The Reason for the Skirt.
A Story By Merlin.
A/V like always! Albel's POV.
Believe it or not there was a reason for the skirt. I mean besides the pleasant breeze that I got, and not to mention that it made me more aerodynamic. That was the word I was looking for right? You know! So I can go faster, because there's less weight or something. Aerodynamic! Whatever, anyway, besides those two reasons there was a better reason for my, manly skirt.
One day, this is always how it starts out isn't it? One day, blah. Let me do that again. A long time ago. No that won't do either. I need to jazz this bitch up a little, let's see. While zombie eating monster were plaguing the city of Aquaria, yes that is so much better! Anyways while the zombies destroyed that crappy little city Vox and I were walking. Yes you hear correctly. Vox and I strolling through the cold mountains. At the time I was wearing huge black pants. Imagine that, huge, baggy, monstrous, black, cargo pants. Yep, plus I had grown up in the mountains, so the pants actually made me quite hot and a tad bit irritable.
"Goddammit!" I yelled, as the mother fucking snow blasted into my face. And catching in my hair. It also stung my eyes a little bit, making them water. No matter what Vox tells you I was not fucking crying! Anyways, Vox's face was bright red. He was walking beside me remember? So I went to sheild myself from the horrid snow, and I get the pleasant view of Vox. Between Vox or snow I'd pick his ugly face any day. He was wearing a coat. The loser. But you see, this is where the trouble starts. My pants are hot, incredibly hot, but my upper half in frozen solid. That was one thing. The other thing was, well our camp was over the mountain. Yes, that's right. Over the fucking mountain. How Vox and I had gotten on the complete opposite side was beyond me! And whose bright idea it was to go over the mountain was also beyond me.
But anyway. Vox and I continued to our deaths. You know, Vox was the reason for that dumbass the bear climbed over the mountain song? Yeah, he is. Because he is wearing the most god awful fur coat. And on the way up some of the children mistook him for a bear, and sang about it climbing over the goddamn mountain. But the stupid brats could only think of two fucking verses! God! I wanted to rip their little heads off, but luckily the mother's also mistook him for a bear, and yelled at the children to come home. How they lived up so high I'll never know. Their about a good one thousand feet above Ariglyphian territory. Insane natives.
Anyways, back to the story. As we waddle our way up this snow piled mother fucker Vox spots a cave. Convenient. He looks at me, with his red face, grinning like a mad dog. He shouts over the roar of the snowy wind. "There! Go over there!" And he does the pointing. You know where someone points over excitedly? Yeah he did that. I would have groaned, but my mechanical arm kept making this wailing noise, letting me know it was getting far too cold out for it. So we waddled as fast as we could over to that cave. "Ah, see? Now we just wait here and no Aquarian bitches will find us." But the second the words fly out of his mouth and into the cave we here a low rumbling. And I just looked at Vox, with raised eyebrows I might add. He just frowns back at me.
"Welcome!" Suddenly a fat man with a grey beard hops out of a rock. Literally hops out of a fucking rock. I knew from the second I saw this man we were in for it. My metal arm creaked as I lifted my hands to my face. Vox is drastically rubbing his red face. Ignoring the fat man all together. "So," The fat beard ugly man tried. "How did you two heard about this place?" Vox looked at me, his gloved hands still placed on his red face, though they stopped the rubbing. And I peer out at him through my fingers. Then simultaneously we look over to the fat man, and still in unison we say. "What are you talking about?" Only I added a 'dipshit' to the end of my sentence. The fat man bounces as he laughs.
"Why this wonderful hotel of course!" He cried, still jiggling and giggling. Vox quickly removes his hands from his face to grab the short, fat, ugly man. He hoisted him off the ground yelled. "Do not toy with me fat one! You haven't had to hike all the way up this godforsaken mountain, in a blizzard!" The man's eyes twinkle and his smile widens.
"Oh, ho!" He laughs, shaking in Vox's hands, "that adds to the theme!" Vox droped him then. He just fucking let go. He turned to me and said. "Come on Albel, we have places to be." But suddenly a woman's voice shouts out from behind the very same rock. "No don't go!" And an equally fat and short woman jumps out from the rock as well. But she didn't land so gracefully as the first one. She bounced up and mumbled an ow before she explained.
"This is a hotel! You see, it's a romantic couple hotel. The theme is like a scene from a romance scroll! The hike up the mountain and into one of our fine cave dwellings to spend the night!" She paused to sigh, and turned to look dreamily at the fat man. "But the Blizzards don't last forever, take advantage of this moment you happy couple you! And get the cave package now!" I suddenly didn't want to be there. Not with the fat couple, not with Vox, just not there.
"No!" I shouted, getting concerned looks from fat man and woman. Vox meanwhile seemed to be thinking. The old fart. "We have to get going anyway, and we are not a couple." I tried to make my claw look terrifying, but as I pulled the damned thing up it made a rather pitiful creaking noise. As if to say it was exhausted and didn't want to be moved. At all. Vox looked at my arm then, but slowly rose his eyes from the metal appendage to meet my gaze. And then the blasted old fucktrad, winked. That's right he winked at me. And then he waltzed over to me, holding up a single digit to the fat couple. When he reached me he gave a little laugh, and then roughly pulled me close to him. And in a very dangerous voice, or as dangerous as Vox could get, he said. "Listen you little motherfucker! I'm freezing my ass off, I'm sure all of my fingers have frost bite and I'd really like to be warm. And so would you, hot pants. So I sugest you smile real pretty, and suck it up! Now pretend to be my happy significant other, not that I'd chose you mind you, so we can get this godforsaken room!"
I must have looked stupid then, because he smiled amusedly to himself. Shaking his head slowly. And I didn't like his making fun of me. "And you listen to me, maggot!" I whispered to him hotly. "I don't want to." Vox shook his head. "I don't care, stay here while I get a room, sweetheart." Did I mention that I really hated the old man's guts at this point? Well I do. Anyways he walks over to them and laughs and chats, I couldn't hear what he was saying, but the fat couple seemed to take him seriously. And they gave us a room. In the very back of the cave. An actual room, there was a door and everything, but when you crossed the threshold there was still a cave.
The only thing different was that there were huge fur pelts on the floor, a surprising amount of them, I guessed that was used as a bed. There was a built in fireplace carved into the cave walls themself, and a huge pot over it, then there were a few rugs, and whatnot. The delusion of having to wait out a blizzard in a cave was easily thwarted by the rugs and pelts. Not to mention the pot and fireplace. But I'd much rather have had that then an actual cave floor.
As I looked about the room I realized something. My pants were killing me. My legs were sweating and shaking, not to mention the heavy pants themselves were quite itchy. Instantly and without thinking I went to rip the horrid things off. At the same point in time Vox, who had been looking at the pelts in a disgusted way, turned around to pull his own thick coat off. Our eyes met, and then Vox smiled. "Well now," He said as he tugged the thing off. "What happened to not wanting to be a couple?" I blinked, and then realized that he was making fun of me. I was tired and my brain wasn't working, so it took me a minute to see that he was mocking me. But I growled at him. "Don't you want something to wear after you take those off, or are you just going to let me look at you?" I think it was mostly because I still was cold, and my body decided to heat my face up, but I blushed. And Vox noticed.
"Oh, you like it when I look at you?" I guess I must have blushed more because Vox laughed his fucking ass off. "Maggot!" I hissed, storming over to the old geezer. "Could you be just the slightest bit sufferable for at least two seconds?!" He laughed again. Only this time it was more hollow, and not as it had been when my face had gotten hot.
"Really commander Nox," He said dusting off his shirt. "I think perhaps you should change out of those things. Here let me help you." At this my face got hot. You know the fire being so big and all. But somehow I felt he was serious, and it was beginning to frighten me. Not in the 'I'm scared and running from a crazy psychopath' frightened, but more like 'this is extremely worrying' kind of frightened. Did that make sense? Are you guys still following me? Fuck you, I don't care. Anyways I was scared and Vox, actually treating me like I wasn't some kind of pissy brat was in itself, quite worrying. But he could have meant anything by this, so I nodded, kind of slowly. Searching Vox's face for any weird look. But he seemed like the same stone faced Vox.
He walked past me towards this closet I hadn't noticed before. He opened the door, very dramatically the fucker, and instantly began to laugh. But I was so desperate to get the stupid ass pants off that I rushed to the closet, practically shouting at him to tell me what he saw. And once I got there, I knew. Skirts. Tons and TONS, of skirts. Pink ones, blue ones, red ones, nurse skirts, maid skirts, frilly skirts, tiny skirts, it was like a major skirt emporium in that closet. I instantly frowned. And looked at Vox, who was still laughing. He eyes were watering because of how hard he was laughing. "Maggot! You motherfucker you knew this all along!" I accused, trying to lift my metallic arm and failing. Vox took notice to this, and smiling he said. "I had no idea these things were here. But do you really want to wear those tacky things? Here I'll get you a long one. Oh, and here is a pair of tiny, tiny shorts."
He sounded so amused by this, I was going to kill him I decided. Brutally murder the maggot. At least the damn thing had matched the outfit, not that the ugly black pants had gone well with it, but the skirt did match the outfit much better. And Vox had also managed to dig out these boot stocking things, but I think he made me wear them for his sake. I heard rumors about his kinky stockings fetish.
But soon our attention was turned to something much worse than my cross-dressing. "Ah, there seems to be only one mound of pelts." Vox had pointed out.
"I am aware." And that's what happened. We sat there. Looking at the pile, then as if it was planned. We both looked at each other, Vox with one eyebrow raised and me scowling. Then we were off, racing from our spot next to the closet, that was on the other side of the room, to the mound of furs. I don't really know who hit them first but that didn't matter. What mattered was that I had tripped right before I actually hit the pile, over the damned skirt, and smashed into Vox as he had jumped for the furs.
The next thing I knew, I was laying on the pelts staring directly at Vox. Who in turn, was staring right back. Then I looked from his face to his hand, which was placed neatly on my thigh. The damn purple fucking skirt had a slit, and that's when I knew he'd planned it. The queer. But oddly enough, and this is when I knew that the cold and altitude had gotten to my head, I didn't yell at him. I just looked back up at the old worm, and suddenly he looked very attractive. Stupid mountain cold. Making me think such an old ass maggot was hot.
So naturally Albel the Wicked gets whatever or whoever he wants. And at this point in time I wanted the geezer. So I put the moves on him. "Are you going to leave your fucking hand there, or are you going to do something with it?" Smooth. That was very smooth, I'd made it like a challenge, and Lord Vox couldn't resist.
Once he'd been challenged by Walter to see who could get the most girls by the end of the day, a stupid useless challenge, but a challenge nonetheless. So all day Vox tried, and somehow he managed to get a solid four women who said they'd fuck him. And unfortunately for me I had to be the witness for them. Walter had only managed two woman and a really horny dragon.
So putting anything like a challenged instantly made Vox go for it, so well needless to say, we went for it. I'll spare you the details, seeing as how most of you don't really care for that stuff anyway. And honestly I just don't want to tell you about it. So when we'd finally returned to the camp (A good two days later) there were questions. Mostly about the skirt. But the true reasoning behind this girly motherfucker is simply this. It was so much easier to fuck with this thing than anything I've ever worn before. Easy to get off, or just push it up, whatever Vox the faggot maggot wants to do. Plus if Vox has a kinky fetish for it, hell I'll wear it anytime.
Author's Note:
Uhh, I quite like this one! It was very easy to get into the character's point of few for this one, well it was to me anyway. I like the way Albel talks, even though I didn't use maggot or worm enough. But hopefully over time I'll remember that. Also I just thought that if I was telling about my weekend away I really wouldn't tell you what I did, in sexual terms that is, I wouldn't even tell my closets friends. So why would Albel tell? I thought certainly not! So I left the good stuff out, maybe one day kiddies.
Sorry for any mistakes! I'e re-read this thing multiple times. But I never seem to really notice any of them until they're posted.