A/N: Right away, I'm going to say that this is the first SVU story I've written, but in no way shape or form the first story I've ever written. I've been writing for years. ;). That said, I came upon L&O:SVU pretty late in the game (like literally last year) and have been catching up on the show via DVDs and what not. I'm into season 9 right now, so anything that doesn't make sense or sounds outdated, is only because I'm still catching said, I'm always open to constructive criticism
SUMMARY: When Elliot Stabler becomes a victim himself to something he never thought, his world comes crashing down.
Suffering
Chapter 1
Life's A Climb
It was late. He'd been heading home from work; Kathy had a shift at the hospital, and Dickie and Lizzie had given each other the flu, so someone needed to watch Elliot Jr.
He'd only stopped for coffee - planning on heading home as soon as he got enough of a fix to keep him awake long enough to get home, and make sure his kids were in bed for the night. He'd left his gun back at the precinct; no need to take with him when all he was doing was grabbing a coffee down the block. Olivia would be following him out within the hour anyway.
It had been when he exited the coffee shop that there was an apparent problem. He could hear someone screaming in the alley next to the shop. The husband in him told him to go home; call it in and let someone else handle it. But the cop in his brain became something more of a problem, and against his better judgment, he entered the alley, unarmed.
He growled at the crowd of people gathered around a younger man, brutalizing him, while at least six or seven other people just stood there and watched. As they turned on him, a knot formed in his throat. He was a cop though. This should be enough to negotiate with them.
It would've been, if he'd had his gun.
Instead, two guys herded him from behind, hitting him over the head with a baseball bat. He was woozy, but still conscious as four of the guys in front of him walked over, grumbling about teaching him a lesson to keep out of other people's business. A fist connected with his face; a foot with his abdomen. He curled over onto his left side as the two became three, and then four, and then five, and finally six. He lay bruised and bloody after a few minutes, and should have known better, once again, but he reached for his phone - only to tell his wife he would be late.
One of the gang-bangers caught this and smashed it before Elliot could even dial a single number, before he kicked him over onto his back, pulling at his pants. Panic radiated through him. He'd been beaten the hell out of many times in the past, but this had never happened before. His mind raced into over drive.
Four of the previous guys walked over and helped with the removal of his pants, then his coat, and one of the guys cut off his shirt while the other two held him up, though they conintued to take cheap shots at him. The one pulling his jeans down quickly pounded into him and he emitted a cry of sheer pain. Another guy muted him by thrusting his manhood into Elliot's mouth, making him gag. a third guy grabbed his manhood and yanked on it. He tried to fight it, but the physiological symptoms hit him, and his body reacted to the stimuli. Against his own will, he cried out in pleasure as the guy teased the head of his penis. Though they continued to use his body against him, the other two guys still standing over by the other crowd walked over, carrying baseball bats.....
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if i die young, bury me inside, lay me down in a bed of roses
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Olivia yawned, stepping out of the coffeehouse. It was nearly 11 PM; almost two hours later than she promised Elliot she'd be leaving. She'd gotten so caught up in paperwork that she kept promising herself 'after this packet,' though it ended up being almost five packets of work later that she finally shut her lamp off and gave in.
Her cell rang and she groaned, pulling it from her pocket. The read-out read the precinct's number. She thought Cragen was leaving right after her? She flipped it open and pushed the green button, sipping her coffee once more. "Benson. What's up?"
"Maureen Stabler just called. She said Elliot still hasn't arrived home," Cragen spoke gruffly on the other end.
Olivia's brow furrowed, confused. "He said he was heading straight home." She walked towards her car, but stopped at the sound of someone's strangled outcry. "Captain, I think we need a bus," she spoke rushed. She looked around the side of her car, and then over by the building before peering into the alley next to the coffeehouse, while pulling her gun from her belt. About a hundred yards away, a body lay squirming, trying to reach for something - she wasn't sure what. Beyond him, she saw another person, possibly dead. "Affirmative," she spoke. "We need two. One alive, one possibly dead - the alley outside the coffeehouse down the street."
She flipped her phone shut and ascended down the alley, walking behind the first person, out of his view over to the person further down the alley. She kneeled down momentarily, checking for a pulse. A man, she assumed by the dim lighting, with a weak pulse, but likely to survive if the ambulance showed up soon enough.
She then stood and walked back over to the other man, kneeling down behind him. As she reached out to touch the side of his neck, he jumped, shifting away from her. As his head turned, Olivia gulped. Elliot.
"El, its me." She stood and stepped over him, kneeling again so that she was within his view. The knot in her throat grew tighter as she lifted his jacket - no clothes. "God, Elliot, what happened?"
He gagged, gasping for breaths. "Guys were gang-raping him," he spoke breathily. "I tried to stop it."
Olivia exhaled heavily, shaking her head. "Oh Elliot..."
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i'm in the business of misery, lets take it from the top
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Olivia gulped down another huge sip of coffee as she flipped through her notes once again. She wanted to make sure Elliots statement was ironclad before she went into the presinct and had to share such lovely information with the rest of their team. She hadn't even thought about talking with Kathy. She knew everything would go crazy after that.
She stood from her seat and walked towards the elevator, tossing her coffee out when she reached the wastepaper bin. A hand on her arm made her jump as she turned, seeing Cragen.
"You should go home, Liv. You're on four days without rest."
She shook her head, brushing her hair out of her face. "No. We've been together 11 years. I'm not leaving him now."
Cragen sighed, but nodded, giving up defeat. "Someone needs to tell his wife."
Olivia swallowed hard. "I was afraid you were gonna say that." She nodded after a second. "I'll find her and tell her."
Cragen nodded. "Be gentle. She's likely to be mad that he didn't show up, and then freak once she knows why."
"Yeah," Olivia agreed. "What're you doing here anyway. I already got Elliot's statement."
Cragen shrugged. "Someone needs to stay with him until we can get detail outside his door. I'm pretty sure this was planned."
Olivia scrunched her face, shaking her head. "No way. He didn't have anything on him."
Cragen dismissed it. "He had his badge on him. He also said they knew him by name and cut the side of his head with his own badge. DNA proved it."
Olivia shifted her weight from one foot to the other, shaking her head. "Why didn't he tell me this?"
"We all know Elliot more than his own family. He's only going to give pieces to each of us until he has to give an official statement, and that's probably going to be the last he says to any of us for a while. What I'm more worried about...." He shook his head, trailing off.
Olivia looked back up at him. "What?"
Cragen stared at her for a moment, not sure whether he should actually say it, but he did anyway. "You two are closer than most partners ever are. For years everyone had bets on how long it would take you two to get together, and with all due respect, this could the nail in the coffin. I can guarantee you he's not going to talk to his wife about this."
Olivia shook his head. "Captain, there's no way-"
"I'm just saying what I know, Liv. Once you start this, you can't back out. And for all intensive purposes, you were in the minute you found him in that alley," Cragen finished.
Olivia sighed again. "G'night captain." She turned away and walked towards the stairs, tired of hearing what he had to say. There was no way she and Elliot were THAT compatible.
She only made it to the second floor when she collided with several nurses; one of which was Kathy.
"Olivia. What're you doing here? Is Elliot here," she asked. Her last sentence was spoke with slight disdain, but Olivia couldn't really blame her.
The other two nurses standing with Kathy exited the door while Olivia turned past Kathy and sat down on the stairs wearily. "You should sit."
Kathy shook her head. "What happened? Did he get hurt?"
Olivia scratched her head, not wanting to tell her this way. Then again, if Kathy wouldn't agree, what else could she do? "Elliot...He's..." She shook her head, not even able to piece together how to tell her this.
Kathy sat down next to her, gulping. "Please don't tell me he got shot, o-or that he's dead," she spoke rushed.
Olivia shook her head. "No. But we think...he was on his way home, and witnessed a crime being committed. He tried to break it up and got caught in the crossfire."
Kathy nodded, taking in what she was saying. "Caught in the crossfire...stabbed? Shot?"
Olivia shook her head again, feeling the tears burn in her eyes. "Elliot was beaten up pretty bad. He said there were at least five guys." She rested her head against the palms of her hands, trying to fight the fatigue, but every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Elliot laying on the ground. She sat up straight again, digging her hands into her hair. "I don't know how to tell you this."
Kathy shrugged, staring at her. "Please just tell me."
A tear ran down Olivia's cheek as she turned to face Kathy. "He was raped. Sodomized, as well as orally."
Before she could say anything, Kathy stood, and exited the stairwell, leaving her there alone.
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i want your love and i want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance
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She walked into the hospital room, almost nauseated at the smell of everything being so...sterile. Sure, she'd been a hospital room many times before with victims, but this was different. This was her best friend. She swallowed the knot in her throat as she walked over to the side of the bed and grabbed Elliot's bandaged hand. Though he had no broken bones, he had several cracked ribs, many bruises, and plenty of deep cuts - mostly on his back and torso, though his hands were badly cut up as well. They only assumed that he was likely dropped on without care, and tried to break his fall.
"How I envy you," she spoke softly. "I'm not sure I ever want to sleep again."
Elliot groaned, wincing at the pain in his throat as he opened his eyes. "Howmi not dead?"
Olivia jumped, looking up at him. Though his eyes were heavily bruised, he looked straight at her. She forced a smile. "Whta do you remember?"
Elliot shrugged a shoulder, wincing. "Leaving the precinct, going to get coffee...everything after that is puzzle pieces..."
Olivia nodded. "Pain meds probably wiped it out temporarily."
"I still know what happened," he spoke gruffly. "Doesn't take a genius to figure it out. You figured it out when you showed up."
Olivia gulped, shaking her head. "El, I'm sorry. If I had left when you did-"
He cut her off, shaking his head. "Don't. Don't do a guilt trip because I was stupid enough to try and fix a situation without a partner or something to protect myself."
Before Olivia could say anything else, Kathy walked in, rushing up to him. "How are you," she spoke quickly. "Are you in any pain?"
Elliot shrugged, though he winced as he did. "I'm fine."
"Don't lie to me to soothe my ego," she spoke softly.
"I'm just very exhausted," he whispered gruffly. "I'll be okay."
The truth was, his throat burned with a pain that he couldn't even explain to her, but the last thing he wanted to do was go into detail about rape with his wife. If he were being honest, he would have told her he wanted to slit his wrists. How the hell had this happened to him?
Kathy nodded and shifted, caressing his cheek gently. "I'm going to try and get off a little earlier. You should try and get some sleep." Elliot nodded, playing his cards perfectly and letting his eyes droop, as if he might actually fall asleep. Olivia leaned back in her chair, reaching for her memo pad again. She'd do notes while he rested.
Kathy lingered for a minute after, before she finally walked out of the room and Elliot sighed, making the bed lay at a 45 degree angle. His body ached more in that position, but he didn't want to be lying down either.
Olivia, meanwhile, flipped her notebook shut and looked up at him. "Be honest. What are you really feeling?"
"Like I could put a bullet in my head," he spoke clear and honestly. "I feel so sick right now that wish I could get out of my own skin. I wish I could erase all I'm thinking and feeling and seeing every damn time I close my eyes."
Olivia swallowed hard, settling her notepad on the table next to her. She scooted her chair forward a bit, looking straight at him. "Elliot…" "There's nothing you can say, Liv," he said back at her. Though he'd intended it to sound angry, it came out as more of a whimper.
She nodded, giving in defeat. She knew there was nothing she could say that he wasn't already thinking. They were cops; they knew the drill of life after rape. Unfortunately, cops who had been sexually assaulted rarely every went and saw someone about it because they already knew the runaround. She knew for a fact that Elliot was that kind of person just from all the things she knew about his father, and that he hadn't told many people about the incidents with his father. Olivia was sure there were many more that she didn't know about, but she would never try to press him to tell her that kind of information. Elliot was her best friend. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him.
As she came out of her mindless thought wandering, she realized he'd dozed off. Once again, she flipped open her notepad and began to go over her notes….
Elliot peered out from around the wall he was standing behind. It was felt so cold; maybe 20 or 30 degrees, and he donned no shirt, only a pair of jeans and steel-toed boots. The room he stood in was dark, he assumed in a basement. A few windows at the top of the walls bore little light into the room, making everything in front of him almost invisible.
Feeling brave, he stepped out from behind the wall and looked both ways into the room he stepped into, swallowing his last shred of hope as he saw the group of men standing in front of him. One man was holding a black metal bat, hitting it against his palm as he smiled menacingly at Elliot. Another guy held handcuffs, twirling them on his finger, while the other three simply glared at him like he was something to eat. The knot twisting in his stomach began to grow more prominent by the second as they all walked up to him, circling him. He felt incredibly nauseous as the metal bat connected with first his stomach, and then the back of his head, knocking him forward. They took that moment as a chance to herd him, and before he could even regain an ounce of his strength, they were making work of his jeans, while the guy holding the handcuffs restrained him-
A shrill scream burst through the room as the first rays of sunlight burned through the window of the private ICU room. Olivia jolted upward with a startle, looking at Elliot immediately. He shook violently with sweat coating every inch of him that she could see.
"Elliot, what happened? Are you okay? What is it?" She spoke so fast that she tripped on her words, but got them out correctly in the end. Elliot said nothing though. He simply sat there, trying to comfort himself with pulling his knees to his chest, burying his face from the world.
This was not the man she knew.
The door finally opened, and John Munch stepped into the room, quickly setting aside a carton tray of coffees. "I went to grab these from Fin at the nurses station and heard him scream. What happened?" Olivia simply shrugged. She wasn't even sure how much Munch knew about last night. If he didn't know, then she wasn't going to be the one that spilled the beans.
As he passed her a memo pad, she realized it was her own, and that Cragen had probably filled him in before he'd even shown up. She wanted to talk with Munch, however, she didn't feel right leaving Elliot alone, especially in this kind of state. They'd all seen victims recoil like this, and she feared what he would do if they left him on his own.
Her fear abated as Kathy entered the room and rushed up to her husband, enveloping him in a hug. Elliot seemed hesitant at first, but then welcomed the comfort, apparently in need of it. Olivia forced her own guilt down and led Munch out of the room quietly, closing the door behind her as they stepped out into the hallway.
"I'm terrified of what this is going to do to him, John," Olivia blurted out. John nodded immediately.
"Everyone is. Especially with his issues with rage already," he added.
Olivia cringed at the thought and a frown fell over her face. "He's going to…I don't even know, but I think this is going to be his downfall. He's already disconnecting so much. I don't know that he can bounce back from this." John nodded, looking through the window on the door at Elliot and Kathy who were still hugging. Helping a victim through a rape or sexual assault was never easy, but a male victim was almost ten times harder than a female because of all the stigmas and double standards.
"I think this is going to become a game of playing it by ear and just hoping that with time, it gets better," John spoke honestly. And Olivia knew he was right. Elliot might never get through this if they didn't stick by him…