Chapter 1: Atelophobia

The first time I made myself throw up I was thirteen. I've always been naturally small, and yet I found myself pinching at excess fat on my stomach.

I suppose it might have been because at thirteen I was small in all the wrong places. I was completely undeveloped, and the small left over "baby fat" absolutely horrified me.

Maria, my sister, didn't help at all. She teased me in a way I suppose she thought was in good nature; regardless, whether or not she intended it, there was always a hint of malice in her voice.

"Oh, Mary. Are you ever going to grow?"

She would ask patting my head and then pinching my stomach. Maybe that's when my obsession with my weight began.

My parents never payed much attention to me; a side effect of being the middle child. I suppose there was no time for me while they had two other perfect children to take care of.

There was seven year old Cynthia, the sweet, perfect angel that absolutely everyone adored. With wide, blue eyes and long curly hair that fell down to her small waist.

My seventeen year old sister, Maria, was the oldest. With a slender waist, full hips, and rather large... Umm assets she drove the boys crazy. Her catlike, green eyes always looked rather mischievous, and her skin was perfectly tan. Not to mention her wonderful grades.

Basically, Maria was perfection personified. Everyone thought so, especially Jasper Whitlock.

I can't really tell you when I began to fall for Jasper. What I can tell you is that our "love" was completely one sided, in the beginning at least. I was a small fifteen year old girl crushing on a seventeen year old boy. Hopeless doesn't even begin to describe it.

But I've gotten off track this is my story, not his. From a small age I had both an obsession with wanting to be Maria, and wanting to be the complete opposite. Another side effect of being the middle child.

I suppose that might be another reason for the self hatred I developed in my teen years. You see, I did want to be Maria. I wanted what she had perfect looks and grades. I wanted to be perfect.

But there came a time when I realized I should stop trying to be Maria, because I was wasting my own personality.

Besides the fact I was tired of being Maria's little sister; I was tired of being Maria's anything.

So I went through a sort of "identity crisis" because while I knew I couldn't be Maria I still wasn't sure just who I was. So I dyed my hair and wore colored contacts.

One thing I was never envious of was Maria's hair. It was quite boring; in fact, we had been born with the same shade, a dark brown that was almost black.

I can recall that during the lowest points in my teenage years I would revert back to my natural hair color in an attempt to more like Maria.

My hair was always changing color I went through inky black, blue, green, red, purple, pink, orange, blonde, and even white. But that is besides the point.

We start this story, my story, at a rather low point in my life; as a result, my hair is my natural color the almost, but not quite, black brown and instead of my contacts I wear black "hipster" glasses. Basically, I was very plain and not much to look at.

Bella and Ren, my two best and only friends, would always smile sadly when these times began. This was the same time Jasper Whitlock came into the picture.

"Mom, I'm home." I call running into the house, literally running. My mother looks at me displeased as I slide into the kitchen.

"Mary, I've told you a million times no running in the house."

Usually, I wouldn't be accepting of her calling me Mary it's too close to Maria; however, today is one of those days.

"Maria is brining home her boyfriend for dinner."

I snort and my mother eyes my displeased but says nothing. Maria's boyfriends are complete jokes. Maria likes having control too much to stay with any of them too long. I mean eventually, no matter how perfect Maria is, they do get the urge to... Oh that's right, be an individual and make their own decisions.

"I'll play nice." I say smiling and holding up my fingers in a peace sign. My mother nods, dismissing me.

I run into Maria, literally. I smack into her. I look up only slightly apologetic and she glares down.

"Watch it Mary. It is Mary isn't it? Or are you trying to be an "individual" again?" She says and then walks away without awaiting an answer.

Whenever I have my hair dyed I demand to be called "Alice" which is my middle name; however, whenever it's one of those times I allow everyone to call me Mary. It's a rather odd arrangement I suppose, but it works.

I know dinner will be served soon. Which means Maria's new toy will be arriving soon. I'm dressed completely in black, add my boring brown hair to that and I could easily blend into the walls. I could sit back and observe the fun. I giggle slightly as I hear the doorbell ring.

"Door!" I hear Maria yell. She refuses to answer the door to any of her playthings not wanting to seem too eager. Even Cynthia proclaims this to be "silly".

I run down the hall and swing the door open. "Hello" the boy at the door says with a slight southern drawl. I nod and swoop my arm indicating for him to go in. My words are failing me. If he thinks my silence is odd he doesn't comment.

"Hello, Jasper."

Maria appears out of no where. Her dark wash jeans look practically painted on, and she's wearing a form fitting green shirt. Jasper smiles and walks forward, "Maria" he says simply pulling her into an embrace. I turn away rolling my eyes.

We have dinner. Well, everyone else does I push my food around my plate so it looks like I ate something. The few things I do eat will be coming back up anyways.

Jasper looks at me oddly as I push my food around. I cock my eyebrow up in response and he turns away. Dinner is pretty uneventful and soon Jasper is out the door.

Jasper wasn't a complication, not at first anyways. I mean, yeah, he was attractive but he was also Maria's, as in off limits.

Besides that I figured he was probably hopelessly boring with zero personality; after all, he dated Maria for more than three months. Which to me obviously meant he had no interest in being an individual or making his own decisions. He was just Maria's type, and by default not mine.

AN: okay, so I'm trying to give Alice her own "voice" which is why things kind of jump around because it's supposed to seem like it's the way Alice would think. So yeah hope you guys like it. Please review and tell me what you think.