Author's Note: Hi everyone. I have finally decided to jump into fanfiction pool, feet first.
Please know that I've never done this before, so any suggestions, comments will be taken seriously.
Its not beta so please be patent.
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This is a different type of Bella. She is more confident, more forward but still sweet and sometimes shy especially around a certain soldier.
The title is from the song 'Hold Me Down' by Incubus.
This is loosely based on my life and I related so much with the song.
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I own Nothing. This is SM characters
Hold Me Down
The road is long
The trees are orange and brown
I'm not afraid to leave this god damn town
I've had enough
I'm gone, I won't look back
I walk awhile, along the rail road track
I'm obliged to you babe, but this place you see, is trying to hold me down
I want more than you can offer
I am off to anywhere but here
I keep walking so nobody can hold me down
.
.
.
"Your dad lost his job" Renee suddenly says.
"What?" I asked.
What the fuck.
I blink, trying to understand what she just told me. It doesn't make sense. He has been working for that company before I was born and that was 20 years ago. How can he lose it? Its unbelievable… not again.
"Your dad lost his job, he got the notice last week." she added.
I don't say anything. What can I say? He already lost his first job and we were just getting by. This last one was our last thread of hope and it just snapped.
Why is this happening to us? We are good people. My family and I are good neighbors, we don't yell or fight, why us? Why can't we ever catch a break?
I sit back against the chair suddenly not very hungry as I was before the news. I pushed the plate full of uneaten food with my thumbs to the corner of the table, out of my way. I have this sickening feeling that this is just the beginning.
I look at my mom. My poor, beautiful strong mother as she washing a cup, her back towards me. I know how she feels, I know she is asking herself the same question I am, 'why us?'.
It's not enough that we got the shocking news that she has stage 2 breast cancer; now this. She still has 2 more sessions of chemo left. She doesn't need to add to her already worried life so I force a smile that she can't see and still positive, for her.
"It will be fine, he'll find another job right?" I asked. My voice a little too high pitch, I hope she didn't noticed but she doesn't, she is still washing the same cup.
"Yeah." she says, "he's looking for one now"
"That's good." I squeak out but the nagging dreadful feeling on the pit of my stomach is not going any where. In fact it just got bigger.
"What happens if he doesn't find anything?"I blur out. I didn't mean to ask but it's out of my mouth before I can shut it.
My mother stops washing but doesn't turn around. She just stands in front of the sink, quiet. I open my mouth to repeat my question thinking she didn't heard me when she finally speaks.
"You know its difficult for your father to find something new because of his bad back and shoulders and even worse because of this stupid recession, unemployment has never been higher especially for a job that can sustain 6 people. He and I have talked, if nothing is found we have no choice but to move to Forks."
I blink, Forks? Of all places we are moving to Forks?
I frown, I guess I understand why Forks, we have family there, the only family we have. Forks Washington is so far away though; it is so different. It is no where near the same as my beloved Los Angeles.
But family is family and they want to help us.
I should be grateful.
"Oh." I say. My mother just nods and goes back to washing the same cup.
That fucking cup.
"Go get ready. We have to be at the hospital before 3 remember?" she asked
"Yeah, I remember" I answer.
Forks.
If nothing, Forks. It can't be that bad.
I get up and bring the forgotten plate to the sink. My mother shakes her head when she sees it's still full but thankfully doesn't comment on it.
Forks.
As I walk out of the kitchen I take a good look around my home. A real good look at the possibility that we might have to pack everything up and leave California.
As a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment its cramped for 6 people but its home, for now. At least the living room is big enough. It is a bare room with only two couches and a second-hand TV my father found at a yard sale. The couches are arrange so that my younger brother can have a space to fit his twin bed in. The little section is hidden behind the longer couch so Emmett can have a small semi private place to sleep.
As I look at the couches I feel guilt coming up from the pit of my stomach to my throat. The couches, my parents beds. They don't even have a bed to lay on while I have an entire room with a bed all to myself. I have begged my mom countless times to take my room so I'll sleep on the couch especially in her condition but she refuses. She says she likes the openness of the living room; I think that's just her way for copping with her illness.
I reach for my phone to check the time. 1:40. I better get I move on.
As I reach my room I see my older brother's door open so I walk towards it.
"Hey brother." I greet. Jasper looks up from his laptop. I nod and smile at Alice who is laying next to him on their bed, she returns the silent greeting. Walter jumps up and runs toward me wanting attention. God I love that dog, I crouch down and pet him.
"Hey sister." he says as he looks back down and starts typing away. I stand crossing my arms over my chest and lean against their door frame. He looks up at the clock on the wall and turns to me
"You heading out already?" he asked looking down and once again starts typing away.
"Yeah." I reply, " 2 more and she is done for good." I add. He nods his understanding.
This is the second round of chemo for my mother. She didn't take the news well when she found out she is had 6 more session for it to be over but she is fighter and not a quitter.
"Dad lost his second job and we might have to move to Forks if he doesn't find anything soon." I tell him, no sense in beating around the bush especially for my twin.
Ok, we are not twins but no one can tell the difference. We practically have the same face. We have the same eyes, same shape and color, the same hair and texture. The only difference is that mine almost reaches my ass while my brother's is passing his ears. The same mouth and cheeks and we are only a year and a half apart, we are twins at heart, so when people assume we are twins, we don't correct them.
He stops typing and lets out a troubled sigh like if he knew this was coming. I didn't like that.
Not one bit.
He is the more positive one, the optimistic, the one that sees the glass half full. Me, one the other hand, am the opposite. I am negative and cynical and right now, the half empty glass just broke into millions of little pieces.
"Wow" he replies. He stares at my face, trying to read me. He knows me too well.
I look down trying to hide my face suddenly not in a talkative mood.
He continues. "He must not be having any luck finding another job if he is already talking about moving."
I just nod with a lump on my throat. I don't want to leave. Why is this happening?
"See you later." I say, ending the conversation before it starts, I don't want to think about it right now. " I got to go get ready, mom is waiting on me." I call out already walking away. I look back just as he nods at me and turns to Alice asking for her opinion. I close my door before I can hear her response.
Inside my sanctuary I scowl at myself in the mirror.
Get a grip. Nothing is happening now. Stop being a baby.
Not in the mood to make an effort I just change shirts. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. We have lived here all our lives. I'm sure that someone is going to hire him.
Everything will be fine. My dad will find something new.
Once dressed I grab my tote bag and make my way around my room filling my bag. Ipod, earphones, book, and a protein bar; I always get hungry at the hospital. Wallet, keys and phone and I'm ready to go.
As I make my way towards the living room I hear my mom on the phone with my dad so I sit on the couch and wait for her to finish just then, I receive a text. I look at the screen and Jacob's face flashes. I grin, perfect timing.
"HEY GIRLFRIEND"
I snicker at our inside joke.
"HEY BABY" I reply.
Jacob and I meant in high school junior year, we clicked and have been inseparable ever since. I love him to death. I think of him like my other half. He is smart, kind, funny, caring and gay.
You would think that would stop him from grabbing my boobs when ever he can.
I grin, shaking my head thinking about his grabby hands.
"YOU HAVE CLASS TOMORROW?" he types.
I've been going to a community college with him for a year now. We try to fix our classes around each others schedules but somethings they don't match up, but I do know that tomorrow Jacob and I have class tomorrow.
"YEAH, AT NOON. WHY, GOT SOMETHING IN MIND?" I type, hoping he gives me an alternative. I know it is wrong but i just can't stand that class.
"YES LUNCH! ME AND YOU. HOW ABOUT YOU BLOW OFF CLASS AND GO TO THE BEACH INSTEAD AND HAVE LUNCH THERE?"
I laugh, and people think I'm the bad influence.
"SPECIAL OCCASION?" I asked
"YES! IT'S 'BECAUSE YOU CAN' DAY."
"ALRIGHT MR. PEER PRESSURE, JUST US?"
"YOU, ME AND SAM, HE WANTS TO DITCH CLASS TOO, HIS PROFESSOR IS KILLING HIM, HIS WORDS."
"PERFECT." I reply.
Sam had join our twosome last year when we three had English together. He's great, becoming someone I can count on.
I'm glad, I need a distraction.
As I text my mom finishes the call and asks if I'm ready. I send a quick 'text you later for details' to Jake and stand up with my bag on my shoulder yelling a 'Be Good' towards my brother's room and followed my mom outside.
Los Angeles traffic is a bitch. It doesn't matter what day or time, the 101 freeway will always be full. But when you add assholes who think their ass is above the law into the mix and that is just an accident waiting to happen.
The first lesson in driving is; 'Assume everyone on the road is trying to kill you' I take that to heart.
An hour later we arrive safe and sound to the hospital. However that didn't mean that some people weren't safe from my oaths of their suffering death and window covered middle finger with a silent 'Fuck You' or 'Bitch'. Some people were so reckless that they deserved all three actions into a nice big combo that I delivered when they looked my way, I made sure they did.
I have been told that I have road rage but I don't think so.
"But mom, he did it on purpose. You can't cut someone off and not expect the finger with a 'Fuck You Bitch'" I said, pleading my case.
My mother just shook her head mumbling about teenagers and their mouths, I open mine about to tell her I'm not a teenager when she shoots me a glare that close my mouth right back up. I had to turn my head to hide my smile and I can see she was doing to same.
"Hey Bella." the nurse at the front desk says as I walk up to sign my mother's name.
"Hey Mrs. Swan." she calls out towards my mom. My mom smiles and waves before sitting down in the waiting room.
"Hey Angela." I say, "How was your weekend?"
"Good" she smiles "Ben took me to a romantic dinner down Hermosa Beach on Saturday."
I smile with her, I haven't met Ben but I'm sure he is a great guy for Angela.
"Just the dinner?" I teased and watched as Angela blushed and giggled.
"No." she whispered. I giggled along with her knowing where this was going.
"No?" I asked. "What else besides the romantic dinner on the beach then?" I questioned, leaning in a little to look at her from under my lashes.
She looks around to see if anyone is watching or hearing our conversation.
"We had a tender, loving night afterwards. Ben was very attentive, we even tried some new moves." she whispered fanning herself, I laugh.
"Angela," I say " Who would of thought you would become such a freak in the sheets!" I whispered yelled and lean in even more, " You know what they say, the quiet ones are the wildest."
Angela lean back against her chair and her eye open wild before she laughs with me.
"Yeah well, we all have secrets." she says crossing her arms over her chest but still has a smile on her face.
I nod, smirking.
"What about you?" she asked, "How was your weekend?"
" Oh, same o' same o'" I say trying to be impassive. Knowing it get her frustrated, I grin inwardly.
"Don't give me that. You were with Chris Friday night weren't you?"
I smirk. "Maybe."
Angela giggles and slaps my arm.
"Come on Bella, tell me everything. You know I live through you." she begs
I laugh.
"Well," I start, "We went to the movies, not that we saw any of it."
Angela's smirks nodding, motioning me with her hand to continue.
"And…" she says, prompting me
"And we got reacquainted with the back seat of his car." I said indifferently.
Angela giggled and shakes her had at me.
"I don't know how you do it." she says after a time, " I can never be that confident with a guy" she says looking down at her fingers
"I know." I told her.
And I really do because that was me two years ago. Angela is innocent and sweet she would never consider a fuck buddy.
I've changed, I grew. I see things different know. I am a 20 year old women how recently discovered the joys of sexual pleasure and I'm hooked. Despite what people may think, I'm not a whore. More like a cock tease if you will. I don't fuck, at least not yet anyway. I've waited this long, I can wait for the right person, however that doesn't mean I cant have fun in the mean time.
All I'm saying is that you don't have to penetrate to cum.
"That's the last time I'll see him though." I told her.
Angela's brows wrinkle as she frowns.
"Why?" she asked
"I don't know, its not exciting anymore with him, why bother" I say shrugging my shoulders. "Besides he is getting too intense. He wants to control me, fuck that. I don't need that shit." I added, making a face.
"It was just physical and he wants more." I says. She nodding a little concern but she gets it.
Just then Nurse Robert comes out calling my mom.
"I'll see you later Angela." I says then lean in close to whisper in her ear,
"Now with Nurse Sexy over there, I will never get tired." I smirk and wink at her as she laughs shaking her head calling me crazy. I just shrug and follow Nurse Sexy's fine ass as he takes Renee to get her blood work.
There you have it, my first ever chapter to my first ever attempt at writing.
All questions and comments are welcome.
I will continue if you guys like the story but for me to continue, I need your input.
Any betas interested please PM me, I need one desperately.
Please Review!
Love & Light CynicallyOptimistic7