A Little Voice

Camelot's yearly fete was almost here. Everywhere bunting had been put round the castle and the lower town. Children scuttled everywhere chattering endlessly, excitement blew off every corner.

Gwen was busying herself wrapping presents with Sefa, for the less well of children. There was a tense silence between them, this day that Gwen could not put her finger on.

"Are you alright today Sefa, you seem quiet." Gwen had said attempting to get a conversation going.

"I am sorry my lady." Sefa had replied "I."

"Come and sit over here, we will have a little break." Gwen motioned for her to sit down.

"Thank you my lady." Sefa sat down, feeling embarrassed that her fingers wouldn't stay still. She attempted to smile at the Queen, but to her shame she could feel tears in her eyes.

Gwen noticed them and leaned forward, lightly touching her maid's hand.

"I always find it is best to get it out in the open, if you can." She said.

"It would have been my father's birthday today." Sefa said the sentence came out in a rush, Sefa could feel her cheeks burn as she said it.

"Ah. I see." Gwen said.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them for a minute. Suddenly it was if they where each back in their own corner. There was Sefa defending her father, Gwen having to do the duty of a Queen. Gwen suddenly realised that in reinstating Sefa, she had ignored everything that had gone on before. She swallowed suddenly realising that it had been unwise not to have attempted to repair the broken bridges that existed between Sefa and her.

"Sefa I fear I did you an injustice in not talking about this earlier on. I should have got this out of the way from the beginning instead of ignoring it."

"Ignoring what my lady?" Sefa asked

"I feel I should have been more honest with you about your father. I never had any intention of executing you, after I arrested you."

"But you turned me down, when I asked for a reprieve." Sefa said searching her face.

"I was hoping to lure your father to Camelot, as I felt he was the danger to Arthur, not you. I was hoping to capture him, once he got here, but as you know it all went wrong, and you both got away."

"Can I ask you a question? Would you have executed him?" Sefa asked.

"By the law of the land he had committed treason; I would have not been doing my duty if I hadn't." Gwen sighed.

"Thank you for being honest." Sefa said. "I would have done anything for him. He never let me help before. When he asked me to spy, my only thought was to please him. But then when I got to know everyone it all became harder. As I realised you where not what he said you where, but I was so scared of letting him down." She said sadly.

"Yet you came back here." Gwen said.

"It was Merlin's idea. I hadn't even thought about Camelot, and then I came across him one day. I could barely look him in the face, but he was so gracious, he insisted I came back with him. Every now and then there is a little voice that asks me what I am doing here. My father would never have understood." She said.

"A little voice." Gwen mused "I've heard that little voice too, especially when I was looking after Uther. It is amazing what you are prepared to do for love though."

"Yes I understand that now." Sefa smiled.

"Sefa I'm going to tell you a little story, about what happened to me some years ago. Before I was even seeing Arthur, I lived with my father. At the time he was short of money, he was forever trying to improve our situation, by taking on extra work. This particular time the man he worked with happened to be a sorcerer. He was arrested, thrown into jail, and he was killed escaping."

Sefa looked at her in amazement. "Yet you stayed here."

"Camelot was my home; it took me ages to sort myself out, after that. Some days that little voice spoke very loudly, I had to find a way to ignore it, and choose my own path. But in the end I did, because I knew that was what my father would have wanted. I don't believe for all the differences we have, your father would be any different now."

There was a silence between them, as each of them thought of their own losses.

"If you are to continue here, I don't want you thinking that you have to hide things. I have broad shoulders being Queen you need them. Whenever you hear that little voice, just remember you are not alone Sefa."

"Thank you for that my lady." Sefa said

There was a little knock on the door, and suddenly Merlin poked his head round it.

"Are you ready Sefa?" he said.

"Oh I'd forgotten to ask you my lady." Sefa said

Gwen interrupted, her, "Go on and have a nice time." She smiled as Sefa and Merlin laughed all the way down the corridor.

Gwen went over to the window and watched the tables going up in the courtyard, time to join in the fun she thought, and ignore her own little voice.