emShe looked so happy, dancing with Roy. He saw the smile on her face when Roy set a date. But still, he always sensed a tension between them. Still, even though it looked like he would never have her, all he wanted, all he ever wanted, was her./em

He saw her, walking to Roy's car and felt the tears swell up in his eyes. And suddenly he just couldn't take it anymore. He felt like he had to tell her, or else he'd burst. He didn't think about the consequences, his timing or Pam's feelings. He just had to.

"Pam!" She looked over her shoulder, surprised.

"What?" She shouted, with a huge grin on her face.

He couldn't speak. Her happiness cut through his soul like a knife.

"What is it, Halpert? I don't have all night!"

He just stared at her, unable to control his emotions.
Slowly the smile on Pam's face faded. He saw her whispering something to Roy, and he drove off. She came over to him.

"What is it Jim? Is it something about Katy? Did something happen?" She sounded concerned.

He hated himself, he hated the tear that escaped from his eye. He hated Roy, he hated cruises, he hated how he loved the way her hair was blowing in the wind.

"Hey Jim.. I'm here for you, ok?" The look on her face had changed, softened.

"I know, it's just that.. I'm just.. I.."

He stared into her eyes, suddenly more determined.

"There's something I want to tell you, Pam. Something I emneed/em to tell you"

"What is it?"

"I broke up with Katy."

"Oh Jim. I'm so sorry." She grabbed his hand.

They stood there for a little while, not saying anything, till Pam broke the silence.

"But.. why?"

He knew this was it.

"Because of you Pam."

"What?" She blurted out, without thinking about it. A little smile ran away from her face. But she gazed back into his eyes, and once again her smile faded. She pulled her hand out of his.

"Jim, please.."

"I know. I know you probably don't want to hear this. I'm your friend, I should be happy for you, right? I tried, Pam. I did. God, you have no idea. But I'm not happy, in fact I'm miserable. I hate to see you with Roy, I just can't take it. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't be the friend you want me to be, but the thing is Pam, I'm crazy about you. ALways have been, always will be. I Try to tell myself otherwise, I even date other people. But nothing seems to help Pam, nothing can change the way I feel about you. Not even you getting married."

He stopped. The silence between them seemed to last forever. She didn't look at him. He tried to catch her eyes, but she kept avoiding his. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. Suddenly she gasped for air.

"I don't know what to say, Jim." She sounded angry.

She turned around and started to walk away.

"Pam!" He grabbed her arm. "You know this is not all about me, don't you."

"How dare you!" She looked shocked. "I'm getting married for christ's sake!" She was yelling at him now.

"Well, maybe you should reconsider. I'm not crazy Pam. And neither are you. You know something's going on. And you know what, Pam," Jim started yelling too. "The easy way isn't always the right one!"

She started to walk away, but hesitaded and turned around again.

She looked at him, tears running down her face.
"How could you do this..." She spoke very softley. He couldn't stand seeing her so miserable and came a little closer.

"I feel like this is the only way, Pam. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to upset you." He wrapped his arms around her.
"Just know that.. It's not impossible, Beesly. I don't want us to waste this."

She sighed, and he softly pushed his lips on her forehead. He wished he could have hold her there, forever. His arms around her waste, his nose hidden in her curls, standing at that parking lot of lake wallenpaupack.
Suddenly she pulled back again.

"I have to go." She whispered. "You know I have to."

"Wait, Pam, how are you getting home." He yelled at her back.

"I'll call a cab."

She turned around.

"Goodbye Jim."

He didn't react. Everything became a blur as he saw her walking away.