Only Watching

Author's note: This is my first ever attempt to any sort of Harry Potter fanfic, and it's surrounding the relationship between Snape and Lily, which I must say I think is just adorable, but alas Lily was meant for James and that's how the story goes. Please R and R!

Only watching…that's all I'll ever do, thought Severus Snape as he watched a particularly happy couple from the corner of his eye. He watched her smile at the other man, who grinned pulling her closer to him. Severus longed for her to look at him with the same soft look in her eyes, but the lingering memory of her narrowed eyes after he had called her that accursed word, remained.

"Oy! Snape Are you in there? Answer me damn it!" Avery's voice distracted him from his thoughts and turned his face to see Avery, Snape now had his usual glare on his features now.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't annoy me, Avery" Snape said coldly, Avery stared at him before rolling his eyes.

"Whatever you say Snape" the younger man snorted before turning away, however he stopped "We're having a meeting tonight in the normal place" he said before walking off,

Severus stood there as he remembered a day when he was talking to her about the 'crowd' he had gotten himself into, he rolled his eyes softly sighing to himself as he felt a soft pang in his chest. Picking up his bag he walked off in the direction of the Slytherin common room.

At dinner Severus didn't feel like eating, he just sat there scowling darkly at his chicken, which was lying on his plate innocently.

"Snape stop glaring at that chicken, I'm sure whatever you're brooding over that chicken has nothing to do with it" Lucious Malfoy's voice said, Snape stared over at the older student with a raised eyebrow before shaking his head and continued to eat.

Something compelled him to look up and over at the Gryffindor table and saw her looking over at him, he saw her mouth curve up into a smile at him, he just glared at her, and he watched as her smile fell away and replaced by a cold glare before she turned away.

"Bloody mudbloods, don't know their place" Malfoy stated with a strong hint of distaste in his voice, having seen what had happened, as he looked over at Snape.

"Don't say that word" Snape said coldly turning so that his black eyes met his cold, blue eyes.

"Snape if I didn't know you better I would've thought you were in love with that filthy, little mudblood" Bellatrix stated from across him.

Severus' head snapped at her words and he glared over at his fellow Slytherin "Shut your mouth if you know what's good for you" he said darkly.

Bellatrix stared at him for a few seconds her eyes, for the briefest moment, showed hurt at his words. It was clear that she wanted to say something to him but didn't, instead she decided to continue to eat.

"I don't see why you ever bothered being Snape's friend Lils" said Alice having also watched the exchange between the two.

Lily looked over to her friend and shrugged her shoulders still feeling the dull thud in her chest and the hurt from Severus' glare. She had never told her friends about how he was the one who had explained things to her from the beginning, how he was her first ever magical friends.

"Nor do I" was all she could reply before she started to eat once more, the pain finally disappearing and only to give way to anger.

Alice stared at her friend for a moment with a confused expression on her face before she shrugged and began to eat her own food.

Somehow after dinner Severus had found himself face to face with her. He stared at her with narrowed eyes; her expression wasn't much different however.

"What are you doing here Snape?" she asked coldly.

Severus slightly flinched at her tone "Nothing you should worry about Evans" he said stressing her surname; he crossed his arms against his chest.

Lily glared at him, however her facial features softened until her face looked exactly how she used to every time she looked at him, friendly and warm, but he could see the sadness mingled in her eyes, amongst the friendliness and warmth.

"I suggest you run back to Potter now, he might be worried you've done something to yourself" he sneered slightly, he wanted that look to disappear, wanted her to turn around and leave, but wanted most of all to have things the way they used to be.

She looked hurt by his words but she straightened her back, making her take the full extent of her height, however the top of her head barely seemed to be able to reach the tip of his nose.

"Severus we used to be friends, why won't you let it happen again?" she asked and it was evident that she was trying to keep pain from her voice, but she was failing.

"My point exactly, we USED to be" Snape said mercilessly, he couldn't do this he must end it once and for all, no matter what his heart was telling him (Severus you don't want to do this…don't give up!).

"SEVERUS!" Lily screamed out as her first tear escaped her eye and slipped down her cheek.

How much he longed to be able to wipe away that tear, but it was his fault, his fault she was crying, what sort of friend was he? Oh that's right they weren't friends anymore, and that thought slowly began to eat away at him.

It's my fault, he thought his hands clenching into fist by his sides.

"Get lost Evans…I don't need the company of a…" Severus stopped not wanting to utter that word, but he knew it was the only way to end this; it was the only way to keep her safe.

"…I have no need of the company of a mudblood" he finished coldly, he watched as the hurt expression on her face suddenly disappears, only to be replaced once more with a cold, hard expression.

Without another word from her, she turned and walked away, and probably out of my life as well, he thought watching her disappear.

Soon Severus Snape was standing alone with a sad expression n his face, this is all I can ever do, and he thought turning away.

I can only watch.

Author's note: Read and review!