Burning.
Leo could feel it inside his lungs. They were aching and dull and pained just as much as the rest of his body. Anybody would be feeling it if they had endured what he had endured.
As he scaled the side of the building, his hands strained and the scrapes starting to bleed, his mind raced with a thousand thoughts and hardly any time to question any of it. Hell, his thought process was so fucked, you could have given him a gun to shoot himself and he would do it with no hesitation.
No, no. He couldn't do that. He wanted this. He needed this. Leo had been so plagued with hate and anxiety and apprehension that this was something that had to be done. His mind was screaming at him, begging him to stop but his heart pounded harder and harder- "You need to do this!" It screeched "We can't stop, not even for a second!"
But those were just one of the many thoughts in his head.
He didn't know how long he had been doing this. Ten minutes, fifteen? An hour? Time didn't matter; all that mattered was the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He had spent so long just suffering, the food around him nearly disgusting and his brothers deplorable. All he had wanted was sugar and yet he knew how bad that was. He knew the effects of near starvation but God, if he wasn't going to get what he fucking wanted- how dare they try to control him.
Control.
The voice in his head shrieked even louder and he could've sworn his vision was trying to give out. No. Not now, not like this.
He didn't even know how much he needed this.
After nearly a minute or an hour (or whatever), he had reached the top. The top of the Empire State building. He was above the world. He couldn't even begin to describe in words the feeling he had right now. Hell, he couldn't even talk because of how hard he was panting. This, however, this was good.
He pulled out the ever buzzing phone that he had been holding onto (thought it had almost fallen several times) and he quickly opened Snapchat app. It was hard, his fingers were shaking so hard, but once it opened, he began to film.
"Hellooooooo New York!" He yelled triumphantly, "You guys aren't gonna fucking believe where I'm at!"
With that, he began to laugh. It was a hollow laugh, cold and hard and empty. He didn't even know why he was laughing; was it because the messages kept popping up on Snapchat, begging Leo to come home? Was it because it was almost sad how Raph had said he was almost there yet there wasn't a slight change of scene from the glorious view of the lights? Was it because the wind was screeching in his ears, probably making it impossible for Snapchat to even pick up his voice?
He didn't even realize he was crying when he dropped the phone.
He was laughing and he was happy and god damn it, he was fucking alive! So why would he be crying like this?
No, no. This was fine. He was losing himself already. His vision was blurring, the world nearly smudged and his balance was starting to go. The voice in his head was overpowering but this was fine. He could deal with this.
As he tried to steady his panting, the smoldering in his lungs continued forth and Leo began to realize that his adrenaline was starting to fade. He was starting to lose that sweet thrill that had been coursing throughout his body just moments ago. No. No, no, no, NO! He couldn't lose it, not now! He refused to go back to feeling as shitty as he was feeling before all this! He couldn't let that damned bastard in the back of his head take control.
He was in control.
Control.
He paused, his breath caught in his throat. Then, he laughed. He laughed and he figured out how to get the high back. Or, at least, he knew what he would do for himself. His other self. Did he have another self? Was it just in his head? Who cared; Leo just wanted to feel again.
His hand gripped the building tight, nearly frightened that he could dent it, and he looked down. The lights seemed to stare back and it felt like the world was going to open up and swallow him. His breathing continued, though less forcefully, and he closed his eyes.
He let go.
He wished it could have just ended like that yet, for some reason, as he fell he could the sound of a pained cry from behind him. Behind? He was on the Empire State building!
No, now he was falling.
He looked back up at where he had just been and there, in his big brotherly self, Raph was desperately trying to reach him. He had jumped after him. Leo, however, just smiled as his vision blurred and then, darkness surrounded him.
There was a shift.
When Leo opened his eyes, he was hurtling towards the ground and he could hear his brother yelling for him. He didn't even have time to process what was happening. All he could do was scream like he had been screaming for the past five minute (or thirty minutes or whatever) and accept that this was how it was going to end.
His vision blackened as a horrific crack was heard.