Warnings: Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.
Disclaimer: I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.
Note: I don't know how far I'm going to continue this, whether I'll continue it at all, or whether anyone will care whether I continue it or not. A lot depends on reviews, y'know. Just saying.
xxx
"Thank you so much, Braig, it means a lot, really," gushed Even, handing me a ridiculously long list in almost-illegible handwriting. "That's a list of all the things you shouldn't let him eat, drink or do while I'm gone."
"Even, he's eleven, I think he knows what makes him sick and what doesn't." Plus I don't know what kind of eleven-year-old would eat salmon even if he weren't allergic to it. "Just relax. He'll love me by the end of the night, you'll see."
"I don't care whether he loves you or not, I just want to come back to my house and my nephew in one piece!" Even snapped. I rolled my eyes and folded the list in half, stuffing it into my pocket without even reading it through.
"Relax, Even." I turned towards his staircase. "Where is he, anyway? Does he look like you? Is he as much as a pain in the ass as you are?" Even hissed, probably slightly irritated. "And when are you planning on leaving?"
"Braig, I'm warning you now, if I come home and Myde is anything like you – if he's started swearing all over the place and obsessing over weaponry and..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I folded my arms. "Now, introduce me to your nephew, and then get the fuck out and go do your job."
Even sighed heavily with the air of one who has given up on life and lead me up the stairs. "Myde?" He called, tapping on a door. "Come out and meet Braig, he's going to be keeping an eye on you while I'm at work tonight."
A strangely melodic voice answered, "Do I have to, Uncle Even? I'm in the middle of a really important Pokémon battle!"
"Now, Myde!" God, Even, no need to yell, the kid's only eleven. "I'm going to count to ten and if you're not here being polite to Braig by then –"
"I'm COMING!" bellowed Myde. There were a few earth-shaking crashes, and then all of a sudden the white bedroom door was wrenched open. "I'm here, okay? Now can I go back to my DS?"
Even scowled. I just stood there, staring... with my jaw hanging open... looking like an idiot... "Now Myde, I need you to listen. Braig is a really awful babysitter so you'll have to be understanding of him, all right? I've already told him what you're not allowed to eat, so don't think you'll get away with lying to him, and he knows you have to be in bed by half nine. If I get home and he tells me you've been acting up..."
"I won't, okay? I'm just gonna play Pokémon, practice the sitar for a bit, and then go to bed." Myde leaned against the door, paying no mind to me and my derp face. "Get to work, Uncle Even. I'll see you tomorrow."
And then he retreated back into his room and left me with Even, who was looking at me like I was a specimen in a test tube.
"What's with the face?" he asked shrewdly, cocking his head to the side.
"I... um..." Shit. Shit fuck shit. "He's nothing like you, Even."
He was adorable. Skinny, maybe, but with sticky-up dark blonde hair and huge green-blue eyes and he was clearly talented at Pokémon and he... he was fifteen years younger than me.
What the actual fuck was wrong with me? I shook my head slightly, trying not to think too hard about Myde. The kid I was babysitting tonight. The kid I would be alone with all night...
Where the fuck were these thoughts even coming from?
"Just don't do anything stupid, Braig, I implore you," Even said, tossing some hair over his shoulder. "I'll see you at around eleven."
"Take your time," I said easily, waving a hand. "Have fun with... whatever the hell you do."
I watched Even down the stairs, listened out for the door opening and closing, and then knocked on Myde's door. Just to make friends with the kid, learn some stuff about him.
"If you're Even then get lost. Otherwise it's fine." I smirked and opened the door gently, not wanting to disturb him if he was in the middle of something crucial on his DS. "You're Braig, right?"
"Yeah, I am. And you're Myde." I sat at the foot of his bed. Aww, he had a Charizard toy, that's so sweet... "Does your Uncle Even ever talk about me?"
Myde smiled to himself and closed his DS. "All the time. "God, Braig's such an ass!" "Why can't Braig take anything seriously?" "Braig is so much sexier than me, it's so unfair!"" His impression of Even was hilariously accurate, although somehow I doubt that he ever said that last thing.
I looked at him. He was lying on his back in bed, holding his DS over his head and smacking the buttons with more force than was strictly necessary. And his shirt was riding up... ahem. Not that I was looking. I wasn't looking. YOU CAN'T PROVE JACK SHIT.
"So kid, what're you playing?"
Myde scowled at me. AWW. "Don't call me kid. I'm twelve in two months' time and I took a test that said I have the reading age of a sixteen-year-old." He reached down and tugged his shirt down so that I couldn't see his stomach. Which I didn't care about anyway. "Can I have some cake?"
"Would it piss Even off if I gave you cake?" I asked, taking the OCD list that Even had written out of my pocket and peering at it.
"That depends. Do you want to piss Uncle Even off?" He gave me the cutest little cheeky smile you ever saw in your life. Um... yeah, it was cute, in a kind of puppies-and-rainbows way. Because I'm a normal man in my twenties and I don't really go for the whole workmate's-little-nephew thing. I don't know why the fuck I had suddenly turned into such a pedo.
"I do indeed. Let's get you some cake." I doubt he would have an allergic reaction to one slice of cake, would he?
xxx
"I can't believe you ate an entire fucking chocolate cake," I said, patting Myde on the back as he vomited into a washing-up bowl. "Why would you even do that? You knew you were gonna end up being sick, didn't you?"
"I r-really..." He coughed some more, but the puke itself was kind of subsiding now. "I like cake."
"You would think that you like being alive more." I shifted slightly so I could hook an arm around Myde's skinny shoulders. The vomiting had almost finished and he was now mostly just coughing, his whole body still shaking and a slight rash cropping up on his cheek. "I can't believe I let you eat that cake."
"'S not your fault, you didn't know." Myde coughed, then picked up the glass of water I had got for him and sipped it. "I guess I should have known better, really."
Yeah, you should, I was really worried for a minute there. "Do you need me to call your uncle or something?" I asked, looking at him worriedly. He was still really cute, even if I had just witnessed him spewing his food everywhere.
"I'll be okay, Braig." He chuckled weakly. "This is your first time babysitting, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is, and to be honest I expected you to hate me. Most eleven-year-olds thoroughly object to being babysat." I looked down at the floor, because it was a nice floor, and because Myde was probably sick of me staring at his face by now.
"I did. I was horrified when Uncle Even said he'd got me a babysitter. But then I met you, and..." OHMIGOD WUT. "Well, it doesn't seem all that bad any more."
I swallowed hard. He's just a kid, what the fuck are you doing?
"You are coming back, aren't you?" Myde asked, green eyes displaying his emotions like they were windows straight into his head. And he was scared... and anxious... and he wanted me to come back.
"Of course I am," I told him warmly, rubbing his arm. "Now, it's..." What time was it? "Quarter past nine. You've got fifteen minutes to get cleaned up and shit, and then you're going to bed."
He pouted at me. "Can't I stay up just a little longer? There's an episode of Pokémon on at half nine I want to watch. Even's not coming back til eleven at the earliest. Please, Braig?"
Okay, YOU try and resist that pout. It was the most irresistible thing I'd ever laid eyes on. "Fine, but if your uncle finds out about it he will never get off my case, and I won't be able to come back, and he'll tell our boss who already thinks I'm irresponsible as all hell, and –"
"You can watch Pokémon with me if you want," Myde offered, looking up at me with wide eyes again. "You do like Pokémon, right, Braig?"
"Doesn't everyone?" I admit, I did love Pokémon. I had a special fondness for Piplup, Squirtle – all the water types, basically. "Go get yourself into your pyjamas, and we'll watch it together."
"Can I have some more cake as well?" he asked hopefully. I didn't deign to respond, just raised an eyebrow at him. He got the hint and scurried out of the room, grinning to himself.
I swallowed hard. Okay, there were several problems with this set-up. Not least that if I so much as looked at Myde, Even would freeze my balls. And the rest of me as well, probably. Then there was the whole paedophilia aspect... although, of course, I wasn't crushing on him. I wasn't. I just... I liked blondes... who had greeny-blue eyes... and soft skin...
SHIT.
Life, as I was destined to learn very soon, did not like me all that much.
xxx
A/N: Soooo... what do we think? Is it decent? Indecent? Do you want to hurt me via the internet for this disgrace to fanfiction? I bet you do. You know what would really hurt? You clicking that review button and typing some shit. That would really teach me a lesson.
Go forth and review, and/or read my other fanfics.
I LOVES YOU ALLS.