A New Day's Sonata
Sequel to "Love Is Life" (^^;)
Disclaimer: The characters portrayed here belong to Project Weiß. The fanfiction is MINE! MINE! MINEEE! XD
Warning: Yaoi. If this isn't your kind of beat, please go sway to some other one. Oh, and it's RanKen too. (^^;)
Plot Cockroach: Okay, I'm a good little dude. I'll do a bit of this. Seriously, the AU-ness is driving usual stuff away. Don't we all agree that this Nagi is very OOC? This Ken is too childish? This Ran is too kindly? This Omi is too driven to play matchmaker with others? Anyway, tell me if I'm going too far off. Thanks so much for all your past support!
Note: Half in Japanese. Make sure you have JIS if you want to read the foreign text.
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One – In The Moonlight
It was already the third day from the New Year. The day had gone on well, uneventful. Of course, most of us would have reason to be overjoyed – the fact that January the third was Sir J.R.R. Tolkien's day of birth. And this year, particularly, was his eleventy-first one. I had no doubt that everyone else would be out having a good time, as my family members would. My father, though, decided to do things his way, and he spent the day working. He probably wouldn't even be back for a week.
Oh, well.
My brothers were out, and my ma was having a great old-girl time with her pals. Funny, how ladies of our society work out that way. And to think that all she resolved to do just three days ago was to lose a few pounds.
Uh, no pun intended here. That's because no matter how much sugar, sweets, candies, cakes and jellies I tend to pig out on and swallow whole, I never seem to put on any weight. Must've been all that dratted housework. Well, uh, there was a time when I put on half a gram after a pocky eating competition hosted by Nagi and his friends, one of whom threw up after eating the 60th stick, but I won, fair and square. I won't tell you how many sticks I ate, thank you.
Right. So, it was 5 p.m. when the house was practically empty… again. Oh, great. I was proclaimed the Lord of the Flies again, in which I created a brand new society that included, say, my dog, me, my stuffed toy rabbit, my stuffed toy kitten, my socks, a can of half finished soda, and a packet of half eaten biscuits kindly donated to me by my youngest brother. Hey, I didn't even touch a single one of those biscuits. Which reminds me, I have got to hoard and hide away all the winter tidbits from him. Seriously, he's fat. Really, really fat. Not good for a kid his age. Why, when I was his age, I was so gorgeous, my teachers fell in love with me. Then, when I grew up, I became a plain boy-next-door who broke up six times (including the incident when a little girl dumped me for Nagi.)
What a life.
Anyway, I was getting bored again. My social life seemed to revolve round my brand new society of said participants, but that's not the point. This time, not even Nagi was present to steal my boredom. He was out, and goodness knows what he's up to this time. Probably trying to convert yet another non-Gravitation believer into a fully-fledged madman.
Hey, at least I was able to keep my second resolution – that is to stop saying "na no da".
Aren't you guys proud of me? No? Hey! That's mean! I thought you were my supporters, na no da!
Oh, crap. Let's scratch the second resolution.
Anyway, it was dark out on the third of January, and I was bored stiff with inactivity. Hmm, maybe I should wash some dishes. Or wash some clothes. Maybe even iron, or vacuum the house, beat the carpets or wax the floors. Argh! And it wasn't even Spring yet! Besides, everything else was spick and span. I KNEW that I should have left some dishes in the sink two hours ago. But did I listen to me? Noooooo, I had to wash them and the next thing I know, I'm bored stiff with inactivity.
Happens sometimes.
Right. So now, it was eight. Time flies! The computer was on. As usual. Nothing new to that! I then realized that by being at home alone, I had the chance of scaring the old lady next door out of her skin by playing MP3's, blasting them off to kingdom come. But then again, maybe not. I'll just listen for a bit. You know, leave it on and dream about nothing in particular. Heh. I'm a normal, boring dude anyway. Listening to music is so normal. It's as normal as it can get to be as normal as normality. Just shows that I'm yet another average boy next door. Life's great that way.
The music blared on. I won't tell you what's listed, because I was hardly even listening. Then, it came. The doorbell rang.
Being alone, one had to be careful. Maybe this person out there was a thug. Or maybe it was some salesperson that needed a good slam in the face. Oh, wait, I've always been nice to salesperson. Well, that's resolution number three for Ken Hidaka. Be nasty to salespersons. They're an evil race of people who brainwashed others into buying inferior products.
Therefore, no one could blame me for peeking out quietly. But, round the door stood a surprise.
Ran.
Ran, as in, the Ran who called me up three days ago and wished me the best in life. Ran, as in the Ran whom I'd thought about for days in a row, even since the day we first met, and that Ran that I've madly written about as a crazy spoof of what I'd call a romantic piece. Really, I'm retarded.
Do I even stand a chance?
Ran was as pure and good a soul as he always was. And me? I'm an average boy next door, but no matter what everyone says, each person has got a secret to keep. I had, for one. If I'd wanted my marriage, or even a single relationship to last forever, I'd have to keep it safe. Not everyone can fully understand and sympathize with certain secrets buried deep within. To be good with words is one thing, but to tell the truth, is another.
And it's not necessarily an easy task, either.
But, well, there was Ran. He was a good man. And he was just outside my door, in the cold. Being the Ken I was, I invited him in. Now, don't think that I was up to that. Because I wasn't. I asked him in because I was me. I was a considerate, good little boy my parents were kind of proud of. Well, I may be a bit of a klutz and a ditz, as well as being a bit clumsy at times, but I suppose that's just a stage when teenagers were most awkward.
Ahem.
I sidetracked, yet again. Looks like it's incurable. Anyway, Ran stepped in. He took his coat off and… smiled. No, it wasn't predatory! Stop thinking that way! What do I look like, a submissive partner?
Ran smiled. It was that genuine kind of small smile I saw in reserved people. Small but expressive and complete. He was such a handsome man. And his eyes had never failed to hypnotize me in that way. It felt so completely like a dream in which I was always falling… have you ever experienced such a feeling? If you had, well, I suppose you'd know how I felt then.
"I'm sorry… was I interrupting anything?"
Oh, the 'interrupting' question again. He was also such a considerate person. I was beginning to have doubts on our compatibility. He was so… perfect. I feel to puny next to one so great. A compliment to my personality, indeed. I think I'd humiliate him. But luckily for me, I found my tongue then. Or Zell did. He barked happily and wagged his tail at Ran. Ran had a good effect on dogs. That was good. People who had good effect on dogs usually come with good intentions in their minds. So, he wasn't here to try his luck like Yuki. It looks like Nagi lost the bet. No pink hair for Ken!
"Uh, no…" I think I must have stuttered. Stupid, stupid Ken! Go eat your stupid head! "I was… bored anyway. Sit down, please! You want anything? Tea? Coffee? Cocoa? Milk?"
"Tea, please."
Tea. Right. So, I had something to do to keep my mind off Ran, the dashing hunk who was sitting in the guest hall.
"Sorry for that New Year's night."
Make that Ran, the dashing hunk that was standing by the kitchen doorway. Scared he heck out of me, he did. "Uh… sorry?"
"I scared you then, didn't I?"
"No… why'd you say such a thing?"
"You seem pretty edgy now, Ken," he said. Edgy? Me? I turned to look into Ran's eyes. No, I couldn't lie to someone like Ran.
"Maybe… but more likely I was confused, then."
"Confused."
"A lot of things happened in my lifetime, short as it is," I had to laugh. That was my way. But Ran was undeterred. Seriously, he's got to be the most perfect man on earth. "I didn't know what I was in for. I wanted to wait. Maybe I was afraid… you know. Like everyone is when confronted with such things."
"With Schuldig, you mean."
"With more than him."
"Ah."
There was a comfortable silence. Then it was broken with a smile. "You listen to Japanese songs?"
"Yeah. I'm a mad fan of anime."
"Suitable." He said nothing else. Then, he lifted his head. The past song had ended, and the next was beginning. It was a slow one; one I knew well, but never really paid much attention to till then. "What's the name of this one?"
"Oh…? It's called 'In The Moonlight'. Nagi offered me this piece."
"Care to dance?"
I must have gawked at him. But I heard right, all right. "Sure…"
The next few minutes can only be described as one of the most perfect in my entire life. Everything seemed to slow down. Ran's arms were warm, comforting, and so different from how I'd imagined it to be. This time, I don't believe that even words can fully describe it. Only, I can tell you that it felt safe, happy, and it was really a sanctuary. The words rolled by gently.
オレンジ色月夜が来ると君の事を想い出す
かっこつけたオレのセリフは他のだれかのセリフで
"So, Schuldig wasn't your first?"
I looked at Ran. Technically, yes, Schuldig could be considered my first… if it weren't for the past. I couldn't lie to Ran. No. Nobody could. "No… not really."
"Then, who was?"
不意に見上げるシルエット 君の横顔を照らした
淡い光は今でも
It felt so terribly stupid, but I couldn't help myself from completely breaking down. How difficult it was to live life like this. Was truth a thing to heal, or was it to destroy? But lies will only cause more pain. It was either now, or never.
"…He was my uncle."
I couldn't bear to let Ran see my tears. No. Not then. I'd hide them in his shirt first, and let him push it all away. They usually did. Except maybe Schuldig, who fully understood. He was also one of the most perfect people on earth. And there was also Nagi, who knew how to deal with everything. My family knew nothing. And they will continue to know nothing.
"Was it consensual then?" I think I might have heard a pause then, but who am I kidding?
"No… but yes, later on. He is, after all, my uncle," I feel shocked now that I'd replied that way. But it was all too true. I don't regret saying it. And I still don't. "He just… didn't love me that way."
何をまってる 君はいない部屋
時計だけが足音のように 眠れない胸にひびく
今も待ってる 一人止まってる
二人見たあの日の月を 今どこで君は見てる
To my surprise, Ran hadn't pushed me away, as I'd expected him to. In fact, he seemed to pull us closer. Our dance steps were no longer in sync to Kotani's voice, but we were definitely still moving. My head had spun then.
"I'll repeat my words again," I vaguely heard him say; "I remember what I said to you on the first day we met. And I'll say it again. I don't understand, Ken. I don't. I can't understand how he could simply let someone so giving go. But I'm glad he did."
I looked up. Those last words were more of a shock than anything else. But they weren't his last, it seemed.
オレのしぐさ真似て笑った 君の声も想い出す
君と歩く夜のシーンは オレンジ色フォトグラフ
影に落とした嘘とオレのわがままを許した
君の涙が今でも
"Because if he hadn't, I'd never have found you."
何も言わずに時は流れる
やがて来る朝の日差しにとける溶けるように空に消える
最後の夜はどこにもなくて
置き去りのオレの心を月だけが今も見てる
Our kiss was as chaste as the first, and the second. It was sweet beyond memory, and lasted only a few seconds, that itself felt like forever. Before long, the song had ended, and the five minutes spent had felt like an eternity, and that it would last us a lifetime. The next song had started, but we were still dancing slowly, though the pace for this next one was quite fast. I never heard the words to this next one; I couldn't even decipher it. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'd finally found a place in which I belonged.
We may not have danced in the moonlight, but we had danced to the moonlight.
~*~ End Part One ~*~
Note: I think that song lasted for more than five minutes? As far as I recall, that was what some people told me… Oh, well, time flies when you're having fun! … Hey, I think I'll label this song as my favorite now. I don't have to tell us all why, do I? XD
PS: For all those who have been abused and don't agree on my bouncing back THAT easily, well, let's just say that all of us respond to this kind of stuff differently. To me, scars only linger as long as I'll let it. I found it easier to smile and laugh it off, and to forgive and forget. Odd as it may seem, that's the way I work my stress off. What's done is done, after all. But all the same, I'll wish you the best. I hope that you'll be able to sort it out your way, and not let it ruin your life.
FAQ: How do I make my love life sound so… out of a romance novel? That's easy. Here's a hint to all who want to novelize their life – choose only the parts you believe is the nicest, and most comforting, in which it touches you most. Then use sweet, epic words to describe them. Notice that I skipped certain days, hours, or even time. Yes, I have secretly read my ma's romance novels. Deal.
FAQ: You don't see me in Lists? No, I hardly join any lists. I was a part of one or two before, but not many, and I've dropped to one, and one more for a site update. The reason why? I don't join them because I'll end up a thorn amongst the roses. The lists are filled with very wise fan girls, and practically almost no guys. I feel bad, intruding on female privacy. Hey, guys think differently too. I'm too stupid and boring anyway. (^^;) Heh.