"...And that concludes our meeting." General Yamamoto closed the meeting of the captains, tapping his staff onto the ground as a judge does his gavel.

thud

"Er, General, a quick suggestion, if you will." the midget captain asked, walking up to where the general stood.

"Go ahead, Captain." came the old man's reply.y

"Well, for those of us who have... incompetent subordinates who tend to dump all of the work on their poor captains, who now barely have anytime to themselves anymore, I think a personal errand runner might be of use to... these captains. A... secretary for lack of better terms, perhaps."

Captain Unohana, who had been eavesdropping, inturupted, "Things have been a bit busy in my division lately, I second the notion." she smiled.

"I guess it would be a good idea... Hey, everyone, get back in here." The general tapped his staff onto the hardwood floor again.

thud

A pause.

thud thud

Awkward silence.

thud thud thud thud thud thud thud--

The captains that had left came rushing back in.

The General cleared his old throat and took on a loud voice.

"To decrease the amount of workload and stress on the Captains of the Gotei 13, Captain Toushirou of the 10th division has proposed personal assistants for the Captains of Gotei 13. Those in agreement?"

"I" spoke most all of the captains, excluding Kenpachi.

"Then it's settled. Non-shinigami assistants will be assigned to all of the captains as soon as possible."

thud

"Hey, what's this about a new job?"

"My name's not 'Hey'"

"Ugh, Hasegawa Michiyo, my dear sister, what's this about a new job?"

"Thank you. The Gotei 13 is looking to take on some hired help for their captains, and I've been hired~ I'll just be working as a secretary, so I won't be in the front lines of battle. Plus it pays pretty well and provides room and board~ Mhmm. Take care of mum for me!" she gathered her belongings and darted through the door.

"Hey! WAIT!"

"Morita Atsushi, where on earth do you think you're going?"

"... Er, just out mother~"

"With a suitcase? You didn't elope, did you honey? Oh this is terrible!"

"Uh, well--"

"Why didn't you tell me? Did you think I wouldn't approve? Did you get that poor girl pregnant? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MOMMY!"

"It'sanewjobbyemommy~"

"MY POOR-- wait where'd he go?"

"I promise I will bring honor to the Yamashita family and work hard to be the best!"

"That's our girl! We believe in you Chiharu! Yeah! Bring that honor back here and lock it in a display case for all to envy!"

"I promise I will! I'll work until my fingers ache and break off!"

"Yeah! Go Chiharu!"

"I'm off!"

"I'm so happy that I finally got a job~ Don't you think I'm lucky, little tree?"

...

"Yeah~ They better watch out! Akimoto Michiyo will be the best!"

"See ya Dad~"

"Where're you going?"

"To my day job."

"You've got a day job?"

"Yeah. Room and board included. So... yeah. See ya in a few months~"

"You're a weird kid, Kaito."

"Oh thank goodness I found a job away from here. I can't take this anymore!"

"Tch-- speak for yourself, Yumi."

"Have fun with the kids, darling~"

"Uncle~ I want rice. I WANT RICE!"

"And we want Octopus too! OCTOPUS!"

"Stop kicking me you little brats! YEOUCH!"

"Ahaha~ I'm leaving, goodbye my wonderful nieces and nephews~ Don't cause you uncle too much harm, and be good children until your parents get back."

"Okie dokie~ Bye Auntie!"

"You think she'll like the dead frog we left in her bag?"

"Without a doubt."

"Oh I can't believe our little Takai is already a working man~"

"Mhmm, now son, you gotta work hard and be productive, or else you'll fluster yourself. It'll be hard work, but you'll tough it out."

"Thanks Ma, thanks Pa, I'll do my best fer you, I promise."

"Well Ma, there goes our little boy~"

"Can't bare to see him leave, Pa."

"GOSETSUKE YUU! My god boy! Sit up straight! Fix your hair! Brush your teeth!"

"Alright! Alright! Stop nagging me!"

"Well YOU are not leaving this house until you're presentable. This is the Gotei 13 we're talking about! It's an honor and a privilege!"

"I know! I know all that! Sheesh, I don't even remember applying for this job."

"That's because I applied for you. Now get clean and get going!"

mumble mumble

"Yes mother."

"Oh god I'm going to be late. HURRY UP!"

"Lord, Kaida, do you really need an escort?"

"Of course I do, I'm a woman of importance now."

"For god's sake you're just a personal assistant!"

"Are you looking down on my position Seto?"

"Ugh, no ma'am."

"Work hard."

"Yes'm."

"Accept all challenges before you."

"Yes'm."

"Do a good job."

"Yes'm."

"And write to me every week, if you have the time."

"Yes'm."

"Good luck, Kuri. Come back and visit me whenever you get the chance."

sniffle

"Yes'm"

"Ooh~ I'm so excited for today! I heard that there are alot of tough guys there. Maybe I'll learn a thing or too."

"Ha, if you don't die first."

"Shut up, Kimi."

"Oh you know you're a wimp."

"... Shut up. I'm leaving. Bye family~"

"See ya, good luck son!"

"Konoe! Make sure you eat properly! Don't over work yourself!"

"Yes Dad~"

"Oh and make sure you don't get into too much trouble!"

"Or run out of money! Money is important!"

"Oh stop it!"

"Don't worry Dad and Papa, I'll do my best!"

"EEK! I can't believe I'm going to work under the Gotei 13! The captains no less~"

"Oh yeah, I heard some of them were really good looking."

"Mhmm~ I hope they're not too out of my league!

"Ah! I'm jealous of you! Jin you biatch! Haha, I'm just kidding."

"Oh! I better get going. See ya in a couple months!"

"Good luck!"

This is the story of 13.

Oh those poor captains.