A Baron Dickrich von Fotzstein-Schwanzhausen short story;
Daddydorf and Kid Link go fishing: Dadliest Catch
Preface: This is a short story about going fishing with the best dad. It was inspired by an aquarium with fishes and a game of Hyrule Warriors. Thoswe responsible know what they did. Please enjoy this journey atop the waves. Thank you kindly.
This sotry contains; -The best dad
-Fish dad
-A boat/king
-A sprinkling of intercourse
Chapther the only one; Dadliest Catch
The birds are chiripng in the earliest of monrings when Daddydorf packs his fishing gear into the self-named 'Dorfmobile'; a green Ford LTD Country Squirt. The earlierst morning is the best of times to be going to the popular fishing hole known as the Great Sea. Daddydorf knows this well. He himself was taught how to fish by Grandaddydorf and in all his years never forgot to hone his craft. Today little Link would get a first taste of the wonders of the sea.
It was time to wake the little rascal. Daddydorf made his way through the suburban house and gently entered his room to wake him.
"Hey, sport. Fishing time." He said softly as he gently pulled open the curtains to let the glint of day's first light.
The kid began to toss and turn. Daddydorf picked out some clothes from the closet. A pair of orange shorts and a blue shirt with a lobster on it seemed like a good fit for today. He put them on the chair next to the bed and kneeled down next to Link.
"Rise and shibe, kiddo." He said pulling back the blanket and finished by pecking him on the forehead.
A might yawn signified Link's Awakening. The kid's drwosy eyes opened to see Daddydorf before him. He wore a cap Link gave him for fathers's day that said '#1 Dad', but he wore it backwards, because he's cool like that. Only a tuft of his majestic red hair poked out the front. His shirt was his favourite yellow Hawaiian shirt with lavander flowers on them and he wore a pair of beige shorts with more pockets than is reasonable. And on top of that was his standard addition to his clothes for going for any trip; A black fannypakc with the words 'Funky' in neon blue on it.
Before the twosome knew it they were off the driveway and making their way to the shore. They were driving past a world that was still in deep slumber in complete silence. Daddydorf managed to get Link a sandwhich Daddydorf had prepared befoer hand from the cooler.
"We're going to catch so many fish, bud." Daddydorf said as he rubbed his hand through Link's hair. Link grumbled a little at this, still a bit grumpy for getting up so early, but the pb and jelly kept him content as did the prospect of catching dinner with best dad.
"And you'll get to meet my fishing buddy, too. He's pretty dope."
Little Link perked up hearing about that for the virst time. He had heard a lot about Daddydorf's cool friends that he never got to meet because he couldn't stay up past seven, so he wasn't expecting to meet any on this trip at all!
"I haven't told you about Boat, have I?"
Little Link shook his heas so violently chunks of sticky bread came off his cheeks and were now forever plastered to interior of the car.
"We go way back. Lots of fishing adventres, him and I. Maybe we'll tell you some stories." Daddydorf chuckled and reminisced, then thinking better of it, "Perhaps that's something for another time. We;ve got too much fishing to teach!"
"Hey look, there's the Great Sea." Daddydorf notiched as they came down the last rolling hill before the beach. Just a couple more minutes and they'd find their way out onto the waves. Little link clamered forward so he could actually see better out the front and noticed could see the sea as the low sun sun glistened off the rolling surface.
"Alright, alright, my boy. You'll get to see it up close soon. Finish your PBVJ." Daddydorf told him, noticing the sticky fingers all over his dash. Luckily he kept wipes right in his fannypack.
A couple minutes later they parked the Dorfmobile and out on the loose sand with their kit. Daddydorf carried the rods and the supplies, while Link carried the prized box with the shiny lures. He'd been allowed to check these out previously and they were very pretty. Today he'd see them in action.
"Alright, buddy. See that up ahead? That's boat." Daddydorf told Link. It was indeed a little red boat.
"Hey! Boat!" Daddydorf called out.
Suddenly the weird head at the front of the boat swun around and looked right at the pair. Link scurried behind Daddydorf's meaty legs due to surprise, shoving the lure box into the back of lig a bit.
"Bro!" The head at the front of the boat replied. "You ready to catch some waves, some brews and some mother fuckin' FISH!?"
"Totes, totes." Daddydorf replied somewhat sheepishly, "So... Remember what I said about wanting the kid to learn how to fish."
"Kids gotta learn, man! That's what I always say. They have to be taught right. It's very important." Boat said.
"Well, I'm glad you feel so strongly about it, because I brought him along."
"Oh you prankster. What? Is he in your fannypack?"
"No." Daddydorf said and stepped aside to reveal Link behind him. "Here's Link. Link, that's Boat. Say hi."
"Hyut." Said Link.
"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit." Said Boat. "I mean, fuck, like, uh, rats." He cleard his throat and then spoke to Link. "Hey, kiddo. I'm the King of Red Lions. Want to, uh, learn how to fish?"
"He sure does!" Daddydorf spoke for Link, who had sidled back half behind him. Daddydorf went ahead and approached Boat to offload the stuff he was carrying, though Link remined behind for a bit.
"You sure about this, bro? As much as I'm for teaching he's still so young." Boat spoke softly with Daddydorf. "We could drop him off at Salvatore, give him s bundle of ropees and let him play some Squid-Huny for the day. I've 2 six-packs in the water off my port bow, it'd be an awful waste. We could teach the kid next time."
"But this'll be a great Dad-kid-boat bonding moment, man." Daddydorf said. "Besides, I'd never let any kid near Salvatore unsuprevised. Have you seen his 'game'? And he says 'sploosh' too much for my comfort."
"I mean, he should mix in a 'whoosh' or a 'splash' once in a while, but that's neither here nor there. All I'm saying is he'd have a better time doing that than sitting in a boat with 2 dudes who can't hang like the old times because they get hamstrung by a tike."
"I wouldn't have a better time, Boat." Daddydorf said resolutely. "I know you wanted to hang like we do, but the kid's really growing up fast and this is something I don't want him to miss out on. And I'm sure you'll get into it too. Let's teach a kid how to fish, alright?"
"Jeez, alright. You sentimental old hog." Boat teased.
Then Daddy turned to Little Link and beckoned him to come closer.
"We'll be needing those lures, buddy." He said. "Could you bring them to daddy? After that you can come sit at the back and stear the boat!"
"Wow. No, dude." Boat said. "I don't want some kid touching my rudder. It's sensitve. He'll jank it."
"I'll be there to guide him. Don't get your sail in a knot."
"You do have a firm hand..." Boat admitted.
Eventually Little Link could be maneuvered into the boat, the sail was raised and off they went onto open water. Just 10 minutes out Link noticed some spalsjing off in the distance and janked on Daddydorf's Hawaiian shirt to point it out.
"What do you suppose that is?" Daddydorf asked Boat.
Boat looked over. "I dunno. A dolphin?"
Link's eyes widened and he pulled on Daddydorf's shirt furiuosly.
"I think we should find out." Daddy concluded.
Link did a little dance.
"Alriht, alright. We've got to steer the boat if we want to get over there though." Daddydorf told him and guided his little hand to the rudder so they could stear it together towards the where the spalshes were seen before. Together they turned boat and steamed ahead.
Then they saw another splash. Much closer now. They corrected course and kept on going, until found the source. They went for another two minutes, nothing to be seen. Until, suddenly from right next to them a large creatures jumped out of the waves and flew right over our three fishermen. Then a smaller one followed in it's wake and the both of them caused a mighty spray of salty sea to douse the boat.
Link immediately went to look on tto the side where the two creatures came back down into the water.
"Easy now." Daddydorf cautioned him.
"Don't rock the me." Boat said.
But little Link paid them little mind, just staring into the endless blue. And then he noticed something coming to the surface at last. He did not expect to find a cute little blue face to appear on the surface.
"Hi." The little Zora said and gave a little wave.
"Ah, jeez." Boat moaned, "They're breeding."
"Tee hee. We're not breeding, we're Zora. You're a talking boat!" The Zora said.
"She's got a point." Daddydorf agreed.
"I do too!" Boat replied, "You know who's kingdom you're prancing about, fish?
"My daddy's?" She answered.
"What? No. Mine! I'm the King of Red Lions.
"Whjat's a lion?"
But Boat ignored her quistion; "Just because it's a little waterey these days doesn't mean you can just go all over. I remember a time-"
It was then that the much larger shape came to the surface; "Hello, Red."
By all accounts it was a very large Zora, but shaped in all ways pleasingly. Her head was perhaps very sharpely shaped due to her slender headtail, but despite this aerodynamic propensity all her facial features were rounded attractively. Even her sharp teeth were not too offputting due to them being framed by such voloptuous lips. Her headtail rested on her shoulder, the tip gently stroking her long neck, excentuating it nicely and directing one's attention naturally to her shapely fishmounds. Perhaps not as jiggly or even as big as they would be for a human if they could grow to such a size, but as droplets of salty water rounded them as sunlight reflected off her turquoise scales, it was undenaiable that they were something to behold. The rest of her sleek body was hidden under the waves, but no one doubted even for a moment that it was anything less then stellar.
"Oh. Uh. Hey Queenie." Boat quickly changed his tune to Queen Zora showing up before him. "This one of yours?"
"Cant you tell?" She replied and turned towards Daddydorf and then little Link. "Good to see you again, Dorfels. And who's this brave little sailor?"
"Good to see you too, QZ." Daddydorf replied a little hesitantly. "This is my boy, Link."
"Really?" She said, "I honestly can't see the resemblance."
"Youres doesn't look that much like the old king codger, either. What's with that big nose?" Boat wondered.
"I don't know what you're talking about." The Queen said and looked over to a nvervous Daddydorf, "Ruto is my perfect little Zora Princess."
"Well, uh, as nice as it is to see you again QZ and to meet Princess Ruto, we were actually going to teach Link fighing."
"I didn't think there was much to be taught about loafing about drunk." QZ jabbed.
"No, no. Real fishing is what we're teaching today. We've got rods and baits and everything."
Link turne daround to show the box with lures.
"Yes, lures too." Daddydorf added.
"Oooooh, theyre' shiny!" Ruto noticed as link showed some off, "I want them in my mouth."
"No sweetie, taht's not very princess-like. Stop staring, dear." Queen Zora told her spawn. "I'd much prefer you loading about drunk instead."
"You and me both!" Boat agreed.
"I'd say we had a great time last time I found you two 'fishing'."
"I don't remember half of it, so I agree wholeheartedly." Boat said.
"Oh... I remember aaaalllll of it."Queenie said and looked at Daddydorf.
"I remember as well." He added.
"I'll always remember..." QZ said and turned away. "Come Ruto. Let's loot more shinies from the ruins below."
"Yaaaaaay, scavaging the dead humans! Bye-bye!" Ruto waved goodbye and quickly followed her mother.
"Hey! Leave my kingdom alone!" Boat yelled after Queen Zora, "If I wasn't so bouyant, I'd cum after you!"(1)
Boat made somm attempt to chase, but all it did was rock the him.
"They're just treying to get your goat, Boat. Let them gloat, so what if you float?" Daddydorf said. "Let's finally get down to some fishing and leave this behind us." He wanted the encounter erased from memory for all of their sakes.
"Ugh!" Boat grumbled, "Well, we're close to a good spot." He knew.
"You hear that, Kiddo? We'll be catching all the fish in just a little while longer!" Daddydorf told the youngin. His face beamed of happiness and as he and Daddy prepared the gear as Boat cleaved thew aves time flew by.
"Here we are!" King Red announced proudly.
"Sweet!" Daddydorf responded and immediately cast a line from his freshly prepared rod. "Now do what Daddy did, Link."
Link had watched well and he swung his little rod much like Daddydorf did before him, his lure landing not far off from the other.
"Good job, champ!" Dorfles encouraged him. "Now watch it like a hawk, buddy. And if you feel a tug you yank that sucker with all you've got, alright? But until then we have to be patient. Thankfully we've got the waves, the sun, a nice breeze and the best company one could ask for."
"Amen." Said Boat.
But all of this was wated on little Link, he only had intense sight for his line. He was fishing with all his heart and the parts it sped his blood twoards. Some time passed quietly; Boat and Daddy mostly just watching a young boy intensely watching his rod though also sometimes each other and agreeing that this seemed unusual. It's hard to make little boys pay this much attention to a single thing for so long, when it's not, you know, even the slightest bit exciting at all. But little Link bravely subverted such stereotypes with his excellent attention having. Even moreso, the moment the line did more than a little bob on the waves or quiver in the breeze he was on top of jackikng whatever touched on het hook down below.
"Hyaa!" He exclaimed.
"Wow, alright, you seem to have gotten one there, buddy." Daddydorf commented. Hodl on tight and start to reel him in."
It was then that the other line also became taut and Daddy needed to take care of his own rod, before his catch would take off.
"This is like, actually fishing!" Boat said excitedly, not knowing when he last felt this rush.
Father and sun worked together to land their respective sea creatures individually as they were both qauite busy, but also pretty successful. The both of them reeling in their catches with each passing oment. Daddydorf was the first to catch a glimps of his adversary, a colourful fish of decent size jumped out of the waves, thrashing about violently and then ducked back udder the surface. Oddly enough the fight seemed to have left his prey afterwards and Dorfels ended up easily reeling it in.
"Hoy, hold it right there, large fry!" The Fishman said after Daddy got him jutting out of the waves, hanging from his hook. "I don't know how you got your mitts on that rod you got there. But it looks like there's not even any bait on this hook! It's pathetic! In fact it's almost an insult to call that a rod if you ask me."
"There would still be bait on it if you hadn't eaten it..." The Dorf noted coolly.
"Ah... Yes..."
It was then that young Link triumphantly held his rod aloft with a smaller Fishkid hanging on it.
"Hoy, hold it right there, small fry!" It began its schpiel.
"Knock it off, junior." The Fishman interrupted him, "The gig is up."
"Awwww, Chimaeras!" (2) Junior fussed.
"Alright, gentlemen and gentleboat." The Fishman continued.
"I'm a dude too!" Boat puted but got ignored by all involved.
"When you're out for a swim with your kid-" Fishman attempted to carry on but got more interrupted.
"And we're always out on a swim. We're fish!" Junior sad.
"Shut up, squirt. Don't make me bend you over my caudal peduncle and slap you straight, boy!"
"Sorry, pop." The fishling responded hastily.
"Anyway!" The fishman went on to say, "When you're out with your boy and there happens to be a morsel or two right in front of you in the murky depths of the sea, you don't ask questions. No, sirs and a boat! Not once!" He paused for a moment, "And yes, many times it is a ruse. A ploy. A trap, even. But you must understand, when it is not, you must size the moment or your morsels will have gotten wise to you. There are no second guesses where we dwell."
"What's your point?" Daddydorf asked, "You took the bait and now you're dangling on my rod."
"My point is, sir, how would it make you feel if you were equally rudely interrupted during quality time with your boy(?)?" What if the Helmaroc King and his kid came and plucked the both of you out of your quaint collection of driftwood, hmmm!?
"Who are you calling quaint!?" Boat asked, "Is it me?"
"Huh, you know, I should call up HK one of these days, that's totally be a great way to catch up and have some fun." Daddydorf thought, "I know him from my days in college. He was my bird."
"Ok..." The fish was taken out back for a moment, "But now imagine he wasn't. And instead you were deathly afraid he'd eat you and regurgitate you to his young, and worse yet, your own child awaits the same fate!"
"That'd be pretty shit." Daddydorf felt.
"Well, that's how we feel right now, you see?"
"I suppose you'd want us to not eat you?"
"You supposed correctly, sir."
Much to little Link's dismay Daddydorf then went ahead and removed teh hooks from the Fishman and his Fishson, they would ahve to start all over.
"We're sorry for interrupting your swim." Daddydorf said when all was said and done.
"As you should be!" The Fishman pointed out, "In fact, we're not even close to even, unless you allow us to return the favor."
"I don't see how that would even be possible."
"Oh, we can erectify that." The fish said, laid on his back and extended a rod of his own from around the middle of his body.
It was sleek, scaly but also robust, not quivering the the breeze, but standing proud and tall, like an antenna. A mantenna, if you will. The fishkid followed suit and managed perhaps an even more impressively robust fishstick.
"I suggest the two of you wrap your mouths around these." Fishdad said.
"Look, if that's what it takes, but leave little Link out of this. I'll take both of them." Daddydorf decided and got down on his knees so that he could actually reach the mantennea.
The two fish shrugged and seemed fine Dorfels suggestion. They floated next to each other and aimed their rods for the mans' slightly opened mouth.
Was he really doing this? Daddydorf felt dazed for e moment. Perhaps it was the stench of aged fishdick cheese hovering in front of his large, manly nostrils, perhaps it was the question; how had things lead up to this point? But he knwe one thing for sure, little Link should never have to suffer as long as he's around and he'd always make sure to make things right and set the right example. Even if apparently that example was putting reproductive organs of fishes in his mouth (without first seasoning and cooking them, anyway). He just couldn't see how he could be a better farther, a better rolemodel or a better man than to go through with this. So this is what he would do, and he'd do it well.
Daddydorf closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and then decisively took the two rigid tendrils inside his gaping maw. As soon as the two erectric eels were sufficiently engulfed without the mouth they suddenly revealed their prehensile nature and curled into the sides of Dorfels' kisser. They then pulled on him, reeling him in closer and forcing him deeper on his knees and further over the side of Boat.
"Hoy, small fry. We've got ourselves a live one!" Fishfather told his child.
The child snickers.
The sudden change in shape and particularly rigidity had really caught Daddydorf off guard and he was unsure how to feel about this sort of treatment. Then again, this was not unlike what had happened to the pair of fishs when they caught them. Equal treatment demanded both the surprise and the getting caught to be genuine. This the Dorf could accept.
"Hoy, now put your toungue to work, humanman." Fishdad.
Did the fish orally pleasure the hook? Perhaps not. Did Daddydorf and Little Link get a little tingle in their dingle because they caught their pray? Yes. Daddy could not deny it for himself and Little link had not been this excited for a while, so that also counted. So putting some effort into orally 0leasuring the fishies was only fari afterh all. His tounge gingerly found the rod most rambunctiously ramming his rhubarbhole's rear, hoping to calm it down some before he ends pu gagging on it.
"It tickels!" The little fishboy exclaimed. "I NEED MORE TICKELS"
Daddydorf obliged and used his toungue more vigorously. UP and down the slithering shaft as it squirmed around Dorfels sorbet saloon (3). The other fishingpole loahted to be left out and found it's own way near where his spawn's spawningtool was getting all saliva'd up by Daddydorf's nimble tastemuscle. At one point it was Dorfels chasing after a dick with his tounge, now the cocsk were after his saliveslinger and trapped it in between their squirming dongs. The whole ordeal became a sloppy, writing mess of liquid expunging tendrils coliding.
At one point the sound of the ocean was all there was for Little Link, Daddydorf and Boat, but no longer. Now there was the overwhelming sound of a grown man gurgling hiw own saliva mixed with seacock pre-cum, a small fish giggling and/or cooing and a large fish going 'Hng. Ah, yeaaaaah. Kep it going. Mmmmmm.' It was a more sensual sound then Little Link or Boat had ever had pleasure their earholes and the effect was becoming noticable inside their pants and Boat.
It was now that they took matters in their own hands (and boat). Little Link dropped his pants, somewhat confused by the funny tingle in his engorged peepster and an uncontrollable need to fiddle with it. Daddydorf noticed this from the corner of his eyes. It was rather awkward for him to see little Link poke his bald eagle in the eye. If there was going to be any masturbating, it'd be quality!
"Ho, Wing. Wu 'eed-" Daddy tried to give instructions, but suonded severely dongmouthed. He'd have to find another way to get his point across. Perhaps this was a matter of 'show, don't tell'? Dorfels outstretched his hand and gently engulfed the throbbing little dongus with his bearsized mitts. He quickly recalibrated his approach and took the shaftlet between his thumb and his insexfinger and startes stroking up and down. Up and down.
"Hya." The child said with some surprise. Not only was Daddy diddling his peewee, but it was feeling goooooood.
"Hoy, what's with the slacking off, big fry!" Fatherfish wondered.
"He's got more eye for little humanmanpeen, then us, pop." Fishchild noticed.
"We'll just have to show him to power of Fishmenschlong, then. Bsides, we still need to repay him for the bait we ate!"
Now, the sex magnified in all directions. Daddydorf's teeth town teemed with ravishing rods. Little Link basked in the 'bation (4) he was banking. Even Boat could not sit idly by and maneuvered his rudder towards The Dorf's rump, rubbing it right 'round his firm cheeks. Daddydorf's loose shorts made it easy to get the rudder right in between the buns and get some nice friction going.
There was only one way this could ever end. The action kept on heating up and eventually it would boil over. Moans pitching ever higher were like the kettle's whistle. Louder and higher the wistle would go until inevitably it would bowl over in a scalding hot frothing mess blowing out everywhere.
Little Link's little Like-Like dribbled cute little splurts of couragous goop on Daddydorf's hairy lower arm. Boat sprayed a salty load of seaspray all over Daddy's broad back in just three mighty belows. Some of it getting so far up it moistened the nape of his neck slightly. And of course the Fishmen offloaded their sticky ballbrine as their spasming shafts shuddered sweet seamen in every direction. All parts of The Dorf's aircavern got a glazing as the two fish loast all semblence of control over their prehensile rods and aimlessly flung their potent potabels until the well ran dry.
"You better not get any of that on me, bro." Boat warned his soiled friend. He may have spashed him good, but he'd be damned if he let him spil even a single droplet of funky fish fudge on his boards.
It'd be rude to spit towards the fishes. It'd be rude to spill towards his friend. And it'd be a bad example to make a mess to little Link.
There was butt one solution.
Batter down the hatch.
*Gulp*
.
~Le Fin~
.
(1) Editor's note: that's the first time I've heard that as an excuse. And I've heard many excuses. /Mitzi
Author's note: I thought bouyancy was kind of a defining factor for a boat. Seems legit to me.
(2) Author's note: chimaeras are a type of fish sometimes referred to as 'rat fish'. They're the rats of the seas. So really he's saying 'rats!' in sea terminoligy.
Editor's note: Except that Chimaeras are most closely related to sharks. They're not exactly the most ratlike creatures one could find in the sea. /Mitzi
Author's note: Look, he's saying 'searats!', just go with it.
Editor's note: I allow most of your asinine drivel, but this I cannot abide. You should just write 'searats!' then. /Mitzi
(3) Editor's note: please just say mouth. /Mitzi
Authros' note: mouth :)
(4) Editor's note: a handjob is not 'bation. /Mitzi
Author's note: No one said I meant MASTERbation. Look, you just don't have the imagination to appreciate the aliteration innovation of my creation, Mittens.