"We need to do something about the goddamned new demon emperor already" Wolfram said with a scowl of misplaced hostility "I need to kill SOMEONE already."
"Oh shush" Said Yuri "You know I love you, right sugartits?"
He reached forward and gave Wolfram's pendulous man breasts, swollen with milk, a squeeze. Putting a little cream in his Irish coffee.
"Mommydaddy, what are sugar tits?" asked one of the children, as Wolfram stabbed Yuri in the leg with the peanut butter knife again. Just like he did every day.
--
Hiei sighed, closing his jagan eye for a moment. At least he hadn't needed the bleach after that one, just ibuprofen, and aspirin, and valium. An entire goddammed bottle of valium.
Swigging down some whiskey to wash down the valium Hiei stopped for a moment and looked at his list, smiling as he saw the next name. Botan! Hiei always enjoyed watching Botan… He just hoped she was in the shower again.
Not that he would actually say such a thing out loud. Ahem.
--
Botan looked at her clock… It was just about time for Hiei to start watching her again. YES! There he was, she felt his presence.
Botan got out the extra large vibrator and the gasoline driven power generator, this might be a while after all, she just hoped she wouldn't need to break out the jackhammer before the night was through.
--
"Hiei"
Hiei heard Botan's voice as he put away the lotion and the pack of tissues.
"Botan?" he asked questioningly, slamming the cupboard door closed and looking around frantically.
"Join us Hiei" The voice said "Join the rebellion! Stop spying for that god damned emperor and side with us!"
Hiei opened his jagan eye again, looking at a now undressed and sweaty Botan as she spoke to him with her magic, watching her cluching at her jackhammer with both hands and knowing she was watching him too.
"I can't…" said Hiei "My sister…"
"Your sister is a goddamned slut!" said Botan "$2.50 a week and all the donkey spunk you can eat is NOT good money!"
"But she is my sister!" said Hiei. "I can't betray her…"
"Not even for the best fuck of your life?" Asked Botan.
"Sold!" said Hiei, and then he blew up Kuwabara's castle with just about a billion kokuryuha. Everyone was fine though, and after the castle fell Kuwabara gave up his crown to Hiei for being so amazingly kick ass.
And then everyone in this story (INCLUDING the Tyrannosaurus) had a 28 way, and it was the best fuck of Hiei's life. In fact, he had to say that the love of a brother for his sister was probably the truest love of all… But that was before he, the donkey, the weird guy in half of a white mask three way-ed Botan.
Kinky shit like that, THAT was what made he and Botan soul mates. And it was so much better watching her and his sister get it on in person, where he could tickle her with a feather at the same time.
All in all, it was a pretty good day, and tomorrow looked to be even better.
The END goddamnit!