Day 1
Welcome to me. This is your first day inside the head of what some would call a troubled individual. If you were looking for a professionally written novel about the influence of the Blue jay in the Amazon or something like that; you have picked up the wrong piece of literature to read. This is not educational, nor will it be a happy story. As far as how it ends, your guess is just as good as mine. I shall write this as my life goes, as I think, and as I feel. I hope that in the end it will change those who decided to read this. For the emotions portrayed in this book are real and I hope it will provide insight into the minds of those that are like me.
Please allow me to introduce two "characters" to this story in order for you to maintain a clearer understanding of my social life. My dear old friend Ray has always been there for me. I first met him when I was but 10 years old. He came to me while I was in tears about some charming young fellows who had decided to remind me once again that I had no friends. Ray was excellent. I was afraid of him at first, I must admit, but in the end there was nothing to be afraid of. Ray was always there to stop the pain. He always made me feel good, and he doesn't ask for anything in return. He'll always do what he can to make me forget about my troubles and all he asks is that I try not to let anyone else see the marks he leaves on me. I know he doesn't mean to leave any marks and I know that it's probably my own fault they show up anyways. I love Ray; I'm nearly always with him.
Bebe is a special kind of friend whom I only met a few weeks ago. She's always at my side, ready to jump up and help me, but she never does. She might just be afraid and that's alright. She told me that she can make the troubles go away and all I have to do is trust her. I want to trust her, I really do, but it's hard to trust someone who doesn't give the same immediate support as Ray does. Maybe I rely on Ray too much. Maybe I should trust Bebe one of these days and let her take control. She says her way is tough at first but it gets easier as it goes. She's a little strange, but I love her so.
These are the only two friends I have. I despise most of the people that I see every day. You see, people are disgusting creatures. We are but beasts, all lunging for the steak dangled in front of us. We will bite and claw and scratch no matter what we hit along the way to our meal. Humans do not care who they harm as long as they receive what they want in the end. There may be an occasional good soul among the rubbish that tarnishes the name of decency, but in the end these good souls are often glorified and monetized. People make them out to be gods and find ways to make money off of their name. So that even when there may be a person capable of breaking the mold of modern society, the scum that surrounds us ruins the purity of it all.
I am forced to interact with scum-in-the-making at the high school I attend every day. Teenagers may be even worse than adults when it comes to cruelty. A teenager's brain is not yet developed to fully comprehend the concept that what they are doing may be hurtful to another person. They do what they want, when they want. If you're not exactly like them then you deserve to experience hell. And I for one am not like them. Every day I am subjected to both mental and physical torture.