Jealousy?

Reviews make my day, seriously.

xxxXXXxxx

"But when I would see the surrogate, my first instinct, my first reaction would be jealousy, because she was doing what I wanted to do."

~ Cheryl Tiegs

xxxXXXxxx

Jealousy? Personally, what is jealousy? Is it that type of emotion wherein you feel hatred towards that person whom she loves the most, that whenever they are together, your world is crashing down on the unknown parts of the Milky Way and you cannot do anything to make it right, to make it undo, to make them stop their flirtatiousness of one another, or to hinder the pain that you just decided to fall down without any help of your wand even though you have magic to do so? But no. Magic cannot heal broken hearts. It cannot do anything anymore, but only to kill Death Eaters and Voldemort himself and to protect my friends and allies alike. I don't know if I'm jealous or just insecure because Ginny's not here, but all I know is that I feel terrible, like a huge sinking's currently residing inside the pit of my stomach, whenever they become sweet, their hands intertwined, or Ron's agreeing to Hermione whatever she says because it's rare. It's like I'm living in an Alternate Universe wherein Ron and Hermione aren't bickering to one another anymore that they decided to engage in a romantic relationship that he became nicer to her, treating her kindly than ever before.

I know that I'm supposed to be happy for them, but as you can see I'm not. I don't know why, but Hermione's not stupid enough to notice my fake smiles plastered across my face every day. Sometimes she smiles at me with a pity. It's like she's saying, "I'm sorry, Harry, that Ginny's not here to enlighten you", but they should understand that engaging in a romantic relationship while they're in a war would cause trouble and I might destroy their relationship as well for some unknown reason, making Hermione hating me, but she can never hate me, she tells me so.

I sigh. What is jealousy, anyway? Loneliness and insecurity? Are they same in a way? I think they are, so I ask Hermione to be sure.

"Hermione?" I inquire. Ron's outside, anyway, so it'll be okay.

"Yes, Harry?" she says. I walk up to her, sitting beside her. I miss this. It feels so nostalgia.

"What is jealousy?" Hermione's startled by my question. Maybe because she knows why I'm asking this.

"Actually, it depends on what you're feeling."

"Oh, that's kinda hard, don't you think?"

Hermione's glancing at Ron's direction and she casts a silencing charm on their surroundings.

"Why did you do that?" I ask, though I know.

"Harry," she says my name gently. "I'm sorry that you have to feel this way, but you have to get over with it."

"Hermione, I wasn't talking about Ginny, how I've missed her so and so," I interrupt before she would say something about her and Ron's relationship.

"Then, why are you jealous?" she asks curiously. I turn away, avoiding her eyes along the way, and look down, swallowing hard.

"I don't know if I'm jealous; that's why I'm asking," I say in the end.

"What are you feeling, then?"

"I-I feel terrible when you and Ron suddenly become sweet."

"I thought it was okay for you for me and Ron to become a couple?" Hermione is astounded. She might think I lied to her.

"I thought so, too, Hermione. I thought I did, but it turns out that I wasn't."

We lock eyes, her brows furrowed, and she shakes her head for thinking ridiculously.

"Ginny should be here. You're just missing her, Harry. You lust for romantic love, thus you're hurting yourself because you're not getting it. That's probably why you're hurting."

I nod slowly, and Ron appears. We look at him and Hermione undoes her silencing charm wordlessly.

"Uhh, what's going on here?"

"Nothing at all, Ronald."

Then, at that moment, I realize something. I'm not jealous, insecure or lonely. I'm everything that I say. Jealous, insecure and lonely. I'm jealous because I can't touch her anymore like I used to be. I'm insecure because I have no one left. They have each other's arms to sleep peacefully with; on the other hand, I have none which makes me lonely because I have no lover. Hermione and I are just like siblings, a friendly touch, nothing more or so everyone thinks.

And so she walks up to him to hug him and he hugs back lovingly, and I look away, thinking.

I'm in love with you.

xxxXXXxxx

Words: 739

Much appreciated the reviews. :D