"…and we're back with our reporter Jung Byunghee, joining us live from the accident scene. Hello Byunghee.
-'Good to be with you again Jihyun. Today is a black day in the history of Korea. Korean Train Express line, Gyeongbu, derailed earlier this evening in the outskirts of Daegu, leaving numerous casualties and severe environmental damage. Police officers are working hand in hand with paramedics and fire fighters, trying to extract the bodies from under the piles of burnt metal. I'm standing right now with Senior Inspector, Park Jung Min. Good Evening Inspector; can you tell us more about the accident?'
-'Good Evening. As you can see, a terrible accident occurred a few hours ago, on the outskirts of Daegu. A KTX train, filled with approximately 60 passengers, derailed and ultimately crashed on the east hills of the valley.'
-'Do you know the cause of the accident?'
-'Right now police officers are astonished, trying to investigate the possible causes of this terrible accident since KTX's trains are fairly safe. One of the main theories is that the main train station forgot to turn the direction of railway lines like they always do, therefore causing the accident. The derailment may have been caused by the thin layer of ice that tends to form on the surface of the railway lines too, but all this sceneries are pure theories. We have to get all the bodies out of the scene to actually start the investigation process.'
-'Are there any survivors?'
-I would like viewers to erase all kind of hope they have left. I know it's cruel to hear it, but we've been through the scene several times, calling out for any survivors and receiving no answer so the chances of finding any are less than impossible. For all the people whose families were ridding this train…my deepest condolences.
-Thank you for your time Inspector. Stay tune as we'll be transmitting live…"
All I could hear was the hum of the TV after that; my ears not being able to understand what they were saying anymore. I wanted to turn away from the TV. To close my eyes, count to ten and wake up from this nightmare. But I'm not a child anymore. I knew that as much as I wanted to sleep and wake up like nothing happened, I couldn't. My eyes brimmed with tears once again and silent tears rolled down my face as the news kept striking me over and over again.
The train derailed…with Jinki inside it.
Sobs started erupting from my lips and I clamped my mouth shut, desperately trying to quiet them. My body started quivering as the sobs got louder. Soon, hysteric shrieks were coming out, but I didn't do anything to stop them this time, releasing my hands from my mouth. I didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. I felt the acid taste of bile in my mouth and I quickly jumped out the sofa, rushing to the bathroom. I barely made it as water came gushing out. It was the fifth time already so there wasn't any food left to vomit.
I slid on the bathroom floor, staring blankly at the sink. I was empty; physically and emotionally. Everything felt so surreal. Just a few hours ago Jinki was standing beside me, holding my hand and now he was…
I was pulled out of my thoughts by soft knocks coming from the living room. I grabbed the sink for support as I stood up and slowly made my way to the front door. Small hope soared inside me as I grabbed the doorknob. Maybe, just maybe…
I opened the door in one swift movement, hoping that the love of my life was the one knocking on the door, with that goofy smile of his. I choked back a sob as my little hope was shattered. My best friends were standing at the doorway. Taemin had his eyes blurred with tears as quite sobs rocked his body. Minho was standing beside him; arms surrounding the small boy and a somber expression on his face. Jonghyun was in front of them, his hand still raised in a knocking position.
"Kibum…we're so sorry" I felt something crack inside me when those words left the blond haired boy's lips. Deep down I've been refusing the idea of Jinki being dead, but hearing it come from another person brought me back to earth, forging the idea into a reality. "He's dead" I simply replied and soon four arms embraced me as I screamed my heart out. "Jinki NO!!. Not you…!" Hot tears slid down my face. Taemin was crying louder know, leaning on the doorway. Minho and Jonghyun carried me inside, placing me on the sofa. I couldn't see anything, my vision blurred by the never ending tears. I suddenly shuddered when the most agonizing scream I've ever heard came piercing through my ears. Soon I realized it was my own scream.
I heard soft whispers coming from Jonghyun as carried a wailing Taemin to the bedroom; Minho trying to calm me down on the sofa. " shhhh…It's gonna be alright Key" I turned to face him, pushing him aside with anger. "No it's not!! You don't know how I feel!! You didn't loose Taemin in a fucking train accident!! You don't have to cope with your boyfriend's death for the rest of your life!! You know nothing!! so don't fucking tell me it's gonna be alright!" I screamed as Minho only stared at me with a calm expression.
I realized he was only trying to comfort me and feeling guilty I cried, leaning my head on his chest. "I-I'm sorry" I managed to say between sobs. His arms surrounded me once again as he simply patted my back. "No, it's true. I can't even imagine what I would do in your situation….I can't comfort you. No one can" I just gripped his shirt, sobs dying slowly. I heard footsteps coming from the hallway. "He's sleeping now" Jonghyun stated and I released the grip I had on Minho. "Go to him" I said to the tall boy. He was about to protest but I just shook my head, pushing him lightly out of the couch. "He needs you too". Taemin was hurting as much as me. He lost his brother and I lost my life.
My eyes were stinging painfully from all the crying. I grabbed the tissue Jonghyun offered and wiped the remaining tears. "Key…are you sure Jinki boarded the train?" I sighed and nodded, getting up and heading to the kitchen. "Yes…he called me while he was boarding the train…". I came back with a glass of water in one hand and an aspirin in the other. "My head is killing me" I whispered as I placed the pill in my mouth, drowning it with water. Jonghyun was sitting in the armchair, staring intently at the TV. I laid down on the couch, hugging a cushion close to my chest. It had been 3 hours since the accident was reported on the news and they were still dragging bodies out of the remaining parts of the train. My eyes started dropping suddenly, probably the aspirin kicking in. I soon fell asleep; the reporter's voice fading away along with my consciousness.
"Finally all the bodies have been dragged out of the accident scene. There are 60 bodies in total and no survivors, I repeat, no survivors…"
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I heard whispers coming from my right. My head was pounding furiously and I groaned, opening my eyes. Jonghyun was still in the armchair, watching the news. I turned to my right and I saw Minho with Taemin in his lap. The small boy was awake now, cuddled comfortably in Minho's lap with traces of tears still visible on his chubby cheeks. The tall boy had his arms wrapped around him, rubbing his lower back softly. He was whispering things in the Taemin's ears, kissing him between whispers. 'I love you so much…' I managed to catch coming out of the taller boy. Taemin nodded as a new wave of tears started falling down his face. I turned around from the scene, feeling a strong sense of loneliness invading my body. "How long did I sleep?" I coughed a little at the raspiness in my throat. "mmm maybe two, three hours" Jonghyun said, tearing his eyes from the TV and handing me a glass of water. I glanced at the clock and sighed…it was 1 in the morning already. Suddenly a low growl came from my right. Three heads wiped in the direction of the growl, eyes landing on Taemin's stomach. The boy blushed, putting both hands on top of his growling stomach. "I'm so sorry Taemin. I don't have any food left".
"It's ok Key. I'm not that hungry" He said but his stomach responded otherwise. I got up and opened the front door. "Go feed your boyfriend Minho" They were about to protest but I shook my head. "I'll be ok. Just go" They hesitated but agreed as they got up headed to the door. "You too Jonghyun" The blond boy pouted but complied. "We'll be back soon" I nodded and closed the door behind them. I slowly made my way back to the couch, grabbing the remote control and shutting down the TV.
Silence reigned in the room. I watched all the pictures on the wall as my eyes filled with tears, stinging deeply. Five years worth of memories…all gone now. I bit my lip as I grabbed a photo from the coffee table. It was from our first year anniversary. We were at the beach and Jinki had his arms around me, a big smile plastered on his lips as I was kissing his cheek lovingly.
I placed the photo back on the table and stood up. I made my way to the bedroom and locked myself up, sliding to the floor. I pressed my back against the door. I couldn't hold it anymore. Memories kept flashing through my mind and I just closed my eyes, burning those memories in my heart forever.
Memories like the first time we met……
I fidgeted nervously, playing with the school's vest. I was standing next to Taemin, a friend I just recently made at school. He invited me to his house to meet his brother. He had told his parents died a long time ago so the only family he had left was his brother, who was five years older than him. Taemin knocked on the door and soon footsteps could be heard inside. I didn't know why I felt so nervous, it wasn't like I was meeting his parents or something…well, in a sense I guess I was. The door suddenly opened and a tall, leaned body stepped out. Taemin greeted the boy and hurried me to get in. We sat at the living room and Taemin realized how nervous I was so he decided it was better to introduce me himself. "Jinki this is my new friend, Key. He just moved in from the United States. Key, this is my brother Jinki" Taemin said and I blushed.
The tall boy leaning by the kitchen door was by far the most beautiful boy I've ever seen. Short brown hair catching the sun rays coming from the window, chocolate eyes full of curiosity and a gorgeous smile that made me want to melt right there on the couch: all wrapped up in a little package called Lee Jinki. I quickly bowed in respect since he was older than me. "Nice to meet you!" I looked up and saw him chuckling lightly. I pouted, thinking I just made a fool of myself. "You're cute" He simply said and I just gulped, feeling my face getting hotter than ever…
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Memories like our first kiss together…
"Hi Jinki, is Taemin home?" I was standing in the Lee's doorway that afternoon. I needed to give Taemin his notebook back since he left it at school. I could give the notebook back the next day at school but I just went to his house as an excuse to see his brother again. I've known Jinki for 3 months now and I was already head over heels for the older boy. "Hi Key. Mmm he's not here right now…but you could wait for him if you want" He suggested and I brimmed brightly at the opportunity to spend some time alone with Jinki. We went to his room; I sat down on his bed as he sat on his desk chair. He started typing on his computer, probably doing some University report. "Did you do anything special today at school?" He asked and I just started babbling about my day. He nodded once in a while, his back turned to the computer all the while. His cell phone rang suddenly and he excused himself, stepping out of the room and into the balcony. It was some boy called Jinwoon and I couldn't help but pout sadly as he started chatting animatedly, laughing and ignoring me completely. I decided it was better to go, feeling slightly uncomfortable and not welcomed. I tore a piece of paper from the notebook.
'I think I better go now. Please give the notebook to Taemin' I scribbled down and poked his shoulder. He looked at me and grabbed the paper I handed him. I smiled, waving goodbye and quickly exiting the room. I heard a faint 'wait' coming from the room but I felt so sad I just kept going. Maybe he liked this Jinwoon guy or something. Suddenly I felt a pair of arms circling my waist. I gasped as I was turned around, coming face to face with a serious Jinki. "Why are you leaving?" He asked, not loosing the grip on my waist. I opened my mouth as I was about to blurt the truth but quickly shut it close. "You're busy…I don't want to disturb you" I said and in cue a pair of soft plump lips came crashing into mine. It was short but it was enough to make my head spin. "I'm never busy for you"…
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Memories like our first time together…
We were on my bed making out. My parents were out of the country for the weekend and I was glad I could spend some time alone with my boyfriend. Over the passed 6 months we've been together, we've never gone as far as making out…or innocent touches for the matter. I had told him that I wanted to wait till' I was ready and he had agreed all the way. Kisses turned hungrier as he trailed his lips down my jaw line, neck and collarbone. He started nibbling at my pulse and choke back a moan in response. His hands started roaming my tights as I was straddling him, my hands gripping his shoulders tightly. "Jinki…" I moaned in his ear, pressing my body against him. He bit his lower lip as he gripped my hips tighter. "Key…you know I respect you enough to wait for you, but when you do that…it's hard to resist" I rolled my hips experimentally against his, causing him to grunt at the sudden pressure. "Don't resist then" I said as I started tugging his belt.
I somehow knew I was ready. Ready to give myself to the one I loved. As cheesy as it sounds, I knew Jinki was the one. He looked at me, shocked as I started unbuttoning my school shirt; his belt already forgotten on the floor. "Are you sure?" He asked and I just ground my hips harder in response, making him rolled his eyes back in pleasure. I kissed him deeply, guiding his hands over my chest, down to my waistband. "I'm ready" I murmured against his lips and soon I felt his hands slowly undoing my pants as he gently laid me down on the bed…
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Memories like the time you ask me to move in with you…
I was humming happily while chopping some vegetables. Jinki had a huge test at the university that morning so I offered him to cook lunch once he came back to his apartment. I heard the front door open and I skipped to the living room, greeting him with a soft peck on the lips. "You look so sexy with that apron" He said as he eyed the frilly pink apron tied around my waist. "How was the exam?" I asked, latching my arms around his neck as he placed his hands on my hips. "It was good" He shrugged. I arched an eyebrow, clearly not satisfied with the answer. "That's all?" He laughed, pecking my lips softly and releasing me. I pouted as he walked to the kitchen.
"What else do you want me to say baby?" I sighed as I walked to the kitchen and continued chopping vegetables. "I don't know…I had a feeling something great was gonna happen today" I muttered and soon I felt him resting his head on my shoulder. "Really?" I nodded and he kissed my neck. "Well something great is gonna happen soon" I smiled widely as I turned around, his arms at each side of my body. "I knew it!! Tell me tell me!!" I chanted, wrapping my arms around his neck. Jinki laughed spinning me around a little before settling me on the floor. "You're gonna move in with me" I stared blankly at him, my mind slowly processing the words I've just heard. "…w-what?" I asked smartly and he pulled me closer now, his eyes full of anxiety. "Move in with me?" This time he was asking me. Jinki bit his lip nervously, trying to find any sign of rejection in my actions and my eyes filled with tears suddenly. "Key it's ok. You don't have to. I was just sayin-" I quickly shut him up with a kiss. "You tend to talk too much" I said as we parted, tears still rolling from my eyes. "That means…?" I laughed, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. "That means you're slow at getting hinted yes's" He didn't mind me calling him slow as he took me in his arms once again, laughing heartedly. "I love you" …
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Memories like our first fight together…
I slammed the front door with such a force I might have cracked it a little. I was so mad I could pack my bags and leave at that moment. Jinki opened the door a few minutes later, panting heavily; probably from all the running he had to do to catch me up. "Baby I'm sorry" I turned around, glaring furiously at the figure by the door. "Don't baby me Jinki! You left me waiting in the cold for three FREAKING hours to go on a date with that bitch co-worker of yours!!" I screamed, heading to the bedroom and locking myself in the bathroom. I heard him getting closer and I just punched the wall, trying to get all that anger out of my body.
"Key!! please listen to me. It wasn't a date!! Tomorrow I have to deliver a project at work and I have to do it with her since we're in the same department! The only way we could do it was to get together after work. I didn't want to miss our date believe me" I could hear desperation in his voice. I bit my lip, tears slowly falling as I unlocked the door. He opened the door and his eyes softened at the sight. "But…you looked so happy with her" I whispered and he just stepped forward, grabbing my face with both hands. "I hate her" He said, wiping my face with his thumbs. He kissed me and I just sighed, all my anger gone with one kiss. "I love you" he murmured against my lips and I just nodded, parting from him a little. "You better be telling the truth Lee Jinki. If I find out you're lying I swear I'll-" He quickly kissed me again, stopping me threatening his manliness any further…
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Memories…all seemed so surreal now.
I sobbed harder as I felt something shattering inside me. Hours passed and I stood there, in the darkness, trying to hold on to the little bit of sanity I had left. I felt oddly comforted by the darkness. 'My heart is like this room right now…Cold, dark and empty' I mused after awhile. Suddenly I realized it was 3 in the morning already. I started feeling dizzy from the lack of food in my body so I decided to go and make a cup of tea. I unlocked the door and headed to the kitchen. I left the water heating as I took a seat on the kitchen table. I rested my forehead against the flat surface and closed my eyes. The only sound heard was the ticking of the living room clock.
Of all the bad people in the world…murderers, rapists, thieves…that could have died in that accident, why did it have to be Jinki? Why did his company have to call him in the afternoon, urging him to go to Busan for an emergency meeting?. I remember his apologetic eyes as he was packing his clothes. 'I'm sorry Key. I'll promise I'll be back as soon as the meeting is over' he had said, grabbing my hands and kissing them. And like that he was gone…that simple promise, broken. I slammed my fist against the table, my body rocking with dry sobs. I buried my face on my arm as the front door opened. I didn't want them to see me like this so I kept my head down, sobs only getting louder. "Guys can you leave me alone for a little…I need to be alone right now" I chocked between sobs. The footsteps only got closer and I shook my head as arms circled me. "Please leave me alone" I pleaded, trying to free myself from the arms circling me. I felt a head resting on my shoulder, my vision too blurry to see if it was Minho or Jonghyun.
"I didn't board the train"
My body stopped squirming to get away. I tried to find logic into those words but it was just too unreal. I could smell his cologne, his shampoo…all of him. The embrace felt oddly familiar and the head resting in my shoulder fitted perfectly…too perfect to be Minho or Jonghyun. I was afraid to turn around and look. Maybe it was some sick joke?. I slowly stood up; arms unlatching themselves and head withdrawing from my shoulder. I slowly turned around and even though my vision was blurred, I knew it was him…
"J-jinki" I said, my voice breaking a little. "I'm here" as soon as those words left his lips a muffled scream erupted from my throat. I threw myself in his arms, griping his shirt with so much strength I thought I was gonna rip it any time soon. I cried loudly as he whispered hurriedly in my ear. "It's ok baby I'm here. I love you…" I buried my face in his shirt, not wanting to let go. "It's a dream…" I wailed suddenly and a soft laugh emitted from him. He pulled my face from his chest as his hands wiped my tears. "No it's not. I'm here and alive" He said and sighed as I started wailing again.
"How?..." I asked after my sobs were reduced to hiccups minutes later. He picked me up and carried me to the living room, placing me softly on his lap. "I told you. I didn't board the train".
"But…you called me while you were boarding the train…" He sighed as he rubbed my back in a soothing way. "Well I technically did board the train, but when we arrived at Daegu station I got off quickly to buy a cup of coffee. When I returned, the train had already left…I thought 15 minutes was enough time, but I guess I took longer" I stood in disbelief. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind and anger started sweeping through my body. He jumped in surprise as I started hitting his chest. "Then why didn't you call me!! Do you know how miserable I've been!?? Do you know how miserable you're brother have been?? Everybody thinks you're dead!! I thought you were dead!!!!" He grabbed my hands, stopping me from hitting him any further. "I wanted to call!!! I was waiting for the next train and then the accident happened! All my belongings were lost! My cell phone, my wallet, my CLOTHE! Everything!! Police officers kept us at the train station, not letting us leave or do any phone calls. I managed to borrow some money and when we were told we could leave I took the first bus to Seoul" He finished and I just stared blankly at him. His eyes searched mine anxiously as he grabbed my face, caressing it with his thumbs. "..What's wrong?" My lips crashed against him, hands burying in his hair. The kiss was desperate and he knew it. He hold me closer and I felt the salty taste of my own tears. "I thought I lost you" I sobbed as I rested my forehead against his. He nodded, kissing the tip of my nose. "Me too".
This nightmare was over and I could sigh in relief now. We stood like that for awhile, embraced and enjoying the sweet reunion. I traced his face with my fingertips; his eyes, his nose, his lips…everything; I couldn't believe I almost lost him. Marveling over the miracle in front of me, I rested my head on his chest as he whispered sweet nothings in my ears. Suddenly I felt my body heavy with exhaustion. All the stress leaving my body as my eyes started to drop. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to keep my eyes open. "Don't worry. I'll be here when you wake up…always" I hugged him closer. Soon my eyes dropped and I could feel light kisses on my hair. "I love you…" I murmured softly and he just pulled me closer. My consciousness was slowly slipping. The last thing I heard was the front door opening and a roar of shrieks and screams coming after. I smiled at last…..even though it was sad that all those people died tragically, I couldn't help but rejoice in my happy little ending.
"Impossible situations can become possible miracles"
Robert H. Schuller.