Peter is terrified. They all should be, he tells himself, consolingly. He doesn't understand how James and Sirius can be so calm about everything that they hear. Remus is the only one that understands, or tries to, when Peter confides in him.
It is at times like these that Peter wonders how he ended up in Gryffindor. He is a coward, and he admits it. He is scared, of the war, of the future, of the Dark Lord, and sometimes, even of James and Sirius. He doesn't tell them as much, of course and follows them around instead, partly be he knows he will become an easy target for the Slytherins if he doesn't, and partly because it means he can be around Remus.
The werewolf has no idea how Peter feels, however, and the latter plans to keep it that way. He has a feeling one of the reasons James and Sirius tolerate him is because Remus has a hand in it. he prefers not to jeopardise that.
They all finish school and fight for the Light Side, and Peter does too. He never does stop feeling like a burden, an unwanted guest, a terrified coward, and he never tells Remus about his true feelings, even when they are older. Perhaps he outgrows them. He certainly tries to convince himself that he does. He is surprised, however, when James approaches him to his Secret Keeper. He is speechless, and then he sees Remus' smile. He nods, just to see that smile widen.
He tells himself it will not be that hard. It cannot possible be, can it? He will simply keep his mouth shut. For his friends' sake. For James. For Remus. He tries to fight away the nightmare and the fears, and yet he still wakes screaming in the middle of the night, wondering if the Dark Lord has found him.
One day, he wakes up to find that he isn't quite dreaming. There are Death Eaters in his house and a scream caught at the back of his throat. He doesn't know what to do, so he panics.
His wand is snapped in half, and there is a cruel smile on the Dark Lord's face that tells him the moments that follow are not going to be easy. So he closes his eyes, even as the painful spell hits him. The images that flash across are those of his friends, and perhaps a few too many of Remus. It reminds him how he has come so far.
He doesn't like the realisation that hits him. It strikes him that his Patronus is aptly accurate, really. He is a rat, following after the bigger animals stealthily, and scurrying away at the sight of danger. Besides, he knows Remus will never even look at someone like him twice.
It's not worth it, he figures. If he joins the Dark Lord, perhaps he can do better, be someone. He gasps when the hold of the spell is released. At least, he thinks it is. He isn't quite sure. He takes a deep breath, just as Bellatrix lifts her wand again.
"Wait! I know where the Potters are."
Notes: For Sylvia (glowing neon)! Happy Holidays! (I'm so sorry this is late...) I hope you liked it!