A wrote this about a month ago and had vague notions of posting it, but it ended up being one of those "yeah whatever" fics that sit around in my computer or USB port.

But today I was reading the paper, and my horoscope told me that I would have success in 'launching projects' that had been sitting around or forgotten. So I thought, "What the heck, what have I got to lose? Maybe that means I'll get reviews!" (I rarely read my horoscopes, and if I do I usually don't pay attention to them...)

It's not brilliant. The ending is a bit weak, the storyline a little forced in spots, but there are some bits I rather like. If you're used to the style/themes I usually write for OP you'll probably find this hugely predictable and typical of me, but if not hopefully you'll get a kick out of it. I'm still in the process of getting out the last of my OP fics before I finally hit the publish button on some new stuff.

NOTE: I quoted lines directly from the dialogue of chapter 525. Credit goes to whoever translated the chapter for OneManga. I don't own One Piece...if I did this fic would have happened.

"You really should just give up and face reality already," said Alvida, surveying the crew assembled before her. "The days of Buggy the Clown have come to an end."

"That's just not true!" cried Mohji desperately, getting down on his knees. "Captain Buggy is…he's not the kind of man who would let a thing like this finish him off!"

"That's right!" added Cabaji. "Until we find the treasure island of Captain John we've been searching for all this time! We'll never stop following Captain Buggy!"

"Well do as you wish," said Alvida, shouldering her club and turning away with a shrug. "I'll take the Big Top for myself, so you can just go off in a row boat."

"What? No way! This is Captain Buggy's ship!" yelled an indignant crew member.

"Yes, and where is that Captain Buggy, hmmm?"

"I guess he's not here…" said Mohji, looking around rather stupidly.

"I'm not prepared to sail to my own certain death," continued Alvida. "And I'm not putting this ship to such a waste either. So you just take a little boat and chase after Buggy to your heart's content. Though I daresay you'll end up dead long before you get anywhere near Impel Down."

There was a long silence as the crew surveyed one another.

"Captain Buggy!" shouted Mohji, spinning around to face the ocean and saluting with tears in his eyes. "We thank you sincerely for everything you have done for us!"

"Farewell dear comrade!" cried Cabaji, adopting a similar pose. "We will never forget you!"

"We hope your death is swift and painless!"

"Let us meet again in the next world!"

"Grrr…"

"Even Ritchie wishes you farewell Captain Buggy!"

(What Ritchie really wished for was baked fish with rice.)

"May your soul peacefully pass on to the afterlife!"

"Your flashy conquests of glory shall live on through the ages!"

"We pray that the almighty protector of the ocean will welcome your spirit with open arms!"

"We will always –"

"Alright, enough," said Alvida, cutting into the crew's lamentations sharply. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to you sob melodramatically like a bunch of babies over Ex-Captain Buggy."

"But we can't just forget about the captain!" sniffed Mohji, wiping his eyes. "He was kind, and compassionate and full of life! He was always looking out for us, and always ready to have a good time!"

Ritchie let out a growl.

"See, even Ritchie wants the captain back!" said Mohji, patting the lion on the head. (What Ritchie really wanted would have been chicken and stew.)

"What, are you saying I can't be compassionate and kind, and…what was it?" said Alvida, looking around at the various member of Buggy's crew. "Full of life?"

There were various murmurs of uneasiness and skepticism, and Cabaji was clearly heard to mutter: "Yeah right."

"And are you saying I won't look out for you?" asked Alvida, squaring her club on her shoulders. "I'm your captain now, aren't I? And don't you think a captain will take care of their crew? Don't you think I'm capable of running this ship in the Grand Line?"

There was another awkward silence punctuated by mutterings of uncertainty and doubt.

"I'm more than Buggy's equal," continued Alvida. "I can run this ship. And not only do I have devil fruit powers too, but I –"

"You'll never be Captain Buggy's equal!" yelled Cabaji. "You could never replace him! You're not tough enough or strong enough! You don't have what it takes to survive out here on the Grand Line. You're…you're a woman!"

There was an audible intake of breath from the crew.

"Oh, is that it, Cabaji?" said Alvida in dangerously soft voice, her fingers now locked around the handle of her mace. "You think I'm not cut for this because I'm a woman? Well, I don't think there's any place on my ship for sexist pigs."

"Your ship?" repeated Cabaji, pulling out his sword. "Not if I can help it! This is Captain Buggy's ship!"

"God, I've been captain for five minutes, and already I have to deal with mutiny," said Alvida, her green eyes narrowing. "No honor among thieves, eh Cabaji? What would Captain Buggy say?"

"You're not my captain!" yelled Cabaji, lunging at her with his sword drawn. The blade glanced off Alvida's stomach and fell with a clatter to the ship's deck.

"Did you forget Cabaji?" said Alvida, yawning placidly as Cabaji stared at his sword. "Those attacks can't hurt my beautiful skin."

She seized Cabaji by the wrist and twisted his arm behind his back. Another twist brought him to his knees with a cry of pain.

"Know your place on my ship," said Alvida, backhanding him across the face with enough force to knock him to the deck, where she firmly planted a heeled foot on his back. "Any questions?" she asked coyly.

The crew stared at her in stunned silence, and then simultaneously erupted into applause.

"Alvida -sama!"

"Here's to our new captain!"

"No one can beat her!"

"The most beautiful woman on all the seas!"

"Rawr!"

"Even Ritchie thinks so!"

(What Ritchie was really thinking about was roast lamb in orange sauce.)

"Throw this piece of dirt in the brig," said Alvida, kicking Cabaji in the head. "I'll deal with him later."

Two crew members dragged off the semi-conscious Cabaji while the crew continued cheering.

"Well, I think I've shown you I can handle this ship," said Alvida. "Oh…and what was that other thing you said? That I don't know how to have a good time?" Well…" she consulted the log pose on her wrist. "There was a small island along the way I had wanted to stop at so we could celebrate, but since I'm just an old maid with no sense of fun I guess I'll just forget about it."

The crew immediately broke out into protestations.

"No! We didn't mean that!"

"You're an amazing captain!"

"We want to celebrate with you!"

"Growl…"

"See, even Ritchie agrees!"

(What would have really agreed with Ritchie would have been sake and pork.)

Alvida smiled broadly and spread her arms wide.

"Then tonight, my nakama, we celebrate the new adventure before us! We shall laugh, drink, feast, dance and carouse the night away!"

The crew exploded with cheers.

"Alvida-sama!"

"Here's to adventure!"

"Nakama!"

"And our new captain!"

"Rawr!"

"This is the life," said Mohji, downing is eighth glass of booze. "I tell you…"

"Rawr!"

"See, even Ritchie's pleased!"

(What really pleased Ritchie was the beefsteak and soy sauce he was eating.)

Alvida had practically booked the largest and best taverns of the entire island and let the crew order a feast.

"Man, Captain Buggy never treated us this good," commented a crew member lying sprawled across the floor in a stupor.

"I know," added another, biting into an enormous piece of meat and downing half a bottle of wine. "He'd just throw together whatever was on the ship and let us get drunk on the cheap wine"

"Man, I can't believe I was ready to doubt Alvida taking over as captain," said yet another crewmate, who was having his pants slowly undone by voluptuous blonde in red miniskirt. "I mean, did you see the way she took out Cabaji?"

"I'll say…and he doesn't go down easily. Looks like I won't have any more competition from him though," said Mohji, leaning back in his chair with a grin. "The stupid bastard is probably kicking himself now that he sees how good we've got it."

"I heard Alvida say she was going to dump him at a Marine Base."

"Nah…I think she's going to pitch him off the ship next time we're near a calm belt."

The crew roared with laughter.

"Say, where is the captain?"

"Didn't I tell you?" said Mohji, sitting up. "She's preparing the ship so that we can set sail first thing tomorrow morning. All by herself! I asked her if she was coming along, and you want to know what she said? She said 'It's the captain's job to take care of the ship, and make sure it's ready for its crew." She told me not to worry about her or the ship because tonight was about us having a good time."

"She said that?"

"Yeah, she tossed me her purse, told me she'd booked all the taverns and said we could do whatever the hell we wanted."

"What a woman!"

"Sacrificing herself for us!"

Mohji raised his glass. "To Captain Alvida!" he cried "The most beautiful woman on all the seas! And the greatest captain a crew could ever ask for!"

"CAPTAIN ALVIDA!"

It was nearly mid-morning by the time Buggy's crew awoke the next day in a groggy stupor of hangovers and over-indulgence. The dragged themselves out of various taverns, bars, brothels, and sluggishly made their way to the harbor, with a bleary-eyed Mohji in the lead riding Ritchie, who had overeaten was about forty pounds heavier.

"Man, what a night."

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

"That was crazy…"

They all stopped and congregated at the harbor, blinking in their dreariness against the morning sunlight, until it gradually dawned on them that something was conspicuously wrong.

Very wrong.

"Guys," said Mohji. "Where's the ship?"

"More wine, mon amour?"

"Why of course Cabaji, it is a celebration after all."

Cabaji refilled Alvida's wine glass and nestled into the hammock she had strung out between the two main masts of the ship. She buried her face in his chest as he wrapped her arms around her.

"Those idiots have probably dragged themselves down to the harbor by now to find the ship's gone," giggled Alvida, taking a sip of her wine with a cheeky grin. "Not to mention once all the tavern and brothel owners find out they've been paid in counterfeit money, they'll be calling up the Marines to take care of the pirates who ripped them off."

"How convenient for them to find Buggy the Clown's entire crew all in one spot and too hung-over to put up a good fight."

"Almost the entire crew."

"They were the ones who wanted to see their captain so badly, weren't they?" said Cabaji with satisfaction. "Well, they may be joining him sooner than they think."

"Considering we were the ones who made sure he ended up captured," said Alvida, stretching broadly. "Of course we knew there wasn't any stupid treasure, and of course we knew it was a goddamn Marine fort, but Buggy was more than ready to believe us. I seem to recall that you hit him over the head with your unicycle?"

"I've wanted to do it for years."

"Served the bastard right," said Alvida, sipping her wine delicately. "We had to do something. He was going to pitch us off the ship after he caught us that one night. The nosy little sod, getting in the way of our romance."

"No honor among thieves, eh Alvida?"

"You were brilliant darling!" she cried, throwing her arms around Cabaji and laughing, causing the hammock to sway dangerously. "You had them all so convinced! God, when you started yelling and pulled out your sword I actually thought you were really going to attack me!"

"You know I'd never hurt you," said Cabaji, stroking Alvida's hair. "Even if I could. You on the other hand, twisted my wrist, slapped me, and left a bruise on my back with those ridiculous heels of yours. I don't know if I can ever forgive you."

"Oh really?" purred Alvida. " What if I do this, hmmm? …Or this? …how about now? Do you think you can forgive me for being so wretchedly abusive?"

"You can hit me anytime you want."

"I tried not to hurt you too badly," cooed Alvida, massaging the imprint her hand had left on his face. "Really, there was a reason we practiced beforehand. But you messed up your lines!"

"I did?" inquired Cabaji.

"Why, yes! You were supposed to say 'A woman could never survive in the Grand Line!" said Alvida, with a mock pout. "How dare you defy your captain and change the script. I ought to have you flogged."

"Go right ahead."

Alvida laughed and rolled over on top of Cabaji, which resulted in them falling out of the hammock into a heap on the deck, where they lay crowing with laughter.

"To taking the suckers for all they've got and finally ditching the crew!" said Cabaji, putting his arm around Alvida and raising the bottle of wine.

"To our adventure!" cried Alvida, similarly raising her wine glass. "And our romance!"

"And to honor among thieves!" added Cabaji.

And Buggy's crew found suddenly themselves confronted by a troop of Marines, Alvida and Cabaji could have cared less the Big Top sailed off into the Grand Line.