A/N: This is the first chapter of a truly insane script-ish parody, involving what would happen if Gilderoy Lockhart got his memory back. If you guys like it, I'll post more! Reviews make me feel loved, and I want at least 3 or 4 reviews before I post the next chapter so I know that people are reading this. With that said, this is VERY crazy. You have been warned.
THE SCENE: *Harry is screaming loudly in the common room. The whole House runs down from their dormitories to see if a) Voldemort has returned to Hogwarts b) an alien invasion complete with a time warp and flying missiles has occurred c) Dobby has knitted socks for the whole school again.*
HERMIONE: Omiraisin, what happened, Harry?!?!?
HARRY: *is speechless, but points slowly at the common room message board. Everyone follows his gaze to where a large proclamation is tacked up on it*
LEE: *reading it* Hear ye, hear ye-
PARVATI: That is sooooooooooooo, like, Middle Ages! "Hear ye, hear ye?" Uh, no! We're like, so too cool for that! I have to go brush my beautiful, like, hair now! TTYL! *exits*
HERMIONE: Is that what you were screaming about, Harry? Attack of the Mary Sue who just gave us a Middle Ages history lesson?
FRED: Hermione, that really wasn't funny.
HERMIONE: Oh, shut up before I conjure a nuclear-loving chinchilla on steroids and a sugar rush to come after you in your sleep.
FRED: I… have nothing to say to that.
LEE: Can I finish? Thank you! Hear ye, hear ye! In honor of Gilderoy Lockhart's memory returning and his reinstatement at Hogwarts School as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, he has planned an all-night school feast in the Great Hall! The theme will be the beauteous color lilac. Gilderoy hopes to see you there!! And- holy raisins… there's a PICTURE of Lockhart hugging a lilac teddy bear…
*Lee pukes. Crowd disperses, reluctant to get near the sick puddle. Hermione, Harry and Ron stay behind*
HERMIONE: I don't know… it could be fun…
RON: Yes, Hermione. It could be fun in the same way that being hit over the head with a Beater's bat and a starving lion is fun. Or fun like being chased by an alligator that has just read a book in which his favorite character died and wants to take his anger at the author out on somebody. Or-
HARRY: *coming out of his trance* Well, I think I'll go.
RON: WHAT IS THIS RUMPUS?
HERMIONE: Really?
HARRY: Don't you know that with everybody in the school there, this is PERFECT for a little Truth-or-Dare? I want revenge on Malfoy for that rabid caterpillar that he put in my bag the other day.
RON: Ohhhhh… I get it now! I agree, Harry, we should go.
HERMIONE: Erm… well! I knew you'd see sense. Now, let's go get breakfast.
*The three walk out the portrait hole. Cue happy, sunny music*
I told you it was insane... and it's only going to get crazier! If anyone has any ideas for Truth or Dare pranks, feel free to give them to me! Thanks!