Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. I do, however, own the OCs.

"It's exhilarating to be alive in a time of awakening consciousness; it can also be confusing, disorienting, and painful."

~Adrienne Rich

Prologue: Awakening

How had it come to this? He asked himself this over and over, but no specific answer came. Instead there was a giant pile of small things that added up without his notice. No, that wasn't entirely true; he had noticed them, but he had always counted on the naive belief that no matter what the team would survive and always be there for each other.

First it was simply dark. There was no sound, no light, no feeling, just darkness and a faint awareness of being. Emotions, senses, all things that made life, well, life, became less than a memory. Reality was unreal. And for a moment, nothing existed.

But then, how could he have known? No matter what, they had always been there. Every time someone was lost they were always found again.

Abruptly a pulse shattered the tranquility of nothing and once again there was existence. He gasped, almost enjoying the feeling of his lungs expanding and his own heart beating to keep the blood flowing through his veins. Muscle, skin, bones, nerves, all were renewed. He had been reborn.

How was it that at the height of their career and fame that they drifted so far? Did friendships usually strain and then blow all at once like that? Too many unanswerable questions. Too much looking back. The only question should be: How could he fix this mess?

Emotions, meanings, and sensations raced through his mind as if it were checking to make sure nothing was lost. He flexed, stretching every muscle he had just to see if it were still there and to feel the cloth over his skin. Reflexively his hands went to the belt around his waist, his mind automatically naming each and every device stored there.

Or should he be asking "Can it be fixed?"

His renewed hearing was suddenly filled with a low, sweet but sad music. Flute, he identified. He turned to find the source just as a wave of blue light pulsed. It briefly illuminated a girl in the center who clothes made her seem like a living embodiment of the shadows. Her flute glittered in the light while pale fingers rose and fell elegantly across the silver keys. These were the only indication that she was alive.

She was the cause, he was certain. It began when she appeared. No, that wasn't right either! It had begun before her, but somehow she was the one that ended it. They would have been fine if she hadn't shown up. They always had been.

She opened her eyes and their gazes locked.

It could only have been her.

And finally memories returned. His life was spread before him. Every moment of triumph, every failure, every tragedy, every moment that was his past was relived in an impossibly short period of time.

No, a deeper part of him lamented, an unrelated person could not have caused all this. He could no longer run from the truth, he could not keep dumping his mistakes on others. She was the phenomenon that marked the beginning of the end, not the reason behind it.

Another wave of the blue light pulsed, outlining the surrounding objects. A bare, flat floor and a curving wall is what it added up to. Nothing more. Nothing except…

He was the one that allowed it to happen. Only he and no one else. The fall was inevitable, everyone knew that, but it was his fault that it fell like this.

…them. They were all there, surrounding him. His team. His friends. His love, career, life.

Cyborg, Raven, Starfire, Beastboy, and the other hundreds of friends he had made in their cut short career. They were Titans. They were friends forever. They would stay together and fight as a team forever. That was the promise they had all made at one point. It was their dream, his dream.

But they were not as he remembered them. They were not the friends he knew, not the teammates he worked with, not those whose lives he saved and in turn saved his. They could be. These people looked at him with hate, anger, and disgust. The atmosphere was charged with it. This was not his team. This was not his family. At least, not anymore.

Finally his memories were complete, and now he remembered why this was.

It was a fool's dream.