Final Fantasy I. It's probably my favorite Final Fantasy cause it's the only one I actually beat. But anyhow- whenever I play Final Fantasy, I name my characters after characters in other Final Fantasies. I.E. I may name my Warrior Seifer, my Black Mage Vivi, etc.
So then the idea occurred to me- what if those characters were actually forced to do said adventure?
Thus I present to thee…
Final Fantasy I
Chapter One
I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again
Zidane landed on the ground with an unceremonious 'thud.' Crap, I think I ruined my cravat, thought Zidane. He got up, muttering something about random white lights, and surveyed his surroundings. He saw grass, grass, more grass, some trees, more grass and a town and a castle. Hm, thought the Genome, That castle MUST have something to take!
"Look out!" came a voice from above Zidane. Zidane barely had time to look up before being crushed by a man in a black coat.
"Oof!" Zidane grunted. Pushing the man off him, he got a good look at the man who fell on him- black coat with white fur, black pants, weird necklace.
"Where am I?" muttered the man, surveying the surroundings himself. Zidane tugged on his arm.
"Hey! Squall!" Zidane greeted the SeeD warrior enthusiastically.
"Zidane," Squall muttered.
Zidane smiled brightly. "I knew you'd recognize me from Dissidia!"
It was then that another figure fell from the sky, this time the two stepped out of the way. The figure was wearing a white top, blue skirt, and held a fairly grand staff in her hands.
Zidane offered her a hand, and said, "Hey there, you need a hand?"
"Hm. You know her, Zidane?" asked Squall.
"No."
Squall had a pensive expression. "Why are you hitting on her?"
"Please, I hit on every girl," whispered Zidane to his comrade.
The girl took Zidane's hand and the genome hoisted her up. She was around twice Zidane's size. "Hello, I'm Yuna."
Squall acknowledged her presence with a simple wave, and Zidane wore a cheery grin on his face.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Zidane cried, as though he remembered something. Squall cast a glance towards Zidane.
"With baited breath," Squall retorted.
Zidane ignored him, and asked, "Do you know Tidus?"
"Oh! Yes, I do know Tidus!"
Zidane swore under his breath. "Dammit, she's taken!"
"THIS is the most of your worries?" Squall asked incredulously. Zidane cast him a glance that clearly illustrated Squall's concerns. Squall gritted his teeth frustrated.
"Oh yeah? What's the most of your worries?" Zidane asked.
Squall pointed to his surroundings. "You have any idea where we are?"
Zidane opened his mouth to say something, but found himself unable to come up with a good answer.
"Exactly," Squall said. It was then that the fourth and final figure fell from the sky.
"Look out below!" yelled the figure.
Zidane peered at the toga-clad figure. "Whoa! It's Bartz!"
Bartz picked himself up off the ground, and grinned at Zidane.
"Zidane!"
The two shared a friendly, non-slashy hug and the other two watched bemusedly.
"I assume this is Bartz?" Yuna asked.
Zidane smiled widely, and nodded. "This guy was like my best friend in Dissidia!"
Yuna stared at him. "What's Dissidia?"
Zidane whistled, somewhat shocked. "You mean Tidus didn't tell you? Wow, that's like break-up class idiocy right there!"
"She's taken, isn't she?" Bartz whispered to Zidane.
Zidane shrugged. "Doesn't mean I can't try," he whispered back.
Squall cleared his throat loudly. "We can get into this later," he said authoritatively. "Right now, the most important thing is figuring out where we all are and whether or not we were all reduced to level one again."
Zidane reluctantly agreed with Squall, as did Bartz. Yuna agreed immediately.
Squall thought for a moment, and said, "Let's go to that town. I don't have any armor, and I assume you guys don't either."
The group all walked towards the town, and Squall hailed the guard. "Hey, you. Where am I?"
The guard smiled widely, and said, "Welcome to Corneria!"
Squall nodded. "And what's Corneria?"
The guard smiled widely, and said, "Welcome to Corneria!"
Squall looked at the guard. "That doesn't help me."
The guard smiled widely, and said, "Welcome to Corneria!"
Angry, the SeeD commander stared the guard down and growled, "What is Corneria!"
The guard smiled widely, and said, "Welcome to Corneria!"
Squall threw up his hands in frustration and walked away. Zidane moved to the guard and picked his pockets, then walking off nonchalantly.
Yuna pleaded with the guard, "Please, we need to know where we are!"
The guard smiled widely, and said, "Welcome to Corneria!"
Squall looked at Yuna. "It's no use- he's only saying that."
Bartz looked apprehensively at the man. "So if I say something, he'll just-"
The guard smiled widely, and said, "Welcome to Corneria!"
"Yeah, that," Bartz groaned.
The group walked away from the gate and towards the shops.
"So what are each of you good at?" Squall asked the group.
Zidane raised his hand, and said, "I stab things with knives."
Offered Yuna, "I can cast White Magic."
"I do everything," said Bartz.
Squall looked at Bartz with a bit of an "Oh really?" in his glance. Squall shrugged, and said, "You can be our Black Mage then."
Bartz threw up his hands frustrated, and muttered, "Oh, whatever!"
The group went, bought things, and discovered that they were all once again level one.
"What's a 'level?'" asked Yuna. In addition, they no longer knew any spells, any abilities, or had stats worth a damn.
This aggravated Zidane especially.
"Seriously?" Zidane fumed, upon learning he no longer could steal from enemies. "What's a thief who can't steal?"
Squall shrugged. "Perhaps you can stab them a lot."
The group bought the tomes for Fire, Thunder, Cure, Dia, and Blink.
They then tried to leave the town, but were stopped by a guard.
"! Those crystals! You must go to the castle at once!"
Squall mouthed the words, "What crystals?" to the group, as they went to the castle. Zidane held up a brown-yellow crystal, Yuna a blue-green crystal, and Bartz a light green crystal.
Squall looked into his palm where a red crystal suddenly appeared.
"Why do I get the hunch that the plot is irrelevant and poorly explained?" muttered the SeeD.
The quartet made their way to the throne room, where they saw the King of Corneria.
"M'boooooy. This peace is what all true warriors strive for," said the King.
His advisor whispered something in his ear. The King's eyes widened in shock.
"Okay, so it's not peaceful. But! You can make it peaceful!" said the King.
"How?" asked Squall.
The King said, "Your crystals can do something or other! I don't know, in the Japanese version it was probably explained better."
"Japanese… version?" Squall muttered, puzzled.
"Anyhow, there's this Earth Shrine or something across the ocean!"
The SeeD turned to leave. "We'd better get go-"
"But there's no bridge!" interrupted the King.
"I should have known it wasn't so easy," Squall admitted.
The King continued, "I will, however, build you a bridge if you go rescue my daughter."
Zidane pumped a fist in the air. "Sweet! Not only do I get to save the world, I can save a beautiful lady doing it!" he pulled the gang along behind him, "C'mon, guys!"
"Right behind you!" Bartz said, running after Zidane. Squall sighed and walked after the two. Yuna merely looked confused and walked after the two.
"Don't forget the Dia!" yelled the King after the quartet.
The quartet found themselves in the same field which they had all met in, and this time headed northwest, or what they thought was northwest anyhow.
It was then that they encountered a group of goblins. They cut through those easily, even Yuna was able to kill one by clubbing it over the head with her stave. Then they encountered a Mad Horse.
"I do believe this horse is mad!" Bartz exclaimed, drawing a symbol in the air that spewed fire.
Zidane smiled, and leapt behind the horse and stabbed it a lot. "I think I'll only make it madder."
"Is it mad or crazy?" asked Zidane, pausing. His question was met with a swift kick in the stomach from the horse.
Squall, aggravated, glared at the two. "Could you at least try to be serious?"
"Nope!" said Zidane, getting up and stabbing the horse again to slay it.
The group reveled in their victory and new level. They continued to the mountains, where they found a cavern.
"What's this?" asked Yuna, pointing towards the cavern.
Zidane ran towards it. "Clearly, this is where they're keeping the princess!"
"Aren't you dating Dagger?" Squall shouted after him.
"Yeah, and?" Zidane retorted, pumping his arms and running faster. When he reached the entrance, all he could manage was, "You're no princess."
Bartz walked toward the entrance. "What's going on?"
"It's not a princess!" he exclaimed, "Isn't that enough?"
"Is that a dwarf?" asked Squall.
Zidane looked up. "I've met dwarves before!"
"Ay, innit all the same?" said the dwarf woefully.
"What's your problem?" asked Zidane.
The dwarf took a swig from a bottle of gin. "Well y'see laddies… all the dwarves be the same, no matter where yeh go!"
Yuna placed a re-assuring hand on the dwarf's shoulder. "You're an individual. You can be yourself, you just need to prove it to the world."
"But I'm not!" exclaimed the dwarf. "Don't yeh geddit, yeh can't escape the monotony of bein' a dwarf!"
"He knows how to pronounce monotony and not you?" muttered Zidane to Bartz.
The dwarf sobbed further into his alcohol.
"This was entirely pointless," Squall declared. "Now let's go find the princess and get the bridge built."
The quartet moved further north, eventually finding a church.
"This is an unusual looking building," muttered Zidane.
"It's a church. Don't they have churches on your world?" Bartz asked, eyes rolling.
Zidane pointed at the building. "No, I mean the parts where it's old and decrepit. It must be at least a thousand years old!"
Squall and Bartz stared at Zidane in disbelief. "You know architecture?" Squall asked.
"What, I'm not allowed to have my quirks?" retorted Zidane.
The trio shrugged as Yuna simply looked confused once more and they all walked into the Chaos Shrine.
Zidane stopped. "My treasure senses are tingling," he said. His tail twitched as he walked away from the door in front of him and to the side corridor. Yuna stared at him.
"Is material goods all you care for?" she asked.
Zidane glared at the summoner. "Of course not! I like women too!"
"Again! Don't you have a girlfriend?" Squall asked.
"Your point being?" asked Zidane again.
The quartet collected two vaguely important items, and then encountered a locked door.
"Aha!" Zidane exclaimed, smiling. "This is clearly a job for my superior, thiefly skills and lock picking!" he said, rummaging in his pockets for a pick. He rummaged for a while, but only coming up empty. "Crap."
"There's always another door," Bartz assured Zidane.
Squall nodded. "Speaking of which, do you not think that we should go to the door in front of the entrance?"
"Alright," Yuna said, leading the way.
They opened it and Garland and an unconscious Princess Sara were there.
Squall raised a finger. "You mean the boss is in the door right in front of the entrance? I thought there would be a puzzle or something."
"Oh HELL!" Bartz yelled, brandishing his knife.
Garland stared at the warriors. "Oh, I was so not prepared for this! This was not in my contract!" he yelled, staring at Zidane.
Yuna was again, puzzled. "You know this man?" she asked.
"We go way back, him and I," Bartz growled, advancing and flipping his knife over in his hands. Garland smirked through his helmet.
"Oh yeah, Butz? You think you can take me, the mighty Garland?" he questioned the mime.
Bartz narrowed his eyes. "Did you just go there?"
"I rather think I did," replied Garland.
"Alright, nobody calls me that and gets away with it. We're taking this chump out!" Bartz excitedly said.
Squall looked at Garland. "I don't know, do you think we can take him?"
"Please, he's the first boss. How hard can he be?" asked Zidane, beginning the encounter.
"I, Garland, shall knock you all down!" roared Garland.
The group sniggered to themselves. "That? That is the best battle line you can come up with?" asked Zidane.
Garland sighed. "It's in the script, okay?"
Squall made a clicking noise. "Not good enough," he said, hoisting his great sword ("When did Squall have a great sword?" asked Zidane, looking at his puny knife) on his shoulder.
Garland proceeded to get all kinds of steam-rolled.
"This is… ridiculous… I ex… pected… the…" he then died.
Zidane stared at the corpse. "He expected who now?"
"Presumably the Warrior of Light," Squall answered.
"Wow, nice leap of logic there Squall!" Bartz complimented, "How'd you figure that one out?"
Squall stared at Bartz. "Garland was the Warrior of Light's big enemy," he explained. "Thus, we must be in the Warrior of Light's world."
"Then where's the Warrior of Light?" asked Yuna.
Squall frowned. "That we don't know."
"Like that matters!" Zidane exclaimed. "Princess here!"
Princess Sara then woke. "Hello?"
"Hello, princess!" Zidane said excitedly, grasping her hands and helping her up.
"Hell… o?" she said tentatively.
Zidane smiled broadly. "How are you?"
"I'm hurt. Where are we?"
Zidane knelt beside her. "Let me tend to your wounds."
Squall stared at Zidane. "Yuna knows Cure. Why not let her do thi-"
"SHUT UP SQUALL," bellowed Zidane.
"I'd rather be tended to with White Magic, thanks," said the princess. Zidane hung his head dejectedly and slumped away.
Yuna lay her staff on the princess and she got up, good as new.
"Now, I think we should go back to base," said Squall.
Bartz stopped the group. "Who made you leader?"
"Simple. Yuna is too shy, Zidane is too busy flirting, and you're too busy being an idiot. Now, let's go," Squall answered.
"I am not an idiot!" Bartz fumed.
Squall stared at him. "No, you most definitely are."
"No, my INT stat is totally higher than yours cause I'm a Black Mage!" protested the mime. Squall ignored him and aided the princess.
"Let's get you home," said Squall.
The king hugged his daughter tightly to him. "I thought I would never see you again!"
"Oh, father…"
The king smiled, and said, "Mmkay, we'll get to work on building that bridge."
"You've not started?" Squall asked, irritated.
The king shrugged, and answered, "Well, we considered it, but there were too many goblins and mad horses."
"That… is…" Bartz struggled with words due to the cloying scent of idiocy.
Squall cut him off, "Do you not have guards?"
"Yes, but we need them to defend us from the goblins and mad horses," answered the King, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Squall slapped his hand to his forehead.
"So yeah, we'll just get going," Bartz said.
Zidane ignored the mime, instead choosing to flirt with the princess. "So, you travel at all?"
"No. How could I, there's no bridge!" explained the princess.
Zidane racked his brain for any possible conversation topics, when the princess asked, "Do you like music at all?"
"Oh, totally!" Zidane exclaimed. "Me and my friends were planning on doing a musical version of 'I Want To Be Your Canary!'"
"I'd go see that," Squall offered.
Zidane grinned. "Do you know the play?"
"I've never heard of it," said, the princess. "What's it about?"
The tailed thief explained, "The Hero, Marcus in love with Cornelia, the daughter of his enemy King Leo. Leo wishes Cornelia to marry Prince Schneider, a man that she does not love. Both Cornelia and Marcus end up dying for their love. It's an emotionally stirring tragedy, written by the astounding playwright Lord Avon."
"Zidane…" Squall managed to choke out in shock, "That was… surprisingly literate for you!"
"Need to look smart for the ladies," he whispered with a wink.
Princess Sara smiled and giggled. She presented Zidane with a lute. "Zidane, I'd like you to have this, to remember me by."
"Thank you, my dear. I'm afraid I have nothing to offer you in… return…" he checked his pockets for something to offer her and eventually took off his cravat and gave it to her.
"Thank you!" she exclaimed, putting it on immediately. She frowned upon seeing that it really didn't go with her dress.
Zidane snapped, an idea coming to his head. "Perhaps you could start a trend and dress like a boy!"
"Like.. Cross-dressing?"
"Um, I guess…" Zidane admitted. "But socially acceptable! One day, girls will be able to walk in boy's clothing, and only misogynists would have the gall to do a thing about it!"
"Are you a visionary?" Princess Sara asked.
Said Zidane, "I'm a thief, and I specialize in stealing girl's hearts."
"This would be much sweeter if he didn't have a girl-friend," muttered Squall to Bartz.
"I agree whole-heartedly," said the mime.
Princess Sara and Zidane got along wonderfully, but the group was very happy to leave the idiot king behind.
The group then set off towards the newly constructed bridge, named Gusty Bridge, after Squall.
Squall made no comment about this.
The group then posed dramatically, while the following text scrolled by-
And so their quest began.
As the four warriors of light, they felt overwhelmed by the great task destiny had place before them.
They did not even know the true significance of the four crystals they held in their hands.
The crystals that once, long ago, held light that shone so brilliantly.
The time for their journey had come.
The time to cast off the veil of the dark and bring the world once more in to light…
Wait a second, were these the right warriors of light?