Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts.
A quick piece of fluff and angst.
It might have been the clattering of the shutters outside the windows or else the flash of lightning reflecting off the dimly lit wallpaper that awoke the golden-eyed raven. He blinked up at the ceiling of the parlor room, the scent of burning wood overwhelming his senses momentarily. His apartment often lay vacant in favor of of the Vessalius mansion, ever since the return of his master. He'd been given his own room, of course, but he's grown particularly fond of the parlor room. By dusk it was an escape, a quiet place to think. The patter of rain on the roof almost lulled him back to sleep. His eyes fluttered shut in protest of his awakening. Absentmindedly he flexed the muscles in his arm to alleviate the tingling in his hand and he meant to place it on his chest -
"O-Oz," he jumped, surprised and growing anxious at the closeness. He tried to relax, but his heart raced as he registered the unfamiliar weight draped across his body.
He told himself not to panic, that they'd been that close before, but that had been when they were both young. And back then Gil had been innocent and naïve, not quite acknowledging the effect his master had on him. But now... now he was so undeserving of this trust. The same hand that rested on his master's shoulder was saturated with the blood of countless victims.
Oz acted as if he wasn't fazed by the skip in time. He'd accepted Gil too quickly, and mildly, beneath the relief, Gil was hurt. It hurt him to see Oz struggle to accept his time skip, and it hurt him more to see him struggle alone. Ever since he'd escaped the Abyss Gil never quite felt like he could re-assimilate into his former role as Oz's servant. Their relationship was distant now. The line that had once been fine grew thick. Gil felt his throat constrict as he shakily tangled his fingers into his master's hair.
When had he grown so selfish?
He'd been given a taste of what it was like to be considered an equal by Oz and he had argued, on countless occasions, that he was just a servant. He didn't deserve this treatment. He was a tool, a piece of furniture for Oz's every need. But that was never how his master viewed him. His master was definitely a brat, but it was no secret that he'd always cared for Gil.
And somewhere along the line, he'd taken this for granted.
He sighed. All he ever wanted was for Oz to be happy. Years ago, if Oz had told him he didn't need him anymore he would've respected his wishes. He would've left, his heart tattered, rotten and aimless. But now...
Now was different. Gil knew how lonely his master was. His brilliant green eyes had lost the childish spark they once held. Oz had always been wise beyond his years and often this did more bad than good.
It was heart wrenching to watch him break. It was a slow descent into despair, much like his own when he'd been gone. If only he...
Oz shifted slightly, his breath now landing on Gil's collarbone through the unbuttoned portion of his shirt. Gil's breath hitched in his throat, and his heart, which had only just slowed down, began to race again.
How could someone cause such an effect on another person and not even notice?
Oz Vessalius...I...
"Gil?" The blonde looked up, dazed, borrowing his hand from Gil's shoulder to wipe at his eyes. "Gil, what's wrong? You're shaking."
"I am? I-it's nothing." Leave it to Oz to make him stutter like he's fourteen again. He knew his face was red, he was embarrassed, both by the position and his thoughts.
"S-sorry, I just... no, I'll go." He began disentangling himself, and Gil, shocked, didn't know how to react.
Beneath his embarrassment, Oz had unraveled something Gil had so long ago suppressed.
As Oz sat up, avoiding eye contact, a smile in place that didn't quite reach his eyes, Gil followed him. His legs were on either side of the blonde, who now sat on his knees. He was trapped, and Gil, not very much in control of his thoughts or actions at the moment decided he liked his master that way.
Although his chest was now free to rise and fall as needed, there was still a crushing weight. His heart was tight and beating defiantly against his rib cage. When had his chest ever felt light?
"No, Oz, I..." he shook his head, "Why are you leaving?"
Oz smiled, his eyes not quite matching his expression, "I just... didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was silly to think... ah, no, don't worry about it, Gi-ru~!" He reached forward, ruffling Gil's hair with that misplaced grin and all the raven could think of was how he'd leave, he'd close himself off, that line would thicken to something unbearable...
He grabbed that wrist, looking up into startled emeralds. He was sure the anguish was visible on his face.
He lowered his voice to almost a whisper, "You were silly to think what, Oz?" That it would be the same as before? His grip softened and he slid his gloved hand to place those delicate fingers on his cheek. He was glad to see he'd startled that fake grin off his face, but the look he had now was guarded and it terrified Gil.
"It's nothing. I just forget sometimes... I'm just..." He looked down, smiling sadly into his lap, and Gil could've sworn he heard him mumble "I'm nothing."
He froze, his grip tightening to a painful squeeze on the hand resting on his cheek, but if Oz was hurt he made no indication of it. The pit that was his heart wrenched painfully and he almost gasped. His eyes burned, moistening slightly. Did he really mean so little, if his own master didn't know how important he was?
Oz is everything.
He brought his trembling hand up to his mouth, pulling his glove off with his teeth. He let the glove fall forgotten into his lap and he reached forward to brush Oz's bangs out of his eyes.
"Gil, you're trembling again. Are you alright?"
"I – no, I'm not."
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It's just we used to do this when we were little and I thought... or rather I forgot... just forget about it, Gil." He fumbled over his words, since he obviously hadn't intended to explain his thoughts.
"Oz, I don't want to be just a memory to you." Don't push me out. "And don't you dare think you're nothing."
His fingers slid through the silky blonde locks of their own accord, taking Oz by surprise when Gil slowly brought his face close to his.
"Oz," he swallowed, his eyes glued to the slightly parted lips in front of him, "please stop me."
But the blonde was in a state of shock, entranced by the raw emotion on his best friend's face.
"O-Oz, I don't think I can stop." He was panting, his breath leaving his mouth in short puffs to pass over his master's lips. His hands were trembling violently as he held himself back. Oz's scent was intoxicating and a deep blush overcame his body.
"G-Gil," he whispered, his voice saturated with confusion and intrigue.
At the first touch of their lips, Gil let out a strangled whine and both of his hands tangled in Oz's hair to pull him closer. He couldn't stop even if he had wanted to. He kissed him hard, smashing his lips repeatedly to his master's. "Please," he said between caresses, "stop me, Oz." I...can't...
He was positively shaking from restraint, pent up passion slowly leaking to the surface. "You're everything to me," he whispered against his mouth, "Oz."
He caressed those lips. "I'm," and again, his lips pressed insistently to the other's, "sorry," again, "Oz." Again, and they stayed there, a deep groan escaping as Oz hesitantly moved his lips in response. The kiss was clumsy but the passion was palpable. He brought his trembling arms down to wrap around Oz's middle, pulling him forward so their bodies collided.
He leaned backward, pulling the blonde to lie on top of him as he licked at his lips. Oz broke the kiss to catch this breath and Gil pressed his lips anywhere he could reach, scattering kisses down his face and placing open mouth kisses down his neck. Oz was shivering, speechless, and he surprised himself by lifting his head in time to catch Gil's lips in his own and he began dominating the kiss.
Their tongues twisted and Gil whined needily as their bodies began to rock against each other and Oz broke the kiss to pant and groan into his neck.
They shuttered simultaneously and Gil finally regained control over his body.
"I – I love you, Oz." So please let me in.
He felt the upturn of lips on his neck, finally a genuine smile, and he found himself smiling in return.
"I love you too, Gil."