AN: This is my first attempt at fanfiction so I apologize in advance if the characters end up being OOC or if this is downright horse poo. Regardless of that fear, enjoy. Also, short intros are short.
James T. Kirk believed in many things. He believed in Starfleet, in what was left of his family, in things like home and honor. He believed in his crew, from the bridge to medbay to engineering. They were his life, his heart. He believed in saving them, protecting them. Sacrifice was yet another aspect. Jim also believed in the comfort of the stars and the universe around them. He believed in all this so it was a shame really, that he didn't believe in himself.
There had been many cruel words, too many bruises. A child may withstand only so much until they break. Jim was broken. A mother who hurt him because he just looked too much like a father he never knew. And if he cried, the excuse for a stepdad would hurt him even worse. The children at school, they saw the scars and they would make more. Jim carried them, the words and the scars for a long time. The aching loneliness and sadness, that failure stayed with him until he met Lt. Uhura. It wasn't Jim's fault he was promiscuous, that was just how Jim coped with the loneliness. Then Cupcake punched his face in and Pike gave him hope. I suppose hope was another thing Jim believed in.
A rather important one, in fact. Jim had never known he was broken until Spock had fixed him. Fixed him with his calm, his cool exterior that held so much care. Spock was an anchor, he didn't change. He was Jim's world, even if Jim didn't want to depend on someone. They always left and that always hurt.
Jim stood on the edge of the universe and yet no one knew he was terrified of falling.
So Jim hid behind his wall of faux confidence and his lies. Spock wouldn't know, that was for sure. Because as much as Jim believed in love and in Spock, he did not believe in himself.
A shame indeed. A brilliant, caring person that had been thrown mercilessly into a world where kindness and intelligence was not nearly enough. A fragile life with that fragile beginning was suppressed now by a love so strong that Jim could not merely look in Spock's direction. He would chance a glance, only to feel so weak in the knees he would be reduced to falling without grace into the captain's chair.
Jim knew of two things for absolute certain. He believed in his love for Spock. He did not believe in himself.
A strange predicament Jim found himself in. Jim, a man so brave that he could easily face a ship full of Romulans without blinking an eye yet too scared to tell the man he loved that he loved him. Maybe it's silly to you, this fear. But have you been hurt past the point of repair? If so, maybe you understand. Jim didn't want the only person he actually needed to leave him.
Spock was different, this he knew. Spock wouldn't just stop being Spock because Jim cared for him, would he? Wasn't their friendship enough? Or would it ever become bearable to just sit there lying to Spock? A endless loop of questions with no answers.
This is a story of hope. A story about a strong man and a strong love. It is a story of Jim and his undying love for Spock.
If only it was unspoken.
AN: Okay, I hope you aren't cringing. Leave me a review and I'll give you a cookie. Update soon.