Hi, everyone! Shadowblade217 here, and this is the first chapter of my DBZ parody, Turbulence Abridged! Now, before anyone accuses me of parodying the story without permission, I've already spoken to Super Vegetarott, the author of Turbulence, and he's given me full permission to write this parody.
Now, my intention in writing this story is to do something similar to Team Four Star's DBZ Abridged, as if TFS had done a parody of this story. So, if this seems to reference TFS quite often, that's why.
First of all, I want to thank Super Vegetarott for allowing me to write this parody; I hope I can live up to the standard he's set.
Please note that the time-scale for this story may not always match that of the full story; each Abridged chapter could cover the events of several story chapters, cover the events of a single chapter, or end at a point that was in the middle of a story chapter. Just saying that now so everyone already knows.
Now, without further ado, on with the story! :)
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Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT and their respective franchises are the property of Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama. Turbulence is the property of Super Vegetarott. Please support the official release.
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Turbulence Abridged
Chapter 1: The Results of Improper Hovercar Maintenance
On Planet Vegeta, home of the Saiyan race, a lone warrior stood on a high balcony, gazing up at the blood-red sky.
Normally, this would have been a much more impressive image… except for the fact that the warrior in question was covered in blood, his armor was half-destroyed, and he looked like he could barely stand up straight. But it was still very dramatic nonetheless.
The warrior in question was a Saiyan, by the name of Bardock. He had just returned to his home planet in terrible condition after nearly being killed on what was supposed to be a routine mission. Instead, it had been a trap set by Frieza, whose soldiers (led by Dodoria) had massacred Bardock's squad and had nearly killed him as well. He'd been lucky to make it out alive.
Now, you'd think that, for someone in his position, attempting to find a base with working medical equipment would have been the best decision. But Bardock didn't have time for things like medical treatment, finding new armor, or even, perhaps, taking a quick shower and slapping some bandages on his wounds before challenging the most powerful being in the known universe to a one-on-one fight.
Screw them! Bardock thought irritably, referring to the other Saiyans who had burst out laughing, thinking he was crazy, when he had tried to warn them about Frieza's impending attack. I don't need an army. I took on those elites… I can take on this tyrant! His eyes narrowed. Frieza must be stopped. No matter the cost.
Not bothering to consider whether the combination of shock, blood loss, and his newly gained and erratic psychic abilities might be affecting his judgment, Bardock rose slowly into the air, his blue aura flaring to life around him, and blasted off into the upper atmosphere, heading towards Frieza's ship.
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Aboard the ship in question, the green-skinned alien known as Zarbon turned away from the control panel to where Frieza stood alone, gazing out idly through the main viewing window. "Lord Frieza," he called urgently, "Bardock is approaching from the planet!"
"Waves of Frieza soldiers," Frieza ordered casually.
Hundreds of armored soldiers poured from the hangar bays of the ship, converging on the lone figure rising from the planet's surface.
"It's raining men!" Dodoria commented.
"Hallelujah!" Zarbon added.
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"FRIEZA!" Bardock yelled as he shot up into the atmosphere, approaching the mass of onrushing soldiers. A group of them encircled him, firing a volley of energy beams that detonated against his aura, but he blasted out of the flames an instant later, slamming a fist into one of their faces and following with an explosive wave that sent the rest tumbling away.
"FRIEZA!"
For several seconds, he continued dodging and weaving through the dense cloud of attackers, until a dozen of them rushed him from all sides, grasping ahold of him to pin him in place.
"FRIEZA!" the Saiyan shouted, clenching his fists tightly as his energy built up within him.
"Ah, yo, Bardock, I'm real happy for ya, and I'm gonna let ya finish, but–" One of the soldiers spoke up, but was cut off as Bardock unleashed all of his energy in a massive explosion, blasting all of them away.
The Saiyan accelerated towards the ship, plowing through the mass of soldiers and leaving behind a blue trail of energy, as well as a mass of tumbling, falling bodies.
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On the ship, Zarbon spoke up, as the three villains watched Bardock's determined approach. "Sir, I think he wishes to have words."
"Oh, whatever gave you that impression?" Frieza retorted.
"Well, he does keep shouting your name," Zarbon pointed out.
"FRIEZA!" Bardock's voice echoed over the speaker.
Frieza sighed. "Just get my freaking bubble-car."
"Um… actually, there's going to be a bit of a problem with that," Zarbon replied. "You remember the last time we sent your hovercar in for maintenance? Well… it turns out that the main converter had a leak, so… they had to remove it to make repairs. So… I'm afraid it won't be useable for another few days."
Frieza's eyes narrowed fractionally, and Zarbon tensed in momentary fear, but the tyrant relaxed a moment later. "Ah, well, I suppose I'll just do this without it, then. Not like it's going to change anything." He turned and walked carelessly towards the launch bay.
"Too bad," Zarbon stated. "That Bardock was such a dashing rogue."
Dodoria turned to look at him, nonplussed. "…What?"
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Bardock skidded to a halt in front of the ship, hovering in the upper atmosphere. "Frieza!" he yelled in a challenge, just as the Arcosian rose out of the open hatch atop the ship.
"There you are, Frieza!" he called out. "I've been looking for you!"
"Well, I'm not exactly hard to find!" Frieza retorted, drifting leisurely forward.
"We've had enough of this! We're done working for you!" Bardock snapped.
"Uh, just so you know, that man does not speak for us!" one of the remaining soldiers called out from below.
"We're here to kill you, and take our planet for our own!" the Saiyan continued.
"Seriously, we're not with him!" the soldier insisted.
"For years, you've kept us under your foot," Bardock began, his eyes blazing with fury. "I don't care what it takes, but I will stop you: your reign of terror ends here!"
As Bardock continued his speech, he had no idea that Frieza had completely tuned him out. Oh, lord, here we go, the tyrant thought. These heroic types with their speeches! Blah, blah, blah, injustices: blah, blah, blah, tyranny: blah, blah, blah, "Frieza, stop killing me!" God, does he have any idea how hard it is to run an empire? I've got other things to do today, you know! For example, I have to decide what wine I'll have with dinner tonight. White wine? Red wine? Or, dare I say… Rosé? Oh, maybe I should give Cooler a call; his birthday's coming up. He considered for a moment, then shook his head. Nah, he's a prick. Abruptly coming back to the moment, he blinked. Wait a second, where was I? Oh, right, mass genocide.
"…and on behalf of everyone you've killed, I'm ending your miserable life right here, right now!" Bardock finished, not realizing that Frieza hadn't heard a word he'd said. "Now, take this!" He charged, concentrating all of his energy into one fist and swinging a punch directly for Frieza's head…
…which was instantly caught, as the Arcosian lifted his hand and leisurely caught the punch, effortlessly holding it back and sending a jolt of searing pain through the Saiyan's entire body.
W-What?! Bardock thought in horror as he struggled uselessly against the tyrant's crushing grip.
Frieza raised an eyebrow. "What? Did you actually think that was going to work? Cute, but, seriously, you should already know how much more powerful I am than you."
Bardock continued struggling for a few seconds, trying to wrench his hand free, but he couldn't free himself. He took a deep breath, preparing himself. Okay, screw it. I have to use my last technique! His eyes narrowed, and his other fist swung around, hitting Frieza solidly across the face.
It didn't hurt Frieza, of course, but it did knock his head to the side, drawing an irritated snarl from the Arcosian. It also managed to take him off-guard and startle him, to the extent that he released his grip on the Saiyan's hand.
Immediately, Bardock dashed around behind Frieza, grabbing him by looping both of his arms under Frieza's and wrapping his legs around the Arcosian's tail to hold him in place. "Full Nelson!" he shouted unnecessarily.
Frieza blinked in disbelief. "A full nelson? Really? That's the best you've got as a last-ditch effort?"
"Actually, no. This is." Bardock tightened his grip, growling as sparks of energy crackled up and down his body, his ki building up swiftly.
"W-What are you doing?" Frieza demanded. "Let go of me this instant!"
"Never!" Bardock shot back.
"Rrrgghhh…" Frieza snarled. "Okay, seriously, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm going to blow myself up, Frieza!" Bardock snarled. "I'm headed straight to hell, and I'm taking you with me!"
"What?!" Frieza's eyes widened in shock and fear.
"Hrrrrrrr…" Bardock gritted his teeth, tightening his grip as his power continued rising.
"Oh, no!" Frieza called out loudly, a mock-fearful tone in his voice. "The invincible Lord Frieza defeated by a mere Saiyan, what dramatic irony!" He smirked, his tone changing to sardonic, and shifted his grip slightly, placing one index finger against Bardock's abdomen and firing a Death Beam straight through the Saiyan's stomach. "Just kidding."
Bardock gasped, coughing as he spat blood. Frieza easily twisted free of his weakening hold, grabbing him by the neck and tossing him back down towards the planet with a swing of his arm.
Raising one arm, Frieza began charging up energy at the tip of his index finger, forming a small orange energy sphere that quickly began to grow, forming into the massive orange sphere of his Supernova attack. With a single flick of his finger, the tyrant launched his attack into the atmosphere of Planet Vegeta.
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As Bardock fell, another of his psychic visions flashed into his head. What…?
Two figures stood on a plateau of land covered by blue grass, facing each other. One was short, with pale white skin and purple gems on his head and shoulders; the other was humanoid, with tan skin and spiky black hair, and wearing a blue gi.
"I know what I have to do!" the taller one shouted. "I have to stop you! You're a heartless monster who kills everyone in his way, even children!"
"Oh, for f*ck's sake…" the other muttered.
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Bardock grinned despite his pain. That's… Kakarot! He's… gonna do it! He's going to… defeat Frieza!
His grin faded as he opened his eyes and saw the massive energy sphere rapidly approaching him. Ah, crapbaskets.
A moment later, the Supernova engulfed him, reducing his body to ashes, before crashing into the surface of Planet Vegeta.
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While Bardock's attempt to kill Frieza was ultimately useless, it did delay the planet's destruction by a few more minutes, giving his son's space pod a short time longer to travel towards its destination before the explosion. Now, you'd think that being farther away from the planet would make it less likely for any debris thrown out by the planet's explosion to hit the space pod, especially considering that it was one tiny pod in a gigantic, empty space.
Basically, it's sort of like trying to hit a bullet with another bullet in midair, when both guns are being fired in basically the same direction.
Whatever. Anyway, through some astronomical odds, a chunk of rock that had been sent hurtling through space by the planet's destruction slammed into the space pod containing the Saiyan baby Kakarot, knocking it off-course.
Considering that being knocked off-course could easily have resulted in the pod landing on an uninhabited planet, landing on a highly militarized planet that would've shot down the pod and killed the kid before he could land, or even crashing into a sun, it's extremely lucky that he just so happened to land on the only other planet in that region of the galaxy that was home to a race of kind people who would raise him properly, and who would play a crucial role in upcoming events. That planet, of course, was the beautiful world of Planet Namek, where the skies are green, the grass is blue, and it's boring as sh*t.
The story continues…
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"Hmmm…" The old Namekian elder known as Moori considered, tapping his chin with one index finger as he gazed down at the strange, spherical craft, which was resting at the bottom of the crater it had made upon impact.
"W…What is it, Elder Moori?" a Namekian child inquired.
"Hush, Nail," Moori replied, stepping forwards to examine the craft. He checked the hatch mechanism, and eventually managed to get it to open, revealing its contents to be a small child, with black spiky hair, pink skin, and, oddly, a tail.
"Odd," Tsuno, another elder, commented. "There seems to be some kind of recorded message playing."
"Yes," Moori agreed. "It's telling him to destroy someplace called 'Earth', apparently." He frowned. "Well, however he got here, he's our responsibility now. And, therefore, it is our duty to ensure that he grows up properly." He turned his head, catching an interesting part of the message.
"…And remember, Kakarot, when the full moon rises, that's when the serious shit starts to go down."
"So, his name's Kakarot," Moori mused. "Interesting."
Nail frowned. "Um… I'm sorry, Elder, but… what's a moon?"
Moori blinked. "…Actually, I have no idea." He shrugged. "Well, since we don't have one of those, that part doesn't seem too important. I'm sure it's nothing we need to worry about."
Tsuno nodded in agreement. "So, on another subject… which one of us should tell the Grand Elder about him?"
There was a pause.
"One-two-three-not-it!" the two elders chanted simultaneously; Tsuno finished slightly before Moori.
"Oh, all right, fine," Moori muttered. "I'll go tell the Grand Elder. You get Kakarot here settled in."
"Gladly. Come along, Nail." Tsuno took Kakarot from Moori, holding him gently, and started off towards the nearby village. Nail trailed along behind him, looking inquisitively at the baby.
Moori rose slowly into the air and flew off towards the Grand Elder's palace, muttering, "Why me?" under his breath.
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AN: And there we are! I hope you guys all enjoyed the first chapter, and I should have the next one up soon!
I always enjoy getting feedback from my readers, so if anyone has any questions or comments regarding this chapter or the story as a whole, please review! (No hate, please: that's not fun for me or for anyone else).
See you all next time!