My name is Adam Torres. I'm a sophomore attending Degrassi Community School. At first I was so sure. I was so certain about what I am… but now… I don't know. It's all because of him…
ALTERNATE WORLD: Drew and Adam aren't step brothers. Adam isn't sure of what he really wants.
I was talking to Clare and Eli when I saw him. This guy… he was beautiful. I stared at him for a moment and then began to fantasize. This is so strange… before I realized it, I was already removing my hat and attempting to make myself look noticeable. Clare noticed immediately.
"Adam? Hey… Adam!" yelled Clare.
I snapped out of my little trance that this boy managed to put me in, without knowledge.
"Hey Clare… Do you know who that guy is?" I asked her as I gave a look in the boy's direction.
Clare followed my gaze and immediately spoke, "Oh… him… he's gorgeous isn't he?"
Eli gave Clare a little look and Clare smiled at him and gave him a kiss.
"Anyways… that guy over there, his name is Drew."
Ahh… so this amazing boy's name is Drew… What a beautiful na- Oh god Adam! What the hell man! What am I thinking! This is sooooo wrong.
Eli noticed me staring at Drew and asked, " Hey Adam… you're not going all girl on us right?"
"What? What are you- no-no. NO. Eli… C'mon man… that's gross… NEVER!"
"Mhmm… Whatever you say… Gracie." Eli gave me a wink and ran away. I chased him down the hallways….
That was when I first saw him.
Party:
Clare decided to throw a party for Eli's birthday. I knew Eli wouldn't like it… and I was right. Since it was Clare's idea… Eli couldn't say no. Sad to say, it was such a boring party. I sat on one of the chairs and stared at Drew dancing with a girl on the dance floor, along with Eli and Clare… strangely slow dancing to a song that's not even slow at all. They are so strange, but I guess that's what love does to you.
I was so caught up on Drew that I hadn't realized the tall drunk guy that was standing beside me... He towered over me and danced. I tried to ignore him and just smiled at him. I directed my attention back to Drew and saw that as he danced with the girl, he kept glancing over at me.
The guy seemed to get a little closer to me and I tried to push him back. He grabbed my waist and stroked my leg.
"What the fuck man. Get away from me!" I yelled at him. The music seemed too loud for anyone to hear me, including the guy standing right beside me. He came even closer and attempted to kiss me.
I shoved him away as hard as I can and he grabbed both my wrists and forced himself on me.
"Get away from me! Get off! STOP!" I yelled from the top of my lungs but the guy didn't care. The music was loud and nobody else seemed to care about me… I thought my worst nightmare was coming true, until I heard this beautiful voice.
The guy was completely pulled off of me and I saw Drew standing in the space between me and the guy.
"She said leave her alone! Don't you dare touch her again!" Drew yelled at the drunk guy. The guy seemed upset, but then he just walked away.
Drew turned around to look at me.
"Hey… are you okay?"
I thought he was so amazing… so nice… he helped me when nobody else cared… he protected me… until… I realized… he called me a "SHE". He knew what I was… no-wait… he doesn't.
"Hey… I was asking if you're okay? Did he hurt you?" Drew asked.
"No- I… fuck you! Don't you ever- EVER call me that again!" I shoved him away and ran away.
"No- Wait! Hey! Come back! I'm sorry!"
The RV:
I can't believe Claire and Eli are being so whack. They've decided to "get married". They think that everyone is set out to separate them and they think this is the only solution.
Everyone got into the RV. They've decided to invite only close friends… heck I have no idea why they invited Drew… last time I checked they weren't exactly "buddy, buddy".
I got up and headed to washroom as soon as I saw Drew exit. I tried to avoid contact with him what so ever, the bus hit a bump and we both fell. I landed on top of Drew, my eyes closed… scared of the pain I'd receive when I hit the floor. When I opened my eyes, they immediately met Drew's amazing and mysterious eyes. He stared at me and I felt his grip on my waist tighten a little. My heart began to pound faster and faster. I honestly have no idea what the fuck is happening to me. I was taken by surprise when I saw Drew beginning to lean forward. I stopped his attempt by pushing down his shoulders and quickly getting up. I was shocked to see that he seemed to have actually gotten a boner… did I do that to him? I ran to the washroom.
I stared at myself in the mirror. I took off my hat and just stared at myself. I rinsed my face with water and wet my hair a little. I let my damp her fall around my face and I can't believe it… I kinda liked what I saw… I looked like a girl- well- no! I don't like how look! I just- I liked… how I imagined Drew would react if he saw me look like a girl.
I exit the washroom and sat at the back seat by the window. I saw Drew get up from two seats in front of me and before I could get up to leave, he blocked my way. He took the seat beside me and turned towards me.
I turned away from him and stared out the window.
"Adam… we need to talk."
"What do you want Drew? How'd you even know my name?"
"Same way you found out mines." Drew said as he smiled.
"Just leave me alone."
"No… Adam-listen!"
"No Drew… you listen. My name is Adam for a reason. I'm a boy! I might not look it, but I'm trying okay- I'm trying my best to show people what I really am, even if most of them won't accept me!"
"Adam, stop…"
"NO, Drew… I don't know what you're doing here, but you're fucking with my mind. I'm a boy! You're a boy! I'm not gay-"
"And you're not a lesbian…"
"Wha- what are you saying?"
"You don't like girls… but you're saying you're a boy…"
"God, leave me alone Drew! How about this, I'm a BOY… but I'm not gay or a lesbian…. I like PEOPLE. Got it!"
I got up angrily and shoved Drew down on his seat to make enough room so I can leave. I looked up from the ground and saw that Clare and Eli… along with their other friends were all staring at me. Then is struck me that the last thing I said to Drew… I said it quite loudly.
"Fuck." I whispered. I went two seats from Drew and told everyone to quit staring. Everyone stopped staring and continued on their previous activities.
The Wood:
Sadly, the road has been blocked and we all had to take another way. We grabbed as much things as we can and headed into the wood. They said that there was a shortcut there.
I was trailing behind them very slowly… but there was someone always near me… Drew. He was following behind me and I could feel his awkward stares at me. I was so nervous about Drew's constant stares at me and I accidentally tripped on a big branch on the ground.
"Oh fuck." I said as I realized I broke the glasses in the box that I was carrying. Shit… The broken glass also spilled out of the box and I attempted to pick them up and put them back in the box.
"Oh shit-shit-shit." I picked up a piece of glass and heard footsteps behind me. This scared me a little and I accidentally applied more force than I should have, cutting my finger. I dropped the piece of glass and was frozen in shock as the blood oozed out from my finger. Drew quickly placed the box he was carrying on the ground and kneeled beside me.
"What'd you do this time Glory?" He said as he smiled at me.
"Glory?" I asked him confused.
He took my bleeding finger and shoved it in his mouth.
He stared at me with seductive eyes as he sucked the blood from my finger.
The warmth of his mouth around my finger… I don't know why… but it somehow turned me on… I snapped out of my frozen state and pulled my finger out from his mouth.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"A lot more than what you were doing."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Glory… just staring at it won't-"
"There it is again… Why do you keep calling me Glory?"
"Oh that..." He looked down, a bit flushed.
He looked up and stared intently into my eyes. He brought his hand up to my face and stroked my cheeks with his fingers.
"I call you glory… because-"He giggled slightly and continued, "because I think… that you're the most glorious… and beautiful mark I've ever seen."
I couldn't help but blush a little bit. My heart began to beat faster and everything in my body wanted him… wanted to kiss his soft lips… but I can't! My mind was fighting with my body. My mind was yelling at me, 'No Adam! You're a guy! He's a guy! It's not RIGHT! Pick your feet up and run away! NOW!'
I picked up the box of broken glass and ran away. Tears began to fill my eyes. What the fuck is happening to me? I don't understand anything… It's all his fault! When I thought I've ran far away from him I stopped by a large tree. He wasn't following me right? WRONG.
I turned around and he was right there… Drew was standing in front of me… I dropped the box full of broken glass… who really cares about that, by now everything in there is even more broken than it already was. He walked closer and closer, slowly closing in the void between us. I felt my back hit the tree and I had nowhere else to go. He came closer and placed his hand on the tree, beside my face. He leaned in and I turned my face away.
"Adam… please… Look… I don't understand this either okay. I get it, you're a guy… or you wanna be, but whatever you do, you're appearance is a girl… and I'm a guy… I can't help myself when I'm around you. Back at the bus… I know you noticed it… That didn't just happen by accident… it was because of you…"
"No Drew…" I tried to push him away and leave, but he placed his other hand on the tree. I was trapped between him and the tree. He looked me in the eyes.
"No Adam! Listen to me… There's something between us! I can feel it! Tell me… Tell me that you feel it too!"
"Drew… stop this…." I said quietly… tears began to form in my eyes again.
"Adam… tell me that you feel it too."
I looked into his eyes and I couldn't lie anymore… I nodded my head as tears fell from my eyes.
"Drew, whatever this is… let's just forget-"I couldn't finish my sentence… his large hand was over my mouth.
"God… you don't know… how much I want to kiss you right now." He said.
He kissed his hand that was placed on my mouth. When he pulled back, my body seemed to have taken over completely.
I caressed his cheek and gave him a kiss. When I pulled back, I saw the look on Drew's face. He was shocked… then I saw in his eyes…. Lust.
He pulled me into a rough, but passionate kiss. He kissed down my neck and started sliding my sweater off my shoulders. I found his pants and began to unzip them. When he got my sweater off, he kissed my lips again, filled with force and hunger. His hands found their way to my waist and he slowly began to pull up my shirt. I tried to stop him and I pulled down my shirt. He quickly moved on and slid his hands to my buttocks. He grabbed my leg and wrapped it around his waist. I felt his erection and smiled a little. He kept on hungrily kissing me and before I knew it we were on the ground. He kept on kissing me. I felt his hand go in my shirt and grabbed my breast. I relaxed under his touch and kisses and I suddenly remembered that guy at the party. He was taking advantage of me…
WAIT… is that what Drew is doing to me? Drew looked at me and asked me what's wrong.
"Get off me! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" I yelled.
"Glory… what's wrong?"
"Fuck you! My name is Adam!" I pushed him off me and ran. I kept running and running, I didn't see where I was going. I ran passed Clare and Eli and Drew kept following me. Clare and Eli called out my name and chased after me. Drew caught up with me and hugged me tightly from behind.
"Please… Please… stay with me… please…" he begged.
Tears kept rolling down my cheeks. I shoved Drew and in the process, fell to the ground. He knelt down beside me and reached out. I avoided him.
"No! Stay away from me! NO!"
Clare and Eli came into view and saw us both. I was on the ground crying and Drew realized their presence and got up. He stepped back from me as Eli and Clare gave him a look, they came towards me and Clare pulled me into her arms.
"What the fuck is this!" Eli asked, he turned towards Drew and gave him a menacing look.
Drew looked down and zipped up his zipper. Clare and Eli's face was filled with shock.
"Adam…Drew… oh god… you didn't…" Claire said, surprised.
I cried more into her arms and Eli grabbed Drew by the collar.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!"
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! She just freaked out."
"Adam is a boy!"
"You can try to keep convincing yourselves that, but I know! I know… Adam you feel something for me… and I feel something for you… don't try to stop it because of what you think!"
"You really don't get it do you? It's not what he thinks! It's what Adam is! Stop trying to change him! If you really feel something for him… stop this… stop all of this!"
Drew shoved Eli away and stared at me.
"Please Glory… tell them! Tell that you feel the same for me… You've admitted your feelings before… why can't you do it now!"
"No… I just… I wanted to experience… I thought it would make me normal…." I explained.
"No… no… Adam… you are normal! Don't you ever let anyone convince you that you're not… not even HIM." Clare told me.
"SPECIALLY NOT HIM." Eli said.
"I'm sorry Drew, but I think you should go… just stay away from Adam for a while… We'll meet you at the church okay…"
I took one last look at Drew. He was a mess. He looked down at me with a disappointed look on his face. I saw pure sadness in his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek. He turned away and walked off, slowly disappearing into the wood.
That's when I realized… Drew really liked me. He wasn't trying to take advantage of me… he really felt something… and no matter how hard I tried to avoid it… I felt something for him too…
But no… He's not gunna change me…
I'm Adam Torres… Always have…. ALWAYS WILL…