The Diary of a Pirate-Yarrrr
My name is Mutton. Mutton Chops. I've been sailing the seas for near enough 30 year, and I saw something like no other on one of them Caribbean Islands. You know, sun, sand, and serial killing. Ah well, a pirate's life for me, huh? Yo ho.
April 2nd
Dear Diary,
Met up with an old Cap'n of mine from the old days. Name's LeChuck. Green fellow with lots an' lots of bushy black hair. All messy-like. Either way, he said hello and quickly done gone vanished. Scared the roasted pig outta me, I tell you what. And then this bendy fellow with fair hair named Threepwood came along. Twenty dubloons say he's one of them men-likers. So I starts up one conversation with him and he's real friendly like. And then, all of a bloody sudden, a skull pops through the window and it to me grog. Now, I was none too pleased with this and I step outside, with sword in hand, only to see nowt. Then someone starts talking to me, a real pirates voice-like. So I shouts, "Show yourself ya briggand, afore I cut off you nose, reach in, and pull out your eyes." So then he says, "Too late for that, matey, someone already done it like." I'm shit-arsed by now, cuz it was the fucking skull that was talking. Thought it was too much grog, then I realized my first mug that night was the one that bastard soiled. So I starts to have a talk with this skull, and it turns out his name is Murray, and, shiver me timbers, he was me old mate, Murray. I says to him, "I thought you was killed when we were sunk by them British-sounding folk, the British. So he says, "I did, my mate, and now I'm a fucking skeleton without a body. But Threepwood here's me legs nowadays." So I takes em back to me ship, and would you believe it, those dog gone featherheads go and steal it. Either way, they stick me in this cargo hold until they reach that place, Monkey Island. Wouldn't touch that place with a finger, no sir, heard that they do nasty things there. And, would you believe it, LeChuck turns out to be the man behind it all. Either way, I'm off to bed until the morning. I'm using a rat as a pillow. Hopefully it won't wake up before me.
Yo ho,
Mutton
My name is Mutton. Mutton Chops. I've been sailing the seas for near enough 30 year, and I saw something like no other on one of them Caribbean Islands. You know, sun, sand, and serial killing. Ah well, a pirate's life for me, huh? Yo ho.
April 2nd
Dear Diary,
Met up with an old Cap'n of mine from the old days. Name's LeChuck. Green fellow with lots an' lots of bushy black hair. All messy-like. Either way, he said hello and quickly done gone vanished. Scared the roasted pig outta me, I tell you what. And then this bendy fellow with fair hair named Threepwood came along. Twenty dubloons say he's one of them men-likers. So I starts up one conversation with him and he's real friendly like. And then, all of a bloody sudden, a skull pops through the window and it to me grog. Now, I was none too pleased with this and I step outside, with sword in hand, only to see nowt. Then someone starts talking to me, a real pirates voice-like. So I shouts, "Show yourself ya briggand, afore I cut off you nose, reach in, and pull out your eyes." So then he says, "Too late for that, matey, someone already done it like." I'm shit-arsed by now, cuz it was the fucking skull that was talking. Thought it was too much grog, then I realized my first mug that night was the one that bastard soiled. So I starts to have a talk with this skull, and it turns out his name is Murray, and, shiver me timbers, he was me old mate, Murray. I says to him, "I thought you was killed when we were sunk by them British-sounding folk, the British. So he says, "I did, my mate, and now I'm a fucking skeleton without a body. But Threepwood here's me legs nowadays." So I takes em back to me ship, and would you believe it, those dog gone featherheads go and steal it. Either way, they stick me in this cargo hold until they reach that place, Monkey Island. Wouldn't touch that place with a finger, no sir, heard that they do nasty things there. And, would you believe it, LeChuck turns out to be the man behind it all. Either way, I'm off to bed until the morning. I'm using a rat as a pillow. Hopefully it won't wake up before me.
Yo ho,
Mutton