Author's Notes!
well, i'm a little depressed.
i've been writing this fic forever, you know, i'm a writer. it's all mood with me.
so yeah...here's this. definately not my best, but i wanted to get it done.
thanks to everyone who's reading my fics.
a big shout out to everyone who has reviewed and favorited me and my stories.
my usual shout out to baku, and now one to jassy3 (if you add me on aim, you get a shout out! c:~)
Baku: Wise man say, 'Gay dinosaur called Megasoreass.'
Disclaimer!
i do not own death note, nor do i own the song hallelujah by rufus wainwright.
well, this is T. it's just angsty, not graphic.
matt and mello, ferthawin.
another second person pov, it just worked.
read and review.
them flamer muthafuckas, they get cut, them bitches.
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What am I supposed to do now, Mello?
This has to just be nightmare. This can't be happening. You can't be gone, Mello. I need you, I need you so much. You're all I ever had, all I've ever wanted. I can't survive like this. Why was it you who had to die?
/I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah/
You may have never been able to please L, but that never mattered to me. In my eyes, you were perfect. Always perfect. There was never anyone better than you, Mello. Never. There never will be. You should have been his replacement because you were the best. No one could ever compare to you. No one ever will.
/Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah/
I cannot live without you.
/Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to the kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah/
Even when we argued, I loved you. You were always right, I know it. I hated it when we fought. I hated it when you were angry, even though you were so much. No matter what you did to me, how you hurt me, how you scolded me, I loved you. I could tolerate it all. I would do anything to get you back. You know that, don't you?
/Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah/
I cannot live without you.
/Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah/
I had no one before I met you, Mello. You knew that. You knew I was alone. Maybe that was why you chose me, because I had no friends. Were you sympathetic? Did you just want someone to use? It took so long for you to find me. You didn't know me, no one knew me, but I knew you. I'd always known you. I was probably in love with you before you found me and never knew it. I don't care if you just wanted me as a toy at first. None of it matters. I belonged to you. It was all I desired.
/Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah/
I cannot live without you.
/There was a time you'd let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
Remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah/
Do you remember the first time we made love? Not fucked, not had sex, but made love. I know you do. It was the most amazing night of your life, you told me. You told me that nothing felt better that being loved, though it took you a long time to realize when I said "I love you" it meant just that. Never words of worship, though I did worship you. I love you. I love you with all my heart, Mihael Keehl.
/Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah/
I cannot live without you.
/Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah/
I tried to save you. I tried my hardest. I couldn't save you. I don't deserve to live. I should have died, Mello, not you. My life is worthless in comparison to yours. I don't know what to do anymore. Is my life worth living?
/Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah/
It isn't. I have no life without you. And if Icannot live on this earth without you, then I will join you in death. You always told me I was brilliant witha gun. We'll find out how true that really is.
/Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah/
I cannot live without you.
-fin-