The Night of All Things, a x-files fanfic

The Night of All Things

Part 1

By Claire M. Featherston

Scully woke up on the couch, wrapped in Mulder's blanket, she smiled, knowing he had placed it there. She squinted her sleepy eyes at the digital clock on the desk, neon red characters stared back at her, it was 2:28 am. She yawned, and stood up slowly, wrapping the blanket across her shoulders like a shawl. Looking around the room, she was enveloped in darkness, only shadows of furniture lit by the moonlight seeping through the window and the blue buzz of the fishtank were visible. Scully felt for the doorway of Mulder's bedroom, and slipped through the frame carefully. As she turned the corner her foot slammed into something hard, "Damn't," she hissed through clenched teeth.

Mulder's soft, slow breathing stopped, and he flipped on the lamp atop his nightstand with blinking eyes, "Scully?". She clutched her toe, and hobbled over to the bed, perching herself at the foot. "Ouch, geez." He sat up, in a black long sleeve t-shirt, wrapped in his rumpled bed sheets, and placed his hand on her shoulder, "What happened?". Scully pointed to what she could now tell was his dresser, "I hit my toe." Then she chuckled, "Sorry to wake you." The corner of his lips turned upwards, and he fell back against his pillow laughing, "It's fine." Mulder propped his head on his arm, and watched as she shuddered, "Come here, Scully, get warm." Scully turned towards him with her eyebrow raised, and he cracked another smile, "I know we're not technically married, Laura, but come on already."

She felt blood rush to her cheeks and she drew her attention down at the floor trying with all of her might to conceal the inevitable reaction from Mulder. He watched as the her face and ears flushed, and his heart began pounding rapidly. He stared in amazement as she pulled her legs onto the bed, ever so cautiously. He reached over to straighten out a pillow for her side, and pushed the blanket down. As she slid past him, dragging the thin, rough afghan along with her, he smiled at his hands, which had began to tremble. She settled onto her designated side, and slid underneath the comforter. Mulder tucked the top to her shoulders and under her chin, his hands shaking noticeably, as they were now inches from her, and Scully giggled warmly.

He laid back down, while holding her eyesight in his simultaneously, stuffing his hands underneath the blanket self-consciously. Scully lifted her own hand, and held it in Mulder's eyeline, he watched as her fingers quivered before him. She noticed, Mulder's mind raced, but was eased by her humble offering up of her own vulnerability to him so willingly. She wasn't like this, she rarely let him in. Mulder reluctantly pulled one of his arms back out into the open air and placed it beside hers. He fixed his gaze on their unsteady likeness, as Scully slipped her fingers into his. Mulder's eyes drifted to her face, her creamy skin was lit by glowing, rosy cheeks, and her sapphire eyes glittered back at him. It wasn't the first time that she'd held his hand, it was one of many, but nevertheless his heart reacted the same as it had each time before. It had begun to pound violently against his ribcage, and he sucked in his breath, as his stomach fluttered to life with a million butterflies. Scully heard the gasp that had escaped his lips so softly, and she felt her own breathe shake.

He looked at her with his cheek in his hand, and then she mirrored him. Scully smiled, flushed, as she lifted her open arm to his face, brushing his cheeks with the pads of her fingers. He shuddered at her touch, opened his lips, then let them fall closed again. "What is it?", Scully whispered. Her breath airing warmth on his cheeks. Mulder shook his head, "What you said earlier, that there was only one right choice, that all of the other ones were wrong…". She shook her head, and bit her bottom lip, keeping direct contact with his stunning jade eyes. "I meant it, Mulder." Mulder closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, "What exactly did you mean?". Scully's heart was beating so quickly that her head was spinning, and she was out of breath, "I meant that you are my choice. Thank God, not him. Not anyone else. Not ever. You are my choice, by chance, by fate, and of my own, definite making."

Mulder breathed, trying to control his own palpitating heart. "You know, I knew from the day I met you. Your air of confidence, your perfect little nose, the way it twitched defensively along with your demands. Your eyes, so big and so damn blue. Like oceans, so full of life, and answers, and just as many questions as me." Scully sat mesmerized, her breathing faster, her heart pumping solidly against her chest. He turned on his back and looked at the ceiling, and she inched closer to him, letting her leg fall against his deliberately. "You're just perfect, Scully. So damn perfect." He turned around to face her again, "Can we just give up this charade, that we don't have feelings? It's gone on for long enough." Scully took his hand and put it to her cheek, "I agree." He tucked a loose strand of her glossy, fiery hair behind her ear, and watched as the moonlight danced across her cheekbone. "I never told you, but it meant a lot to me that night you held held me in the forest." Scully laughed, "I can't believe that that was the only song I could remember. Of all the damn songs in the world." Mulder chuckled, "It's okay, I'll be your lunatic of an alcoholic frog any day." She laughed back, "You always have been." Mulder leaned in close to her face, and breathed on her cheek, "Ribbet."

She burst out laughing, clutching her stomach. He watched her beautiful face contort into bliss, and was frozen by the simple perfection of it. She sat up, alit with warmth and assurance, sliding the tan brown jacket down her arms. Scully shrugged it off of her shoulders, and folded it across the foot of the bed. "Such a rebel, Dana." She threw him a look, "One thing in this apartment had to be neat, Fox," she hissed out the syllable of his name, and poked his bicep. She shook her head, "Nice." Mulder threw his head back laughing, then flexed his arms. Scully rolled her eyes, "How long have you wanted to do that?". Mulder kissed his upper arm sarcastically, and smiled at her with sleepy eyes.

Scully shoved his shoulder playfully, and Mulder took her into his arms. He ran his fingertips across Scully's shoulders, back, and stomach, tickling her mercisellsy. Scully squealed, "Mulder, stop Mulder...," she choked through laughter. Then sat up nearly wheezing, "Geez, I can't," she chuckled through strained breathing, "even breathe." She looked over her shoulder, sheepishly, and stuck her tongue out at him. Mulder narrowed his eyes, a smirk biting at his lips. Then he reached for her again, this time delicately tugging at her waist. Scully let him pull her body towards his own, settling her limbs beneath his. His breath tickled her ear, as she tucked her face to his chest. His sternum was rising and falling slowly, and she could feel his heart beating against her arm, steadily. Scully ran her fingers down his arm, "Mulder, thank you." He rested his chin on top of her silken hair. "For what, Scully?".

Scully slipped her hand into his and intertwined their fingers as she whispered breathily, "For saving me, for saving me from myself." Mulder looked up into her eyes, and tucked a loose strand of copper behind her ear. "Scully, can I ask you something? Not to drudge up the past, but I need to know." Scully raised her eyebrow, "You can ask me anything." Mulder shifted so that he was leaning on his elbow, "You know that time that you rescued me from the ocean?" Scully's heart somersaulted through her chest, "Yes," she breathed, staring down at a wrinkle in the sheet and rubbing it between her forefinger and thumb. She felt her stomach clench and instantly was flooded with guilt. She had walked away from him, after he'd said those three words to her. Mulder spoke softly, once again shaking under her influence, "Why- why did you leave after I...," he lowered his voice even more, "said that to you?" Scully released the fabric between her fingers, met his eyes, and swallowed, mustering up every ounce of courage in herself, "Mulder, I was scared." He shook his head, "Of what?".

She let her own set of eyes sink into his emerald ones, identifying every sparkling speck that kissed the irises. A current of lapis, cobalt, chartreuse, and forest swam before her, etched with pain and passion unlike she'd ever seen before. No one else had ever looked at her with such intensity, such purpose, such depth. It was as if he could see through her self-illusion, her facade, right to her core. Right to the truth. The truth about him. "Mulder as much time as we spend searching for the truth, I find it hard, myself, to face it." Mulder shifted and and took a deep breath, "So what is the truth?". Scully put a fingernail to her teeth, and softly bit down, her eyes darted away from him again, scanning the wall, taking in each detail. The curling paint, the cardboard boxes stuffed with papers, the map of UFO sightings pinned next to the wooden doors of the closet. Her heart stirred restlessly, and her stomach fluttered so intensely that the air from her lungs was having trouble circulating in and out, and she felt dizzy.

Scully took a deep breath trying to steady herself, if she had been standing she's sure that she'd of toppled over by now. Her limbs were weak, and goosebumps tickled her as waves of fear gripped tightly. "I shouldn't have ran away from you when you said that. Even if you were whacked out on pain medication," she cracked a smile, still refusing to look directly at him, and took another steadying breath. "Then why did you? What are you so afraid of? Am I am making an ass out of myself again?," the words tumbled out of his mouth, dripping with insecurity and regret. "Mulder, no. Maybe in every other area of your life," he chuckled and she did too, "but not in this case." This time she willed herself to look back at him, to face her fear for once. "I'm afraid…", she breathed shakily, and her throat trembled, "I'm afraid if I get to close that you'll disappear. That you'll be taken from me." He wrapped one set of fingers around her arm gently, "Scully, I'm not going anywhere. I meant what I said that night. I wasn't hopped up on drugs. In the dream, or whatever it was of that ship, I thought that I was losing you, peremeantely, and I kissed you, dream you."

Scully gulped, "Really?" her voice sounded as soft and uncertain as the time she'd asked about the mothmen. He shook his head, "I mean I really kissed you, not like on New Years." She felt her muscles relax, and she slid her hand to his cheek, "Mulder…". He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and she could easily hear the rhaspsing of his own rattled breathing. "Mulder, it's what we don't say, that's what terrifies me, and I know you've said it once." Mulder scrunched his cheeks, "I've said it many ways, so many times. You just don't hear me." She shook her head, "Uh-uh. No, I do. It's just that I'm the one making an ass of myself," Scully laughed at herself. "All because I can't find the courage to be honest. To say the words I'm dying to." Mulder flipped his eyes up to hers again, and his heart was racing even faster. "It consumes me every day. It's always at the tip of my tongue. Making me feel panicked and lonely when we go home at night to separate apartments. Making me pace around my living room until three in the morning. Staring at the phone, just hoping you'll call with some absurd case, just so I can hear your voice," she laughed again and shook her head. "Just so I can sit next to you again, and smell you, and feel your warmth."

She shook her head again and a curtain of hair fell across her face as her cheeks burned, "This is so embarrassing." She hid her eyes behind the shield, then shuddered as Mulder's fingers grazed her forehead and pushed the hair away. She squealed, "No let me hide." Scully giggled and put her hands to cover her face, pressing her palms into her eyes so that fireworks played against a black background like a kaleidoscope. She partially screamed, "Ahhhh." Mulder laughed, "Stop hiding from me. It's me. You are my best friend, nothing you say could ever change that. I need you so much that it physically hurts. My chest aches when you're not with me."

Mulder stood up and started moving around the room, running his hands through his hair, and panting exasperatedly. "God, Scully. You drive me insane. Literally, my brain can't take it. I wasted all of those years studying psychology, because nothing can explain how mad you drive me. I've never felt this way about any one person, ever before. I didn't know that some of these emotions existed before I met you. I can't believe I've ever wasted the words, "I love you," on another woman, how foolish." Scully lifted her hands from her cheeks, that had stuck with sweat as her skin nervously perspired. She opened her mouth and sighed, she had to bite her lip to control the quiver that shook her. "Mulder," her breath quivered. Her lips trembled while tears started swimming in her eyes, and leaking down her cheek. She closed off the world from her vision again and sobbed into the stillness.

Mulder turned on his heels and rushed to her, "No, why are you crying?" he asked as he laid his fingers across her hand and slid them together with hers. She threw out her arms nearly jerking away from him, "Because," she sobbed, wiping the overflowing tears with the back of her hand. Mulder scanned her face for answers, "Please. Please don't be mad at me. It's okay if you don't feel the same way." Scully reached out and shoved him forward, "Of course I do," she screamed out like a child throwing a tantrum. Another sob shook her frame. "My God, of course I do." She wiped her cheeks with her hand shaking the tears off, then took a pillow and hugged it to her stomach, "Mulder, I knew how I felt about you that first day. Typical crush stuff. Sweaty palms, butterflies, pounding heart. I'd never felt so secure seeing anyone else's face. It's like I knew you already. I knew you were my friend. I was infatuated with you from the moment I walked through that damn basement door. Those first ridiculous slides you showed me. That ridiculously confident smirk. You're such a puppy dog, and I fell for the act. Then when I figured out that you weren't putting on a show for me, that you really were that impressionable, that sweet. I no longer had control, you'd taken away all of my willpower, single handedly. You had me by the heartstrings, and I'll always be the last to admit it, because it drives me wild knowing that I had absolutely no control over the affect you had, have on me."

Her eyes had been darting around the room, her typical avoidance technique, and when she finally focused back on him, he was biting onto his lips as a tear trickled down his jaw. She reached up and dabbed it away with the pad of her thumb. Looking at it as it sparkled against the light,"You're crying, for me?". Another tear slid down his face, "You have no idea how many times I have. It's not the first, and it definitely won't be the last." She smiled and laughed sweetly, lifting her hand to his cheek, and stroking it with her thumb. "I'm very sorry I left you alone in that hospital room, you were probably so scared and confused. You poured your heart out to me, and I just stomped on it without even thinking." Mulder wiped his own tears off, then reached over to graze her cheeks with his sleeve. Scully smiled up at him, "It was such a Scully reaction, it could've been worse." She shook her head, "No, I should've told you how I felt." Mulder ran a hand down his arm nervously, "How do you feel is the million dollar question?," he sighed and took her hand into his tracing circles over her wrist, "Do I need to tell you again?" he questioned peering at her ocean blue eyes that shined like a beacon towards him, pulling him in out of the deep and onto safety, security, comfort, livelihood.

She licked her lip and whispered, "I'm still scared, Mulder." Mulder cupped her face in his hands, "You have nothing to be afraid of." He rubbed his thumbs back and forth over her cheekbones, "I promise," he looked deeply into her eyes searching for anything, any answer, "Why won't you let yourself love me?". The words stung her deeply, every ounce of desperation in his voice stuck to the walls of her mind, and battered at her heart. Scully placed her hands over his own on her face, and slid them down to her lap, "Mulder," she offered, turning her head from side to side, "Fox…," she squeezed his hands smiling with full cheeks that made her wide eyes pinch together, "I love you so much." He shook his head up and down, and pulled her to his chest, against his beating heart, and she felt it thump against her ear. Mulder tangled his fingers through her fiery bob and kissed her forehead. He pulled back suddenly, a mischievous grin danced across his face, "Hold on," he ran out of the room frantically, she heard him banging around, tossing stuff throughout the other room. She craned her neck and saw clothes flying across the doorway, "Mulder, what the hell are you doing?"

She heard his feet thump against the floor as he raced back in, breathing hard. He popped a VHS into the television sat atop the table by the window. The image flashed on, it was Times Square on New Years Eve. She chuckled, "Mulder, what is this?". He clicked the volume on a few notches and then threw the remote haphazardly over his shoulder, bouncing back onto the bed like an excited little boy, "I'm getting the kiss I really wanted." Scully laughed loudly, throwing her head backwards, and he caught her mid cackle by the lips, she mumbled into his mouth, "Mulder…". Then her eyes shut instinctively and let his lips pursue hers. He pushed her down into the pillows beneath them. He tugged at her lips.

They pulled away several seconds later, both panting. His eyes were dark and hungry, yet still lit with his everlasting boyish charm, glistening with justice. He straddled her legs, "Wow…". She grabbed for his shirt collar and pulled him back down, hovering over her so closely that his breath tickled her chin, "Wow," she mirrored.