Jeez Louise. I have written yet another bizarre oneshot. I really should stop. But I'm not gonna. This one is a little...awful. It made me sad. But I actually like the concept.

Disclaimer: I'm writing fanfiction. But you know what? I'm the type of person who would write fanfiction for my own work, just because as soon as it was finished, I'd think of ten other ways to end it or improve it. So, to be even clearer; I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

If I just squint my eyes, I can pretend those lips belong to someone else. I can pretend that hair is a different shade of red. Everything will be fine; I just have to squint.

When Roxas met Axel for the first time, he latched onto him; not because he was the first Nobody he truly conversed with, but because Axel's hair was red and he liked red hair. It reminded him of something he held dear to him, but that was ridiculous; even if he was capable of holding anything dear, he couldn't remember anything anyway!

Axel was probably a little frightening, he thought. He'd never considered Axel that way…perhaps because fear was something he didn't understand very well…but he could see why Axel could be feared. He was also annoying, but they got on well anyway; probably because Axel was annoying on purpose, and that made all the difference.

Roxas didn't leave his side until Axel moved to Castle Oblivion for a while; during that time, Roxas took solo missions and improved his combat skills. When Axel returned, Roxas was going to challenge him – just because he could – and they would have a bigger, better fight.

But when Axel did return, Roxas didn't get a chance to say anything before Axel's lips were on his and his ears were filled with murmurs.

"Roxas. Roxas. Roxas."

He didn't understand, and for the first time, he thought he understood fear.

Sora loved Kairi. Everyone knew that. It took a blind idiot not to see that; and there never was a shortage of idiots, but most of them could see perfectly well.

Sora loved Kairi, but he loved Riku, too. In a different way, perhaps; Kairi had a piece of Sora's heart inside her chest, and Sora had a piece of Riku's heart inside his own chest. Riku's eyes were bluish-green, the color of the sea on a drizzly day. His hair was a strange whitish-silver color. He wore white, blue, and yellow.

Roxas didn't like that.

Kairi's eyes were deep blue, the color of the sky just before sunset. Her hair was a pretty red color. She wore pink and white, but on Sundays Thursdays, she wore black for seemingly no reason.

Roxas liked that better.

Sora and Kairi started dating three months after they returned to Destiny Islands.

Roxas breathed a sigh of relief. Or he would have…if he had lungs with which to sigh.

"You're an asshole," Axel snarled, yanking Roxas toward him by the hood of his coat. "You're just leaving, like nothing matters?"

"Yes. Nothing does matter, Axel. Did you really think I would stay here forever? Did you…did you really think I'd stay for you?"

"Apparently, I was an idiot for entertaining the thought. I was obviously an idiot for thinking that maybe one day you'd love me ba-"

Oblivion's tip was pointed at the base of Axel's neck before the word had finished. "Don't start," Roxas said dangerously. "I may have a heart, but what's the point if I don't know how to use it? And you…you may know how to use a heart, but what's the point if you don't have one to use? Don't pretend to me, Axel. It won't work. Got it memorized?"

"You're an asshole," he repeated, apparently not bothered in the least by the threat of decapitation. "Two halves make a whole, but you just don't get it, do you?"

Roxas banished Oblivion, suddenly tired and ready to crash. "I do get it. But Axel…I'm not your other half. If you had a chance to meet your true self…wouldn't you take it? If you had a chance to get your heart…wouldn't you go for it, even if it meant leaving the rest of us behind?"

"Not without you."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Don't lie."

Axel's arms slipped around Roxas' shoulders, and he whispered, "I'm not."

But how could Roxas believe that?

"Sora, wait up!"

He turned, and Roxas watched with passive resentment as Axel grinned threw his arm over Sora's shoulder. Sora laughed; and Roxas suddenly remembered that their…date…was scheduled for seven o'clock. He shouldn't be angry. But he was anyway.

"You're such a spaz, Axel."

"Like you can talk. Old Yen Sid actually blinked four times today during history when you went off about theories of magic; that's got to be a record or something. Besides; I have something to give you."

Sora's heart beat quickly; Axel was a strange and enigmatic person, but he was a wonderful boyfriend and he'd never gotten him a gift before. He knew that whatever Axel had picked, it was from the heart, and he was flattered.

Roxas suddenly filled with jealousy when Sora opened the box to see a small keychain. Roxas would have to be an idiot not to recognize Bond of Flame.

"It's amazing! It'll go perfectly with my collection."

Axel nodded with an almost relieved-looking grin. "Thought you might say that. Hey, I know the movie doesn't start till later, but…how about we go do something until it starts? I don't want to go home; it's boring there."

"Well, sure. I think Riku and Kairi will probably be…busy, anyway; they'll appreciate 'alone time' as much as I will."

Roxas wished he had a throat and a stomach, so he could vomit, but he didn't. Instead, he raged and failed to close his eyes as he watched Axel's face come closer. Their lips touched, but it wasn't Axel-and-Roxas. It was Axel-and-Sora, and Roxas was just the one Sora had never known about.

"I love you, Roxas," Axel murmured into Sora's mouth, long after the movie had finished.

Roxas had enough strength to reply, "I love you, too."

Axel never knew about his slip-up, and Sora had never heard it in the first place; but Roxas did, and he couldn't help but treasure that pain until the day he and Sora died.

Riku kissed him, once.

Sora had liked it; but something in the back of his mind had hated it, and he couldn't imagine what it could be. Kairi could talk to Naminé at will, but Roxas seemed to have disappeared; so it couldn't possibly be him.

But when he and Kairi kissed, he felt the most wonderful rush of love and relief that he knew Kairi was The One. She always had been.

And Riku…

Well, he understood. Sora couldn't read him very well, even after everything had changed, but he still agreed to be Sora's best man.

It was harsh and cruel, but Roxas couldn't help but get a sort of vindictive, relieved pleasure out of seeing a wedding band on Kairi's finger and Riku's pained eyes as the bride and groom shared that star-shaped fruit. He and Sora may have come to an understanding, but he would never like Riku.

Ha-ha. Not everyone gets their happy ending; not even you.

It wasn't that Axel had trouble controlling his temper; he just didn't usually care to. He was like his element; wild, unbridled, and all-consuming.

Roxas liked it when he 'lost' his temper, because it made him forget that they were all stuck in the Dark. One could shine a light in the dark in order to see; but the Dark enveloped and suffocated everything around it, and the only thing left was the Dark.

Axel presented a case point in a theory he'd been mulling over; Nobodies were beings of the dark by nature, and beings of the Dark by choice. Roxas didn't know if anyone else saw it; but perhaps the only ones who could were too busy mooning about their lack of hearts.

Roxas knew Demyx had an idea that Nobodies were much more than what they assumed themselves to be; but Demyx always had a problem standing his ground when it came to Axel, despite his elemental advantage.

He wanted to seek answers. He wanted to know why they were dwelling in the Dark, when they could just as easily live in the light and be the balance. It wasn't something he shared with anyone; not even Axel.

Axel might understand – agree, even – but then, he would become the person he'd been for a while after the Castle Oblivion fiasco, and Roxas didn't think he could handle seeing Axel in such a state.

He talked to Demyx about it in a very round-about way, who (without realizing what he was suggesting) only said he should follow the heart he had before.

And that's exactly what he did.

Sora sometimes dreamed passionately, about kisses and touches and flashes of red. He woke up beside Kairi every morning, grateful that they'd found Riku and reconnected. He smiled, because even after fifteen years of marriage she drove him crazy enough to dream like that.

The only thing he didn't understand was the occasional flash of green.

"I…was with Sora."

"I know. I was there, moron."

"But I dated him. Sora. And then we stayed together for life.I mean…"

"Axel. I know."

The redhead sighed, and wrapped his arms around Roxas – who folded inward to make way for Axel's obnoxious chin on his shoulder as they sat on the sofa together. "Why didn't I remember you?"

"Maybe we just had to touch. I mean…uh. One time, at the beginning when you'd just gotten 'together,' you said…that you loved me. To Sora. He didn't catch it, but…"

"That…really?"

Roxas nodded and looked up, failing to catch Axel's gaze but not minding in the least. "Yeah. I wonder where he is, anyway. Riku and Naminé are getting married…she remembers, but he doesn't. Maybe you have to be a Nobody." He grinned. "Former Nobody, anyway. We all found each other in some way or another, but…I haven't run into him, and it's not like he'd be in the back of my head. Kairi's gone, too…maybe they found each other, and they live on some distant world or something."

"Who's to say they didn't just switch places with you this time around?"

"That's ridiculous. They were Somebodies the whole time. I just can't imagine him in a position like that. I mean…it was bad, really bad, but I already had a lifetime of experience being absolutely nothing. He's just off somewhere with Kairi, living it up."

Roxas had Axel. Roxas had the one he'd waited two lifetimes and a few years to see. He went to sleep beside him every night, and woke up beside him every morning. They didn't even have to touch to be intimate; they were together, and they were themselves, and that was enough.

They had their memories, and they were intent on making more. They finally had their happy ending.

And Sora tried to be happy for them, really. But he had memories too…from his previous lifetime and the one before that, and Roxas' memories too. He didn't know how Roxas had dealt with it, and he wanted so much to be strong like that, but when Roxas looked at Naminé and saw a sister, Sora looked at Naminé and saw his wife.

She was still under there…buried, and she couldn't get out. He missed her. He still loved her. He didn't know what had happened in the previous lifetime – had Roxas had something to do with it, or had Sora fallen for Axel on his own?

But he wanted Kairi, and every night, it was Axel who slept beside him.

If he just squinted his eyes, he could pretend those lips belonged to someone else. That hair was a different shade of red. Everything would be okay; he just had to squint.

END